Princess In Love (8 page)

Wednesday, December 9, Homeroom

OK, I was up all night thinking about it, and I'm pretty sure I've got it figured out. Even as I sit here, my plan is being put into action, thanks to Tina Hakim Baba and a stop at Ho's Deli before school started.

Actually, Ho's didn't really have what I wanted. I wanted a card that was blank inside, with a picture on the front that was sophisticated but not too sexy. But the only blank cards they had at Ho's (that weren't plastered with drawings of kittens on them) were ones with photos of fruit being dipped into chocolate sauce.

I tried to choose a non-phallic fruit, but even the strawberry I got is kind of sexier than I would have liked. I don't know

what's sexy about fruit with chocolate sauce dripping off it, but Tina was like, Whoa, when she saw it.

Still, she gamely agreed to print my poem on the inside of the card, so Michael won't recognize my handwriting. She even

liked my poem, which I came up with at five this morning:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

You may not know it

But someone loves you.

Not my best work, I will admit, but it was really hard to come up with something better after only three hours of sleep last night.

I hesitated somewhat over the use of the L word. I thought maybe I should substitute Like for Love. I don't want him to think there's a creepy stalker after him, and all.

But Tina said Love was absolutely right. Because, as she put it, 'It's the truth, isn't it?'

And since it's anonymous, I guess it doesn't matter that I am laying open my soul.

Anyway, Tina goes by Michael's locker right before we have PE, so she's going to slip it to him then.

I can't believe that this is the low I have stooped to. But like Dad said, faint heart never won fair lady.

Wednesday; December 9, Later in Homeroom

Lars just pointed out that I'm not exactly risking anything, seeing as how I didn't sign the card and even went to the extreme

of having someone else write out the poem for me (Lars knows all about this, on account of the fact I had to explain to him

why we had to go into Ho's at eight-fifteen in the morning). He helped pick the card, but I would be happy if that was the extent of his contribution to this particular project. As a man, I cannot imagine his input is at all valuable.

Besides, he's been married like four times, so I highly doubt he knows anything about romance.

Also, he should know by now we're not allowed to talk during homeroom.

Wednesday, December 9, Algebra, 9:30 a.m.

I just saw Lilly in the hallway. She whispered, 'DON'T FORGET! TEN O'CLOCK! DON'T LET ME DOWN!'

Well, the truth is, I did forget. The walkout! The stupid walkout!

And poor Mr Gianini, standing up there going over Chapter Five, not suspecting a thing. It's not his fault Mrs Spears didn't like Lilly's term paper topic. Lilly can't just arbitrarily punish all the teachers in school for something one teacher did.

It's already nine thirty-five. What am I going to do?

Wednesday, December 9, Algebra, 9:45 a.m.

Lana just leaned back and hissed, 'You gonna walk out with your fat friend?'

I take real objection to this. Only in a culture as screwed up as ours, where girls like Christina Aguilera are held up as models of beauty, when clearly they are in fact suffering from some sort of malnutrition (scurvy?), would Lilly ever be considered fat. Because Lilly isn't fat. She is just round, like a puppy.

Wednesday, December 9, Algebra, 9:50 a.m.

Ten minutes until the walkout. I can't take this. I'm getting out.

I hate it here.

Wednesday, December 9, 9:55 a,m.

OK. I'm standing in the hallway next to the fire alarm by the second-floor drinking fountain. I got a hall pass from Mr.G.

I told him I had to go to the bathroom.

Lars is with me, of course. I wish he'd stop laughing. He does not seem to realize the seriousness of the situation. Plus Justin Baxendale just walked by with a hall pass of his own, and he gave us this really weird look.

Yeah, I probably do look a little strange, hanging out in the hallway with my bodyguard, who is currently experiencing a fit of the giggles, but still. I do not need to be looked at weirdly by Justin Baxendale.

His eyelashes are really long and dark and they make his eyes look sort of smoky . . .

OH MY GOD! I CAN'T BELIEVE I AM WRITING ABOUT JUSTIN BAXENDALE'S EYELASHES AT A TIME

LIKE THIS! I mean, I am in a real bind here: If I do not walk out with Lilly, I'll lose my best friend. But if I do walk out with everyone, I will be totally dissing my stepfather.

So I really only have one choice.

Lars just offered to do it for me. But I can't let him. I can't let him take the fall for me if we get caught. I am the princess.

I have to do it myself.

I just told him to get ready to run. This is one time being so tall comes in handy. I have a pretty long stride.

Well, here goes.

Wednesday, December 9,10 a.m.,

East 75th Street, Beneath Some Scaffolding

I don't get why she's so mad. I mean, yeah, it isn't the same thing if everyone evacuates the building due to a fire alarm going

off as opposed to everyone leaving in protest against the repressive teaching techniques of some of the teachers.

But we're still all standing in the middle of the street in the rain, and nobody has coats on because they wouldn't let us stop at our lockers for fear we'd all be consumed in a fiery conflagration, so we're probably going to get hypothermia from the cold and die.

That's what she wanted, right?

But no. She can't even be happy about that.

'Somebody ratted us out!' she keeps yelling. 'Somebody told! Why else would they schedule a fire drill for exactly the same time as my walkout? I'm telling you, these bureaucrats will stop at nothing to keep us from speaking out against them. Nothing! They'll even make us stand out in freezing drizzle, hoping to weaken our immune systems so we'll no longer have the strength to fight them. Well, I, for one, refuse to catch cold! I refuse to succumb to their petty abuses!'

I suggested to Lilly that she write her term paper on the suffragettes, because they, like us, had to put up with numerous indignities in their battle for equal rights.

Lilly, however, told me not to be facile.

God, being best friends with a genius is hard.

Wednesday, December 9, Gifted and Talented

I can't tell if Michael got the card or not!!!!

Worse, stupid Judith Gershner is here AGAIN. Why can't she stay in her own class? Why is she always hanging around ours? We were all getting along perfectly well until SHE came along.

My life is pathetic.

I thought about going across the hall to the teachers' lounge and asking Mrs. Hill a question about something — like why she had the custodians remove the door to the supply closet so we can't lock Boris in there any more - so she'd maybe look over and NOTICE that there's a girl in our classroom who is NOT supposed to be there.

But I couldn't bring myself to do it, because of Michael. I mean, Michael obviously WANTS Judith here or else he'd tell her

to go away. RIGHT?????

Anyway, with Michael so busy and all with Miss Gershner, I guess I am on my own with the whole Algebra review thing.

That's all right. I'm completely fine with that. I can study on my own just fine. Watch:

A, B, C = disjoint partition of universal set Collection of non-empty subsets of U which are pairwise disjoint and whose union is equal to the set of U

I get that. I totally get what that means. Who needs Michael's help? Not me. I am totally cool with the collection of

non-empty subsets.

TOTALLY COOL WITH IT.

Oh, Michael

You have made my heart

a disjoint partition.

Why can't you see

that we were meant to be

a universal set?

Instead, you have turned my soul

into a collection of non-empty subsets.

I cannot believe

that our love was meant to be

pairwise disjoint.

But rather

a union

equal to the set of

U and me.

Wednesday, December 9, French

You know what else I just realized? That if this thing works - you know, if I do manage to get Michael away from Judith Gershner, and I break up with Kenny, and I end up, you know, in a potentially romantic situation with Lilly's brother — I

will not know what to do.

Seriously.

Take kissing, for instance, I have only ever kissed one person before, and that's Kenny. I cannot believe that what Kenny and

I did really encompassed the whole of the kissing experience, because it certainly wasn't as fun as people always make it look on TV.

This is a very disturbing thought and has led me to an equally disturbing conclusion: I know very little about kissing.

In fact, it seems to me that if I am going to be doing any kissing with anybody, I should get some advice beforehand. From a kissing expert, I mean.

Which is why I am consulting Tina Hakim Baba. She may not be allowed to wear make-up to school, but she has been kissing Dave Farouq El-Abar - who goes to Trinity -for close to three months now, AND liking it, so I consider her an expert on the subject.

I am enclosing the results of this highly scientific document for future reference:

Tina — I need to know about kissing. Can you phase answer each of the following questions IN DETAIL????

And DO NOT show this to anyone!!!! DO NOT lose this paper!!!! -Mia

1. Can a boy tell if the person he is with is inexperienced? How does an inexperienced kisser kiss (so I can avoid that)?

Mia — the moment you have been waiting for. The guy way sense a feeling of nervousness coming from you, or that you are uneasy, but everyone is nervous when they are kissing someone new. It's natural! But kissing is easy to catch onto — believe me! An inexperienced kisser might break away too soon because he or she is scared or whatever. But that is normal It's weird, kissing someone for the first time. It's SUPPOSED to be weird. That's what makes it fun.

2. Is there such a thing as a great kisser? If so, what are the qualifications? (So I know what to practise.)

Yes, there is such a thing as a good kisser. A good kisser is always affectionate and gentle and patient and not demanding.

3. How much pressure do you exert on his lips? I mean, do you push or, like in a handshake, are you just supposed to be firm? Or are you just supposed to stand there and let him do all the work?

if you want a gentle kiss (a caring one) don't apply too wuch pressure (this is also true if he is wearing braces — you don't want to cause any lacerations). If you give a guy a 'harsh' kiss (too much pressure), he might think you are desperate or that you want to go further than you probably do. Of course you aren't supposed to just stand there and let him do all
the work: kiss him back! But always kiss him the way YOU want to be kissed. That is how guys leant, if we didn't show them how to do everything, we'd never get anywhere!

4. How do you know when it's time to stop?

Stop when he stops, or when you feel like you've had enough, or don't want to go any further. Simply and gently (so you don't freak him out) move your head back or if the moment is right,

you can change the kiss into a hug then step back.

5. If you are in love with him is it still gross?

Of course not! Kissing is never gross! Well, OK, I guess I could see that maybe with Kenny, it might be. It is always better with someone you actually like. Of course, even with someone you really like, sometimes kissing can be gross. Once Dave licked me on the chin, and I was all, get away. But I think that was by accident (the licking).

6. If he is in love with you, does he even care if you are bad? (Define bad kisser. See above.)

if the guy likes/loves you, he won't care if you are a good kisser or not. In fact, even if you are a bad kisser, he will probably think you are a good one. And vice-versa. He should like you for what you are— not how you kiss.

DEFINITION OF BAD KISSER: A bad kisser is someone who gets your face all wet, slobbers on you, sticks his tongue in when you're not ready, has bad breath, OR sometimes there can be kissers whose tongues are all dry and prickly like a cactus but I have never experienced one of those, just heard about them.

7. When do you know if it's time to open your mouth (thus turning it into a French)?

You will probably feel his tongue touch your lips, if you want to pursue the idea, open your lips a little, if not, keep them closed. Coming domain — Chapter II: How to French!!!!

Homework:

Algebra: review questions at the end of Chapters 8-10

English: English Journal: Books I Have Read

World Civ.: review questions at the end of Chapters 10-12

G & T: none

French: review questions at the end of Chapters 7-9

Biology: review questions at the end of Chapters 9—12

Wednesday, December 9, 9 p.m.,

in the Limo Home from Grandmere's

I am so tired I can hardly write. Grandmere made me try on every single dress in Sebastiano's showroom. You wouldn't believe the number of dresses I've had on today. Short ones, long ones, straight-skirted ones and poofy-skirted ones, white ones, pink ones, blue ones, and even a lime-green one (which Sebastiano declared brought out the 'col' in my cheeks).

The purpose of all this dress-trying-on business was to choose one to wear Christmas Eve during my first official televised speech to the Genovian people. I have to look regal, but not too regal. Beautiful, but not too beautiful. Sophisticated, but not too sophisticated.

I tell you, it was a nightmare of hollow-cheeked women in white (the new black) buttoning and zipping and snapping me in

and out of dresses. Now I know how all those supermodels must feel. No wonder they do so many drugs.