Pure Lust Vol. 3 (4 page)

Forcing my attention toward my ring, I twisted it and focused on Edward as I replied, “I already told you, don’t worry about it.”

“I can’t stop worrying about it. I was…” he stopped.

From the corner of my eye, I could see his profile as he stared out the window. He blew out a breath and shook his head. “There aren’t any words for how shitty I feel about it,” he finally said.

“Let’s just forget it happened.” I tried not to read anything into what he was saying. Tried not to think about if he thought the kiss had been bad...

“Okay.” He looked back at me.

Through my lashes, I dared to meet his gaze.

“How about you let me buy you a drink? Just to make up for it?”

“I…” Turning my head, I stared outside, watching as the scenery gradually became more familiar. “I don’t know, Flynn. The two of us around each other, it’s almost a recipe for disaster.”

“I’ll keep my hands to myself and I’ll behave.” In the window, I saw him raise two fingers. “Scout’s honor.”

“My ass you were a Boy Scout.” Even the thought made me smile.

“Well, I thought about it.” A grin curled his lips and I felt an answering tug in my belly. “I always hear about how girls go nuts for guys in uniforms.”

The playful glint in his eyes had me relaxing. Or parts of me, anyway. There was still a curious twist in my heart that wasn’t even
close
to relaxing and it echoed in other parts of me, but I made up my mind to ignore it.

I was friends with other guys.

I could be friends with Flynn.

Chapter 4

“Oomph.”

There was a jazz section in my head and searchlights flashing in front of my eyeballs. Groaning, I went to twist over in the squeaky affair that served as my bed. It didn’t squeak.

There was a noise, though, the sound of water running. A shower.

I froze.

Edward…?

I hadn’t seen Edward last night, had I?

I cracked one eye open and found myself staring up at an unfamiliar ceiling. Although the slightest movement was agony, I turned my head and looked around. Pale grey walls, stark black and white nude prints framed on the walls.

Shit.

Dread started to build in my throat, although it could have been bile. Either way, I was almost certain I was going to puke. My pounding head, the light that made my eyes want to explode. I was so hung over.

And I wasn’t at home, or at Edward’s.

That was bad enough, but I knew those prints. Or at least, I knew the style of them. There was a heavy sigh from nearby and I forced myself to sit up, clutching the blanket to my chest as I realized I was naked.

The sound of the water cut off as I acknowledged my complete lack of clothing. Naked. Somebody had just finished a shower and I was almost positive it wasn't Edward. He'd never be caught dead in a room with nudes on the wall, no matter how artistically done.

What the hell, Gabs?

I’d talked to Edward last night. I remembered that much at least. He’d called to check up on me,
again
, and I’d told him I was out with his brother. I'd known he’d assumed I'd meant Cody and I hadn’t corrected him.

My head started to pound even harder and I lifted a hand to my temple pressing against it as though that would stop the pain. My skin started to prickle and I had the sensation I was being watched. Fighting the urge to crawl back under the covers, I tightened my fist in the blanket I held clutched to my naked breasts and forced myself to lift my head.
Stop procrastinating. Deal with it.

Flynn was leaning against an open doorway just a few feet to my right. Water dripped down his chest, ran down his jawline, clung to his dark hair. Amused blue eyes rested on my face, a faint smile curling his lips.

“Morning, Tennessee.”

I gaped at him. “Good…
good morning
?”

“Well.” He shrugged and glanced toward the window. “I guess good afternoon is more accurate. You’re quite the wild woman when you get a few drinks in you, know that?”

I gripped the blanket so tight, my knuckles hurt.

“What in the hell did I do?” I whispered, covering my eyes with my hand. I tried to think back and remember and, as if they had been waiting, memories started to unfurl. Not a lot of them, but enough. We’d been out at a club. It was a lot classier, a lot sexier than any place I’d ever been able to afford on my own. We’d danced and had a few drinks and…fun. We’d had fun.

I’d relaxed
too
much.

Shit.

I’d kissed him. I’d grabbed Flynn and pressed my mouth against his, shoved him up against the wall.

He hadn’t responded the first time. Or even the second.

But then he had and if he hadn’t caught my hands and pulled them away, we might have ended up arrested for violating some sort of decency laws.

That was all I remembered before my brain got too fuzzy, but it was enough to make me sick.

And now…I looked down at the blanket I still held with a death grip and then I looked up at him.

The lazy smile I’d seen on his face had faded, replaced by a sneer I’d seen all too often from him. “Damn, Tennessee. You’re making me feel cheap. I was good enough for you last night, but now you’re sitting there clutching your pearls.”

The words hit me like a punch in the gut. Lurching to my feet, I half-stumbled away from the bed. My hair tumbled into my face and I shoved it back, looking around wildly.

I saw my clothes and grabbed them.

Sensing him moving up behind me, I spun around. “Stay away!” My voice was shrill, sending bright stabs of pain through my head.

“Now, that’s not what you said last night.” His eyes ran over me.

I swallowed, feeling sick to my stomach.

“What’s the matter, baby?” He dragged his short nails down the scruffy growth darkening his jawline, his eyes sliding down to the blanket I held to my chest. “You look like you think I’m going to tarnish your halo. Trust me…after last night, it’s well and truly tarnished.”

“Shut up!” I could feel myself on the verge of tears.

Flynn rocked back on his heels. “I don’t know what the problem is, sweetheart. Hell, you were plenty up for being…tarnished last night and you didn’t seem to mind that I was the one dirtying up your halo. But now…” He leaned and murmured into my ear. “I guess you remembered sweet Edward.”

Curling my hand into a fist, I told myself I wasn’t going to hit him. His head was so damn hard, I just might break my hand and he wasn’t worth it. Instead, I shoved past him and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me as I dragged my clothes on and tried not to cry.

When I came out, Flynn was still standing exactly where he’d been and he shot me another look. “Here I was thinking we’d all kissed and made up last night and we could be friends again.”

I choked back a sob.

“You don’t wanna be friends?”

Fucking bastard.

I was holding my shoes and I almost threw them at him. Instead, I just bolted through the door. I hadn’t been to his place before, but it was a simple enough layout. The bedroom opened into a wide, open living room and the door was directly across from me. I saw my purse on the coffee table and I grabbed it, still holding my shoes in my other hand.

He shouted my name, but I kept on moving.

I had to get out of there.

***

I stood under the spray of the shower, face lifted to the water. I’d washed three times. Scrubbed my hair. I could see smell Flynn on me, although it was just my imagination and I knew it.

I kept having flashes of last night, but they all stopped not long after we’d stumbled out of the club where we’d gone for drinks.

I’d slammed him up against a wall.

Stared up at him, put my mouth against his.

Kissed him.

He hadn’t done anything at first, just caught my upper arms and held me back. I remembered that it had pissed me off.

So I’d kissed him again and told him that I still dreamed about the way he'd touched me. He didn’t do anything the first time, the second time…but the third time, he’d spun me around, one hand tangling my hair while the other had grabbed my jaw.

The kiss he’d finally given me had been…bliss.

“Stop it,” I whispered while tears leaked out of my eyes.

It had been hard enough to deal with the attraction to Flynn while being with Edward, but I'd told myself that had just been leftover from our one time together. I could handle it because I hadn't been with Edward back then. But now, I’d
cheated
.

I wanted to hurt Flynn, and badly. I didn’t understand how he could have done this. He’d said he’d behave. I’d trusted him. Or maybe I’d just fooled myself into believing I could trust the bastard.

I swiped at the tears that couldn’t seem to stop flowing. They mingled with the water from the shower and my vision was blurred from the steam and my own tears.

The water started to go cold and I turned it off. If I got cold now, I just might never warm up. I wrapped up in my robe and dried my hair, taking a ridiculous amount of time to dry it, focusing on that mundane task in an effort to empty my mind.

It worked. For maybe ten minutes.

Then I found myself crying again and trying to understand just what I was supposed to do.

Did I tell Edward?

Would
Flynn
tell Edward?

And if I did tell, what was I supposed to say?

We were out having a drink after work and I got drunk and we ended up in bed? I didn’t plan it…

Listless, I finished my hair and twisted it up into a messy pile on top of my head, then dressed in my most comfortable clothes, a too-large bright orange Volunteers t-shirt and a pair of yoga pants. Catching sight of myself in the mirror, I had to stifle a sob. If Edward saw me now, he’d probably have a polite little fit. He so loved seeing me dressed like a little doll. I looked like Redneck Barbie with my worn and faded clothes and bad hair, but I didn’t care. If anything, I wanted to look as bad as I felt.

Grabbing a blanket, I huddled up on the couch and stared at absolutely nothing. Which was perfect. I needed to think about absolutely nothing.

My phone chose that moment to go off and I swallowed the knot that had lodged in my throat as I answered. My voice was husky and uneven, which gave credence to the lie I told when Edward’s greeting immediately went from
Good morning
to
What’s wrong
?

“Nothing. I’m just not feeling too well.”

“Are you sick?” The softness of his voice was a soothing balm after the scathing tones of Flynn’s voice and I wished Edward was there, that I could lean against him and ask him to make everything bad go away.

If only it was that easy. If only I could tell him what was really wrong.

“I don’t know. I might have just had a few too many last night.”

There was a faint pause and then he asked, “Would you like me to come over? I can. It will take some finessing, but I can wrap up these meetings and be there within an hour or so.”

A near hysterical laugh almost escaped me. “No.” I was able not to scream it. Barely. “No, please. I’m not that bad.”

“Are you certain?”

“Yeah.” I stared out the window on the far side of the apartment. “I just need to rest. I want to sleep more than anything.”

After he’d hung up, I rested my head against the padded back of the couch and closed my eyes.
Just don’t think
, I told myself. If I didn’t think, I could hold it together.

Don’t think.

Don’t think…

That lasted maybe two minutes. Then I ended up sobbing, my face pressed to my knees.

My life was now so messed up. A few weeks ago, I’d felt like I'd been caught in a fairy tale. Maybe I still was…only now I wasn't the princess.

I was the villain, and the villain never got the happy ending. We didn't deserve it.

Chapter 5

The couch gave underneath the slight weight of Kendra’s long, leggy form, but I didn’t look up at her.

I was too busy focusing on the computer and the job search I’d been conducting in vain—and in secret—for the past few days. Guilt, among other things, weighed on my shoulders and I couldn’t seem to look anybody in the eye. I couldn’t handle talking to Edward, either.

I read and replied to his texts. I was afraid if I didn’t, he’d show up and I just wasn’t ready to face him. How
could
I?

I’d gotten drunk.

I’d kissed his brother.

And the next morning I’d woken up naked in Flynn’s penthouse.

My stomach twisted up all over again thinking about it and I clenched my jaw, clicking on another link that took me to yet another internship. I saved it to look at later. If I had to, I could do it.

The wedding was less than three months now. If Flynn kept his mouth shut. If I could bear to see Edward and not tell him. If Edward still wanted me.

My eyes started to blur.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Kendra asked softly.

“What—oh.” I feigned a nonchalant shrug. “Nothing. Well, there’s the monster-in-law-to-be. Claire hates me, Kendra. I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to do job-wise. This celebrity thing won’t last forever. I’m just stressing.”

“You’re just lying.”

I whipped my head up and met her eyes. How did she…?

But she just watched me with concerned eyes.

The guilt and the misery slammed into me. They were like weights dragging me down and choking me. I thought I would go crazy from them. My mind kept pin wheeling back to dancing with Flynn and feeling so…so…
right
being in his arms to waking up in his penthouse and feeling so…

Betrayed.

I closed my hands into fists and slowly closed my laptop, because that was the truth of it. He’d said he’d behave. I’d been off my ass drunk and I’d thrown myself at him. I had been stupid and I knew that, but I’d thought I could trust him. If not for me, then for Edward.

“Are we going to talk now?” Kendra eyed me.

“No.” I faked a smile and shrugged. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

I couldn’t tell her this. I just couldn’t. Not after all the warnings she'd given me. If I'd listened to her, I wouldn't have gotten myself into this shit in the first place. Then again, she'd also warned me about Edward, so she didn't know it all.