Put a Ring on It (3 page)

Because Theo’s eyes. They were kind and happy, and Kieran knew Theo seriously meant for all of this insane bullshit to be romantic. But how did they get from things going okay and living together to let’s get married without any stops at Talking About the Future Station or the I Love You transfer point?

Kieran couldn’t breathe—nothing to hold on to, no way to escape. He knew this feeling. That trip to the shore. Learning how different ocean swimming was from the pool at the Y. Everything going fine until it wasn’t. As the wave smashed into him, dragged him under, he’d known he was going to drown. The headline had popped up in his mind: “Boy, Eleven, Drowns During Family Vacation.” He couldn’t put his feet down, couldn’t find up, water and sand in his eyes and nose and mouth, and he fought until his face smacked the sand. Then it was easier to let the water do what it wanted until his uncle found Kieran; solid, steady hands lifting him onto his feet, keeping him upright while Kieran coughed and threw up a couple of gallons of surf.

The actor who played Jim had a hand on Kieran’s shoulder now, like his uncle had as Kieran had fought for a breath. “I think you knocked him off his feet, Theo. C’mon, Kieran, give the guy a break.”

Theo’s eyes held a touch of uncertainty, like he was the one looking up at the giant wave racing toward the shore. He’d taken the ring from the box, was holding it out. A faint winter light filtered in, enough to throw a spark on the diamond, or maybe they were under a spotlight, all part of the staging. Theo blinked, and then Kieran saw the diamond was sparkling because Theo’s hand was shaking.

When he’d left MIT, Kieran had sworn that he was done making other people happy. But other people weren’t Theo. That didn’t mean he could catch his breath enough to get a word out.

Sometimes it was easier to nod and figure stuff out later. So he did. He reached for Theo’s hand, nodded, and let the wave crash over him.

KIERAN SAID
yes.

No standing ovation, no glowing review, no sold out months, nothing felt better than getting this right. Theo had never produced anything that had been such an exact match for the vision in his head. He rode that postperformance high through the congratulatory backslapping and pictures. Energy sizzled through him as he thanked Geoff and Paolo, the sound tech, and all the cast and crew who’d stood out in the freezing weather to do this favor for him. About a hundred kisses and hugs later, Theo finally got to get his arms around his fiancé again. His fiancé. Damn, that sounded good.

Kieran was fending off bouquets of roses gathered by some of the ensemble, wiping his nose on his sleeve.

“Sorry, babe. I’ll get us out of here.” Theo grabbed the bouquets and handed them to Geoff. “Thank you. Poor guy is allergic.”

“I know you’re eager to get home, but we did put some champagne on ice in the kitchen.” Geoff winked. “Assuming Kieran is old enough to drink.”

Theo hoped Kieran hadn’t heard that part. The other issue Kieran had with his hair was that it made him look a hell of a lot younger than his twenty-five years.

“Pop it in the greenroom for us.”

Geoff laughed and smacked Theo’s shoulder. “Looks like you’re not the only one looking forward to a private celebration.” He nodded at where Kieran was crossing over Broadway.

Theo jogged after him, gaze fixed on Kieran’s emerald-bright scarf so he didn’t lose him in the crowd. Theo did have to run, threading through the lunch crowd, as Kieran had half a block on him now.

All the elation bubbling inside popped, shattered, crashing under a sudden weight in his chest. This wasn’t Kieran eager to get home to celebrate with champagne and strawberries and lube. Panic made Theo sprint.

But Kieran had said yes. He’d hesitated, but he’d looked Theo right in the eyes and said yes. That pause had felt long, but Kieran always liked to think things through. Then they’d had to fumble with Kieran’s gloves, but he’d accepted the ring, taking over for Theo and sliding it the rest of the way up his finger.

Theo played it back, looking for the flaw in the performance. The kiss? Kieran’s lips had been cold, but it was February and twenty-eight degrees. It had been quick, provoking protests from their audience.

As he ran, the weight dropped lower, cold and slimy in Theo’s stomach. After the boos, Kieran had grabbed Theo’s face and held him for another kiss. Longer, with movement. But it had been a stage kiss. Show and no feel. Theo had wanted to pull Kieran away right then, but that was when all the hugs and congratulations had started.

Kieran had passed Forty-Seventh Street by the time Theo caught him, lungs aching from cold inside and out.

Kieran slowed, stopping when Theo rested a hand on Kieran’s back.

“I’ll get us a cab.” Theo raised his free hand.

“No.”

Theo pushed that word away with an arm tightening on Kieran’s shoulders. He was wearing the ring. He’d said yes. He was just pissed about how long it had taken to get out of there.

Gently, like a soft fall of snow, Kieran ducked away. “You take the cab. I’m going to walk.”

“Thirty blocks?”

Kieran shrugged.

“I’m sorry if—sorry it took so long to leave.” Theo wanted to reach for Kieran, but what if he moved away again?

“Don’t.” Kieran’s voice wasn’t sharp or loud. Like his movement, it was soft, gentle. Which made the cold inside Theo freeze solid.

Don’t apologize? Don’t touch me?

“Okay.” Theo agreed, not sure what he’d agreed to.

A cab pulled up in response to the arm Theo had forgotten he’d raised.

Kieran nodded, then turned and started uptown again. The cabbie honked.

I’ll see you at home, right?
The words stuck in Theo’s throat. If he asked, he’d have to hear the answer.

But he’d said yes.

The cabbie let out a long blare on his horn and pulled away, leaving Theo standing alone.

THEO WALKED
up Broadway. He wasn’t chasing Kieran. That would be a mistake. But Theo would rather step in front of a bus than go back to the theater by himself.

It was only a minor setback. Kieran liked time alone to think about things. Theo should have taken that into consideration. So he’d get another cab, go home, and wait for Kieran to finish his brooding walk.

Theo should have remembered Kieran was a brooder. He was like Gideon that way.

As Theo hailed another cab, he thought he could stand to hear a little of Gideon’s brooding perspective. His friend would be only too happy to point out the ways Theo had gotten this wrong. Except he hadn’t gotten it completely wrong. Kieran had still said yes.

Theo rattled off his address and settled into the back of the cab. Sometimes he really needed to be around people who’d known him before he was a Big Broadway Producer, back when he could fall flat on his face without it making the trades. People who knew him and loved him in spite of it.

Gideon picked up on the second ring. “Yeah?”

“Hi.”

“Everything okay?”

Everything wasn’t. Or maybe it was better than okay.
I just got engaged.
But Theo could hear the tired impatience in Gideon’s voice. “Everything’s fine.”

“Good. Can I call you back, then? I’m in the middle of something here.”

“No problem. I just—”

“Thanks. I’ll call you later.” Gideon hung up. He would call back—he always kept a promise. But it would be at 2:00 a.m. or some other time when he knew Theo was unlikely to pick up, and then it would be phone tag until Theo gave up. Always on his turn.

The phone barely rang before Jax answered. “Thee. How’re you doing?”

That was Jax’s schmooze mode. Which meant there were probably other people around. When Jax dropped that facade, he was one of the funniest and kindest people Theo had ever met. Separating him from the outer layer he’d been wearing as armor since he was twelve was sometimes impossible.

“Great. Wondering if you wanted to get together, grab a show and a late dinner?”

An awesome thing about Jax was he kept theater hours, though after this past summer he’d blown Theo off more than a few times. Not Theo’s fault Jax’s last show had only run for a week. Theo had come opening night, stood around for pictures.

“Sure, maybe when I get back.”

“Back?”

“It’s pilot season. Agent has me in Vancouver. Again.”

“Oh.” Theo glanced out the window. Sleet pinged like pebbles off the glass. It was sleeting now, though they’d had perfect weather for the flash mob. He could hear Geoff back in the greenroom.
As if it would dare rain before Theo gave permission to strike the set.
And Kieran was walking into it as it swept down from the northwest. He’d be hunched down in that scarf, ice crystals melting and reforming to spike in his hair. Or he’d get on a train. Kieran had lived in New York all his life and had done perfectly fine for those twenty-three years before they’d met, as he pointed out when Theo tried to make that life a little smoother. Always gently, though.

Kieran mocked most of the world behind a cynic’s sneer, but he never turned that on Theo.

Kind and gentle. That couldn’t be why—

“So I’ll give you a call when I get back,” Jax said after a silence so long, Theo had almost forgotten he was still on the phone.

“Yes. That would be great. How’s the weather?”

“The weather?”

It was a regular sort of question. Hadn’t he ever asked Jax about the weather before?

“It’s cold and it fucking rains every day.”

“Oh. So not exactly LA.”

“No.” Jax’s answer was so clipped and sharp it sounded like it could have come from Gideon. “I’ll call when I get back.”

Theo paused with his finger over Dane’s contact. Lord, Theo didn’t even know if Dane was in the country. How could that have happened? Theo had been so focused on
Susan
, then on the deal he was negotiating to develop a couple of other musicals from MGM properties. And on Kieran, of course. As soon as things were settled, Theo would get them all together.

He thought the call would go to Dane’s voice mail, but Dane picked up, sounding out of breath. Knowing Dane, Theo could have interrupted him from an athletic orgy or rappelling down a wall.

“Hey.”

“Did I get you at a bad time?”

“No such thing.”

Now that Theo had heard more, Dane sounded more tired than out of breath. “Where are you?”

Dane laughed. “Pretty much where I’ve been for the past year. Ass deep in muck, doing a Sandy impact survey on urban wetlands. You know we bought the house in Queens.”

No. Theo hadn’t known. “Mortgage-level commitment. Sounds serious.”

“Spencer and I are committed to each other. Having sex with other people doesn’t change that.” Theo couldn’t say he didn’t notice hot guys, but he knew he’d be happy only having sex with Kieran for the rest of his life. He wanted to ask if Gideon knew about the house but bit his tongue. “So you’re planning for the future?”

“Oh, I get it. Are you feeling serious about… sorry, I forgot his name.”

“Kieran. Yes.”

“And you called me for relationship advice? What, Jax and Gideon were busy?”

Theo couldn’t deny that he didn’t get how being able to fuck around—for Dane to occasionally toss Gideon an unfortunately literal bone every once in a while—was fair or good to anyone. But he couldn’t deny that both Dane and Spencer seemed happy with their open relationship. Maybe Dane did know how to make things work.

“If you want help—hell, if you want things to go good with Kieran—you’re going to have to use some words there, Theo. Tell him what you want. No one can read your mind. Relationships don’t work without communication.”

A lack of mind reading was a really good thing. Theo handed over the fare and tip and nodded to the doorman as he hurried out of the stinging sleet.

“I’m not expecting that.” In fact, Theo thought he’d been as clear as could be about what he wanted an hour ago.

“Yeah, well, here’s the hard part. You don’t just have to talk. You have to be honest.”

“I was. I am.”

Dane’s laugh cut off. “Damn, could have warned me this sleet was coming.”

“Sorry.”

“Oh, Theo. That’s what I mean. You’re not sorry. You said that because it was expected. If you want things to go right with Kieran, you can’t do that. You can’t smooth stuff over. You have to be honest. Even if it’s ugly.”

Nobody liked ugly. “I want him to— I want him to love me, not leave me.”

“And how have you been going about that? Saying you love him and hoping he’ll say it back? Dressing everything up with romance until it’s like a Disney musical?”

Theo winced.

Somehow Dane heard it. “I thought so. Talk to him. Be honest.”

Theo honestly was in love with Kieran. And he honestly wanted everything to be as perfect as he could make it.

“And here’s the other hard part,” Dane added. “You have to listen to what he actually says, not what you want to hear.”

“Well, that sucks.” Theo tried a laugh as he waited for the elevator.

“So don’t, then.” Dane’s shrug was easy to picture. “But you must have been desperate or you wouldn’t have called me.”

SLEET DROVE
Kieran down to the subway. He was down on the platform before he realized he’d headed for the Brooklyn-bound M train instead of going up toward Theo’s.

Fuck it. He’d have time to thaw. And think.

By the time he was on the street in Bushwick it had gone back to rain, but it was still nut-shrinkingly cold, so he was more than glad when his ex-roommate Brett picked up the phone on the third ring.

“You home?” Kieran was too numb for nice.

“What? Yeah. Got out of work at one.”

“Good.” Kieran pressed the bell. “Because that’s me.”

The intercom clicked on. “Asshole. Did you leave him?”

“No.” Kieran tugged at the door, but it was still locked. “C’mon.”

“Did you cheat on him?”

“Not that it’s any of your fucking business, but no.”

The door buzzed, and Kieran jogged up the stairs.