Pure Will (22 page)

Yes! Finally. PURE HATRED! Fine. I cant imagine her being mad at me for txting u. u can’t push her tho. 

I would never
Send

The Sandbar was quiet. I made my way in cautiously not wanting to scare her or make her run. I spotted them in a booth against the far wall. It was easy to sit behind them. I think Kate saw me, but I didn’t approach. Not quite yet. The waitress approached their table.

“Another vodka water?”

There was no answer.

“OK. And another beer for you?”

“Yes, please,” Kate said.

“Sir? What can I get you?” she asked.

“Iced tea please,” I said under my breath praying Camden didn’t turn around.

Rough?  He’d gotten rough with her. That’s all she ever said.  He’d bitten her…I knew that. Smacked her on the ass. But I never, never thought for a second that’d he’d penetrated her in the back door.  She was fucking 16! 

“Camden. Max is out of the picture. You have to let it go.”

“Kate! Don’t you see?  I thought I had done that. I thought I was so over it. The first time Will went down on me…I couldn’t even enjoy the earthshattering orgasm. Why you ask? Because I was worried he’d bite me! How sick and twisted is that?”

I closed my eyes. My girl was hurting and there was little I could do.

“Max was sick and twisted,” Kate said. 

I wanted to shout Amen!

“Max is a monster,” Kate added.

“I know that now.  I want to be healed. I want this to be over. When Will touches me, I don’t want Max to ever come to my mind. And that’s what happened today. Do you know how much that would hurt Will if he knew that?  He deserves so much more than what I have to give.”

It took every single ounce of composure I had to not shoot upright from my seat and yell at her.  I just want YOU!  YOU!

“Cam. He only wants you. The rest of that will pass in time,” Kate said, reading my mind.

“What do I have to truly offer him?” Camden asked.

I tugged on my hair.

“You!  That’s what. And that’s the best gift you could ever give him.”

“Why do you think he hasn’t texted. Or called?” she asked. “If he loves me and he knows I’m hurting, wouldn’t he do that? No! Because he knows what Max did now.”

As quick as that, my phone was out and I was typing a text.

I love you
send

Suddenly, a wave of guilt rushed over me and invading her privacy was something I never wanted to do. When I heard the ding of her phone, I raised my hoodie and left. When I stepped out into the bitter cold, my own phone buzzed. Camden.

Thank you. I need you. Please be patient

Reading those words soothed me. I wonder if she knew that William meant protector. I’d forever protect her.

Baby. I need you too. You can’t leave me like that.
  Send

I got scared. And I’m embarrassed. And would you be willing to come to the Sandbar?

My eyes glanced up to the sign that read Sandbar. I was standing on eighth street. Why yes, I would love to come.

I’d love to
  send

I stood outside in the cold for about five minutes then went back in lowering my hoodie. Kate spotted me first and she wore a crooked grin. Even though I understood the reason behind the grin, this was very serious to me.

Cam’s green, rounded eyes found mine and she slid back into the booth. Making room for me? The look in her eyes was one of fear.  As stupid as it sounds, I held my hand out to her, as if she were a dog going to bite. But when her fingertips curled beneath mine, I lightly tugged on her. Willingly, she slid from the booth and rocketed into my arms.

“I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you too. Can we go somewhere?”

After lowering her to the ground and nodding at Kate, I led Camden out of the Sandbar.

“I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry,” I said, once we were in my truck and I was brushing slow kisses over her eyelids, nose, forehead, ears and finally her mouth.

“Will. I’m sorry.”

“No, Cam. I swear, I’ll never do that again. I…I didn’t know.”

“Look at me!” she raised her voice and dragged my chin toward her. Our eyes finally meeting. “Don’t say that. I promise, someday, I want to try again with the man I love. With you. I just wasn’t ready and there was such realization in that moment of what he had done.”

Big raindrop tears fell from her eyes, and with my thumbs, I erased them from her cheeks.

“Promise me…Will. Promise me.” She spoke with such desperation.

“Promise what, baby?”

She swallowed. “That someday we can try that. You and me. I won’t let him own any part of me.”

I nodded, tangling that mass of ginger hair in my hand and forcing her to my chest. “I promise.”

Her release of breath was broken.  “OK. OK. OK. Thank you.”

There wasn’t really anyone who Matty talked a lot about. I’d heard most of the names, Wic, Woody, Steel, Johnson, O’Neil and Scotty. All of them remained in active duty after Matty’s death and it was a surprise when Woody reached out to us a few weeks ago. He was our only real connection to Matty, and all of us were nervous about what he had to share.

He and I were meeting for a drink first, then I was taking him to Mom and Dad’s. There was no way in hell I was risking him sharing something that would hurt my mother, so I told Dad I’d meet with him and feel it out.

I sat in a booth at Johnny’s West and waited. Hopefully he was on time because Cam was showing up about thirty minutes into it. Then we were all headed to the house if things worked out.

I’m not sure what I expected—maybe fatigues, dog chains, I don’t know…maybe even a crew cut, but when he walked in, I knew it was him regardless and I raised my hand and waved. His jeans and Texas Longhorn t-shirt instantly irritated me. You don’t wear that sort of shit in Johnnys. He was shorter than me but just as well built. Dark hair.

“Woody?” I asked.

He extended his hand and I took it.

“Will?”

“Yep. Please sit down.”

He slid into the booth.

“You look so much like Gum.”

Gum… I hated that name ever since Matty told me that was his nickname.  Had to do with Denton. Dentyne. Gum…there you have it.

“So you all were close?”

“Our whole unit was. Trained in South Carolina first then straight to Kabul.”

We never got too many details and now second thoughts plagued me. Meeting with him was resurrecting old wounds.

“You were there when…he…was killed?”

His manner didn’t change. “Yup. Gum was smart. He and Steel neither one wanted to go in. The Village hadn’t been cleared. We were all tired.”

Of course Matty was smart. “Was it…quick?”

“Yup.”

There was something about Woody that rubbed me the wrong way.  Answering questions about my brother’s death with yups and nopes.  So cavalier in what he said. He lacked…emotion. He lacked…taste…class.

The conversation went on for about fifteen more minutes. Camden had texted ten minutes ago that she was on her way, which allowed her plenty of time to get here. Our talk had become more superficial and I was more interested in who was coming through the door.

I texted her again.  

You close?
Send

Ten more minutes passed. I paid the tab for me and Woody.

Cam  can you meet us at the house? You ok??
Send

“Just follow me,” I said to Woody keeping my phone in my hand so I didn’t miss her call.

“Sure. Will do dude.”

Dude? The size of his truck made me laugh. It was closer to a Tonka toy than a real truck. And where the hell was Cam?  Once I buckled, I called her again.  Straight to voicemail.  If Woody wasn’t following me, and I didn’t feel like this would bring Mom some closure, I would veer left and go straight to Cam’s. This was so unlike her. Something was up. I was feeling bad for telling her how much this meant to Mom and me.  She must have been too nervous to come.

When we pulled into the circle drive in front of the house, Mom came out to meet us with desperation in her eyes. I offered her a smile and a hug. Woody was finishing a phone conversation, and I was starting to get pissed that he was leaving us…her standing there.

“Where’s Cam?” she asked.

I shook off her question and secretly wished I could shake off my worry but it wasn’t that easy.

“Something wrong?”

“I don’t know Mom. Her phone goes straight to voicemail.”

“William. Don’t do anything to screw this up. She’s a blessing to this family. I feel like she was an angel sent to you from Matty.”

Screw this up?  Seriously, she had no clue then how much this girl meant to me.

Woody finally closed his car door, and I introduced him to Mom with no apology for his delay. I was ready for this to be over. There was something off about this guy.

“Oh Woody. Thank you for stopping by. I know you are in town from Texas? Will said you met Matty at boot camp.”

“Yes, Ma’am. Gum and I met right out of the shoot. First day. I led the troop.”

“Where’s Dad?” I asked as we walked indoors.

“He should be here any time. Woody, would you care for a drink?”

“No, Ma’am. I’m good.”

“Please tell me about that day,” Mom requested. I didn’t want to sit through it again but would do it for my mom.  But, first I tried Cam again. Voicemail.

When I stepped back into the room. Quiet tears streaked Mom’s face and my heart hurt. I didn’t see the point in this shit. Matty was gone. No conversation was bringing him back. Maybe it was closure for this guy too. 

“You…his crew…you’re our only connection to that part of him.”

“I understand,” he nodded. “Just know that everyone loved Gum. He was a good guy.”

“What in the hell is that piece of shit doin’ in this house?”

My dad’s words echoed throughout the room and down the hallway. Things happened so fast, I wasn’t sure what even happened first. Mom gasped. Woody spun around locking eyes with my father’s. Blood seemed to drain from Woody’s face.

“Dad? What’s going on?”

“This is that shithole that hurt your girl, Son.”

It was then that my rage-filled eyes locked with his—confusion coloring his expression.

“What’s your fucking name?”

His eyes darted around the room, landing on each one of us. “Maxwell Woodward. You were the old man with Cam,” he said to my father.

And at the same time a growl ripped through my chest, I lunged for this piece of shit that had violated and hurt Camden. Finally…

CHAPTER—Cam

I couldn’t breathe…I mean I truly couldn’t breathe. My nose was swollen inside and my throat so tight I couldn’t swallow. I had never in my lifetime had to focus so much on a simple breath. My life, my future had just been ripped away from me. Everything I thought I knew, everything I thought was to be…possibly wasn’t…

Only an hour had passed since I first spotted Max’s truck near Johnny’s West and the thought of him being inside frightened me, but it frightened me more if Will knew he was in there. And as I approached the place we’d been many times, I only moved forward with the courage knowing Will was in there waiting for me.  That’s what Will did. He gave me courage and strength to be strong.

Then I saw his beautiful face and his even more beautiful smile through the window. He was nodding and having what I knew to be a conversation about Matty. And I prayed that this guy healed his wounded heart. But when I glanced across the table to see his visitor, my lungs were robbed of all oxygen. Frozen, paralyzed, shocked, and the realization of what was happening—I began to back step.

By the time I’d arrived back to my car, I frantically called my father.

“Camden? What’s wrong?”

“Why do you think something is wrong, Dad?” I asked confused by his greeting.

“Well, you never call me for starters.”

That was true.  I sat in my front seat resting my forehead on the steering wheel.

“Dad. I have a quick question. Kind of a simple yes or no and I’ll explain later.”

“OK. What?”

“Max.” I cringed even saying his name. “Was he ever in the military?”

My heart thumped hard waiting for his answer.

“Yes. His father made him join the marines. He’s done two tours overseas. But he’s back now. Is something wrong? Camden please don’t cause any problems.”

Of course it was me who was causing problems. 

“Dad. I’m coming home. Is that OK? I need a place to go for a little while.” I pulled onto Wakarusa and wasn’t sure I should be driving since the tears had begun.

“Of course you can, but honey, Tracy’s here.”

Though so much time had passed, it was like a knife cutting me deep once again. He chose her once and now was choosing her again.

“Dad…” I whispered and didn’t think he heard.

“You come. I’ll take her on a trip. Please. You can have the house.”

I didn’t like the thought of putting him out, her I didn’t give a flying you-know-what about.

“I can tell you are upset. Please. Go to Kansas City. I’ll get you a flight out. I don’t want you driving.”

He was right. I didn’t want to endure the eight-hour drive.

By the time I reached the apartment, Dad had booked me a flight. Kate wasn’t there.  I quickly emailed my professors, left Kate a note that said ‘I’m fine. Promise,’ packed some things, wrote the letter that I needed to and loaded my car. 

You know those political topics that lead to debate. Abortion—the possibility of taking an unborn life vs the possible life a child could live. The death penalty—do you take a life for a life? Racial profiling—is it ok to profile a particular race for safety precautions after they have committed a crime against your country?  Topics that make you think and can destroy relationships and tear apart a country…

As I drove, those were the thoughts going through my mind. Not of abortion or the death penalty…but of what I was doing. The man I loved more than my own life had one connection to his brother…one person that was with Matty in his last moment of life. He was there when he took his last breath. Of course Abby and Drew wanted to know what he said…was he alone…did he hurt…did it happen fast…all those questions that this one man might possibly provide—and
that
one person had violated me. No one would ever know to what extent. But I knew I would never let them choose between Matty’s memory or me, and even more…I’d never ask them to.