Puzzled to Death (41 page)

APOLOGIES
by Paul Thornhill

As Harvey Beerbaum examined the puzzles, the frown on his face deepened into a scowl.

Cora Felton watched with glee.

Harvey looked up at her in utter frustration.

“So, Harvey, have you figured it out? Which of these puzzles fingers a killer? Can you tell?”

“Certainly not,” Harvey said indignantly. “And you can’t either. This is just a bluff. Quit stalling.”

“Oh, I’m not stalling.
I
know the answer. I just wanted to give
you
a chance.” Cora took the puzzles out of Harvey’s hand. She reached up, patted him on the cheek. “It’s all right, Harvey. I’ll take it from here.”

Cora stood watching with an almost maternal look on her face until Harvey was forced to slink back to his seat.

“So,” Cora said brightly. “As I was saying, one of these puzzles names a killer. Which one could it be?”

Cora held up
Apologies
. “Strangely enough, Paul Thornhill’s crossword puzzle tells me who killed him. As promised, it is time to unmask the killer.”

Cora turned, looked directly at Jessica Thornhill. “And the killer is …”

Cora paused, raised her finger.

Then she spun around a hundred and eighty degrees and pointed.

“Joey Vale!”

T
HERE WAS A STUNNED SILENCE IN THE ROOM
. S
HERRY
Carter sucked in her breath. She gawked at Cora Felton, unable to believe her ears. Clearly her aunt must have lost her mind. What could she be thinking? To arbitrarily accuse Joey Vale, the one person everyone in town hall knew for a fact could not be the killer. She had even said so herself.

Harvey Beerbaum grinned broadly, his suspicions confirmed. Cora had been bluffing after all, and her machinations with the three puzzles had been just a trick. “Excuse me, Miss Felton,” he said brightly, eyes twinkling. “Did you say
Joey Vale
?”

This sally was greeted by laughter from the crowd. Even Joey joined in. He shrugged his shoulders to the assembly at large, inviting them to share his bafflement at the lunatic ravings of this addled old woman.

Cora Felton, for her part, was doing nothing to dispel that impression. She tittered slightly, as if having just come to the embarrassing realization she was using the
wrong salad fork at a formal dinner. “I’m sorry. Did I say Joey Vale? I don’t know what came over me. I didn’t mean to say that. Pretend you didn’t hear that. Let me try again.”

Cora cleared her throat. “I have told you many things that might have happened. Now I am going to tell you what actually did. After Harvey Beerbaum’s barbecue last fall, Paul Thornhill, Ned Doowacker, and Craig Carmichael all went drinking at the Rainbow Room. I wondered about that—why they chose the Rainbow Room over some more upscale establishment like the Country Kitchen.”

Cora turned, pointed. “The answer is Jessica Thornhill. Paul Thornhill’s wife wasn’t in town, and it was his night to howl. But at the barbecue he’d agreed to take part in the charity tournament. Jessica would be along for that. Naturally, he didn’t want to go pick up women any place he’d later visit with his wife. The Rainbow Room was perfect. It was the type of place Jessica would never go.

“So what happens? He gets to the Rainbow Room, meets and flirts with Judy Vale. He shoots pool with Marty Haskel and beats him. Since he’s won, he has to play another game. He loses that one, then looks around for Judy.

“And where is she? By all accounts, she’s gone home with Billy Pickens. This is the story I got from all the witnesses I interviewed. It was so widely attested to, I took it at face value.

“And yet …

“On closer examination, no one
saw
her leave with Billy Pickens. Everyone
assumes
she did. Just as everyone
assumes
Billy Pickens is the man with whom she had the affair. It was simply common knowledge.

“And it simply wasn’t true.

“Thornhill went looking for Judy, and there she was outside. Just where she told him she’d be. He found her there, and he drove her home in his car. To an out-of-the way bungalow on the other side of the railroad tracks on the far side of town. On a night her husband was out playing cards. What a perfect setup for Paul Thornhill: a quick assignation before driving home to New York. With a woman he’s unlikely to ever see again.

“Oh, yeah? Bad luck for Paul Thornhill. The first tournament planning meeting, there she is. He avoids her like the plague, counting on her to be equally discreet.

“Bad luck again. Discretion was never one of poor Judy’s virtues. During the discussion, she stands up and donates her views. While she appears to be talking about the tournament, Paul Thornhill knows she is talking to
him
. He realizes that she is the type of woman who will not keep quiet, will not be discreet, and will not go away.

“Paul Thornhill is trapped. He is coming back to Bakerhaven with his wife. His rich, jealous, possessive wife, who is devoted to her trophy husband, but who will cut him off without a cent if she catches him playing around. Judy Vale is a nightmare. She can’t be warned off, she can’t be bought off, she can’t be scared off. And she can’t be reasoned with.

“She has to go.

“On the night in question, Paul Thornhill tells his wife he’s going out to the movies. Instead, he drives to Bakerhaven, leaves his car out on the road, and comes sneaking up Judy’s front path. Joey’s car is gone. The coast is clear. He knocks on the front door. Judy’s surprised to see him but invites him in. She offers him a drink and leads him into the kitchen, where he promptly strangles her and then drives back to New York just in
time to get home from the show. He’s seen the movie the day before, just in case Jessica happens to ask him about the plot, even though she’s unlikely to give a damn.

“And there it is. A perfect crime.

“Except for one thing.

“The witness.

“Felicity Roth. Who was looking out her window the night of the murder and saw him go inside. Which answers the one question that’s bothered me all along. Why was Felicity Roth talking to Paul Thornhill at Fun Night? She had no interest in crossword puzzles. No, she’s talking to him because she saw him at Judy Vale’s. Only she’s lied to the police about it, and she’s the only one who knows.

“Except for one other person who’s figured it out. Figured it out while he sat in jail while Mrs. Roth was being killed. Figured it out and plotted his revenge.

“So, as soon as he got out of jail he checked his facts, confirmed his theories, laid his plans, and—”

Cora Felton’s denouement was cut off by a savage, almost inhuman cry as, with a snarl of rage, Jessica Thornhill sprang from her chair and, clawing and scratching, hurled herself on her husband’s killer, Joey Vale.

C
ORA
F
ELTON SAT ON THE FRONT STEPS OF THE TOWN
hall, smoking a cigarette. She sat alone—everyone else was inside watching the three finalists, Marty Haskel, Ned Doowacker, and Zelda Zisk, compete to solve the last puzzle. Through the closed door Cora could faintly hear the voice of Harvey Beerbaum doing the commentary over the loudspeaker. Cora smiled slightly, took a drag on her cigarette, blew out the smoke. It was cold on the steps, and Cora tugged her wool coat around her.

The door opened and Sherry Carter slipped out and sat on the steps next to her aunt.

“How you doing?” she asked.

“Okay. How’s it going in there?”

“Nip and tuck,” Sherry said. “They’re pretty evenly matched. Marty Haskel’s working the upper left corner, Zelda the lower right. Doowacker’s sort of all over the place.”

“How’s Harvey doing?”

“He’s rather dry and boring. You’d have been more fun.”

“Yeah, well, you can’t have everything.” Cora took a drag, blew out the smoke. “If it isn’t over, why are you out here?”

“I figure you got five or six minutes before Rick Reed aims a camera at you. I wonder what you’re gonna say.”

“I already said most of it.”

“Yes, but they’re gonna ask you about Thornhill’s crossword puzzle. Are you gonna tell them that it was meaningless, just part of your bluff?”

Cora grinned. “No, that’s the icing on the cake.”

“What do you mean?”

Cora dug in her purse, fished out the puzzle. “You know how you told me he created this puzzle with AutoFill, and that’s why it’s got bad words like
Nahuatls
in it? And the Presley quote is wrong? Well, that gave me the clue. Because Thornhill was supposed to be some hotshot constructor. So, why would he make a mistake like that? And why would he turn in an electronic puzzle? Because he was too distracted to do it himself. His mind was overloaded with the mechanics of a murder. The only part of the puzzle he did was the three long clues and the word
sorry
. Which was revealing too. From Paul Thornhill’s point of view, he’s just pulling phrases out of a bunch of fifties love songs to create a theme, but subconsciously he’s confessing. Not to the murder, but the infidelity. Which in his mind is worse and is uppermost in his thoughts. In the puzzle he’s confessing to Jessica. I mean, look at the song lyrics he pulled his quotes from.
I ran all the way home, just to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry, so sorry, please accept my apology. Love is blind, and I was too blind to see
. And
I’m a fool, but I love you, dear, until the day I die
. Kinda says it all.”