Purpose (21 page)

“This is really nice.” Ryan stood in the kitchen, opening cabinets and running his hand over the faux-granite countertops. “Seems out of place in this neighborhood.”

“It is, but it’s close to Penn, and I don’t charge the kids more than the going rate for the crappy apartments nearby.” A small tribute to David, something no one understood or even knew about. He wasn’t even sure why he did it. Something of a holdover from before he let his humanity fade into the background. “We should get started. It might take a while.”

He sat down against the wall, keeping the windows to his left. Ryan took a seat close enough for their bodies to touch. “How does this work?”

“Good question.” As if he really knew. “You’re the first person I’ve met who has the same abilities. What I thought I’d do is slip into your mind and tell you how I do it. Hopefully, I can guide you so you get good at focusing on what you want to see. After that, you can try reading my mind.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Ryan drew a deep breath and held it for several seconds. Will didn’t need to read his mind to know his boyfriend was scared.

He found Ryan’s hand and began rubbing it gently. “We don’t have to do this. I know it’s a bit daunting.”

“No, I want to, need to, even.” The forced smile didn’t fool Will. “Besides, we really need to figure out what’s inside me, for both our sakes.”

He knew Ryan was right, but he didn’t like being the source of his discomfort. Before they began, he leaned over to kiss Ryan. “You’ll do great.”

Finally, Ryan relaxed a bit, and Will decided it was time. “Relax and listen to my voice. If you don’t understand something, let me know.”

“Okay.”

“Good, now think about last night.” Will slipped into Ryan’s mind, slowly sifting through the images, looking for one to use.

S
ILENTLY
, they got in the car as the sun almost reached its peak. Three hours was probably too much, and he knew Ryan was tired. He gently massaged the back of Ryan’s neck with his fingers. “You did great.”

A loud snort filled the small passenger compartment. “Liar. I barely managed the basics.”

“Took me a year and more to do that.” He removed his hand and started to drive. “Next time, it’ll be easier.”

“So what did you learn inside my head?”

“You were there. What did
you
see?” Much as he didn’t like turning it back on Ryan, he wasn’t quite sure what to make of things.

“I don’t know, Will. None of the memories I saw meant much.”

“They did to me.” Did they ever.

Ryan twisted in his seat, turning to face him. “Wh… what did you find out?”

“Part of it is the obvious. Your Purpose and mine are connected.” Really obvious, but when Ryan didn’t comment, he continued. “The connection is something akin to two halves of a whole, I think.”

“How did you get that from the memories we saw?”

Twice, he almost pulled over. Trying to drive and assimilate things was more difficult than he’d expected. “Two reasons. First, several of the people whose memories you have were known to some of my prior hosts. Your Purpose is chasing mine and has been for centuries.”

“Are you sure?”

There was something in Ryan’s voice that Will couldn’t place. He’d have to ask later. “Yes. I recognized some of the faces your prior hosts saw during their lives. After that, I sifted through mine and found memories that matched.”

“So basically, us, it’s just something these—things—want.” Now Will understood Ryan’s tone. “You don’t really like me for me. It’s because that thing in your head is making you be with me?”

“Ryan….” Did he tell him the truth or sidestep? Exhaling loudly, he found a place to pull over. “I don’t know. That’s as honest as I can be. If we could ask
It
what it was doing, maybe we’d know for sure. But read my thoughts, search my mind, do whatever it takes to make you comfortable. Just understand I want to be with you. Fuck your Purpose or mine. Yes, I think the initial attraction was their doing, but I’m not with you because of
It
.”

“How can you be sure?” Ryan didn’t sound convinced. “I mean, even you admit there’s a connection between the two.”

“I don’t know how to explain it, but I’m sure.” He shook his head, wishing he had a better answer. “Every one of your prior hosts whose memories we searched died within days of being chosen. You would have too if I hadn’t figured out what was happening. But they all had one thing in common: location. All of your hosts were either in close proximity to my Purpose, or my Purpose had recently been in that area. It’s almost as if the two Purposes wanted us to be together.”

“Will, in forty years they couldn’t find you a decent match? Only me?”

“Stop!” Ryan recoiled at the force of his word. “Sorry that came out too harsh, but I hate when you do that self-deprecating shit. Yes, only you.”

A half smile crossed Ryan’s face. “Fine, forget about you and me. None of your Purpose’s other hosts ever realized my Purpose existed. How can they be connected?”

“Maybe
It
chose you because it knew we’d be together.” Even he wasn’t sure he believed that.

As if reading Will’s thoughts, Ryan shook his head. “No, I might not understand a lot, but the sequence of events was clear.
It
found me before we met.”

Why hadn’t one of the prior pairs met and realized what was happening? Given the incredible number of hosts Ryan’s Purpose had possessed over the centuries, statistically, it was inconceivable no one had made the connection before.

“For whatever reason, I’m certain your Purpose is chasing mine.” Ryan stared at him, the question left unasked. “I’ve avenged dozens of your hosts.”

“What do you mean by ‘chasing’ yours?”

The leather squeaked as he moved to face Ryan. “Wherever I moved, it followed me. Like I said, I cross-referenced your memories with mine. The location of the prior hosts mimics mine exactly. If I moved to Detroit, your Purpose took hosts there. After Detroit, I went to Cleveland. Your Purpose went to Cleveland too. City after city, within days of my arriving in a new place, your Purpose followed mine there.”

Ryan faced him but was staring over his shoulder. Finally, he nodded. “You said there were two things you figured out. What’s the second?”

He was committed to this path. Ryan had a right to know, but he couldn’t be sure it was the right thing to do. “While I don’t know everything your Purpose does, it attracts violence. People want to kill the host.”

“P
EOPLE
want to kill me?”

Ryan handled the news better than Will expected. “Yes, I think so.”

“How can you be sure?” The hint of panic was there now. “Did
It
speak to you?”

It was all supposition, but he knew he was right. “There’s no other explanation. Every one of your predecessors was killed. Every one. That’s not normal. More, they were killed within days or, at most, weeks of being chosen. And their deaths were not car accidents or the like. People killed them, violently. You would have died too if I hadn’t been there. Search your memories. Why you? Why David? Why any of the others? The only connection between them all is your Purpose.”

Ryan turned quickly, staring out his window. It didn’t require Will read his mind to know Ryan was upset. “You’re right. There is no other good explanation.”

He reached over and placed a hand on Ryan’s shoulder. “Ryan, this doesn’t mean you’re going to be killed. I’ll guard you and make sure you’re safe.”

“You can’t be sure of that.”

When Ryan didn’t respond to Will’s touch, he removed his hand. “Yes, I can.”

“So you’re going to lock me up when you go out and guard me every other waking minute?” Ryan rubbed his nose with his right hand and sniffed.

“If I have to, yes.” Of course he would.

“We both know you can’t do that, and even if you could, that’s no kind of life for me.” Another sniff and he turned back. “Every time I go out, I have to constantly check my surroundings to be sure I’m not attacked. How can I live like that?”

“Ryan….” He pulled their heads closer so their foreheads rested together. “Listen to me. We’ll find a way. We don’t have all the facts yet, but I’m sure when we do, we’ll find a way for you to be safe.”

“How?”

“I don’t know,
but
….” He dropped a finger to Ryan’s lips. “Think about it. What sense does it make for your Purpose to chase mine just to let the host die? We’re missing something. There has to be more to this. Until we figure this out, yes, I’ll guard you 24-7 if I have to.”

“What makes you think it has to make sense?” Ryan pulled away, his words rushed and an octave higher. “Nothing else makes sense. Why should this? I mean, a silent but possibly sentient spirit forces you to avenge innocent victims.
That’s
so logical. Why does there have to be an intelligent plan for all this?”

“Ryan….”

“You know what makes sense? Nothing. There’s no master plan, no rules, nothing. Just this thing that makes people want to kill me.”

Wrapping his arms around Ryan, Will drew him closer. Ryan struggled and almost pulled free until Will adjusted how tight he held on. “Ryan, stop. Please. Listen to me.”

He waited until Ryan’s breathing was more normal and his heart slowed down.

“You’re right. We don’t know anything for sure. That doesn’t mean we give up. If your Purpose is anything like mine, and we should assume it is, it’s going to give you abilities to protect yourself. We need to be sure they’re in place first. Just don’t give up. If you do, then it will be hopeless.”

“Why bother?” He shook his head. “Every other host died in less than a month. Face it, my time is almost up.”

“Do it for me?” His words came out barely more than a whisper.

“What?” Ryan’s eyes found his.

“I don’t want to lose you, so if you need a reason not to give up, do it for me.” The tears almost slipped out, but he managed to hold them back. “I don’t want… can’t lose someone else I love.”

“Will….” Ryan closed his mouth, exhaling through his nose. “I’m sorry.”

Eyes closed, he shook his head. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. I know you’re scared. I am too, but—”

“I love you too.” Before he could respond, Ryan kissed him. “For you I’ll try.”

A slow nod was all he could manage. How did the “L” word slip out? Did he mean it, or was he just scared to lose Ryan? It took a moment, but he knew he meant it. “Thank you.”

Another kiss and he put the car in gear and slid into traffic. Ryan seemed content to keep silent, and Will felt the same. There was a lot he needed to digest, and it might be better if they both worked through what they had learned before they tried to talk about it again.

C
AREFUL
not to wake Ryan, Will quietly got out of bed and found his shorts. The green LCD numbers on the clock said 3:16 a.m. Shedding Gar’s yoke didn’t change all the enhanced abilities
It
gave him. Rather than force himself to sleep, he opted to use the quiet hours to make sense of what he’d learned.

Ryan hadn’t said much after waking from his nap. They’d said good-bye to his brother and Abby. Ryan had answered the few questions Will asked him on the drive home, but not much else. Even dinner was unusually quiet. Staring at the empty takeout containers on the counter, he decided it could have been the lousy Chinese food. Not going back to Hunan Garden again.

No, it wasn’t the food, or the company, or the drive. He was trying to come to grips with what had happened to him. Will knew the feeling. And while he might make it easier for Ryan to understand things, he’d also made it worse by dumping everything out all at once. There was no good way to handle the news a spirit had taken control of your body. None.

Blue mat spread on the wood floor, he began his Tai Chi routine. Later this morning, he was going to drag Ryan out to the exercise course. They needed to gauge his strength and set a benchmark to measure future growth.

Will tried to figure out how Ryan would get stronger, but found no answers. Ryan didn’t have souls calling to him for vengeance to give him their strength. Then again, Will’s belief that his strength came from avenging the dead had been based on the accepted “wisdom” of his prior hosts. The events of the last few days called into question most of what he “knew” about
It.
Why not this?

Of course, what he “knew” fit the facts. Will was the strongest host, and he’d avenged the most souls many times over. He’d also been host the longest, so maybe it was a factor of time and not bodies. Hard to tell when no one had devised a test to measure the strength of a host.

Fine, he’d be the first to measure things. For both him and Ryan. Starting at dawn, when he roused his Sleeping Beauty.

Fluid yet powerful, he found he enjoyed the workout more since he’d reverted to his old self. With the return of his emotions came the stress and worry he’d turned to Gar to avoid. Tai Chi centered him, gave him the inner peace to work through his troubles. Added flexibility and greater body control were a bonus.