Purity (10 page)

“Oh, Dad. Not now, please. He’s gone. He left, okay? Why isn’t that enough to satisfy you? I wasn’t anywhere near his house.”

“A likely story. Where were you, then?”

“At
Erin
’s! Trying to fix your mess!”

He spluttered for a couple of seconds. I could see in his eyes that my visiting
Erin
was way worse than the idea of me hanging around at Nathan’s house. I hadn’t realised there was a higher bar of failure, and I gulped down a sudden regret.

“How dare you? How dare you cross that line? Are you kidding me, Perdy? You know better than that. You’re never to go there again. Do you hear me? Never!”

The regret quickly turned to irritation. “Enough! I won’t be going back because you’ve messed up for good. You’re an idiot! It’s bad enough you’re trying to ruin
my
life without spoiling the best thing that’s happened to you as well.”

He shouted my name, but I ran up the stairs, getting a sadistic pleasure from the fact he would struggle to follow me. We couldn’t be in each other’s presence anymore without an argument breaking out. What was happening to us?

When I finally stopped hiding in my room, Dad refused to look at me, and Gran kept glancing at me pointedly in an attempt to figure out what had happened.

Dad ignored both of us, and Gran followed me upstairs to catch up on the gossip, but she seemed as horrified as Dad about what I did.

“Oh, Perdy. You
didn’t
.”

“Not helping, Gran.”

“I’m sorry, but didn’t you think he might explode when he heard? Oh, you’re definitely my granddaughter.” She covered her smile with her hands.

I giggled. “It wasn’t my smartest idea of all time. I’ll give you that.”

“So how are you getting on at the library? Been tempted to kill that nagging old crank yet?”

“Wait. You know her?”

She sniffed primly. “Of course I do. I can’t stand the woman. I swear she sits at home desperately trying to figure out something new and ridiculous to complain about. Did you know she’s the one who tried to ban orange flowers in the park?”

“Shut. Up.”

She grinned. “Well, maybe that rumour isn’t the complete truth. But if she picks on you, tell me, and I’ll deal with her.”

The reason Mrs. Reed didn’t seem to like me became clear. “Um, no, that’s okay. I’m doing fine there. No need to go granny commando on her.”

She winked at me. “Good to see you in better form. Any other news?”

I lowered my voice. “Amelia came to see me at the library. Think Dad will freak?”

“Maybe today’s not the best time to let that one slip,” she advised.

“I know. She’s different, Gran. She has a boyfriend, she cut her hair, and she seems… happier.”

Gran cupped my cheek. “She must miss you if she visited you at that awful library.”

I smiled. “Maybe.”

***

The next morning, Dad was still ignoring me, and I was more than happy to get to work. The day dragged. I thought about Dad and
Erin
, about Amelia and how much she had changed, and I did my best not to think about other things.

Amelia’s story about her ancestors played on my mind the most. Nathan had grown up believing his werewolf side was a curse, and I wondered how he was coping with the fact it would never go away, that it would always be a part of him, no matter what he did. Then I realised I was standing in the middle of the library, gripping a pile of books as if my life depended on it, while Mrs. Reed watched me suspiciously.

“Sorry,” I said. “Spaced out for a minute.” I scurried away, feeling like a servant avoiding the eye of royalty.

As long as I kept out of Mrs. Reed’s way, I did fine, but if she thought I wasn’t working, she began one of her lectures. I didn’t understand most of it, probably because I kept zoning out, but on that day, I kept remembering what Gran had said and spent most of the afternoon imagining a senior citizen war.

Amelia hadn’t turned up again, and I began to think she had forgotten about me. I was strolling home, my head in another world, when I heard a whimper behind me. I turned and almost fell over when I saw Cú bounding toward me, his lead trailing behind him.

“Cú,” I practically squealed, running my hands through his coarse hair as he pressed his entire body against me, whimpering. “Oh, Cú, stop.” My eyes watered at his reaction to me, and that might have been why it took me a while to realise he was unlikely to be running around alone.

“Cú!”

I glanced up from the dog just as Nathan turned the corner. My heart skittered, threatening to stop.

He was supposed to be gone. He’d said goodbye. I wasn’t ready to see him, not with Cú whining at my feet. I shook my head a little and took a step back.

His hands were stuffed into his pockets, his brow wrinkled in deep thought. I saw his skin, darker than before, his hair, longer than before, and his eyes, just as beautiful. He looked right at me, meeting my gaze, seeming as surprised as I felt.

He bit his lip and stepped toward us. I panicked, took the coward’s way out, and ran home.

I couldn’t understand my reaction. I had steeled myself for that meeting, made a serious effort to move on, but all it had taken was one look at him, one glance at his eyes, to make it all fall away.

I burst into the house and slammed the door, tears blurring my eyes.

“Perdy?” Dad called. “What’s wrong? Wait,” he added as he approached the kitchen door and caught sight of my face.

“I can’t,” I half-sobbed and ran up the stairs, more embarrassed than anything. How could I be so immature and pathetic to completely fall apart because I had seen Nathan? I tried to tell myself I was unsettled by Cú’s behaviour, but my reaction to Nathan was the real problem. I had wanted to run into his arms and forget everything else, but that wasn’t possible. I had to get away from him before I let Dad down again.

About ten minutes later, there was a knock at my bedroom door. “Perdy, let me in,” Dad said.

“No. Not now, Dad. Please.”

“I’ve come up the stairs and everything. It’s taken me ages. The least you can do is open the door.”

I groaned and jumped up to let him in. He stood there with a sheepish look on his face.

“That wasn’t fair,” I said.

“I know. Worked though.” He tried to smile, but he caught sight of my tears, and his face fell. “Perdy, what’s wrong?”

“Now you care?”

He looked away, momentarily shamed. “I’m not… of course I care. You’re… I love you. No matter what, I love you, and I care if you’re upset.”

“It’s nothing, anyway.” I sat on my bed. “I’m fine now.”

“You’re obviously not fine. You’ve been crying.”

I made a scornful noise. “I do
not
cry.”

“I know. That’s why I’m worried. You can talk to me.”

“You’ll get mad. I can’t tell you anything because you’ll hate me.” I wasn’t talking about Nathan anymore. I was talking about not being able to tell him the things
I
had done.

He inhaled sharply. “I promise not to get mad or hate you.” But his grip tightened on his walking stick, his knuckles whitening.

“You
will
. Look at the way you’ve acted about me seeing Nathan and Amelia. If you knew the truth, if you knew what I had really done…” I shook my head. “I can’t tell you anything anymore because I already know how you’ll react.”

“You don’t trust me. What can I do to…? Wait, are we… are we talking about sex? Did you have sex with him? Is that what this is all about?” His face paled. He looked as if he were about to throw up.

 
I laughed through my tears. “No, Dad. I
wish
that was all it was.” At least then I could talk about it to somebody. Preferably not Dad. I made a face. “Let’s not have this conversation, though.”

“Hey, I’m not keen on the idea either.” He watched me for a couple of seconds and swallowed hard. “Please tell me why you’re crying. I’ll go insane imagining things.”

I rubbed my eyes, deciding to go for it. “I was on my way home from the library, and I
saw
him. I got a fright. I mean, I didn’t know what to do, and I wasn’t expecting to see him.”

“What? Who?”

“Nathan!” I hiccupped a sob. “He’s back, and I actually ran away. Oh, my God.” I pressed my palms against my eyes in despair.

Dad made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a laugh.

I slid my hands down a little to eye him between stretched fingers. “Don’t you dare.”

He held up his hand. “I did nothing. So what happened then? Did he follow you? Beg you to get back together?”

“No! I ran off, and he didn’t do anything.” That might have been the worst part.

“What a toad.”

“Dad!”

“What? Well, he must be if he just let you go and didn’t do… ah.”

“Yeah, look who’s talking.”

“That’s different. It just is,” he added hurriedly. “So you’re crying because you saw him? Or because you ran away? Or because he let you? I’m a little confused.”

“I don’t know! I didn’t expect to see him right there, and Cú was whimpering like he missed me. I got a little overwhelmed, and I cried, okay? Can we get over that detail, please?”

His lips twitched. “We’re over it. But you’re still upset.”

“Of course I’m upset. I
saw
him.”

He actually looked pained. “You really like him this much?”

“Well, duh. I really,
really
liked him, but I’m trying not to. I swear, Dad, I’m trying my best to forget about him, but it’s so hard, and all I can draw is him. I can’t stop.”

“Show me.”

I stared at him.

“Show me some of your drawings. Come on. I don’t have all day.”

Frowning, I took a picture out of the bin.

“You throw them away?”

“I told you, I’m trying to forget about him. You demand things and then you act all confused when I follow orders.”

He squirmed. “You don’t have to call them
orders
.” He flattened the picture out and whistled. “This is, I mean, wow.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m serious. I can’t believe my baby drew this. I’d prefer if it wasn’t of the boy who’s going to steal her from me, but I can’t win every battle.”

I laughed and wiped my eyes. “Nobody’s stealing me. Like you said, he’s a toad.”

He grinned and glanced at the picture again. “No wonder you want to go to that art college.”

“Not anymore.”

“Excuse me?”

“You were right.” I shrugged. “It’s not something I can rely on. Besides, a portfolio full of Nathan Evans pictures isn’t going to nab me a place on any course.”

He stared at me carefully. “Are you being serious or overly dramatic?”

I glared at him.

He backed off. “Fine, you’re serious. You know I want you to be happy, right?”

“No, actually. Right now, I think you want everyone to be as miserable as you.”

“Ah, Perdy, that’s not fair.”

“The way you’ve been acting hasn’t been fair.”

He smoothed the picture again. “Maybe. Okay, definitely. I’m sorry I got mad at you about
Erin
. But you can’t get involved in my relationships like that. Although I’m sorry you felt as though you had to go to her on my behalf.”

“But I did have to. You treated her like crap, and she hasn’t been back. I mean, really, what’s wrong with you?”

“It’s not like that. Erin and I want different things right now.”

“What could be so different that you can’t compromise, or you know, be nice to one another?”

He gave a small smile. “She wants a family of her own, Perdy. Maybe not now, but some day, and I’m not exactly in the best position for that. I mean, look at my track record.”