Promise to Obey (8 page)

Lucas ran his fingers through his hair, making it even more untidy. Jessica was afraid to say anything that would disturb him.

‘But what about your two children, Daniel and Lily?’ she asked, at last. The silence had a positive quality. Jessica knew this was about years of anguish.

‘Lily was only a baby, barely six months old. Liz didn’t like having babies, losing her figure and all the pain. She didn’t like children at all and had no patience with Daniel. Daniel hadn’t been diagnosed as autistic but we knew something was not right. She was quite happy to leave them both with me. At least she left me the children. That was something. More than
something
. It was a blessing.’

‘I’m so sorry,’ said Jessica. ‘I know words are inadequate but I
am sorry. You must have been really hurt. And it was a difficult time.’

‘Well, not any more,’ he said, injecting some false
cheerfulness
into his voice though his face was set in gloom. ‘Things are going to change. You see, I have decided to get married again. I’m going to take the plunge. Yes, very soon, Jessica. I have made up my mind. It’s a good idea, isn’t it? Don’t you agree?’

Jessica couldn’t think of anything to say. It was a good idea but she was thrown by the thought of having to adapt to another woman living in the house. Lucas deserved someone to help him, to look after him. He worked so hard, such long hours. He needed someone loving to come home to.

‘Yes, it is a good idea,’ said Jessica, taking a firm hold of her doubts. His words were stealing away the happiness of the day, the colours fading. ‘You need someone to look after you and it would be good for Lily and Daniel. They need stability. I hope this woman is kind and caring. They need a lot of love.’

He poured out some more wine and gulped it down.

‘Yes, she is kind and caring, very good with children. A bit bossy at times, used to getting her own way, but I daresay I can cope with that. I think Lily and Daniel will be pleased. As you say, they need lots of love and mothering. And I’m sure she’s the kind of woman who will give them that.’

‘So do we drink to the happy day?’ said Jessica, raising her glass. Her hand was trembling. She was frightened by the depth and power of her own feelings. She could no longer smell the fruit of the grapes. ‘Have you fixed a date?’

A flicker of a smile crossed his lined face. ‘Unfortunately, no date in view. You see, I haven’t even asked her yet. I still have that bridge to cross. And I’m out of practice in the proposal stakes.’

‘Well, you’d better hurry up, get things moving,’ said Jessica, engineering some sort of enthusiasm. ‘Such a paragon might be snapped up by someone else. She sounds too good to be true. Make your move.’

‘I do agree with you. She may well have some ardent suitor
waiting in the wings. I don’t really know. I know very little about her, actually.’

Jessica was lost. She did not understand what Lucas was saying. He was going to marry someone that he knew little or nothing about? It was absurd. She rallied her good sense. He may not want her advice but she was going to give it.

‘Forgive me, if I’m speaking out of turn, but this sounds crazy. You can’t marry someone who you know very little about. This isn’t one of those dating agency on the Internet, is it? It could lead to all sorts of disasters. She might be completely fraudulent, years older than you, foreign, merely wanting to marry someone to get hold of a British passport. Don’t do it, I beg of you.’

The tension broke and Lucas grinned. ‘Internet dating? I hadn’t thought of that. I might try it next if this falls through. Well, I’d better get it over quick then. Jessica Harlow, fantastic nurse, glamorous nanny, funny Willdo from the wilderness, will you marry me? Will you become my lawful-wedded wife?’

Jessica said no, of course, straight away. What else could she say? It was all too sudden. They didn’t know each other. It was a ridiculous idea.

‘No way, sir, Lucas, Mr Coleman. Is this some sort of joke? Are you making fun of me? Well, I’m not laughing. It’s not even funny.’

‘Please think it over,’ said Lucas, pouring coffee. ‘Get used to the idea. It might grow on you. We get on pretty well together.’

‘Don’t you reckon on it,’ Jessica said. ‘Why me?’

‘Because you are eminently suitable. A very good nurse. Excellent with children. Not bad-looking at times. Quite the arm candy, I could say, if I ever need a glamorous escort. I do have various medical dinners and functions that I am supposed to attend. You’d look pretty good, wearing the right clothes.’

‘Thank you,’ said Jessica, icily. ‘You certainly know how to make a woman feel good. Did you take a correspondence course on courtship? I should ask them for your money back.’

‘Then you’ll consider my proposal?’ Lucas was looking at her
keenly, his silvery grey eyes suddenly fierce and glittering. ‘I mean it. I want you to marry me.’

‘I didn’t say that,’ Jessica said.

‘You nearly did.’

‘Please listen, Lucas,’ she said, dredging the words from somewhere. ‘Marriage isn’t just a convenient arrangement. It has to mean so much more. It’s between people who love each other, who can’t bear to be apart, who want to live the rest of their lives together.’

‘I know,’ he said smoothly. ‘But we are different. We have both been hurt, badly, in the past. I don’t know what happened to you, but it’s there in your eyes, the hurt and humiliation. So this could be second best for both of us. I’m offering you
security
, a pleasant home, status in society, two children who need you. I’m not asking anything for myself. No midnight romps in bed or early morning quickies. Nothing more than an
obligatory
kiss on the cheek in public. I ask for nothing more. Could you manage that? It might not be too hard a duty to perform.’

Jessica was breathing hard. Lucas was offering her a lifeline, a way out of the swamp she had been wallowing in, throwing a life-belt to a shipwrecked woman. But where was the love she had always dreamed about? Where was the gallant knight in shining armour, riding to rescue her? He must be somewhere on the horizon.

‘It’s your choice,’ he went on, finishing his coffee. ‘Please listen to your heart. I’ll leave you to think about it.’

He got up from the dining table and came round to her side. He pulled Jessica to her feet. He steadied her hip against his body and his mouth touched her lips. There was nothing
inexpert
about his kiss. It was warm and gentle, incredibly familiar. She was trapped in his arms.

‘Goodnight Jessica,’ he said in a deep, slow and husky voice. ‘Don’t make me wait too long.’

Jessica did not sleep well, tossed and turned. When she awoke the next morning, she wondered if she had imagined the whole strange proposal? Lucas had been overtired, drinking
wine on an empty stomach. He might regret it this morning, if he remembered it at all. Maybe he had also had a few whiskies before the wine.

The light streamed through the window, turning the
primrose
to gold.

But Lucas had already left for the hospital. She heard the Porsche Boxster leaving at some inhuman hour. She had wanted to talk to him about Daniel’s coming birthday. There had been no response from Daniel himself. The concept of birthdays did not register. Time and age meant little to him.

When she put her head round his bedroom door, Daniel was already up. He was sitting on the floor in his pyjamas, all his treasures from the beach lined up in front of him. He had one of his school books on his knee and he was busy drawing on a blank page. It was the drawing of a shell, in great detail, very small and intricate. Unlike his handwriting, which was all over the place, this drawing was perfect.

‘Time to get washed and dressed, Daniel,’ she said.

He didn’t answer but kept drawing.

Lily on the other hand, had dressed herself in shorts and T-shirt, ready to go to the beach. She had decided it was going to be the beach again. The T-shirt was on inside-out but what did that matter, and she had odd socks on.

‘Have you practiced your inhaler this morning, Lily?’

She shook her head, dark hair bouncing around. ‘I have to breathe slowly,’ she said. ‘Do it properly.’

‘That’s right. Let’s do it now. Sit down and check inside and outside the mouthpiece to make sure it’s clean and clear.’

‘All clean.’

‘Shake the inhaler. How many times?’

‘Four or five times. To mix all the stuff up inside.’

Lily held up the inhaler and breathed out slowly which she did not find easy. She always wanted to breath in again quickly, scared of not having any air in her lungs, of starting to gasp.

‘Don’t panic. Hold your breath. Put the mouthpiece in your mouth and press down on top of the canister to release a puff.
Then you can breathe that in. Breathe it in slowly. Well done, steady now. Don’t rush.’

‘Not rushing.’

‘Now do it again, Lily. Excellent. You’ve got the hang of it now. Put the cover on firmly. Next time we’ll clean it with a dry cloth or tissue.’

‘I’m getting better at it,’ said Lily happily. ‘Now can we go to the beach?’

‘Not today, Lily. We’re going to do something quite different today. I’ll get you a peak flow meter so we can check how you are doing.’

‘Is that like a parking meter?’

‘In a way, yes. It tells us if your airways are relaxed. If they are, then you get a high score.’

Jessica had a new idea. She was fast running out of new ideas. ‘Over breakfast, I’m going to tell you about a little girl called Maggie who is in hospital.’

‘Is it a sad story?’

‘It’s a true story and quite sad.’

Mrs Harris had breakfast ready in the kitchen. She had adapted to the healthier eating without any problem. It was poached eggs this morning, and fruit. Jessica did the ordering now after discussing the family’s needs with Mrs Harris first. There was far less cooking involved, lots more fruit and salads.

Lady Grace resisted all change. She ordered her own menus every day and Jessica had no wish to be involved. It was the children that she cared about and Lucas. She knew what
hospital
food was like, even in the staff canteen.

It was exercises first this morning. Lady Grace always tried to get out of them. She thought up new arguments every day. It was like a game show.

‘I don’t need to do them every day,’ she protested. ‘I shall get ugly, bulging arm muscles like an athlete. As long as I walk a bit, I’m doing fine. You must admit I have made excellent
progress
, Miss Know-all.’

‘Indeed, Lady Grace. Your progress is good. It’s remarkable
when you have argued every step of the way. You must admit now, that regular exercise is the answer. So let’s start. Let’s put some music on. Straight leg first.’

‘Do we have to? I don’t like that music.’

‘Yes, we do. Think of that lovely glass of your favourite dry sherry when you get downstairs. Then your walk round the garden. The roses are magnificent. I’ve even done some
dead-heading
. I’d like to know some of the names.’

‘I know all the names.’ There was no thank you for the dead-heading.

‘I’m sure you do. Your memory is amazing.’

Sundays were not easy. No school. Lily and Daniel were at home all day with Lady Grace demanding constant attention. But today Jessica told the children about Maggie, the little girl who had been bitten. She didn’t go into too much detail but said that they had been three fierce dogs and she was in hospital.

‘She’s very lonely and she hasn’t any toys or any books. And I thought we could make Get Well cards to send her, lovely pictures with glitter and ribbons.’

‘Yes, yes, we’ll make lots of cards,’ said Lily, immediately brimming with enthusiasm. ‘And she can have some of my toys.’ She raced upstairs to her bedroom, turning floor and cupboard chaos out into more chaos. Jessica sat back and laughed. Lily was a bundle of energy, despite her weight.

‘Lily is such a funny little girl,’ she said to Daniel. She was hoping he might reply.

He didn’t look up. He was already drawing on some
cardboard
which Jessica had found. It was an old chocolate box lid on its way to the refuse collection. He was absorbed in what he was doing.

When Lucas returned from the hospital that evening, there was a box of goodies for Maggie, toys, a teddy, books and cards. Lily had been busy all day making cards for everyone. She had gone into serious card production. She had made a large pink one for Maggie with silver angels and stars, lots of glitter and ribbons. She had also made a hospital one for Lucas with rows
of beds, on which she had written ‘I love you, Daddy.’ Jessica had helped with the writing.

Lady Grace got a card on which Lily had drawn a picture of her doing a cartwheel down the stairs. Not exactly tactful, Jessica thought, nor appreciated. Lady Grace had sniffed and said, ‘very nice, dear.’

‘At least you got a card,’ said Jessica,

Lily’s card for Daniel was a secret. ‘For his birthday,’ she whispered to Jessica. Mrs Harris was presented with a card covered in photographs of food cut out from a magazine. It said: To the Bestest Cook.

‘I’m amazed at that,’ said Mrs Harris.

Even Jessica got a card. It was more glittery angels and stars and inside Lily had written ‘I love you’, copying the writing on her father’s card.

‘Thank you, Lily,’ said Jessica. ‘I shall treasure your card. I’ll put it on the mantelpiece in my bedroom.’

‘So you can see it when you wake up.’

‘Every morning when I wake up. It’s the first thing I shall see.’

Lucas was the first to spot the near identical message. He was not slow in spotting the implication, though he had said nothing about the previous evening.

‘These cards should stand together, don’t you think, Jessica?’ For once, his silvery eyes were twinkling. ‘They were made for each other The same message.’

It wasn’t easy to find the right reply. It made her realize how strong he was. The dark stubble on his chin was her undoing. He looked so vulnerable.

‘You didn’t have time to shave this morning,’ she said. ‘Was it a busy night?’

‘Saturday night drinking always brings a wave of
emergencies
,’ he said, passing a hand over his chin. ‘Bike accidents, car accidents, falling down stairs, falling off balconies. No one has any sense of balance on a Saturday. It’s a wonder anyone is still standing upright.’