Prophecy (42 page)

“He did
not
fight for
me
,” I interrupted at once, refusing to let even Lorand say something like that. “He fought for his own reasons, and I simply happened to be a part of it. If you’ll cast your mind back, you’ll remember that he no longer wants to have anything to do with me because he’s afraid that things won’t go perfectly between us. He’s right to think that they won’t, but that’s the only thing he’s right about.”

“Look, he has every reason to be afraid,” Lorand ground out, now glaring at me. “When something means more to you than your own life, you get a bit crazy at the thought of losing it. It’s worse when you keep losing the thing and getting it back, losing it and getting it back, over and over, but now something seems to have changed. It’s possible that Vallant has reached the point of refusing to worry about it any longer. He wants what he wants, and if someone tries to keep him from having it he’ll simply shove them out of his way. Do you really want him to treat you like
that
?”

“Let him try—if he wants another really close shave,” I said, now having to force myself to sound absolutely confident. “I’m tired of playing these games with him, and he’ll find that out if he tries to bother me. Aside from that, let’s drop the subject. I really don’t care to have my appetite ruined.”

And with that I went back to my food, ignoring the glare Lorand continued to send in my direction. For some reason I was more disturbed than I’d been in quite a while, even though I had no time for disturbance. In just a few hours we’d be facing our sworn enemies for the second time, and thoughts about
that
had to take precedence over everything else.

The rest of the meal went by in welcome silence, but it was clear that Lorand still wasn’t pleased with me when I got up and left the room. Well, he wasn’t the only one who wasn’t pleased, I thought as I made my slow way back to the room I’d slept in. I hadn’t been lying the various times I’d said how much I loved Vallant, but that love seemed to be firm and sure only when
he
was backing away from it. Hearing that he might become actively interested again had frightened me on some level, throwing me right back to the way I’d been before all the changes. And I didn’t
want
to be back there, not for any reason…

I walked into the room and swung the door closed behind me, hating the confusion I suddenly found myself floundering around in. It was absurd to think that I still hadn’t gotten over being afraid of having a man find me attractive, just as though nothing had—

“Tamrissa.”

I whirled around at the sound of my name, actually having to stop myself from using my talent without thinking. He sat in one of the chairs the room held, and when I’d come in I’d walked right past him without seeing him. A small tingle of … nervousness rather than fear tiptoed across my nerve endings when he stood up, even though he took not a single step toward me. It was Vallant, of course, and I would have been happier if it had been the entire Seated Five instead.

“I hope you’ll excuse my bargin’ in, but it’s time for us to do some talkin’ again,” he said, those very blue eyes staring straight at me. “I came here rather than tryin’ to speak to you somewhere else so that the conversation can be private. We don’t need everyone knowin’ what’s goin’ on between us.”

“Nothing is going on between us,” I said, having taken a very firm grip on myself. “You decided that you’renot in the least interested in me and I agreed that that was best, so there’s nothing left for either of us to say. With that in view, I’d like you to leave this room.”

“I never said I wasn’t interested in you,” he disagreed, ignoring the rest of what I’d told him. “I said I couldn’t face the idea of havin’ you turn your back on me again, not when every time you do a part of me dies. That side of it hasn’t changed, but I’ve recently discovered somethin’ I hadn’t fully understood: when I’m not near you, I might as well be dead anyway. You bring color and taste to my world with delight and fury, happiness and despair, patience and annoyance, laughter and tears. I wish I’d never met you and I wish I’d known you all my life, and when you feel
that
way about someone you have no chance of ever walkin’ away from them.”

“I don’t want to hear that you’ve changed your mind again,” I said, turning my back toward him as my insides really began to tremble. “You’renot the only one who has been dying a piece at a time, and I won’t put up with it any longer. We just have to stay together long enough to take care of the Five and get the empire out of the clutches of the nobility, and then we never have to see each other again. Our Blending is needed to win the war, not to rule.”

“Yes, I noticed that myself,” he murmured, and now he
had
moved a couple of steps closer. “And it’s also likely that we won’t be
wanted
to run the empire. There’s a big difference between addin’ a talent to a group that soothes and balances them, and addin’ one that lets them see into the future. A lot of people will be even more afraid of us now, so chances are
we
won’t want to stay either. But if you go off all by yourself, you’ll be as alone again as you used to be. Meerk left the house last night after the fight, and Jovvi believes he might not come back again.”

That was something I already knew, as I’d tried to find Alsin after the fight to see if he was all right. I hadn’t needed Jovvi to tell me how horribly humiliated the man felt after having lost to his greatest rival in the most basic way possible—and in front of so many people. He’d broken his promise about not letting himself be drawn into a fight, and he’d paid for it with the sort of defeat he couldn’t have been expecting. If he rejoined our forces at all, it would be among those who weren’t part of
our
immediate group.

“You’d better understand that if you ever took off all by yourself, I’d have to come lookin’ for you,” Vallant said, now no more than a step or two behind me. “I know nothin’ would be likely to harm you, but loneliness is somethin’ even the strongest talent in the world can’t fight and win against. I’m not tryin’ to deny that the trouble between us is mostly my fault, but part of it is yours as well. If we both agree to that, we won’t have to face a fight with an opponent we can’t best.”

“Better that than constantly wondering when your mind will change the next time,” I said without thinking, now simply speaking what I felt. “I know I have my problems and that it’s hard for others to put up with them, but that’s all part of who I am. I’ve finally realized that no matter how strong I get I’ll never be rid of some of those problems, so to picture me without them is to see someone other than
me
. And that’s who you’relooking for, Vallant, someone who won’t keep getting you upset. Since that someone isn’t me, I really would like you to leave.”

“The only reason I keep gettin’ ‘upset’ is because of how much you mean to me,” he replied heavily. “And because we all want to think of the person we love as bein’ perfect, you’reright about me seein’ someone other than the real you. I’ve been seein’ a woman who would understand and put up with my own problems, not another human bein’ who had troubles of her own. I can promise that that won’t happen again, because I’ve finally gotten over seein’ you as perfect.”

I could hear the tentative grin in his voice, a clear attempt to lighten the mood. I felt a pang of memory over the times we’d joked between ourselves, but those times were a long way behind us.

“Then you should understand more easily why I’m not prepared to change
my
mind the way you keep changing yours,” I said, refusing to join in the lightness. “Besides, mind-changing is supposed to be a woman’s prerogative, not a man’s, so you’ve been stepping over the line in more ways than one. And this is the last time I’m going to be polite about asking you to leave.”

“If you’renot the stubbornnest woman ever to have lived, I’d have to see another one to believe it,” he growled, obviously not very pleased with me. “And don’t you
dare
try claimin’ you haven’t been doin’ your own share of mind-changin’. Or wasn’t that you spendin’ all your time on the road workin’ to lure me back into your bed? It surely looked like you.”

“That was when I still thought you were someone worth
having
in my bed,” I retorted, finally turning to face him again despite the warmth I felt in my cheeks. “It took a while to realize I was wrong, but I’ve finally learned the lesson well enough not to forget it again. Now: are you leaving on your own, or do you need help getting started?”

“The only help I need is with livin’, and although only the Highest Aspect knows why, you
are
the one I need that help from.”

Those very light blue eyes stared down at me as he spoke, and the strong male beauty of his features brought me another pang. His long blond hair didn’t happen to be tied back today, and the faint mark left on his cheek from last night’s fight added to his handsomeness rather than detracted from it. But his appearance was only the way I recognized the man I’d learned to love because of what was inside him—and the man I’d also learned to hate
because
of that love.

“Don’t try to claim that I didn’t warn you,” I said, forcing myself to stay with the position I
knew
was best. If I let him get close again, I’d have only myself to blame when the pain returned.

So I reached out with my talent, intending to show him again that I wasn’t a woman he could bully and impose upon. A very thin curtain of fire would drive him back a few steps, and if he still refused to leave I was prepared to redden his skin a bit. Not enough to incapacitate him for the coming fight with our enemies, but enough to get him to leave me alone. The curtain flared into being between us—and promptly hissed and sputtered into nothingness.

“I love you, Tamrissa, and I won’t give up because I know that you love me as well,” he said softly as my eyes widened with shock, his arms reaching out and gently pulling me close to him. “I won’t let you drive me away again, no matter what you do.”

Panic touched me as his lips lowered toward mine, so I tried to apply my flames to those lips. It would have done the job of driving him back, but this time I could
feel
the water quenching my fire. And then he was in the midst of kissing me, something I’d been dreaming about ever since we’d parted. I loved him so much and wanted him so badly… How could anyone human have continued to hold back…?

The kiss lasted an incredibly long time, and for all that time I held to him with every ounce of strength in my body. I never wanted to let him go again, feeling the same thing coming from him in the way his arms crushed me to his chest. We were two halves making a whole again, and when the kiss began to end I was more than ready to go on to other things.

“I have to compliment you on your strategy and tactics,” I whispered breathlessly when our lips finally parted. “Starting our discussion here, where there’s a bed handy… The confidence you had in yourself was justified.”

“It wasn’t confidence, it was stupidity,” he answered with a groan, still holding me tight. “The men leadin’ our other groups began to get here early this mornin’, and they’renow waitin’ for me to join the discussion of how we’ll be approachin’ the palace. They were takin’ a few minutes to have tea and a snack before we got started, but I saw you in the dinin’ room and knew you were almost through eatin’. Decidin’ to wait for you here in your room happened without my thinkin’, and now I’m payin’ for bein’ an idiot.”

“You deserve it, for making me pay right along with you,” I grumbled, pushing back away from him. “You’rethe most exasperating man I know and I really do hate you, and if you aren’t back here the instant that meeting is over I swear I’ll roast you alive in your own juices.”

“You’realready doin’ that,” he returned with a wry grin, then bent to touch my lips with his. “And if this isn’t the shortest strategy session the world has ever seen, it certainly won’t be
my
fault. Make sure you don’t wander off.”

I made a noise to show how likely
that
was, then watched as he forced himself to leave. I knew I was being an idiot for taking him back, but my only hope of keeping him away was also keeping his hands and lips off me. Once that attempt had failed I’d been done for, although the level of his talent strength still surprised me. He hadn’t been able to do the same only a very short while ago, and now I had no choice but to take him back.

So I sat down to wait while daydreaming about how wonderful it would be to be held in his arms again while he made love to me, and a certain amount of time passed without my noticing. A knock at the door brought me back to the world, making me wonder why the big fool would knock. I hurried over and opened the door, fully intending to ask the question, but it wasn’t Vallant who stood there.

“Are you ready, Tamrissa?” Rion asked with a smile, Naran standing beside him as usual and wearing the same smile. “It’s been decided that we’ll have to leave earlier than we expected to, if we’reto get through the crowds of people who have gathered in front of the palace. Apparently someone spread the word of our ultimatum to the Five, and the entire city has turned out to see what happens.”

I felt tempted to say that the Five—along with the entire city—could wait a little longer without it killing them, but that wouldn’t have gotten me what I’d been dreaming about. Even if I’d been able to drag Vallant out from the middle of all that planning, knowing everyone stood around waiting for us to be finished would have ruined the mood completely. There was nothing for it but to shrug and say of course I was ready, and then follow Rion and Naran toward where everyone else was.

But considering the foul mood I’d been thrown into, I began to pity those five poor fools in the palace. And also to wonder, now that our reconciliation had been delayed, whether it would be Vallant or me who had a change of mind next time…

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

Lorand sat his horse with as much patience as he could muster, wondering if everyone in the city
had
turned out to watch what would happen. Despite the cloudiness and threat of rain the crowds were enormous, and the guardsman part of their group was having a hard time getting them through those crowds. The guard members had wanted to use the same sort of uncaring force they used to use, and wouldn’t have been pleased with the Blending’s refusal if they’d been allowed to still have feelings of their own. But at the moment they just obeyed orders, and made a careful way through the throng.