Proper Secrets (27 page)

Emily gave the letter a wicked smile, and informed Aloysius of a new stop in their schedule for the day.

“You mean to go to the fort?” said Bridget.

“I do.
 
You will stay at the inn.
 
Do not go anywhere until we get back,” said Emily.

From the outside, Fort Jennings made as much an impression as a mountain up close.
 
Solid walls, reaching far into the ground, went up above the tallest tree in the area.
 
Though many trees had been cleared near the fort, the road they’d traveled was still cut through the forest, ever encroaching on the man made paths.

“It’s a castle, or a keep,” said Emily who had not envisioned it to be so grand.

“Aye, milady, Endland’s Rock Bastion.
 
Never been taken by the enemy, even when the town was overrun,” said Aloysius, “‘Scuse me, milady, but are you certain you should go in there?”
 
Worse than Denton, Emily could see no women whatsoever enjoying the last of the year’s good weather.
 
She supposed the reason for this to be that the Fort would lose its nurses to child-bearing, and so the women kept to the hospitals, far away from the soldiers.
 
Nervously, Emily took note of the appreciation she garnered, and gathering no hostility, she put on a courageous show of comfort.

“I am happy you are with me, Aloysius.
 
Let us be on our errand,” said Emily.
 
A guard at the open front gate, astonished at their approach, welcomed her.

“Good day, Miss.
 
For what reason do you visit Fort Jennings today?”

“Good day… First Soldier.
 
I’ve come at the behest of Fortcaptain Wingrave.
 
Where might I find him?” she replied.
 
The poor First Soldier had been shocked on many levels; Emily’s purposeful speech, not timid at all, her recognition of his insignia, and that she had been summoned by the very Captain who had trained him.
 
He had standing orders to prevent nonessential women from entering Fort Jennings, but he would be punished if he delayed one of the Captain’s appointments.
 
His obvious confusion drove Emily to produce Capt. Wingrave’s letter.

“Here, I come on behalf of my brother, Swtnt. Worthing.
 
My father is required in business just now, so I will function as the relation.
 
Do you know where I might find the Captain?” she repeated.
 
A passing officer caught the guard’s eye and, in his panic, he shifted the responsibility.

“Barnes, sir!
 
Your assistance, if you please,” said the guard.
 
He explained what Emily wanted, and the man nodded.

“This letter is from the Captain, I’ll show you the way, Miss Worthing, follow me,” said Swofr. Barnes.

“Thanks Swoffy!” said the guard as he saluted his farewell.
 
Barnes grumbled a bit at being the funnel for all trouble in Fort Jennings being that he was Capt. Wingrave’s second.
 
Emily reddened, though luckily Barnes did not see it.
 
Her blushing caught many other eyes along the great halls, until the Swordofficer heard whispers of a “fine lady” from all around him, enough to wake him from his inner reflection.

“That’s enough you lads, she didn’t come here to be gawked at.
 
Are we not assigning you enough duties?” he warned them.

“Give us a break Swoffy, we haven’t seen a tender heart since we left home!” one soldier jeered, safe in numbers.
 
Aloysius rose to his full height and prepared to tongue lash the offender, when Emily stopped him.

“Hands offend, not eyes.
 
I am not bothered,” she said.

“And gracious, too.
 
Marry me, fine lady?” jested another.

“I’ll find you later, Holmes.
 
Please, Miss Worthing, this way,” said Swofr. Barnes, gesturing down a close hall where the admirers could not follow.
 
They complained, but relented.
 
“My apologies, I didn’t know we had forgotten our manners.
 
I’ll inform the Captain of their crude behavior.”

“Please, I meant what I said.
 
If I can remind them, even a little, of someone they have waiting for them, it is no trouble,” said Emily.
 
Swofr. Barnes gave her a puzzled look as he stopped at a large wooden door carved from oak.

Swofr. Barnes knocked twice on the Captain’s door.

“Come in,” called Capt. Wingrave.

“Sir, Swtnt. Worthing’s relation to see you, sir,” said the Swordofficer from just inside the door.

“Send him in,” said Capt. Wingrave, rising from his desk.

“Er, yes… sir,” said
 
Swofr. Barnes, saluting.
 
He vanished through the door, and Capt. Wingrave looked down to make one last note.

“Captain,” said a voice out of memory.
 
His head whipped up to see none other than she, followed by a manservant.

“Emily?”
 
Stunned, the Captain forgot all propriety.

“Excuse us, Aloysius, I will call if I need you,” she said.

“Yes, miss,” he said and closed the door behind him.

“What are you doing here?” Capt. Wingrave inquired with a touch of anger.

“I came to see Peter, and your letter to my father requested that he call on you, so as his proxy, here I am,” said Emily.
 
Elijah was very handsome in uniform, his green coat immaculate and trousers without a wrinkle.

“You should not have come,” he said.
 
His throat caught with bliss at seeing her.

“Oh, I think that I should.
 
You and I have matters that need discussing.”
 
Emily’s former fire sparked in her countenance.
 
“May I sit?”
 
She waved at the piano bench.

“No.
 
You may leave,” he said, marching around his desk to face her.

“You’re being very rude.
 
I have come all this way, and not to be ordered around like one of your officers.”

“I am but moments from giving up the very reason I came here,” he begged, already lost in the bend of her mouth and eyes that held him accountable for every moment of his absence.

“Why did you come here?
 
To hide?
 
Was it for my own good, or yours?” she asked.

“For everyone, to not disgrace my family by leaving them open to exposure, to not disgrace you by asking that you love me outside the confines of an honorable marriage.
 
I came here to protect you, and you would sabotage me by coming into a fort full of men like you were just walking down to Sunday breakfast.
 
You’ve lost none of your boldness,” he said.

“My boldness has only been enhanced by a brutal reminder of mortality, mourning my brother, and then having him rise from the dead.
 
I don’t want to live my life a martyr to your family’s deception.
 
Tell me why I cannot know the secret.
 
Tell me why you don’t trust me,” said Emily.

“It is not my decision.
 
It may be a secret I keep, but I do not own it.
 
It is not mine to tell.”

“So you will never let anyone closer than I am now?
 
You would be a slave to this forever?”
 
Capt. Wingrave’s jaw flexed several times before he could answer.
 
Emily saw his dark temper welling to the surface.

“I will fetch the chaplain this instant and marry you, if it would make you happy,” he said.
 
Phantoms of their many imagined weddings blurred Emily’s vision, erased by the callousness of his offer.

“How dare you impose upon me while half of you still lingers in shadow.”

“I come with shadow!
 
If it is outside the bounds of your acceptance--“

“Why did you bother promising me honesty then?” said Emily.
 

“I tried to give you what I could.
 
I will protect my family’s secret for as long as is needed.”

“Don’t you mean your sister’s secret?” said Emily.
 
Elijah turned a hard eye on her.

“My sister?”

“She owns the secret, does she not?”

“What do you know, Emily?”
 
Suspicion drove him dangerously close to her, within reach.

“Does it matter?
 
The issue is not whether I know, it’s whether you trust me.”

“Answer the question,” he growled.
 
When she did not, Elijah stepped toward her, until Emily raised a hand, which he then caught and used to pull her into him.
 
He kissed her with dizzying passion.
 
Almost immediately, Elijah released her and moved back behind his desk, facing the wall.

“Forgive my impertinence,” he said, low and quiet.

“I know about the engagement, “ said Emily as he turned to look at her, “I know it was broken.
 
And that… there was a child.”
 
All of the color drained from his face, but a quizzical squint drew his brow down.

“Is that all?” he asked.

“Is that all?
 
Can there be more?” said Emily.
 
He gave a short bark of humorless laughter.

“And you still don’t understand the breadth,” he whispered.
 

“Tell me, what else can there be?”
 
In pained desperation, Elijah approached her again.

“Can that be enough?
 
Can you let one detail slip past?
 
So I might tell you I live for you?
 
I would cut my soul open and allow you to examine its essence, if you leave the last of the secret alone.
 
I would marry you, and we could live, side by side, with no reproach.
 
You know enough to satisfy.
 
Can I at last tell you how much I love--“

“No!
 
I will not consent if there is anything else.
 
I will not enter into a union in which my husband would hide things from me,” said Emily.
 
Tears flowed down her face.
 
Elijah blotted them with the back of his hand.

“I would give you everything I have,” he whispered.

“Why should I believe you?
 
You promised to be honest with me, and yet secrets have tied up your tongue,” said Emily.

“Please…don’t look at me that way.
 
If you knew how I long to tell you everything…
 
Can you forgive me for the sake of happiness?
 
Will you wed me with the understanding that you know all that makes up my character?”

“What kind of a marriage would this be that it must start with forgiveness for the unimaginable pain you have caused me?
 
Your secrets nearly destroyed everything that I love,
 
and your selfish flight to hide behind the shield of duty lends me no security in your promises,” said Emily.
 
Elijah’s hope and expression went limp.

“If you truly believe nothing I say, it is of no use.”
 
Emily scoffed at his offense.

“Mary aside, you still kept secrets, Captain.”

“Have you ever held a dying man in your arms?
 
Would you want to remember his last whispered reference to your rank every time someone addressed you?
 
Whatever has convinced you of malice on my part, I have nothing more to communicate to you except my apologies to your parents that Swtnt. Worthing went through such an ordeal.
 
He has made his Captain, and his country proud.
 
Good day, Miss Worthing.”

“Dismissed like an errand boy?
 
A person you just asked to be your equal?”

“No, no, Emily Worthing has no equal in this room, for I have sinned.
 
Add disrespect of a superior to my lofty pile of charges.”

“These are the last words you would speak to me?”

“You’ve cast aside my feelings as if I haven’t suffered every day since leaving Reddester.
 
My civility ran out at the first farewell.
 
Leave, and never think of me again,” he said.

Though her body moved, Emily’s heart was stationery, stuck to the spot where she lost it.

Emily and Bridget stayed near Fort Jennings until Peter could get out of bed regularly.
 
One by one his bandages were removed, and at last he was given a patch for his eye which would take the longest to mend.
 
Luckily, he had not lost his sight.
 
Emily knocked on his door the day he was to be released.

“Come in,” called Peter.
 
She pushed the door wide.

“Peter, I--“
 
Her voice failed her when Peter’s visitor stood from his seat.

“Good day to you both.
 
Worthing, I’ll see you at the fort,” said Capt. Wingrave.

“Aye, sir,” said Peter.
 
Emily swallowed when Elijah passed by her with nary a glance.