Qaletaqa (32 page)

The fact that my entire body had gone rigid
was the only thing that kept me from melting into blissful
euphoria. I was so overwhelmed at first that I didn’t even notice
the swirling colors filling every crevice of my mind. Kaya had said
I wouldn’t have to look for the possibilities, that they would just
be there. I wasn’t sure about possibilities, but there was
certainly something here.

Finding out exactly what the colors held
would be no easy task.

I had no idea where to even start. Wondering
which color would hold Uriah’s future meeting with the Matwau, I
was suddenly pulled toward a slash of crimson red.

The familiar scene of the empty desert
flickered in front of me. Figures jumped and danced around me,
moving too fast for me to be able to tell what they were actually
doing. A leaping blur of fur flashed in front of me. Talon. I tried
to follow him but my vision lost focus and sent me stumbling into
the shifting sand.

How did Kaya see anything in this? I
wondered. My head was starting to ache. I couldn’t even focus on
the thousands of possible scenarios, let alone see anything useful.
I needed to calm everything down, try another tactic. I had no real
guide for how to do this, so I turned to what I knew. Uriah was
counting on me.

Focus.

Closing my eyes to the nauseating mess, my
mind slowly began to empty. Colors drifted away into blackness
before I let my thoughts center around Uriah. I had no idea how the
Matwau would present himself, so I didn’t even try to include that
creature in my mental image.

Keeping the image of Uriah firmly in my mind,
I slowly opened my eyes again. The colors still whisked around me,
but they were more defined. A few distinct shapes began to form. I
looked for Uriah’s dark skin and black hair, the deep blue shirt I
knew he would be wearing because I watched him put it on this
morning, and his work-worn jeans. The dark colors I was looking for
suddenly came into view.

Uriah stood frozen mid-stride as if I had
caught him and surprised him. Unfortunately he showed no indication
that he was aware of me being only inches from him. Sighing, even
though I couldn’t have expected anything else, I stepped back from
Uriah to view the rest of the forming scene.

The Matwau appeared out of the colors with
Melody cringing at his side.

Nothing moved. Nothing but me.

Realizing that I was the one holding
everything back, I let go of my focus and simply watched.

Uriah moved out of his frozen state and
lunged at the Matwau. Over and over again, trying every possible
way to reach his enemy, Uriah failed. I fell to the ephemeral sandy
ground and wept every time Uriah was thrown back, every time the
Matwau laughed and ripped Melody apart as Uriah watched in horror.
I couldn’t pull my eyes away. I had no idea how many times or in
how many ways the Matwau killed the auburn haired girl, but I knew
I would never forget those images.

When I thought I couldn’t bear to watch one
more time, the scene froze again. More players entered the field.
The tawny patch of fur I saw earlier reappeared right at my feet,
startling me into jumping back. Talon stared forward, completely
undisturbed. Harvey materialized, looking ready to either faint or
kill someone, and then I found myself starting at my own
reflection. Cold determination barely hid my simmering fear.

As soon as everyone arrived, the
possibilities began to play out. Everyone joined the battle in one
way or another. Every scenario ended with Melody surviving the
battle, but in some of the endings, Uriah and Melody were the only
ones. Talon was always raking away with claws every chance he got,
and even once or twice Harvey threw himself into the brawl, but the
results varied with each possibility.

None were as gruesome as watching Melody’s
life being torn away, but every slice of Uriah’s future left
someone behind. Talon was struck down multiple times as he tried to
sink his claws or teeth into the Matwau’s shifting hide. Too often
I watched Harvey rush in blindly, or make a move out of pure
desperation, only to find himself intercepted by one of the
Matwau’s creatures or the Matwau himself. He never lasted very
long. This message, at least, was clear. If Uriah fought the Matwau
alone he would fail. But what would it take to grant him
success?

Watching myself was terrifying. I knew better
than to try and fight the Matwau on my own, but that hardly kept me
from making fatal mistakes. I tried to pull Melody away from the
Matwau again and again. Once I even succeeded in yanking her out of
the Matwau’s grasp in a surprise move, but all that did was force
the Matwau to take a few steps before he snapped my neck with
barely more than a thought. I thought I would keep trying to rescue
Melody forever, until I suddenly watched myself stop. The scene
started over and this time I ran straight for Uriah. Falling down
in front of my panting and bleeding Uriah, I closed my eyes and
accepted my role. I could feel my power condensing.

Immediately I knew this what exactly what I
needed to see. I had learned so little about using my power, but I
watched and felt everything that happened. Kaya’s words echoed in
my mind as I reached deep, finding the edge where power and soul
met. A moment of frozen hope held long enough for me to blink, then
the possibilities ran amok. Over and over again I tried ripping my
power free and sending it into Uriah. The first, second, twentieth
attempt, all slightly different in the way I attempted the feat
ended with my life winking out and Uriah dying.

Each one of my attempts were stowed carefully
in the back of my mind. Yanking, twisting, and pulling would never
work. After watching myself die more times than I could count, I
saw myself stop and breathe. Utter calm in the midst of anarchy
surrounded both me and Uriah. I didn’t try to force my power to
leave me. I calmly gathered the threads and offered them to the man
I loved, giving my gift through our lips joining for what might
have been the final time.

Uriah raced away with my power and I held my
breath, hoping that I would get the last piece of information I
desperately needed. Would my power be enough, or would the power
lost to the bond seal all of our fates?

Cold flashed through my body, blinding me and
shocking me back into the cab of the old pickup. I sat shivering as
I stared at Uriah’s crumpled form. I watched his body lying still
and heavy in confusion. My brain felt muddled and fuzzy. Getting
back to the vision was all I could think about.

Frustration spilled out of me as I struggled
to regain my hold. I needed to see how the meeting would end!
Exhausted, I scrabbled with my power, trying and failing to reach
Uriah’s soul again. Silent tears spilled down my cheeks when I was
finally forced to admit defeat. My eyes dropped, falling on Uriah.
I saw him when I first came back, but now I really saw him. I
couldn’t take my eyes off him. His peaceful face seemed so much
more familiar than the hardened one I saw when he was awake.
Eventually my brain reconnected with logic and the thought entered
my mind that Uriah had not just fallen asleep. He was unconscious.
I had done this to him.

“Uriah!”

Frozen no longer, my hands grabbed at him,
shaking Uriah violently.

“Uriah, wake up. Wake up!” I cried.

All at once Uriah snapped back to
consciousness. Shooting up out of his slump, he jumped back against
his seat, his eyes darting around the cab.

“Claire, what happened?” he asked. “I was
sitting here with my eyes closed, and then all of the sudden I
blacked out. What did you do?”

The accusation snapped me out of my surprise.
He didn’t mean it to be hurtful, but after everything I saw, it was
just one prick to many. My hands came up to cover my face and I
burst into tears. Uriah’s warm arms were quickly around me, his
voice whispering calmingly in my ear. I let his words sooth me
enough to put my ragged emotions back where they belonged.

“Are you alright? Did I hurt you?” I
asked.

“No, no, I’m fine. I just blacked out. It was
nothing,” Uriah said. “Did it work? Did you see anything?”

I froze. I didn’t think I could tell him what
I saw. I was afraid even warning him that facing the Matwau alone
would only lead to Melody’s death wouldn’t be enough to convince
him to risk losing one or all of his friends, to risk losing me. If
I told him the truth, that it would take all of us fighting to keep
Melody alive, he would never believe I would stay away from the
fight. If it came to Uriah having to tie me to a tree to keep me
safe, he would do it. That would be disastrous. He would mean well,
but if I couldn’t be there to give him my power he would die.

For the second time, and hopefully the last,
I lied to Uriah.

“I’m sorry, Uriah. I tried. I couldn’t
understand any of what I saw,” I said.

Uriah shook his head in confusion. “But
something happened. Something made me black out. You did
something.”

“To see the possibilities of your future, I
had to touch your soul,” I said. “I guess I didn’t do a very good
job of it. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Resignation made Uriah’s
shoulders droop down. “I shouldn’t have even asked you to try. It
was too much.”

His regret shamed me for my secrets. “Uriah,
are you certain about facing the Matwau alone?”

Uriah’s sharp eyes snapped up to meet mine.
He took a moment scrutinize my face. His brow wrinkled and I knew
he thought I was hiding something. I tried to keep my face smooth,
but I could feel my chin quivering. Gripping the steering wheel
with both hands, Uriah’s head sank down between his hands.

“Claire, please don’t lie to me.” His head
came up and he faced me. “I can’t stand the thought of you lying to
me, especially not now. Not…not now.”

That quick pause in his words. Did he almost
say “not again?” Did he know I didn’t mean to keep my promise of
staying away? I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lie to him again.
Whatever the consequences, I couldn’t leave his side knowing my
last words to him were lies.

“Melody will die if you try to fight the
Matwau alone,” I blurted out.

Uriah blinked. “What?”

“I watched it over and over again. You fought
alone and she died every time.”

That was all I could bring myself to tell
him. Leaving out the rest wasn’t exactly lying. I basically told
him he would need help. That was the most important message of the
possibilities, of Nampeyo’s prophecy as well. He didn’t necessarily
need to know what the cost might be for that help, or how that help
needed to be given. He’d already shown that his faith in what I
could do was limited. If I told him I had to give up my power he
would know the most likely result right away. I could still die
trying to give him my power. I saw how to do it, but that was no
guarantee I could actually pull this off with my fledgling power.
He would see that and balk.

“Did you see anything about after the fight?”
Uriah asked.

Surprised that he had changed directions so
quickly, my words stumbled out. “I, uh, no, I didn’t see anything
after the fight. I really didn’t see anything after the Matwau tore
Melody to pieces a couple hundred times,” I said pointedly. He was
focusing on the wrong part. What happened after the fight could
wait. Melody had to make it to the end of the fight for that to
even matter.

“Those are just possibilities, Claire,” Uriah
said.

“No they aren’t, Uriah. I mean they are, but
they all led to the same result. Melody will die if you try to
fight the Matwau alone,” I said.

Frustration played on Uriah’s face. “Maybe
Melody will die if I fight the Matwau alone, but maybe she won’t.
Bhawana was a legendary shaman. She saw me fight him alone. I have
to consider that too,” Uriah argued. “I don’t mean to say you
aren’t as good as she was or that you’re wrong, but you’re telling
me the exact opposite of what she said. I don’t know what to do,
Claire.”

What more could I say without revealing
everything? I knew what I saw, and I knew I was right, but why was
what I saw and what Nampeyo saw so different from Bhawana’s vision?
I had no idea. Maybe Bhawana was a great shaman, but visions
weren’t her strongest area. She couldn’t have been a master of
every talent. It was a shot in the dark, but it was all I had. What
I did know was that Uriah was still right about needing to split up
now. I hated the thought of leaving his side, but I would do
it.

“Look, Uriah, you don’t have to decide
anything right now. We still have a long drive to Taos,” I said. My
voice had softened and I took Uriah’s hand in mine. “Just promise
me you’ll think about it, okay?”

“I’ll think about it,” he said. “Will you
still go with Harvey?”

“Of course I will.”

Uriah’s gaze lingered on me. His hand
squeezed mine tighter.

“Keep me in your heart,” I asked.

“Always,” Uriah said as he pulled me into a
kiss. He pulled back more quickly than I wanted and held me with
his eyes. Every emotion a heart could possibly feel swirled in his
dark eyes. With one last stroke of his fingers across my cheek he
released me.

Tugging Quaile’s book out of my backpack, he
placed it in my hands. “Finish reading this. There might be
something in it to tell me what to do about how I should face the
Matwau. Maybe Quaile’s book will have the answer to our
riddle.”

Sighing, I took the book. There was no riddle
in what I saw. Only the certainty of death.

29: Special Power

The book sat on my lap as I stared at the
prairies racing by. I didn’t want to open it again. I feared what
it held. I had figured out so much already, but the most desperate
questions still remained unanswered. I worried reading the last few
pages would give me the answers I was looking for, but not the ones
I needed most. I knew so little about my power. This book had been
written for shaman who had spent their entire lives training. What
if I couldn't understand how to put everything back in place where
it should have been?