Private Affair (The Private Series) (33 page)

I for the first time genuinely smile from ear to ear. It feels weird to smile so big, my cheeks actually tremor. I stand and walk over to my CD player that I moved here from my place. I close the lid and select track eleven, man I am so old school. The sound is soft and melodic, Tony’s voice is sweet and smooth. He is singing about a girl being tortured growing up and not fitting in. Standing strong and going on. Then growing to be a talented woman, full of love for her friends and loved ones. Then the chorus hits and I gasp. Ben’s voice, a deep contrast to Tony’s. Ben is deep and scratchy and hits my girly parts.

Ben meets me at the player, rests his hands on my hips and I lean back into him. We sway ever so slightly and I just close my eyes and let the beautiful sounds take hold. When the song is over I turn and tilt my head up and kiss my amazing man. “That was beautiful. When did you do this?”

“I was able to record it here, when you were asleep. Then Towers added it to the track. Came out bloody sick if I do say so.” He is proud of himself, as he should be.

I smile and kiss him again. I grab the case and I always look at the booklet, especially the dedications. I am floored when I read:

To Tess, not only are you a talented photographer, but the strongest woman I have ever known. Your strength is an inspiration. Keep on rocking, Pink Haired Girl
.

The original wedding date is in a few days and we decided to postpone it for a few more weeks. I just wasn’t
there
yet mentally for it to happen right now. I have gotten much better and have gone out more and slowly returning back to work. I actually have been helping out at Chatz a little bit too.

Last weekend Erin came over for a girl’s night and we drank wine and watched some Zac Efron movies. Ben rolled his eyes when we would gush over a shirtless Zac. He could hear us from his little office. Apparently we got so bad he decided to hang out with Dan. Things between him and his best friend have been a little awkward and who can blame him, the situation is definitely a little far left field. As long as Dan sticks to the rules then Ben is fine with everything. He sees how happy Caroline is and how well she has been doing in school.

I have grown so much this year. I thought that about last year as well, but this year was more challenging, to say the least. Ben has been put through the wringer and we came out stronger in the end. Our relationship withstood being apart, more drama, horrific incidences and a tragic loss. But here we are. Coping and smiling.

“Are you alright? You are looking a little pale. Can I get you something?” Erin attentively asks. She hasn’t brought the incident up since I told her that I didn’t want to talk about it, but she knew it was on my mind. It keeps popping up when I least think about it. I place a fake smile on my face and tell her I am fine, she doesn’t believe me, but lets it slide for now.

“So should I wear my hair up…?” Erin gathers up her long red locks and piles them on top of her head, turning it from side to side, “Or down for the wedding?”

I rest my chin on my fist and think about how it would look best with her maid of honor dress, “I say down with loose curls.”

“When do I get to see my dress?” She asks me eagerly. Caroline has been working on the dresses, but I haven’t seen any final pieces yet.

I stand to put in a different Zac movie, “Not sure, I would figure soon. I will call her tonight to find out about our next fitting. Now, what about my hair?” I mimic her motions from before.

Half way through one of the slower Zac movies, Erin turns to me, “Do you know why you lost the baby?” She asks and I feel like I have just been impaled with a blunt knife through my chest. “I know I told you I wouldn’t bring it up, but I think it’d be good for you to talk about it.”

I glare over at her next to me on the sofa. I consider her question and her wanting to help me. This is the hardest part, just talking about it. “The doctor said it was probably a mix of being knocked out physically and chemically and the emotional strain.”

“Did he hit your abdomen?” she asks. I know she isn’t asking to be rude or intrusive.

“I really don’t know. I don’t remember half of it, it’s a big blur.” I unintentionally touch my lower stomach and I see her eyes follow. She bolts over and grabs me up into a big hug.

“I love you Tess, you know that right? One day you will have a beautiful baby boy or girl to spoil and they will have your sweet and sassy attitude and Ben’s charm.”

I giggle through a sob and hug her as tight as I can. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have my Erin.

Just as promised Caroline and I had picked a time for all of us girls to get together for the final fitting. Erin is bouncing with excitement on the way there, she picked me up on the way so I wouldn’t have to drive. Ben told me that he and the guys were headed out to get their tux’s picked out and fitted. I get butterflies just thinking about him in a sleek black tux. He had asked me if I wanted him and the other guys to wear anything specific or color wise. Those are only small details and as long as I have him there waiting for me at the end of the alter, I would be fine if he wore neon green swim trunks with a Fargo hat. Let’s just hope he didn’t take me literally.

We pull into the Mitchells driveway and head on up to the door. Gwen swings it open before I can even ring the doorbell. She grabs in for a big hug, making me gasp for air at first from the force. When she pulls away she pulls me and Erin in by the hand. We follow her into the living room, there I am greeted with Caroline and my Mom and the room is decorated with flowers and balloons. “What is this?” I ask looking around the room.

“Your surprise, wedding shower slash bachelorette party! Erin told us that you weren’t keen on the strip club or bar scene, so we thought a little lunch fitting here would be fun.” Gwen spews, obviously happy with herself.

My mom comes over and gives me a comforting hug, I start to feel tears prickling the corner of my eyes, but I force them back. This is going to be a happy day, not a sad one. I look around the large space and it’s full of pink and blacks, with crystals just like what I want for the wedding. There are fashion busts that are adorned with the bridesmaid’s dresses. I am blown away. They are black and flowy with sheer layers with pink satin ribbon lining the edges. The top is fitted and strapless. I love them. Erin comes sprinting over and she even gasps. “Caroline! These are amazing! So perfect.” I tell her.

“Missy, you have some talent!” Erin sings. She rushes the dress and her hands go all over it. The girl does love her fashion.

“Thank you,” Caroline says with a giggle. She should feel proud of what she has achieved and how far she has come. Her body language is even better, before she was tense and jumpy, but now after everything has come out and she has gotten help she is calm and genuinely happy. “Now, yours Tess…” She has me follow her upstairs into her room where my dress is on another mannequin.

I slowly walk over and stop in front of it. I reach out to touch it to see if it’s actually real. Once my fingers feel the soft fabric I cry and I don’t care how ugly I look. This is
my
dress. Most brides see themselves in a long white satin gown, not me. Me, it’s a light pink layer dress. Floor length, no train fitted from the sweetheart style top to my waist, then the cascades of vintage looking fabric. Exquisite, but it won’t wear me, I will rock the shit out of this thing!

Everyone stops what they are doing and gasp. My mom comes over and gives me a big hug and pulls out a tissue to wipe her eyes, “This is so you Tess.”

“Oh my God Tess! That is the most amaz-balls dress I have ever seen!” Erin squeals. “Caroline, when I get married will you make my dress too?”

“Really? Sure!” Caroline seem shocked that someone else wants to wear her creations.

I nudge Erin’s shoulder with mine, “Looking to marry my brother?” I wink. She looks away from me and I know something is up, “Erin?”

“I didn’t want to say anything until after the wedding, I don’t like to steal the focus…” I raise an eyebrow at that, making her toss her hands up in the air. “Okay not during
your
time!”

“Are you engaged?” I asked shocked and eyes wide.

She takes a diamond ring off her right hand and puts it on her left, “I am! We are going to be sisters!”

We both screech so loud that it makes my Mom, Caroline and Gwen cover their ears. I am kind of hurt that James didn’t tell me about his plans to propose, but whatever because she said yes! “I am so happy for the both of you!”

She hugs and kisses me on the cheek and asks me to be her maid of honor and of course I accept. Then she demands that we get back on track with my wedding before any further discussion on her future nuptials.

Gwen has us putting together wedding favors as we sip on spiked pink lemonade, virgin for Caroline and snacking on a bunch of different foods she had made up. I had an idea for a favor while on tour and I texted it to Gwen and she loved it, so she got the supplies to make them. So here we are with about fifty white tiny espresso cups, pour pink wax into them with wicks. And little tags with mine and Ben’s names, wedding date and the saying “You may not be my cup of tea, but you’re my perfect coffee mate.” It’s totally cheesy, but I think it suits Ben and me.

“So, Tess are you excited to see London?” Gwen asks me, while heating up more pink wax.

I am finally feeling excited about the wedding more and more as the afternoon goes on, I haven’t been to celebratory as of late, but now seeing it all come together and knowing Ben can’t wait to be married has got me counting down the days again. “I really am! I have never been overseas, so this is very exciting. Even though I would have married Ben anywhere, but this is beyond anything I could have wished for.”

We leave for London in a week and we will have a few days there before the actual ceremony. Then after we are heading into the city to stay for a few nights. I can’t wait to be with my Big_Ben by the real Big Ben.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go out and do something tonight?” Erin asks me as we are cleaning up our mess.

I shrug, “I’d really rather not.”

“Are the guys going out tonight?” She asks.

“I don’t know. If they are I know Ben wouldn’t stand for a strip club. We have a mutual respect for that choice. If anything they will go grab a beer I am sure.”