Purgatorium (32 page)

20 Minutes

Arriving at the park, I take in its newly awakened spring beauty. Raphael is still nowhere to be seen. I look up at the Ferris wheel and feel like today is a nice day to take a ride up. I run up the hill, making my way to my favorite bench. I reach the top and look down to see a field of Madi’s favorite flower stretching out across the rest of the park. There are sunflowers everywhere, and the oak tree is no longer dead, but rather full of life. I stop myself, looking still at the tree. No one is here to persuade me not to go in this time.

I run down the hill past the Ferris wheel and stop at the statue. I look inside its glass box as it portrays the hourglass in its reflection, and think to myself, I have enough time. I walk to the tree and, though still in shock, remember that the tree holds answers. I must know why I am here. I open the tree’s door and enter the dark space.

II see that I am in an elevator. I look at what I am wearing and notice I am back in the stolen tux. Glancing down, I see that I am holding a briefcase. I lift it up and look inside. I see nothing but thousands of dollars. I think to myself, I am rich!

Suddenly, I understand that I must be back in the casino. A clock is portrayed at the top as I read the time: 2:00 AM.

What am I still doing here?
I think. The doors open and I look out into a hallway exactly like the one outside my apartment. Since I am still in control, I better take advantage while I still can.

I search my pockets, hoping I can find my driver’s license to find out my name. I find nothing but a key. I pull it out of my pocket and see “6” on it. That woman gave me this. What was her name? Lisa? I continue down the hallway, looking at the room numbers. I come to door number six and insert the key. Suddenly,
Raphael
appears beside me.

“I don’t think you’re ready for what’s inside this door just yet.” Raphael pushes me back.

I lose my footing and slam into the door directly across from room six. The door opens and I fall through. I look up and see
Raphael’s
mouth moving, but I can’t hear what Raphael is trying to tell me. He seems to be motioning for me to get up and move in his direction.

I look at the clock above the door and watch the clock hands wind themselves forward at a fast rate. Suddenly, the door closes me in the room and everything goes dark.

After a few seconds, I lift my head up and open my eyes. The sun coming up from the mountaintop blinds my sight. I look over to see that I am in the backseat of a taxi. Behind me is the casino I was just in. I feel miserable as I think,
I just now left the casino?

I see my reflection in the window and notice that I feel hungover and exhausted. A half-drunken bottle of expensive whiskey sits between my thighs. Well that explains that, I think. I look over at the time on the taxi driver’s dashboard.

It reads 6:00 AM.

Why did the time frame jump up a few hours? What happened to me?

Time rolls by as I notice the taxi driver pulling the car over to the side. I look out the window and see a run-down apartment building. I think to myself, this is where I live?

Suddenly, I feel not in control of myself anymore. My thoughts are being pushed back once again and my memories are coming around in full circle.

I look out the window, not remembering what I was thinking just then.

“We are here, that will be $56.86,” the taxi driver says.

I feel around in my pocket and realize that I don’t have my wallet. Where is the briefcase full of money I won? Thousands of dollars was in that briefcase! I look everywhere and find nothing.

I ask, “Excuse me, sir, but did I have a briefcase when I first entered the car?”

“Nope, just that half bottle of whiskey you got stragglin’ between your thighs,” he says.

I don’t know how I am going to pay the man as I try checking all of my pockets. I find nothing as the thought of making a run for it or pleading with him seems to be my only two options.

The taxi driver turns around as I panic on what to do. “Is that a Johnnie Walker Blue Label? That’s top shelf whiskey right there. I bet that set you back a couple hundred. I bet the taste is worth the money spent though.”

I look down at the whiskey bottle and come up with an idea. “It’s probably the best whiskey you will ever taste. It’s considered a superbly smooth Scotch whiskey. Straight out of Johnnie’s prime stock,” I say.

“You wouldn’t mind if I had taste would you?”

I take the bottle and let him see how much left there is.

“I think there is just enough left for one glass,” I tease. “But I tell you what, since this mere glass would about equal the cab fare, then I guess I can offer you a common trade.”

The taxi driver takes a moment to think.

What am I thinking? This last remaining sweet nectar is double what the fair is. I might as well just drink the rest. I am about to drink the bottle when the taxi driver quickly says, “I might get in trouble for doing this but…what the hell! You got yourself a deal!”

I hand him the bottle and walk out of the backseat. I begin admiring myself on how good of a liar I am. I think back to when I got into that secret gambling room and how I played the part of a wealthy man so well. I shut the door and wave off the taxi driver. I smile, pretending I was back in the gambling room giving them all a run for their money. I look back at the apartment building as reality now sinks in. I begin the long walk back to my place, dreading what Madi is going to say to me.

As I walk in through the front door of my apartment, I am overcome with a feeling of disappointment. Madi is waiting up for me.

“Is that you, babe?” she shouts playfully from somewhere deep inside of the apartment. I gently close the door behind me.

“No other,” I answer, trying to sound cheerful. As Madi saunters over to the bedroom door in her nightgown, she looks at me and smiles expectantly.

“Someone looks like they put in a good day’s work,” she says, looking up and down my exhausted frame. “The meeting must have gone well, then?”

I realize that I forgot about the lie I told her. Trying to remember, I reply, “Got to look the part,” and I drop my keys on the table next to the door.

“What did the publisher say? Hopefully your drunkenness means good news,” she says smiling at me coyly, walking over to me.

That was it! I thought. I told her I had a publisher interested in me. I need to think fast. “Perhaps,” I force myself to say.

“Who loaned you the threads?” she asks, stroking my lapel, but noticing a slight red discoloration on the fabric.

“I bought it,” I reply, careful to disguise my lie behind a tone of calm. “And I think he really liked my book.”

Madi’s hands stop examining halfway down my chest. I grasp them, squeezing her tiny fingers excitedly and hoping she doesn’t get mad at me.

“Congratulations!” she shrieks, jumping up into my arms. “I knew you could do it!” Reluctantly, I catch her weight, holding her up and keeping her face away from mine.

“Thanks!”

“How did you pay for this suit though? Did you rob a bank?”

I carefully put her down onto her feet. “Now, don’t get mad, Madi.”

“That’s a surefire indication I will, eventually, but I’ll try not to.”

Thinking quickly, I decide not to tell Madi about how I stole the suit. Since I lost the money I spent at the casino, it’s best just to tell her where I got that money from. “I sold some of our stuff.”

“What stuff?”

“Just a few things,” I say, backing away from her cautiously. “You know, some of our useless stuff.”

“What useless stuff?”

“It’s not like I sold anything outright,” I explain.

“Why do I feel like you’re being cagey with me?” I step past her, my eyes avoiding hers.

“There is absolutely nothing for you to get upset about, okay?” I say. “Some of our old plates. My telescope.”

“Your telescope?”

“Yeah. And a
watch
.” I stop, realizing what I just said.

Madi follows me across the living room. She takes hold of my wrist, confirming her suspicion that my
watch
is indeed missing. “You mean the
watch
I
gave you?”

“You’re being rash. At least I didn’t sell my Mom’s record player.”

“And
your father’s
telescope?”

“When was the last time we used it? Have we ever?”

“That is the only thing you have left to remember him by,” she replies, looking distraught. “Why would you do this?”

“I had to look the part. Otherwise, they would have just laughed me off.” Madi crosses her arms, collapsing onto the couch. “With the money I will soon earn we can go get a new
watch
,” I continue to lie.

Madi folds her arms, unconvinced. “Don’t you mean a better one?”

“Listen to me, Madi, I…”

She cuts me off instead. “That
watch
was worth maybe a hundred bucks brand new, if that much.”

“So?”

“So, how did you even get enough to afford that suit?”

I push my hair back with my hands. I don’t want to confess, but I know if I don’t, she will soon figure it out. I breathe out, sighing. “I went to the casino.”

“You went to the casino?”

I nod. “Yes. You heard me.”

“You know that I really don’t care about the
watch
!” she cries, her voice shrill with rage. “But that telescope was your dad’s gift to you.”

I glare at her. “
Gift
to me?”

“Am I wrong?”

“My father left me that telescope when I was eighteen years old! He didn’t have any money to give me for college because of his gambling addiction.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Remind me what the point is then,” I say sarcastically.

“He left you the telescope because he wanted you to search for greatness.”

I roll my eyes. “My father has nothing to do with this. You are not telling me something!”

“Your father wanted more for you than what he could ever offer. I wish, for once,” Madi continues, “you would just take the time to look at things deeper than just their surface value.”

“Don’t stand there and talk to me like you know my father!” I roar. “You’re lucky. You never had to meet him!”

“I don’t have to.”

“Right, because you know all.”

“No. Because I am looking at him, right now, in front of me.”

I step toward the sofa and push it away from me hard.

Madi, shocked and scared, yells, “Stop!” She stands up and walks around behind the sofa, keeping away from me.

“I am nothing like him, nothing!” I shout, feeling my old, festering hatred for my father. “I do whatever I have to do to keep
this
family going another day!”

“
You
had to do this. Not for us. For yourself!” she says. “I want whatever it takes to finally make you happy, but if the cost is losing you…then, I guess…” Madi starts crying and holds her face in her hands.

Regaining her breath and standing up straight, defiantly, Madi screams, “You can sleep on the couch!”

“Oh, please,” I say, scoffing, “I will not stand for your sorry act tonight.”

“What is
that
supposed to mean? You’re the one who should have been an actor; you’re so good at telling me lies with a straight face!” Madi replies. “I guess now you will never know what was inside of it.”

“Inside of it? What do you mean, inside of it?! Inside of what?!” I yell.

Crying, Madi walks into the bedroom and shuts the door behind her. I drop my head and go into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

I lock eyes with my reflection in the mirror, feeling shame for what I have done and can never take back. Suddenly, the door flies open behind me, revealing
Raphael, who
steps in, grabs me by the arm and, with dizzying force and speed, pulls me out.