Projection (12 page)

Yup
, she thought.
This is definitely real
.

“
Ju-niors, ju-niors, ju-niors
,” the guys started to chant, banging their fists on the glossy marble.

It was the Saturday night before school started, and Nick’s parents had conveniently decided to spend Labor
Day weekend in Martha’s Vineyard. Ariel glanced around the kitchen at the familiar faces: classmates who had finally accepted her for what she knew she was always destined to be, the most popular girl in school. And Nick Ford—with his olive skin, bright blue eyes, and rippling muscles honed from two years of lacrosse practice—had fulfilled his destiny as her natural partner: the hottest guy at Delphi High.

It didn’t matter anymore how she’d gotten here. She’d
gotten
here. That was all that counted. But still, a brief thought of her victims tried to push its way up to the surface. She told herself what she always did when the guilt surged:
I never meant for things to get so bad
. She’d never meant for them to leave Delphi altogether. Jessica, she knew, had quickly found a spot at a boarding school somewhere abroad. But Gretchen was a question mark. Ariel’s hand trembled just the slightest bit on Nick’s shoulder, and she quickly lowered it to her side.

I’m not going to think about that anymore
, Ariel told herself.
It’s a new year. A fresh start
. She could almost hear Mrs. Lackman, the school psychologist whom she secretly saw every week, repeating to her what she had said so many times before.
You can’t change the past. All you can do is change how you behave in the future
.

Nick passed around the tea cups, gently handing the last one to Ariel. He raised his own, and Ariel caught a few of the girls around the table staring longingly at his outstretched bicep. She put her hand back on top of his shoulder.

“What should I toast to?” he whispered to her, his blue eyes glassy.

“To the future,” Ariel said.

Everyone lifted up their cups. “To the future!” they all shouted back.

She threw her head back and tossed the tequila down her
throat, then placed her cup down on the counter without flinching. She could feel Nick watching her, and she fought the urge to make an ugly face as the alcohol burned her insides. He pulled her close to him, and she couldn’t help noticing how much she liked the feel of her smooth arms against his bare chest.

“You look so hot tonight,” he breathed in her ear. “I still can’t believe it took us so long to hook up.”

Ariel smiled. She’d gone to a lot of trouble to put this outfit together: a black, low-cut tank top that she’d put on in the dressing room under her T-shirt, and the white skirt (which she’d stuffed into her purse while the saleswoman wasn’t looking). She tilted her head up to look at him—she was tall, five six and a half, five eight in her wedge heels—but Nick was easily six foot two. “You were worth waiting for,” she said.

He leaned down and kissed her.

“Get a room!” yelled Connor Matthews, Nick’s best friend and teammate.

Idiot
, Ariel thought, her eyes still closed. Everyone knew that the only reason Connor hadn’t been kicked out of school yet was because his father was a member of the City Council. He was always getting caught doing stupid shit—like the time he brought a live pig into the girl’s locker room at school. But in keeping with the “boys will be boys” mentality of certain wealthy community leaders, he never got into any trouble. Ariel had never liked Connor—in fact, she resented the way he breezed through life without any consequences—but she would never say that to anyone. Especially not to Nick.

Everyone in the kitchen laughed. Finally, she pulled away from Nick, blushing. “I’m gonna go outside and get some fresh air,” she murmured to him. “I’ll find you later, okay?” He nodded, but before she’d even had a chance to kiss him on the cheek like she’d intended to do, Nick had already
pounced on Connor and was now good-naturedly twisting his arm behind his back.

The fresh air felt
good. Ariel could feel people staring at her as she walked by them. Three years ago, she would have snarled, but now she knew they were staring not because they hated her, but because they were envious. And she reveled in it.
This is going to be the best year ever
. She stumbled along through the backyard, trying to count how many shots she’d done. There was the one with Nick, and then a few more before that when she’d first gotten to the party. Four, at least. Her head was spinning, and she needed to just chill out somewhere for a little while. She was searching for a quiet spot where she could be alone when she spotted a hammock strung between two enormous maple trees at the far end of the yard. She was less than three feet away and already sinking into it in her mind when Brinley Porter stopped her in her tracks.

“Oh, Ariel, there you are! Have you heard?”

“Heard what?” Ariel asked, annoyed. Did she slur those words? It didn’t matter. Ariel knew that Brinley couldn’t stand her, and the feeling was mutual. They’d sort of been friends in middle school, but in ninth grade, when Ariel had begun to get popular, she’d dropped Brinley like a hot coal. To be honest, she reminded Ariel of the way she herself used to be. Whatever the news was, Ariel knew that it was going to be bad for her. If it wasn’t, Brinley wouldn’t have been trying so hard to find her.

“
Jessica Shaw
is here. She’s back, and she’s re-enrolling at Delphi. Can you believe that?”

Ariel narrowed her eyes. “
What
did you just say?”

For a moment, Brinley seemed surprised by Ariel’s sudden intensity. Of course, she remembered just as well as Ariel did
how Jessica used to ignore them both, or at best, sneer at them. “I
said
, Jessica Shaw is back. And she’s here. At this party.” Brinley could hardly contain her glee. “I take it you hadn’t heard.”

“Whatever,” Ariel muttered, pushing past her and lumbering back toward the house. But her heart had started to pound.
Jessica Shaw is back
, she repeated to herself.
Jessica Shaw is back
. She hesitated for a moment and stayed hidden in the shadows. She wasn’t sure if she even believed Brinley. Still … If Jessica was really here, Ariel wanted to see it for herself. She peered out from behind a large shrub and scanned the kitchen. There was Connor, acting stupid, as usual. There were some semi-popular, semi-attractive girls playing quarters with a few guys from the lacrosse team. And there was Nick, talking to—Ariel’s heart stopped beating. He was talking to the prettiest girl she’d ever seen. Tall and thin with subtle curves, a full, pouty mouth, and long, beachy-blonde hair. She wasn’t even moving, but you could see her self-confidence just in the way she stood, even from this distance.

Ariel felt herself deflating like an old pool raft at the end of the summer, her own confidence practically hissing as it leaked out of her. Nobody knew that Ariel was the one who released that video of Jessica and Gretchen kissing. She’d had to post it anonymously. If people had known the true source, they would have just chalked it up to Ariel being a jealous outcast instead of seeing it for the scandal that it really was. The only ones who knew the truth were Jessica and Gretchen themselves. And now here was Jessica, holding all of the cards yet again.

What if she tells everyone the truth about me? What if they all hate me again?

Her stomach sank as she watched Nick talking to her.

“You can’t just hide from her like a scared little girl,” came a voice from out of the darkness. Ariel turned around to find Brinley standing behind her.

“I’m not hiding,” Ariel insisted.

Brinley crossed her arms as if to say
yeah, right
. “Look, Ariel, I know that you and I were never really friends, but I hate Jessica Shaw just as much as you do. You’re in charge now, and you don’t have to let her back in. Go in there and deal with her. Put your hand on Nick’s ass, and let her know that she doesn’t get to just waltz in here and take over like she never left. Let her know that you haven’t forgotten about how she treated you.”

Ariel took a deep breath. Brinley did have a point. After all, Ariel hadn’t clawed her way up the social ladder just to have the rungs knocked out from under her. But then again, Brinley didn’t know the truth, either. If she did, she’d think that Ariel was evil—and so would everyone else if they found out that she’d pulled a stunt like that on a girl whose mother had just been murdered.

What if Jessica tells?
Ariel tried to put herself in Jessica’s shoes: if she’d been scandalized for kissing another girl, then disappeared and suddenly re-emerged two years later, the last thing she’d want to do is bring up the scandal that sent her running off in the first place.

No
, she thought.
She wouldn’t dare bring it up again. The only reason she’d even come back is if she thought people had forgotten about it
.

“You’re right,” Ariel finally answered. “Thanks for the pep talk.”

“You’re welcome,” Brinley said. “Now go put that girl in her place.”

Ariel was already gone, striding through the French doors
with her head held high and her long, layered blonde hair bouncing at her shoulders. She was glad now that she’d done all of those shots earlier. She didn’t think she’d have the nerve to do this sober.
Liquid courage
, she’d once heard her mom call it.

Ariel walked through the kitchen, making a beeline for Nick. Ignoring Jessica, she sidled up to him, sliding her hand across his back and then slowly making her way down until she reached the left back pocket of his jeans. She placed her hand inside and left it there.

“Nick,” she cooed. “Where have you been? I’ve missed you.”

“Hey, babe,” he said, giving her a kiss on the mouth. Ariel made a big show of kissing him back, harder than she probably would have if Jessica weren’t standing there watching them. But then Nick broke away from her, waving his hand toward Jessica. “Hey, Ariel, do you remember Jessica Shaw? She left right before ninth grade. And now she’s back.”

Ariel hesitated. She wasn’t sure if she should pretend not to remember, or if she should give a terse acknowledgement. But Jessica beat her to it.

“Oh, my God! Ariel Miller? No way!” Jessica opened her arms and leaned in for a hug. Ariel awkwardly hugged her back, then braced herself for the punch line. But none came. There seemed to be no sign of the old Jessica. In fact, she seemed genuinely happy to see her again. “This is so crazy! You look amazing! Wow. I don’t think I would have even recognized you! You’re gorgeous!” She looked from Nick to Ariel and back again. “Are you two going out?”

“Umm, sort of,” Nick answered. “We just started, you know, hanging out together the last week or two …”

“That’s
so
amazing,” Jessica said. She looked back to Ariel. “How have you been?”

Ariel tried to keep her jaw from hanging slack. Was it
possible that Jessica didn’t realize that she was the one who posted the video on YouTube? She didn’t see how that could be, given that she and Gretchen had seen her videoing their kiss. So then, why was she being so gracious? Why didn’t she spit at her or yell at her, or accuse her of ruining her life? Of ruining two lives? Ariel eyed her suspiciously. There had to be a catch here somewhere.

“Um, I’ve been good,” she managed. “Things are good.”

Jessica smiled broadly. “That’s great. I’m so glad to hear that.”

On the other side of the kitchen, there was a loud crash as something ceramic fell to the floor.

“Party foul!” yelled Connor, slurring his words.

“Oh, shit,” Nick muttered. “Let me go deal with this.”

“I can help you,” Ariel volunteered.

“No, it’s okay. Connor gets hostile when he’s drunk. It’s better if I do it myself. I’ll find you later.” He hurried off, leaving Ariel alone with Jessica.
Now she’ll show her true colors
, Ariel thought.

She got right to the point. “So. How come you’re back?”

Jessica smiled, but this time it was wistful. “My aunt got tired of paying for boarding school. But you know, I’m glad to be back. I missed Delphi.”

Ariel thought about what Brinley had said:
You have to let her know that she doesn’t get to just waltz in here and take over like she never left
. She inhaled deeply. “Listen, Jessica, things have changed since you left.
I’ve
changed.”

Jessica laughed. “I can see that. But I’ve changed, too. If you’re worried that I’m going to try to take over, you don’t need to. You’re the It Girl now. I get it.”

Ariel’s forehead creased. “So you’re not … you know, upset about what happened anymore?”

“Honestly, Ariel, it was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. I got to get out of here and get a totally different perspective on things. I’m not upset about it all. I forgive you completely.”

Ariel’s heart raced again. She lowered her voice. “I appreciate that. But, you know, nobody knows that it was … that I had anything to do with it.”

Jessica nodded sympathetically. “I’m not going to tell anyone, Ariel. I was too ashamed to accuse you before. Besides, nobody would have believed me, anyway. That video took on a life of its own.” She sighed. “Your secret’s safe with me. I just want to put the past behind us. I was hoping, actually, that you and I could be friends.”

Ariel blinked a few times. Her eyes were moist. She was already feeling pretty good from the alcohol, but she suddenly felt amazing, as if all of the horrible guilt she’d carried these last few years had shattered like that vase Nick was trying to clean up. She could hardly even believe her luck. Could someone really change this much? Could someone really be this forgiving and forward thinking, the way that she herself so desperately wanted to be? Ariel thought of Brinley, still bitter and angry about the past. Girls like Brinley, she realized, were the problem. Girls who couldn’t get beyond things that had happened years ago. But Jessica was an inspiration. If she could be gracious enough to forgive Ariel, then Ariel could certainly be gracious enough to forgive her back. There was just the one big question mark.