Push and Shove: The Ghost Bird Series: #6 (The Academy) (48 page)

In the split second my eyes were still closed, it felt like the world stopped. My mind was blank as I tried to register what had just happened. My heart throbbed and swelled to double its normal size.

As my eyes fluttered open, I found his were fixed on me. His lips were parted and it looked like he was holding his breath, waiting for me to say something.

“I...” I started to say. He kissed me! And it had been so unexpected because the boys had started and teased, and backed off so often. But here, Dr. Green just up and did it. “You,” I breathed out, but what could I say?

He grinned. “Did it work?”

I mumbled again, not remembering what he was talking about.

“Well,” he said, the playful glint in his eyes returning. “Just to make sure.”

His palm cupped my cheek to still me and then he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine again. Longer this time. His head tilted so our lips weren’t so aligned. His thumb slid across my cheek, massaging my cheekbone.

I moved my lips against his. I was eager, hungry for it.

And then I realized how unprepared I’d been for any sort of kiss from anyone. I didn’t know how to hold my lips, where to turn my head, or what I was supposed to do. His lips were moving against mine, sliding across. When I thought I could move my lips like his, he changed and went another way.

I was chasing him.

Everything slowed down. Forever in a moment. My heart felt like it was curled up in warm furs and he was snuggling it.

His lips released me and he snuck another light, closed mouthed kiss at the corner of my mouth before he backed his head up. When I opened my eyes again, he was beaming. His cheeks bunched up close to his eyes and his grin looked like it’d never leave his face.

“Something tells me you’re still new at this,” he said in a low voice.

The feel and taste of his lips still lingered and for a moment, I didn’t want to speak. I was terrified that feeling would go away and I wanted it to remain. “I haven’t... I’ve never...” I tried to whisper without moving my mouth much. I couldn’t find the right words.

His eyebrows furrowed for a brief moment like he was having trouble understanding, but then his whole face opened in a stunned expression. “Don’t tell me this was your first.”

I ended up biting my lip because I didn’t want to admit to anything.

“Oh shit,” he said, but the grin returned. He readjusted himself until he could slide his arm around my neck and cushion my head along his bicep. He drew me in. His other hand held mine, palm to palm, between us. He snuggled so close that his chin met with my forehead. “Guess I was right about the destiny thing after all. I thought for sure someone else had already done it by now.”

I studied the dip in the middle of his collarbone and the start of the white shirt. The cotton relaxed against his chest, nearly outlining the shape. I found it easier to talk to him without looking at his face. “I thought you’d get in trouble if you did.”

“Who said that?”

“No one. Not really. I mean Gabriel kind of. But then Luke...” I didn’t want to plant blame on one of the boys, just in case they did get into trouble over it. “But I got the impression you guys weren’t supposed to kiss anyone. Or me specifically. I don’t know why.”

His cheek puffed out against my forehead. I imagined he was grinning again. “How in the world did you come up with the idea that we weren’t allowed?”

“Some acted like they wanted to but never did. A couple said they shouldn’t.”

Dr. Green backed his head up and then looked down at me, although he was still really close and it almost hurt to look at his face. “Exactly how many of the boys have been trying to kiss you?”

I couldn’t tell by his face how he might react to the truth, but I couldn’t lie. “Most of them. ... All of them. Except maybe Mr. Blackbourne.”

He huffed and then released my hand to shove his palm against his cheek. “I’ll admit, I haven’t been able to keep up with everything going on, but I thought for sure one of them would have had the guts to do it by now.”

“Huh?”

“I mean it wasn’t like you were going to jump out and start kissing who you wanted. You’re not the type.” He eased himself over until his head was near mine. “You’re one of those traditional girls, I can tell. Always wanting the guy to do things first. It’s part of what makes you so adorable.”

I averted my eyes and my cheeks warmed. “Dr...”

“Sean.”

“Sean,” I said softer. “I don’t want to get you into trouble with the Academy.”

“A first kiss with you is worth a little trouble.” He drifted his palm across my cheek. “Listen, sweetheart. The Academy isn’t that controlling. They didn’t make this rule. We did.”

“What?” I whispered. “Who did?”

“The boys and I,” he said. “We promised each other not to bombard you with any sort of kissing or more than that, when everything has been such a mess lately. But it’s cruel to hang a kiss in front of your face when it was clear you wanted it, and not give it to you.”

“They promised each other?” I asked. I’d heard him before, but the realization struck hard with me. It wasn’t the Academy keeping them away. They did it to themselves. “For how long? Why?”

“They weren’t supposed to until you kissed them first. Or you told them outright you wanted a kiss. Something like that.” His palm smoothed over my cheek again, drifting along until he caught my jaw line and his fingers traced it. “But you were never going to jump in and kiss them. And look at what happened? You thought the Academy was some mean organization that didn’t allow kissing.”

“I wasn’t sure what it was,” I said. “But I did think the Academy didn’t want you to. Or didn’t want you to with me.”

“It was about you, but it wasn’t what you thought. None of us wanted to confuse you or scare you off. But you’ve stuck with us this long.” He moved his face and planted a thick kiss on my forehead. When he released me, he kept his lips close and they traced along my skin as he spoke. “I mean it would have been really weird having you sleep in my bed next to me without having kissed you. That would have been agony.”

“The other boys do it.”

“The other boys have more will power than I’ve ever given them credit for. You are the perfect torture training tool. I, however, have absolutely no will power at all, so I fail. But now you have to get them to stop because I know how much this is killing them.”

I had my palm on his forearm and I clutched it tighter. Silas had said the same thing. “Killing?”

“We were all worried you would be really traumatized by what happened, but you’ve got a pretty happy disposition, and you bounce back quickly. You’re a happy person in general, so we were a little overzealous making the rules, but with good reason. We meant well at the time, but it was ridiculous. No wonder they’ve been so distracted lately.”

“I haven’t noticed,” I said.

“I have,” he said. “That debacle with Volto, for instance. That would have never happened if they’d not been distracted.”

“So ... I am a problem.” I didn’t mean to sound like that, but I was worried about being in the way.

His fingers captured my cheeks, and squeezed until I was making a fish face. “Don’t give me that. We did this to ourselves. I did agree with it then, but I don’t think we have much to worry about. Everyone’s got some mental issues when dealing with traumatic events, but you’re pretty happy and healthy, so you’re fine. I mean you didn’t run screaming from the room when I kissed you.”

“Is that an option?” I asked, teasing. I don’t know why I said it. I didn’t mean it at all. Of course I didn’t want to run. They’d been so worried about me that they thought a kiss would make me run away? Maybe I could understand. If it had been weeks ago, perhaps I would have been way more confused. I was still uncertain about things, especially about how he so easily implied that I should be getting the others to break this rule like it wasn’t a big deal.

And then suddenly everything the boys had been doing made so much sense; the way they avoided my lips, how Kota shoved his fingers at my mouth, getting me to kiss them.

It struck me then what Kota had been doing that all along. Telling me without telling me that all I had to do was do it once. I had to show him I wanted to kiss him, and he would have replied instantly. He was trying desperately to keep his promise. The others, too. They did what they could to get me to do things first.

That’s why the biting could be done with North. Why they kissed my cheek after I kissed them. Why hadn’t I realized it before? The only one holding back was me.

He huffed and then released my face and snuggled closer. “I’ll have to confess to Owen about it, but I’m pretty sure he’ll just ground me.”

That started me giggling again. I thought he was teasing. I couldn’t imagine Dr. Green being grounded.

His shoulders shook and he started laughing but then pulled back. “No,” he said. “Not again.”

Before I could respond, he dropped his head and his lips covered mine. Much more confident this time. He didn’t wait for me to move my mouth. He surrounded my lips with his, and applied pressure. He suckled at my lips, released, gave me a quick peck and then dove in again with his lips open.

This time, I closed my eyes and I let him do what he wanted. I wanted to absorb every moment. And then I felt that I wasn’t giving back, so I tried to mimic. His ginger scent filled my nose, sweet and lemony. His arm under my neck curled over, until the tips of his fingers traced along my jaw.

His other hand rested against my hip. At that moment, my mind stopped thinking about his lips and focused on his hand. He only held me by the hip, but part of his hand covered the hem of my underwear underneath the T-shirt dress. Did he know? Could he feel it?

His lips parted again, taking my lower lip into his for a moment and threatening to distract me again. His hand from my hip slid up, following the curve of my waist and then resting at the small of my back, warming with his palm. He was enveloping me into him, and I welcomed every kiss and touch. All the cravings I’d been feeling released inside of me, and everything he had to give me still didn’t feel like enough. The more he kissed, the more I wanted, and I wanted to figure out how to kiss back so I could keep up. I tried, doing my best, puckering my lips, parting them when he parted his.

He slowed a little, like he was trying to show me.

“Dr. Green,” called Mr. Blackbourne from the hallway. “Miss Sorenson?”

My heart struck in a panic. Getting caught like this by Mr. Blackbourne didn’t seem like a good idea.

Dr. Green released me, sitting up quickly. He shoved his fingers through his hair. “We’re in here,” he said.

I adjusted myself, getting up into a kneel on the bed. I applied the back of my hand to my mouth, wiping it as if he might be able to see some mark left on me by Dr. Green.

Mr. Blackbourne peeked in from the hall. A smooth eyebrow rose. “I believe everything’s ready.” His eyes studied the room, Dr. Green and then his gaze locked and remained with me.

“Sorry,” Dr. Green said. “Was just showing her around.”

“Miss Sorenson,” Mr. Blackbourne said, seeming to ignore Dr. Green. “Are you all right?”

It was the second time he’d asked me. I held back my trembling and nodded quietly, afraid to speak and show I wasn’t fine. I felt like a mess inside. Scared he’d know what we’d been up to and would disapprove. Dr. Green would get into trouble. Still, I wished Mr. Blackbourne would leave for the evening so I could go back a few moments and continue what Dr. Green had been doing.

I really hated that last thought, because a deeper, secret part of me yearned for Mr. Blackbourne’s approval. I wanted him here, too.

“Would you like to dress for dinner?” he asked.

“I, uh...” I wanted to answer him plainly, but the question confused me. I wasn’t sure what he was asking.

“I believe Mr. Coleman prepared an outfit for you. It should be in your bag. Why don’t you put it on and we’ll meet you downstairs?”

From his tone, I believed this was more of a demand rather than a request. I nodded curtly.

He glanced again at Dr. Green. There was some silent communication, but Dr. Green stepped around the bed.

“There’s a bathroom over there,” Dr. Green said, pointing to a door on the other side of the bed. He shared a slight smile with me before he disappeared out the door.

Mr. Blackbourne paused for only a moment, sharing a look with me. I tried to understand it, but it was completely unreadable. Maybe because I was nervous about the situation, I wasn’t picking up on his mood. Did he overhear? Was he upset somehow that Dr. Green had broken their rule?

Mr. Blackbourne backed out, closing the door.

When I was alone and could finally breathe, I fell back on the bed. If being grounded was to force me to take it easy and rest, I was so far from relaxed. Excited. Nervous. Jumbled. How was I ever going to get out from being grounded like this?

And did I really want to?

––––––––

T
he outfit Gabriel had prepared was one of the longer skirts he’d bought for me, along with a soft gray blouse and ballet flats. I used the bathroom mirror to reapply makeup to my neck. I was brushing my hair and started to twist it into a clip like I was used to, but Gabriel’s voice echoed in my thoughts telling me to leave it.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the rule. So the boys promised each other they wouldn’t step over that line and kiss me. The way Dr. Green explained it, it was almost like he’d expected them to break it sooner, and it was okay if I got them to do so now.

The boys had made me feel it was more serious than that. Dr. Green passed it off so easily.

Why was this so complicated? I didn’t fault them for talking about it and being concerned. Hadn’t I, without asking them, wondered and worried what the others would think if I was kissing one or the other? Didn’t I hold back from telling them what I really wanted when I became concerned with how others would feel?

I couldn’t blame them for not talking about it with me, because I was the one not talking about it. It felt like everyone else was talking, and I kept myself out of the discussion because I never opened up about any of it. I realized now that may have been my mistake all along. Did I really trust them? If I did, I should be able to tell Kota I wanted to kiss him. Or Nathan. Or Luke. Or any of the boys. I should be able to tell them what the others were doing. The secrets weighed the heaviest.