Pseudo (9 page)

“You know, Dmitry, I have to be honest with you that while I believe what you are saying is possible, I am skeptical that we will be able to live in freedom. We may end up constantly feeling we need to look over our shoulders, drive in bulletproof vehicles, etc. I am certain the CIA is going to be after both of us and in particular me. This could go on for some years or the rest of our lives. They would have two motivations for doing so; the first would be due to the security of information I have. The second would more or less be revenge or a vendetta against me simply because I will be crossing very powerful people. The people in charge of things there do not take such actions very lightly – they take them as a personal affront and will take severe and desperate moves to get their revenge even if it means violating firmly established rules of protocol.”

“I think you are correct that we will be being hunted for some time. That could be a year or years but it will not be for the rest of our lives. I can guarantee that.”

“How can you be so certain? Are you just screwing with my head and saying what you think I would like to hear?” exclaimed Elizabeth.

“Whoa, whoa, Elizabeth relax! I do not just fucking say something to you or anyone just because it sounds nice. That is not the sort of man that I am. You should know and will come to know even better that I have many, many connections in Russia and many other countries. By utilizing these connections or allies I have been able to accomplish my own security and will be able to accomplish the security of you and our children. Yes, it is going to be more difficult and we may not be able to travel out of Russia for a while but I am confident we will be able to have our freedom again.”

While Elizabeth was in fact worried that they were going to be caught and stopped by the CIA, she knew that the only option she had was to at least try as her only other option was to continue the life she had been living. She felt that was impossible now that she had met Dmitry and knew what her life would be like with him and how truly happy she would be.

“Alright, my love, I am sorry for being obnoxious. I know that the only choice we have is to try and I am willing to risk everything in trying to be with you,” said Elizabeth as she grabbed Dmitry’s hand.

“I know that and that is why I am putting everything I have accomplished in my life on the line.  My life without you, without even at least knowing I had done everything I could to be with you, would be miserable. Now that I’ve known how truly happy I can be, I am not willing to go back to the transparent life I was living of night clubs, transitory relationships and only material wealth. I want to have and need to have a life that is full of meaning and which is something to be passed on to generations of my family. I feel I still have a chance to turn around the bad that I have done sufficiently to merit being acclaimed as a good man who helped society.”

“Dmitry, you are a good man. I don’t know everything about you yet I look in your eyes and see you – you, a kind man,” said Elizabeth as tears welled up in her eyes. “I just want everything to go as planned.”

“It will, Elizabeth, it will,” replied Dmitry.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

“Juan, how the fuck do you know these kinds of places exist and how to find them?” exclaimed Max shortly after he and Juan entered a bar with topless waitresses.

“Max, I have been around. Let’s just leave it at that. Here, let’s sit down there,” replied Juan indicating a table in the corner of the bar which gave them a good view of the establishment – serving two purposes: their viewing enjoyment as well as security in the event of someone having found out who they were. Juan could not help but think with very small security details; that was how he survived the Colombian cartel world – he paid attention to every detail, predicated any possible attack and prepared to deal with it ahead of time. Therefore, Max was quite accustomed going along with Juan’s requests whenever they went out somewhere. If he did not, then a long conversation as to why Juan had some rule would ensue.

As they sat down, a waitress came by to take their orders. Juan ordered a margarita and Max ordered a beer. A few minutes later she came back with their drinks. “What time do you get off work tonight my dear?” asked Juan with a cavalier attitude.

The waitress was in fact very beautiful with long, straight brown hair, naturally tan skin and big brown eyes. “Sir, I do not know why you want to know that since I do not even know your name or the name of your friend. All you see is my breasts and nothing beyond that. I do not go home with customers but thank you for your innuendo of offer.” At that she left their table.

“Looks like Señor Duarte will not be getting any love tonight!” exclaimed Max with a smirk on his face, knowing he would simply go to a brothel but Juan would not consider doing that. Juan had explained to him once that he had lived the life of using prostitutes and that he was most certainly done with that. In Juan’s mind, he was now a more honest man in terms of his relationships with women; he could not and would not face the fact that he continually betrayed the trust of his wife, Elizabeth. As anyone who commits many harmful acts does, Juan invented many reasons for his actions –some even seemed logical. However the one person he could never get to accept his justifications, no matter how hard he might try, was himself. Juan could feel the petrification of not only his marriage with Elizabeth but of himself spiritually. Nonetheless he continued attempting to lay his head down on his pillow, night after night in the hope that he would awake the next day as a new man with a clean conscience – a moment that never came to him and never would.

“Max, look, I don’t need to have a woman tonight. I am just going to have some drinks, chat it up with people here at the bar and then get a good night’s rest so we will be ready to go in the morning,” said Juan as he downed a shot of tequila.

“Say what you will and do what you want Juan but I will be spending some time this evening with a lady. I am not ashamed to admit that I have to pay for it.” At that Max downed the rest of his vodka and left the bar.

Now that Max was gone, Juan looked around the bar to find someone that he could socialize with – even if it was just another guy drinking the night away. Just to his right, there was a man who seemed to be alone with two empty glasses and one half empty in hand. “Hey, what’s your name?” asked Juan.

“My name is Adam. Not that it matters much anymore. Life sucks and the more I live it, the more I become convinced,” replied the man as he took another sip of his drink.

“I see. Well, I am Juan. I don’t think life sucks. It is not always easy and I am not always happy – in fact, most of the time I am not really happy. But, I am happy to be alive at least. That is something that one can always be happy and thankful for.”

“Man, you have an optimistic outlook on life. I work at an investment firm in New York. Came down here on business and not only did I fail to land the deal I was sent down here for, my fiancé of three years called me – fucking called – to tell me she was ending it and moving to Europe,” said Adam throwing his hands in the air at the end of his sentence.

“I’m sorry to hear that man. I hope things go better for you. I really do,” replied Juan putting his hand on the man’s shoulder for a moment to console him.

“Anyway, yeah, my life sucks. What about yours?”

“Well, I cannot say that mine is half bad. I am here on business. I own a dental product production facility. My wife works for the government and is also on business. Coincidentally, we also live in New York. Here is my card. Look me up when you get back to the US and you can come over for dinner with my wife and I. Hopefully things are looking up for you then but either way, do look me up,” said Juan as he handed one of his cards to Adam.

“Okay, I’ll take you up on that offer. Most of the friends that we have in New York are mutual friends. Pretty fuckin’ weird to be hanging out with them right after breaking up our engagement. It would be good to have some new friends. I have other buddies but they are in California. I went to USC San Diego so a lot of my college buddies are still in San Diego or other areas of California.”

Juan looked at his watch and saw it was nearing eleven. “Well, I could stay here and console this guy, drink away his sorrows with him. Or, I could head back to my hotel and get a good night of sleep. I wonder what Elizabeth is doing right now,” Juan thought.

“Juan, you don’t have to stay here with me – I am going to be fine. You didn’t know me until now so don’t feel responsible for staying with me or something,” said Adam as he indicated to the bar tender that he wanted another drink.

“Adam, I do not feel responsible for you. I’m quite sure you will be just fine as long as you remember where you are staying and know enough not to end up sleeping in the gutter. My hesitation is as to whether or not I just want to keep hanging out in this bar or if I would rather go back to my hotel and get to bed early. I have an important business transaction to complete tomorrow and want to make sure I am with it,” replied Juan.

“Oh, okay, well then don’t let me stop you either way.”

Juan thought for a moment and then told the bar tender “One margarita please.”

“Well, I guess you’re sticking around tonight,” said Adam as he extended his glass towards Juan’s.

“Yeah, it can’t hurt to stick around for a while longer.”

“So, what do you do for work again?”

“I own a company that produces dental products – pretty good business.”

“Yeah, I bet. There is never a shortage of people with dental problems, right?”

“Yep. That is what keeps my bank account full!”

“You know, Juan, I think I am in the wrong business. I went into the corporate world hoping to move up the ladder and make big money - not because it was what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a musician but my father and grandfather were both big shots in the business arena and of course, I was to follow in their footsteps or be the family outcast.”

“I’m sorry you’ve had to be in that position my friend.  Look, I have not always been in the dental product manufacturing business; I had another business prior to that which I built up and there were certain things expected of me. Things that I was expected to continue to do in my life.”

“Like what?” asked Adam.

“Things I cannot talk about with you or that I do not care to share with most people. Let’s just say that they were not very orthodox business affairs and that was exactly why I wanted to get out of that circle.”

“I see.”

“But the point is that I wanted to get out of it despite the fact that it was expected that I remain in it. It took dedication and a bit of time but I did in fact get out of it and have built myself a good life. There is no reason you cannot do the same in your life. You said you had wanted to be a musician – you should figure out how you can do that and do it. Fuck the status quo of your family.”

“Wow. Wow. You’re the first person that has ever told me something like that. Every friend that I’ve had has always told me to follow what my father said so I don’t piss him off and fuck up my inheritance.”

“In the end of the day, you’re answerable to yourself and no one else. Who cares how much money you have if you’re not happy?” exclaimed Juan.

“I’ve never thought of it that way but you know, it’s true. Look at me! I have a considerable amount of money now and stand to inherit a good amount more but I’m fuckin’ miserable!”

As Juan continued to give advice to Adam, he started to face the fact that he was not happy with his life; even though he had gotten out of drug trafficking to have a happy and fulfilling life, he only went into another criminal way of life and was again truly unhappy himself.

“Look, man, even though you cannot tell me what business you were in before I do respect that you were able to get out of it and do something that makes you happy,” said Adam looking at Juan with admiration.

“Adam, just remember that we are all hypocrites in one way or another,” replied Juan taking another sip of his drink.

Adam was thrown off by Juan’s statement “I don’t get what you – I mean, I don’t know why you are saying that.”

“I’m just telling you that – fuck it! I don’t know what I am telling you. I’m still not living a happy life. It’s true that I left the business I had previously but I do have other similar businesses that I am doing on the side and it eats at me every moment of every day. I am a hypocrite,” replied Juan as he got up from his chair and left the bar. 

Juan exited the bar and headed down the street. He looked at his watch and saw it was late. He was not only unsure of returning to his hotel or not but what he was going to do with his life. Every so often, he would start to realize what he had done with his life and regret it. Walking down the street, looking at all the people he passed by, knowing that almost everyone he saw had likely lived a more honest and ethical life than he had. He soon found an old bench by a bus stop and sat down to think. As he sat down, he saw an old church across the street and thought: “God has been there to guide me in the past. There is no reason he will not guide me now.”

As he entered the old church, he saw a few people scattered on the pews praying. He proceeded towards the front right-hand side of the church and sat down. He grabbed a rosary and began to pray.

Years back, when Juan had decided to leave the drug world, it was after he had gone to a church to pray and felt God had given him a message that he would be guided and protected if he made the right decision. Following that and his successful departure from the drug world, he was an avid Catholic, attended Mass every Sunday and went to a church to pray nearly every other day. That all stopped when he joined Dmitry’s group. Though he would not admit it, he was not able to walk into a church and look at the priest and face God. That evening was his first time in a church for many years. 

He broke down in tears mid his prayer, “God, I’ve let you down. I don’t know how to change my ways. I feel that I no longer know how to be a really honest man. The only time I was happy in my life was when I listened to you; you gave me your guidance and I’ve failed you.”

Juan’s sobbing was so strong that he attracted the attention of a priest passing through. “My son, God hears your cries and feels your suffering. Come, do Confession. You will feel relief and receive forgiveness from God,” said the priest in Spanish as he put his hand gently on Juan’s shoulder.

“Father, I did not come here for Confession; I only wanted to talk to God and be on my way.”

“Very well, it is your choice. Know that relief from your burdens is obtainable by doing Confession,” replied the priest as he stood up to leave Juan.

Juan remained sitting a while longer. He felt nothing but regret concerning his life and the things he had done. “I am beyond God’s power to redeem,” thought Juan. After ten minutes had passed, Juan left the church, walked about five blocks and caught a taxi. “To the Marriott Suites please,” Juan asked the driver.

It was around 12:30am by the time Juan got to his hotel room. Max had not arrived back yet; he was still at a brothel about five miles from the hotel. Juan was worried that Max would stay out really late, not get enough sleep and mess something up on their job the next day. So he grabbed his phone and sent Max a text: “Max, you need to get back here and get some rest tonight. Big day tomorrow. Can’t afford to have you out of it because you stayed up in some brothel all night long.” After sending the text, Juan kicked off his shoes, sat down on his bed and turned on the TV to the local news.