Promise (44 page)

“Glad to have you back, Captain.” Lt. Henry Warden hands me the pen.

I watch as the first dot of ink spreads where the paper and pen connect.

Goodbye, Promise.

Those two words splinter like glass inside my head, pulling me down as I fight back the sting in my eyes.

“
Hey!
” A fist slams into my shoulder, and I spin around in the chair, ready to lay out whoever is fucking stupid enough to sneak up on me.

It takes me a split second before my brain catches up with my instinct.

Louis is puffed up, his eyes lit with something like napalm, as he snaps at the Lieutenant on the other side of the desk. “I need him. He’s not signing yet.”

My former mentor and savior has me by the back of my neck the way he used to when he would pick me up as my court liaison, trying to make sure the dark rebel in me didn’t blot out the potential in me.

“I’m good right here.” I twitch my neck and give him a snort. “I’m right where I need to be.”

“No, you’re not.” Louis’s voice is heavy. His usual humor absent and, in its place, there's a commanding depth that I’ve never heard. “You can sign that when I’m done talking to you. You owe me that. I’ve been on your ass for a week, and you’ve been hiding like a pussy.
Five minutes
. I need five minutes, and then you do whatever the fuck you need to.”

I want to tell him no. Whatever he needs to talk about is irrelevant. Insignificant to my need to be a nameless, faceless member of a team that knows only order. That allows me to release my vitriol on the world. The violence inside me is chewing at my heart, and I need to let it out.

“Take five.” Lt. Warden nods at Louis as he opens the glass door to his office and gives us the space.

“Man, nothing you’re going to say will change my mind. This is me. This is
who I am
. I need to go back. I made a mistake. I thought I could live like other people; I can’t. Look what fucking happened. I suck at real life, man.”

“Yeah. That’s not how I see it. I see you. I see you like no one else does. And, I see you got your face smashed in by a sea of shit that no one saw coming. You didn’t deserve it, but that's life. It was a pile of shit that fell down around you, and it’s over. But, you’re forgetting one thing, aren’t you? You forget that since you came home, you’ve never been happier. You’ve tasted it, man. It was real. I can see it in you. She needs you. You need her.”

My stomach rolls and cramps. How can he think there’s anything left for me with her? I can’t even say her name.

“Naw.
Naw . . .”
I shake my head and laugh, the joke too revolting to take seriously. “You’re losing your damn mind, Louis. Why are you here? You’ve left that shit on my voicemail already. I’ve got a thirty-six-hour commute to look forward to. I’ll listen to it on the way. Now
go.
I’m signing, I’m leaving. Today.”

“No, you dumb fuck. I’m here to give you a wake-up call. And, if you’d bothered to listen to any of my fucking messages, you would know why I’m here.” His face is red. I don’t ever remember seeing him this angry in all the years I’ve known him.

My neck is jerking, and I look at the one person who has had my back, always. Even in the darkness, I know I owe him my attention, even if it is the minimum amount.

“Go. You have something to tell me, I’m listening for the next four minutes.” I look down at my watch.

He shakes his head, and then I hear the deep, ragged breath, see the darkness under his eyes. I can almost hear the drumroll because something is fucking coming, and I probably don’t want to hear it.

“Jordan is my son.” Louis enunciates every word, slow and clear.

That was not what I was expecting.

“What the fuck?” I squint one eye at him, waiting for whatever comes next because I have no fucking idea what to say right now.

“Yep. I’ll make this short since I only have
three and a half minutes left
.” His sarcastic sneer tells me he’s not happy with me.

“You know I worked with CPS back then. Well, I met Promise’s mother there. Back before she lost her permanently, CPS was on her for years. It was a short, fucking intense affair. She was stunning, like Promise. I fell fucking hard, and by the time I understood the level of her dysfunction, we were already broken up. She disappeared without another word. I switched offices after Jeremy tried to push me out. I never saw her or Promise again until your Dad’s funeral. She looks so much like her mother, it fucking scared the shit out of me, Beck.” His voice shakes for a split second. “And you know there is no mistaking her. No one else in the world looks like her. When we were talking that morning after the service, waiting for you, she mentioned this deal with her brother. How her mom left them and the court came in and how she’s been fighting for custody the last few years since she turned eighteen. I asked her how old her brother is, and I fucking counted backward.”

I can hear where this is going, and I lean back onto the desk before I fall over.

“Are you really fucking telling me you’re Jordan’s father? How can you be sure?”

“I already had a DNA test done. I wanted to tell you sooner, but not until I was sure. Test results came in a few days ago. He’s mine. No one knows yet besides me, my attorney and his case worker.” I see something in his face I’ve never seen before, and I can’t place the emotion. “And now you.”

“Fucking Jesus. I don’t know what the fuck to say, man.”

“Don’t say anything. You’re talking on my time.” He cracks a smile. “I have two minutes, and I’ve got more.”

My heart is using a sledge on my chest wall, and my hands run up and over my forehead, and then I’m holding onto the back of my neck to keep my head attached.

“I did some investigating of my own on these fires and on Jeremy. I did some covert shit, and all my damn arrows kept pointing toward him. I called the owner of the building across from mine. One of the security camera’s across the street from the loft picked up Jeremy climbing the fire escape and breaking the window into your dad’s apartment the night of the fire. It shows you and Promise leaving, and him sneaking in. That’s all I needed to take to the cops for them to serve a search warrant on his house. Guess what they found?”

I can’t help the waves of sickness coming over me. I’m not fucking sure what is going on. “I don’t like guessing games.”

“They found all sorts of records on his computer. Pictures of Promise from when she was little. He’s been following her, stalking her. He kept notebooks full of letters to her, things he wanted to do to her, things he told her to do.
Like set fires.
He even showed her how. Bought her the lighter fluid, the matches, drew her maps showing her where to start them. It was fucking
him.
She was a kid, man, a vulnerable, broken, little kid, and he pretended to be her savior. Told her when she wasn’t happy in one of the homes he put her in, to set a fire. He thought eventually, he would be able to take her in himself . . . If you leave now, you’ll be lost. Forever. And so will she. You know that; I know that.”

“Your time is up. Are you finished?” I stare him down, and he shakes his head in exasperation.

“Are you really that far gone? Nothing matters? Not her, not the book, your art, all those kids, nothing I said changes anything?” His dark eyes flash with anger.

“I just asked if you were finished, because now it’s my turn.”

Louis crosses his arms over his chest, puffing up ready for me to lay into him.

“
Where is she?
”

Beckett

I push through the front doors at Windfield. April is tossing a blast of spring into Cleveland, and the sun comes in right behind me.

“Hey, is Bruce around?” The receptionist is wide eyed as she traces an obvious gaze over the colorful ribbons and medals that decorate me today.

“Sure, let me page him. Your name?” The Ariana Grande look alike twirls a lock of hair between her fingers.

“Beckett Fitzgerald.” She smiles when I give her my name, and within two minutes I hear Bruce’s voice coming from around the corner as he playfully chastises someone named Marvin for giving a member of the staff a pat on the ass.

“Just keep your hands to yourself. Didn’t they teach you that in
like
kindergarten?” I shake my head as his smile and snorting laugh introduce him to the great room and everything looks a little brighter. I extend my hand, and he smiles back.

“You here to see me? I’m flattered.” That boyish charm takes over the room as he sets one hand on his hip and shakes mine with the other.

“Not today, my friend. She here?”

“Yep. Dang, you are puttin’ on the dang Ritz today.” He eyes me stem to stern, and I roll my eyes because I can see from his look, he’s not done. “Wow, I need a second. You are workin’ it today, aren’t you?”

“I want to surprise her. Can you tell me where she is? Don’t call her down, okay?”

He shakes his head because he knows this could blow up for me.

“You’re brave. You’re going to need all those medals
and
some armor.””

“Yep. I’m ready. Whatever happens, but just do me this one last favor.”

He rubs his bald head with a snort.

“Come on. She’s just getting off shift, but she started a reading group. She reads aloud to a group every Tuesday and Thursday. Wonder where she got that idea?”

Wow, I love this girl.

I’ve got a nervous smile plastered on my face as I stride the halls. The older faces either smile back or barely notice me. There are tasteful, floral sofas and bookshelves down each hall. The faces each tell a story, and I’m hoping today will be a big part of mine someday.

Bruce steps with me chattering on the entire time we wind through the hallways, but I don’t remember anything he says. I’m rehearsing.

I hear her ten steps before we get to the doorway.

I’m drunk instantly. Her voice is intoxicating. Blood is rushing through my ears, and it’s hard to stand. It’s hard to live right now because I don’t know if I’ve fucked up my life beyond all recognition. But, I’m about to find out.

I listen for a few minutes and peek inside the room from a spot where she can’t see me. She’s reading
Gulliver’s Travels
, and there are ten faces fixed on her as she sits with legs crossed, pushing her hair back over her shoulders every few sentences.

Angels have nothing on her face, and I’m as nervous as I’ve ever been.

Bruce and I are standing in the hallway leading to the activity room. She hasn’t noticed us yet, and my stomach is in fourteen kinds of knots being this close to her and realizing what I almost lost.

What I may or may not get back.

Bruce’s low voice hums next to my ear. “She’s laid on the damn couch for a
week
. Pitiful. Both of you are a pain in my ass; you know that? She wouldn’t even unpack the boxes you shipped back. And,” he raises his eyebrows and jabs a finger into my shoulder, “that was
cold
. Sending her stuff back like that.” He shakes his head at me. “All her paintings are still in the crates. She left her mattress on the floor along with her clothes. My apartment is a damn nightmare because of you two.”

“Sorry, man,” I whisper over my shoulder, unwilling to look away from her. “My head was fucked.”

“Well, I can’t take much more of you two. I’m just sayin’.” He clears his throat before he continues, his voice dropping, and I hear the concern. “I wasn’t sure she was gonna make it. Losing Jordan and you in the same day. When they let her say goodbye to him, I had to carry her out of that bitch Lydia’s office. She didn’t eat for six days. I threatened to put her in a damn room here if she didn’t take a shower and eat a damn protein bar.”

He’s back to his boyish laughter with a stomp of his foot.

“I don’t know how to thank you,” I say with deep gratitude. “You took care of her when I didn’t. I don’t know if you know how much that means to me. It’s everything. Thanks, man.”

I shift my eyes toward the perpetually smiling man to look him straight in the eye. He deserves my attention, my respect and more.

I hold out my hand, and he reluctantly gives me a quick shake.

“
Geeeeeez-us
, don’t go all girl on me. I need to
go
. She does this reading group on her own time, so you interrupt all you want, makes no difference to me.” He pauses, giving me an affectionate look that is also chastising. “Good to have you back.”

With that, he turns with a snort. He’s got someone else in his sights, and his voice is booming down the hall with its usual humor.

My legs feel like they’ve been packed full of lead buckshot. I don’t remember the last time I was this fucking scared. But, I’m not sure what’s about to happen, and she’s got the rest of my life in her hands.

Don’t pussy out, man. Gird your loins, because she may come at you with both barrels, and you deserve that shit. Take it like a man.

With a twitch of my neck, I push off from my hiding place in the doorway. “Hey, I’m sorry everyone.” I take my first strides into the activity room with my most commanding voice, and a wave of heat comes up from my toes and doesn’t stop until I am covered in it “You see, I hate to interrupt, but I need to tell a story of my own.”