Promising Angela (14 page)

“It sounds like fun, Stephanie, but I need to get home. Maybe another time?” He softened the refusal with a smile.

She smiled, too, giving a shrug. To his relief, she didn’t appear offended. “That’s fine. It was just a thought. You take care, and I will be praying.”

Ben walked her to her car and opened the door for her, giving her another good-bye. Her warm smile, accompanied by a cute little fingers-only wave, made him swallow and back away. Why hadn’t he noticed before how appealing Stephanie was?

He watched her vehicle pull away before climbing into his truck. As he drove toward home, his thoughts bounced back and forth between the two women with whom he’d conversed privately this evening.

Angela, with her autumn-colored hair and intriguing pale blue eyes.

Stephanie, with hair the color of a walnut shell and dark eyes to match.

Angela, who wore an expression of seeking.

Stephanie, who gave an aura of self-assurance.

Angela, with her questionable past.

Stephanie, with her sterling reputation.

If a person put them side by side in a beauty contest, Angela would certainly come out the winner. But as a potential life’s mate? In that contest, Stephanie’s attributes were certainly the preferable ones from a Christian viewpoint. Perhaps he would be wise to explore the opportunity of a deeper friendship with Stephanie.

His heart contracted painfully as Angela’s image crowded out the one of the other woman.
Now, stop that!
he commanded himself. Hadn’t he decided that a relationship with Angela was not beneficial to him? Caring for her only brought pain and misery. He’d traveled the pathway of destruction once before as an unwilling observer. He would not put himself in that position again, no matter how his heart raced every time she came near. He’d just have to set aside those feelings.

“Mind over matter,” he reminded himself as he pulled into the driveway of his fourplex. Surely if he distanced himself from Angela, he could forget her.

He shut off the ignition and froze for a moment. Forget her? Did he really believe that was the right thing to do? Lowering his head, he prayed, “God, please forgive me. Of course I don’t want to forget Angela. You placed her needs on my heart. I made a promise to mentor her, to support her in prayer, and I will honor that promise. But, God, please … her past … She can’t change it, and I can’t seem to change how I feel about what she did. As long as the issue of her drug use is between us, there can’t be anything more than a casual friendship. Help me see her in the way You would have me see her. Let me be her friend, her mentor, but please … guard my heart.”

Ben dropped the reports into their file and closed the drawer with a snap. He glanced at the clock and then shook his head at his own impatience. The anticipation was as bad as it had been when he was a kid planning to go to summer camp.

He admitted part of the anticipation had to do with the opportunity to distance himself from Angela for a few days. The past two weeks had been rough, and prayer had been his constant companion. As he’d promised, he prayed for her daily, for her to resist the temptation to fall back into drug use and for her to grow in her Christian walk. But he hadn’t watched closely enough to see if his prayers were having any effect. Looking at Angela brought a rush of longing he wanted to squelch.

Rising from his desk, he scanned the area for Philip. Although he couldn’t see Philip, he could hear him from behind the partition of the kitchen area, bantering with one of the clients. Ben crossed the room and ducked behind the partition as Angela crossed his path, leading two clients to the washroom to clean up after sorting recyclables. He released his breath in a whoosh, thankful for the chance to hide behind the tall partition and get his racing heartbeat back under control.

Ben waited until Philip gave the client a clap on the shoulder and turned away, signaling the end of their conversation, before speaking. “Philip? I just wanted to remind you—”

“That you’re leaving early.” Philip grinned. “I know, I know.

You’ve only told me twice already today.” Shaking his head, he chuckled. “I’m beginning to think you really want to get away from here for a while.”

Ben laughed, too, but he was certain he looked as sheepish as he felt. “It isn’t the job. You know that.”

Philip nodded. Ben had shared his confusion about his feelings for Angela with Philip and Philip’s wife Marin. Both Philip and Marin were praying for the situation, for God’s will to be made known.

Suddenly Philip frowned. “Odd, I just remembered. It seems Angela …” His voice trailed off as he passed Ben and headed around the corner, toward the break area.

Ben followed, puzzled.

Philip went to the check-in sheet hanging near the time clock, and he poked the pages with his finger. “I was right. Angela leaves early today, too.”

Ben’s heart turned a somersault. He broke out in a cold sweat. “Do you know why?”

Philip shrugged. “Something about weekend plans, and she needed to leave two hours early. I had to get it approved through the probation officer, and the approval came in yesterday, just under the wire. She was pretty relieved. Must be something important.”

“Yeah, must be.” Ben pinched his chin, thinking. When he and Stephanie had talked about those who had signed up for the weekend, Angela’s name hadn’t been mentioned. In all likelihood, she simply had plans for the long weekend just as he did. The plans didn’t have to be for the same thing. Yet, as he tried to assure himself, doubt continued to gnaw at him.

He had to know. Although he hadn’t spoken to her beyond casual greetings and farewells since he’d warned her in the parking lot at the Ironstone, he headed out of the break area and went looking for her. His heart pounded as he approached. It doubled its tempo when he tapped her shoulder and she turned, her face breaking into a smile.

“Ben. Did you need something?”

Unconsciously, his gaze swept across her rumpled hair. Those curls, as always, created a desire to run his hands through the shining locks. He cleared his throat. “Yes. Um … Philip mentioned you have plans to leave early today?”

She nodded, and then her face clouded. “I’m sorry. Should I have mentioned it to you, too? Philip didn’t say anything when I asked him about it….”

He shook his head. “No, no, clearing it with Philip was the right thing to do. He is the head honcho around here.” Her smile returned, but it trembled around the edges, giving her a winsome expression. He stuck his hands in his pockets. “I just wondered if … well, if you had specific plans for the weekend?”

Her fine brows came down in puzzlement, and for a moment he thought she would refuse to answer. But then her expression cleared and she offered a graceful shrug. “Yes, my plans are quite specific. I’m going on a church retreat.”

Ben’s heart thudded against his ribs. “Church … As in Grace Chapel?”

Her eyebrows shot high. “Yes! Are you going, too?”

The anticipation melted away to be replaced by a heavy weight of dread. An entire weekend with Angela? Getting through the workdays had been excruciating. What would he do when she was there at breakfast, lunch, supper, and throughout the evening?
Maybe I should cancel my plans….

He instantly nixed that thought. He’d been looking forward to this weekend for too long to abandon it now. “Yes. Yes, I’m going, too.”

“Oh, wonderful! Pastor Joe said it would be a perfect time for me to formulate friendships. You said yourself I needed to make Christian friends instead of hanging out with my old crowd.”

She seemed to search his face, and he got the impression she needed his approval. He managed a brief nod. “Yes, that’s a great idea. With four different churches sending their singles to the camp this weekend, you should have several opportunities for building friendships.” Now why did the thought of Angela forming relationships beyond him make his chest feel tight?

“That’s what I’m hoping.” She shook her head, making her curls dance. “But I’ve got a lot to finish up here before I can leave, so …”

He got the hint. “Sure. Finish up. I’ll—I’ll see you later.”

He fled to his desk and sat down, fighting the urge to bury his face in his hands. “It’s okay,” he mumbled to himself as he punched the computer keys to open the budget log. “The campground is big. Lots of people. You’ll hardly see her.”

“You say something, Ben?”

Philip’s curious voice brought Ben’s head up.

“Huh?” He hadn’t realized he’d spoken loud enough for anyone to hear. Shaking his head, he forced a grin. “No. No, just thinking aloud.”

“Oh. Okay.” Philip gave him a light pat on the shoulder. “Well, listen, if you need to leave now, I can look over the books.”

Ben scooted his chair back and rose. “That’d be great. I do have some things I could do to get ready for the weekend.”

Like pray for strength to make it through this weekend with Angela only a dormitory away.

“Fine.” Philip plunked himself into Ben’s chair. “See you Tuesday. And have a great weekend.”

Ben yanked his car keys from his pocket. “Yeah, great …”

Angela trotted to her car, her steps light and her heart singing. Ben had talked to her! After nearly two weeks of silence, he’d walked up, called her name, and talked to her. The joy that had washed over her in those moments still bubbled under the surface. How she had missed his companionship!

Her constant prayer had been for a restoration of their friendship. She knew she had disappointed him by meeting with Janine and the others at the Ironstone and having that beer on the table. But she’d been working so hard ever since to stay true to her Christian convictions and not do anything that would give anyone the impression that pleasing Jesus was not important to her.

Surely he’d noticed. That’s why he’d spoken to her today. She couldn’t stop the smile from growing on her face as she considered an entire weekend of activities with Ben. Pastor Joe had indicated the opportunity for building friendships existed. She mentally moved Ben to the top of her “support system” list.

She climbed into her vehicle, humming. Now that she knew Ben would be there, a feeling of security struck. As much as she had anticipated the weekend, an underlying nervousness had held back full-blown excitement. Being with strangers was never comfortable. But Ben’s would be a familiar face, an island of recognition among a sea of strangers.

And with all the opportunities for interaction and joint activities, surely their friendship would grow. When they first met, she’d felt a spark. She longed for their relationship to be as it was before Ben knew about her drug use conviction. This weekend could prove to be a healing time for both of them.
Oh, please, Lord!
Her heart beat in hopeful double beats.

Since she had said good-bye to Aunt Eileen and put her bag in the car this morning before leaving for work, she drove straight to the church. Several other cars were already there, and two large vans waited by the sidewalk, the back doors yawning wide. People milled around the vans, some with bags in hand.

She parked her car with the others and got out, waving when a couple of people beside the vans waved at her. After retrieving her suitcase, she trotted to the vans. “Hi! Where do I put this?”

A dark-haired woman greeted her with a smile. “We ladies are going on the first van and the guys in the second, so you can put your suitcase in the back of the first one. Here, I’ll take it.” She took the suitcase from Angela then headed toward the first van. Peeking over her shoulder, she said, “I know I’ve seen you in Sunday school, but I’ve forgotten your name.”

“I’m Angela.” Angela trotted along beside her benefactor.

“And I’m Stephanie.” Stephanie put Angela’s suitcase with the others then held out her hand. “I’m glad you decided to join us.”

Angela shook Stephanie’s hand. “Thanks.” She walked with Stephanie back to the milling group of women, her brain buzzing. Something about Stephanie was familiar, but she couldn’t place it. She stayed in the group, learning everyone’s name and chatting, while more cars pulled into the parking lot and the backs of the vans filled with suitcases.

Not until she saw Ben’s pickup pull in did she remember where she’d seen Stephanie before. At Bible study two weeks ago, huddled in a corner with Ben. Jealousy smacked hard, and Angela felt her breath catch. Could it be that Ben had avoided her recently for more reasons than her past mistakes?

She watched him cross the parking lot, duffel bag in hand. He tossed his lumpy bag into the back of the last van, his T-shirt pulling taut with the swell of his muscles. When she glanced at Stephanie, she observed the other woman’s gaze following Ben, too.

Lord, guard my actions.
The prayer came automatically, a recognition of behavior that wasn’t pleasing to her Savior. The simple prayer settled her ruffled feathers, and she took a big breath, managing to smile when Ben turned in their direction.

When his gaze fell on her, she saw his steps falter, his grin fade. Then he seemed to shift his gaze to Stephanie, and the smile returned. A pain stabbed through Angela’s heart.

Her earlier hopes of establishing a closer friendship with Ben melted beneath the early September sun. Reality crashed around her, reminding her that someone like Ben—strong, steadfast Ben—would never be interested in someone whose past was so shaded.