Pure Illusion (22 page)

The Beginning
Of
Broken Promises & Red Assurances

My
head hangs down and my dark hair conceals my face. I stare down at my red Converses
as my back droops against Hunter’s locker. He hasn’t called me or came to visit
me in weeks since that bathroom scene occurred. If he can’t return my calls,
then this is how we have to communicate
—
in front of prying at eyes at
school.

Falcon
leans next to me. “You shouldn’t do this to yourself, Izzy. Hunter’s a dick.
C’mon. I’ll walk you to Biology.”

I
shake my head. “I have to stay here.”

“He
only wants to embarrass you. Don’t give him that satisfaction.”

“He’s
already won. I don’t care who sees my desperation…I just need to talk to him.”

“You’re
gonna be late for class. He’s probably in English right now, laughing his ass
off.”

“Falcon, please.
I need to talk
to him. He was my best friend a month ago, and he’d die for me. He told me that
a lot. Now I mean nothing to him. I don’t understand. What did I do wrong,
Falcon?”The red that colors my shoes is now blurry from tears.

Falcon
throws an arm over my shoulders, pressing his forehead to the side of my
temple. “Nothing’s wrong with you, Izzy. You’re perfect in my eyes. I just
wished you’d believed that. I always liked you, but never could venture into
that area because of Hunter. You were his. That was plain and simple for
everyone to witness. You’re not anymore.” Flacon’s words are like an anchor on
my chest. Fat tears drop from my eyes and land on the tips of my shoes, rolling
down the sides. He takes a hold of my hand, lacing our fingers together. “I
like being your friend. Do you like being my friend?”

I
nod, wiping my nose with the sleeve of my arm.

“Good,
because I was thinking that we make a fantastic pair. I want more, though. I’m
greedy, right? Nothing’s ever enough…but you might be.”

My
gaze tentatively meets his. “What are you talking about, Falcon.”

I
watch in fascination as his pretty lips curve into a gleaming smile.

He
looks amazing when he smiles.

He
looks amazing when he frowns.

Falcon
is just amazing period.

I’m
struck with a sudden illness.

My
stomach hurts.

Falcon
pushes off the locker, pinning my body with his bigger one. My breath catches
in my throat as I feel every tight ridge and every contour of him. My hands
grasp his shoulders for balance as I peer into the purest of all browns. His
eyes are just as amazing as he is.

My
teeth sink into my bottom lip as he leans closer. “What are you doing?”

“Making
you my girlfriend, Izzy,” he whispers before kissing me. My mouth opens in gasp
and he slides his tongue inside my mouth. In complete shock, I freeze against
him. He chuckles, pulling away to stare into my wide eyes. Students stroll by
and whisper to one another, giggling and laughing at us. My face flushes and I
hide in Falcon’s chest, clutching him closer. “I would apologize but it
wouldn’t be genuine, though. I like kissing you. I’m going to like it even more
when you don’t clam up on me.”

I
squeeze my eyes shut. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t
apologize, Isabel. We’re gonna go slow.” He brings my hand that’s still
interlocked with his to his mouth and kisses my fingers. “I promise. I’ll never
hurt you like he hurt you. I’ll be everything you wanted him to be. We can be
that for each other.”

My
heart feels like it’s trying to pound its way out of my chest as I open my eyes
to Falcon. I recognize that sickening feeling now that settles in the pit of my
stomach; it’s the same nauseous feeling I got when I first met Hunter, when I
realized I loved him in a way I would never not love him.

“I
think I’m falling for you,” I quickly admit without thinking twice about it.

“That
makes the both of us,” he says, grinning. Falcon looks more amazing when he
grins.

“It’s
safe to fall.”

His
eyes lazily roam my face in such a way my heart feels like it could explode and
his brows knit together. “What?”

“It’s
safe to be who I am with you; it’s safe to crumble into insignificant pieces in
front of you. You’ve been with me every day for the past few weeks…even when I
didn’t want you there because I was dying. But through the smoke and rubble,
here you stand. That lets me know you’ll always be here for me, even when
you’re not here for me.”

“What
are you talking about?” he says through his grin.

“I’ll
be able to depend on you when we’re not together,” I explain.

His
grin vanishes. “We’ll always be together.”

I
shake my head. “Nothing is forever, Falcon. Not even you and me.” I learned
this lesson when my father killed himself and left me, my mom, and Tyler.
 

“Isabel.”
I stiffen the second I hear Hunter’s voice. My eyes flicker over to him. He
stands on the left side of me, mouth pressed in a thin line and fists tightly
clenched at his sides. His beautiful face is twisted with rage. Falcon slowly
backs away from me. I cautiously make my way to Hunter.

I
reach up on the tips of my toes and smooth the worried lines between his brows.
“We need to talk,” I whisper.

My
body tenses more when I flinch from the late bell ringing.
“Yeah.
We need to talk,” Hunter agrees, never taking his eyes away from Falcon.

Falcon
lifts a brow at Hunter.

Hunter’s
jaw ticks.

Reaching
down, I take Hunter’s hand in my, entwining our fingers like I’ve done
countless times before. “Come,
lets
converse. I know a
perfect place.” I tug on his arm and he reluctantly follows. The halls are
entirely empty, so pulling him into the girls’ bathroom is not much of a
challenge.

He
stares down our joined hands once we’re in. “What’s wrong with you. You haven’t
been over. You haven’t called…What did I do wrong?”

“Everything,”
he whispers, his gaze still aimed at our hands.

My
brows furrow. The straps of my blue backpack slid down my shoulders and the
weight of all my heavy textbooks threatens to drag me down. “What?”

“We
can’t be friends anymore. You’ve messed everything up. You always mess
everything up. I don’t need to be around you. I don’t want to be around you,”
he says to our hands.

“I
don’t get it.”

His
sky blue eyes lift up to mine with a sudden violent disgust that I’ve never
seen from him before. “What do you not get, Isabel? The part when I said, ‘we
can’t be friends’? Or the part when I said, ‘I don’t want to be around you’?
Please explain so I can elaborate.”

I
tug our linked hands and place them over my thundering heart, so he can feel my
erratic pulse beat against his skin. “This isn’t you…you love me. We love each
other. We’d die for each other, remember? Do you remember what you said, what
you promised when my dad died?” Hunter nods, but I remind him anyway. “You said
loving you would never hurt. You said you would be there no matter what. You
promised we would make it through together and come out stronger in the end.”

He
tilts his head and clenches his jaw as he watches tears stream down my cheeks.
“I’ve broke so many promises already. It’s good I’m cutting you
loose
. You’re free. It’s nothing but misery and pain on the
road I’m headed. I’m already a fuckup. Look at what I’ve saved you from. You
should be grateful, Isabel.” His tone is mocking and sad.

I
release his hand, pressing his palm flat against my raging heart. “I’ll accept
misery; I’ll accept pain…but I cannot accept you leaving. Don’t save me. If
hell is where you’re headed, then count me in for the ride, too
.
You are
where I want to be.”

His
free hand settles on my lower back, pushing my body into his. He rests his
forehead on mine, shutting his eyes. “You’ll always leave your mark on my soul,
Isabel. But we can’t be together. We are not meant to be together. If you truly
love me the way you say you do, then let me let you go. Don’t make this more
difficult than it needs to be.”

“It
does not have to be difficult, Hunter. Please. We can work through this. I’m
positive about it. We’re stronger together than apart.”

“I
can’t love you anymore,” he declares in a stern, finality voice.

“Impossible,”
I whisper ever so softly.
“You cannot not love me anymore.”

“But
I don’t love you anymore, Isabel. Don’t you get it? It was only a matter of
time before your fairytale came crashing down; its better this happened now
rather than later. You’re not good enough for me. Let’s face it. You’re
average, and that’s pushing it.” He opens his eyes, cradling my face in his
hands. “Don’t you want me to have better? Don’t I deserve better, Isabel?”

“You
deserve the world,” I say barely audible.

His
fingers dig into the sides of my face. It hurts but the pain in my chest feels far
worse. “Then give me that by leaving me alone. When we walk past each other,
don’t even glance my way. I promise I’ll do the same. Let’s pretend me and you
never happened.”

My
fingers fist in his shirt. “But we did happen. We did, Hunter.” My throat feels
so raw but I force the next words out. “Whatever I did, I’m sorry. If you just
tell me…maybe I can fix it. I can fix this. Just let me fix this. Please. I’ll
give you everything I have. I promise.” I yank him close and bury my wet face
in his chest. “Don’t leave. Please don’t leave me. Whatever you do, please
don’t leave me. I’m sorry. I love you.”

He
takes a clumsy step back; his heart is beating super fast like mine. I only
move with him, like I’m an attached piece. I am an attached piece
—
an extra limb
that he doesn’t need any more
.
Then there is pressure on my wrists, so
much pressure that I look up.

His
eyes are watery and transparent, it’s like I can swim in them and die
absolutely happy.
“’Bye, Isabel.”
He leans forward and
places a gentle kiss on the tip of my nose. My hands fall from his shirt. The
vision of him walking away is obscured by the tears that roll down my cheeks.

I’m
all alone now.

No
more Hunter.

No
more hearing his laugh.

No
more watching him when he smiles.

No
more feeling him breathe into me.

No
more relief.

No
more us.

In
pure rage, I toss my backpack off and sling it against the door. It bounces off
and lands on the floor with a loud thud. I stalk into the large handicap stall
at the very end, slamming and locking the door behind me. It feels like a
boulder is crushing my chest. No matter how many countless deep inhales I gulp
down, it’s never enough to satisfy the ache in my lungs. It hurts to breathe. I
need some kind of relief of this unbearable grief.

Taking
my father’s Swiss knife from my pocket and with fumbling fingers, I roll the
left sleeve of my navy cardigan and drag the razor-sharp tip of the knife
across my flash inside my wrist. The pain from my cut radiates throughout my
body in scorching waves as my skin separates—leaving a thin bleeding horizontal
line in its wake. The feeling I get from it is instant ecstasy. The blade drops
from my hand, clinging against the tile. My legs give way and I collapse on my
knees, gasping and convulsing and sobbing. Blood travels down my arm and leaks
from my fingertips. I sigh in relief, staring at the small droplets of wet
scarlet that lies scattered around me like shattered promises and broken
dreams.

Two Halves
Of
A
Whole

The
muted morning sunshine filters through the white flowy drapes. Groaning, I wipe
the sleep from my eyes. I’m alone, but the bathroom door is ajar. Fragrant
steam floats through the sliver of space. Someone is in the shower. When the
water stops I close my eyes, playing possum. If I see Hunter and Candy walk out
the bathroom together, I don’t think I would be able to keep my sanity a second
longer.

Footsteps
shuffle against the dark grey carpet. There’s a pause before Hunter pounces on
the bed. I say Hunter because even with my eyes closed tight I know his touch
and the scent of his body. I know him so well I’m positive I can distinguish
him from others in my sleep. He drags his damp body up mines, wedging his hips
between my legs. Hunter nuzzles his face in the crook of my neck and deeply
inhales. The strands of his wet hair tickle my collarbone.

I
slowly open my eyes.
“Good morning to you, too.”

“Morning, baby.
You sleep
okay?”

Holding
my breath for a moment, I try to control the shiver that ripples down my spine.
Hunter lips move across my neck—right below my earlobe as he speaks. “Yeah, I
slept okay. Did you sleep okay?”

He
kisses my neck before he brings his face to my line of sight. Hunter gives me a
shy, impish smile that makes my heart stutter. “I can’t complain.”

“I
bet,” I mutter, smiling too. I vaguely wonder if my morning breath is horrid
and if I have dried drool crusted on the sides of my face. He’s so very close
to me, but he doesn’t seem to mind if I do. Reaching up, I sift through his
damp hair, loving the feel of its silkiness. “You’re being sweet to me today.
What tragedy am I in for?”

His
brows knit together but he still smiles when he asks, “Why can’t I be sweet to
you without an ulterior motive.”

I
hold his face in my hands, gazing into dancing blue eyes.
“Because
that’s not you.”

“You
would be surprised,” he murmurs, lowering his head to kiss me. I tense and keep
my lips clamped tight when his tongue nudges entrance into my mouth. His hands
glide underneath the shirt I have on, up my hips and travels up my stomach. He
cups my breasts, running the pad of his thumbs against my harden nipples. I
gasp and Hunter thrusts his refreshing cinnamon toothpaste-flavored tongue into
my mouth.

“I
have morning breath,” I explain.

He
kisses me passionately. “No you don’t. I wouldn’t care if you did.” Hunter
kneads my breasts and grazes my nipples with pads of his thumbs for a moment
longer, maintaining eye contact throughout it all. My body heats to a scolding
degree beneath his. My blood feels like liquid fire. I’m suddenly aware of a
brown towel wrapped around Hunter’s waist is the only article of clothing
shielding me from him.

“Hunter?”
I whisper in a needy tone.

He
skims his mouth over mine. “I’m right here.”

“What
are you doing?”

He
removes his hands from my breasts, only for one to rest on the flat plane of my
stomach and the other clasping my jaw. “I need to be inside you again, Isabel.
It’s all I’ve been thinking about. It’s difficult for me to concentrate on
anything else when I only want to be in one place.”

“I
don’t think we should. Last night…last night was a mistake—”

He
kisses me before I can say anymore and then his body begins the descent down
mine. “Are you sore?”

“Sore?”
I ask, unsure of what he means.

Hunter’s
finger pushes inside me and I whimper. “Yes. Sore?”

“Yes.”
He plunges deeper, eliciting a grunt and whimper before removing his finger.

“Do
you want something for that? I have Aleve in the medicine cabinet. They’re gel
capsules, so they should work almost instantly with alleviating the pain,” he
murmurs to my abdomen.

I
swallow loudly as I watch a mass of wavy blonde hair slide down my body. “I
don’t mind. I have a high tolerance for pain.”

Hunter
gives a beguiling smile and places a hand on both my knees, spreading my thighs
apart. “I have to be inside you. You do understand that, right?”

Staring
at beautiful Hunter for the briefest of moments, I realize that he isn’t
accustomed to being denied. “If I say ‘no’, will you stop?”

My
lips press together when he narrows his eyes. “Yes, but I wouldn’t want to.
Just say the word and I’ll stop.
Promise.”

His
turbulent blue eyes hold mine steady as I stare at him for a moment longer,
considering if I want to proceed. But I was a goner when he smiled and
whispered, “Morning baby.”

He
never said those words to me. I sometimes imaged he did, even wished he did at
times. Waking up to those words and his smile is enough to stun me into utter
awe and submission. Hunter can have whatever he desires from me.

“Okay.
I’m ready.”

“Figured,”
he says through a smug grin, mockingly trailing his finger through the wet that
pools between my legs.

My
hips buck at his touch. “You don’t have to be so cocky,” I half moan and half
murmur, teasing.

“I
can’t help but be self-absorbed when you look at me the way you do.”

He
slips two fingers inside of me, causing my back arch. “How do I look at you?” I
ask, genuinely curious. If I get his perspective on the way he sees me, maybe
it will help guide me in the right direction with Hunter.

Should
I stay with him and work through this tangled mess together?

Or
should I leave while I have the sanity and determination to do so?

“Like
I made the stars, like I’m heaven’s gift,” he whispers, kissing the sensitive skin
of both inner thighs.

“You
are heaven’s gift. You’re the best gift I’ve ever gotten.” I watch in complete
fascination as his facial features get soft and his eyes sparkle with some
emotion I can’t quite comprehend. Whatever it is, it makes Hunter appear that
more desirable; I wouldn’t have known that was possible until now.

He
kisses my knees and crawls back up my body. “I was going to eat your pussy
until you shoved at my head again and begged for mercy.”

“How
romantic,” I say, voice laced with sarcasm. Reaching up I cradle his face in my
hands.

“Now
all I want to do is hold you in my arms and gaze into your eyes all day.” He
smiles and shakes his head. “This is bad.”

My
brows snap together and I pout, disappointed at what he has to say. “Why is
that bad?”

He
nuzzles my neck with his nose, causing me to shudder.
“Because
I’m not thirteen anymore, Isabel.
But with you, I still feel like I’ll
always be that lovesick boy, whose world doesn’t revolve unless Isabel Charm
Waters is a part of it.”

My
fingertips trace the contours of his devastatingly handsome face. “Hunter Star
Knight, I felt that way since you shoved me off the swing. You were mean and
demanding back then too.”

He
smiles, placing kisses on random parts of my face and neck. “I get like that
when I see something worth protecting. But, then again, I guess that’s just
me.”

“But,
then again, I guess it’s just you,” I whisper through a smile, my fingers
sketching his full lips.

He
draws index finger into his mouth, nipping it.

I
gasp and drop my hands to his smooth and muscled, running my fingers down the
line of his spine.

“Never
put your fingers near a greedy animal’s mouth. You will always get bit.” Hunter
sweeps kisses from my cheekbones, down to the edges of my jaw, to my lips.
 

“Savage,”
I accuse.

Hunter
sucks on my earlobe. “I’ve been called worse.” Groaning, I close my eyes and
just feel the immense power of his entire body engulfing mine, his impossibly
hot skin rubbing against mine, spicy and sweet cinnamon breath beating against
my neck. “I never thought I’d be here with you like this. I never thought I
wanted
to be here with you like this. But, more importantly, I never knew I
needed
you to be here like this.”

Opening
my eyes, I hold his face in my hands. We search each other eyes for what seems
like infinite about of time. He smiles and kisses the tip of my nose. It’s a
meaningful gesture that I always loved from the very beginning. Warmth settles
in my stomach, causing me to feel light-headed and queasy. My heart is beating
a mile a minute.  

“What’s
happening? What are we doing?” I ask, fully terrified of his answer and afraid
and bewildered of actually taking down my guard and being emotionally
vulnerable to him as well as physically. But being emotionally defenseless
against him will be more harmful…when he decides to leave me again.

“We’re
gonna explore this, whatever this is. Are you with me?”

I
manage to nod, my heart beating erratically in my throat. I don’t trust my
voice enough to answer.

His
hands cup my backside, pushing my torso up to meet his. “Good. I’m glad we can
agree on something for once. That’s a start.”

Grinning
mischievously, I reach down and yank the towel off from Hunter’s waist, tossing
it somewhere on the floor. “Are you going to talk me to death or fuck me now?”

He
laughs softly, blue eyes shimmering. After I’m satisfied with staring at his
striking face, I notice the heat and hardness of him. His erection grazes the
sides of my thighs. I glance down at his magnificent body—he’s all toned muscle
and hard edges and tanned skin but his erection is just
huge
, thick, and
beautiful like everything else attached to him.

So unbelievably sexy.

Hunter
harshly grasps my jaw, jerking my face back up to him. “Didn’t I say we have to
work on that smart mouth of yours? You don’t fuck me. I fuck you.
Always.”

“You
don’t like a woman on top?” I provoke, bringing my legs up and squeezing the
sides of his ribs with my thighs.

His
fingers curl into my flesh, it’s not painful exactly…just demanding. A menacing
smile with many white teeth is his only response.

“Luckily
for you, I get off on my back—” Hunter reaches down between us and slips a
thick finger inside me, swirling in a slow motion.

I
moan and close my eyes,
then
I feel his supple lips at
the shell of my ear. “You don’t want to piss me off while I’m between your
legs, baby,” he plunges his finger deeper inside of me and my hips buck and my
heels dig into the mattress, “I might not let you come at all. But, luckily for
you, I like the taste of your pussy way too much to ever pass it up.” Without
another word Hunter withdraws his finger and kisses and nips his way down my
belly. I inhale sharply once his hot mouth is on me. His ravenous tongue and
mouth licks and sucks away. I writhe and twist from side to side, attempting to
escape him, but his long fingers wrap around both wrists and pins my hands down
at my sides. The more I squirm, the harder he holds me down and the more aroused
we both get. I’m incapable of moving any further.

Hunter
skillfully slides his warm tongue up and down my wet and sacred flesh,
eliciting breathy screams and sobs. He explores and opens me up with his mouth,
his tongue surging inside of me with an eager persistence. Then he growls into
me and I feel the vibration all the way inside my chest.

“
Ohmigod
…God,
this feels…I can’t take anymore.” I shake and helplessly convulse with an
overwhelming orgasm on top of his hungry mouth.

“My
baby is sore, so I’ll take it easy on her today.” He kisses me softly there and
then makes his way back up my body. My knees clamp together but he spreads me
open like a blooming flower that’s ready to be extracted. He stares down at me
with a solemn expression. “I’m gonna be careful this time. I promise.” Then he
slowly and carefully sinks side, stretching me.

My
lips part and eyes widen, hands fisting in the sheets underneath me.
“Oh, God.
Oh, God.”
My body
trembles around him and my eyes rolls to the back of my head.

He
kisses my parted lips, whispering, “It’s only the tip, Isabel. Try not to come
until I come. No. Don’t come until I say so. If you break my command, then you
better prepare for the consequences…and it might not feel as good as my dick.”

Instead
of thrusting into me, he effortlessly, inch by inch, slides into me. He grunts
lowly once he reaches the base of his shaft. I never felt so full and stretched
in my life. Though my eyes are closed, I feel his heated gaze boring into me.
He kisses my parted lips and settles his weight on his elbows, caging my head
in so I have no choice but to look up at him when I open my eyes.

I
unconsciously place my hands on his scorching, smooth chest. The fire inside of
him is enough to keep me warm forever. His lips trail my jaw line, teeth
scarping the skin there. “Why are you fighting me?”