Queen (111 page)

    be hers, and hers alone, was hardly hers at all. Except at night, when

    Miss Mandy had gone to bed, and then Queen would take her child from his

    cot, and lie on her bed holding him to her, trying to make up for all the

    time she had missed.

    Curiously, Queen thought that Miss Gippy was on her side. Miss Gippy was

    quite fond of Abner, but his crying distressed her. She often complained

    of being wakened in the night. On several occasions she suggested that

    Miss Mandy should give the boy to his mother. Sometimes when she came

    into the kitchen to tell Queen that Miss Mandy wanted Abner fed, or be

    looked after in some way, Queen would say it had been done, or that she

    was busy, and Miss Gippy seemed to understand.

    "I know," she said, "but you'd better go see what she wants." She, not

    Abner.

    On one occasion, Miss Gippy had told Miss Mandy that she was spending too

    much time with Abner, and was neglecting her prayers and Bible studies.

    Miss Mandy was angry then, and told Miss Gippy she didn't know what she

    was talking about. Then she had even wept, and said that no one under-

    stood what she was trying to do for the boy.

    As Abner grew, the situation became worse. What was most difficult for

    Queen to accept was that Abner seemed to prefer Miss Mandy to her. For

    all the attention she gave the boy, Miss Mandy seldom disciplined him.

    If he was fretful and crying, Miss Mandy would get irritated with him,

    and call for Queen. It was Queen who had to introduce Abner to the word

    I I no," not Miss Mandy. Because Queen was so often tired from her work,

    she said "no" to Abner rather more than she

    QUEEN 675

wanted, even though he was too little to fully understand the word. Miss

Mandy made jokes about it.

    "Be careful, Abner," she would say, "or I'll send for nasty Mammy."

Queen lost her temper.

    "I ain't nasty," she flared, not for the first time. "An' why don't you let

    me decide what's best for my boy?"

    "Because you don't have a very strong sense of responsibility, Queen," Miss

    Mandy replied smugly. "If you did, Abner wouldn't be here, would he?"

    Slowly it dawned on Queen that Abner always laughed and looked happy when

    he was with Miss Mandy, and was always whimpering and difficult when he was

    with Queen. It was more than she could bear,

    On her afternoons off, Queen was allowed to take Abner with her on short

    walks about the garden or down the back lane, but never into the streets or

    into town, if Queen had to go shopping. Queen wanted to take Abner farther

    afield, to the park, to be in the open air with her son, and had put him in

    the pram once, but Miss Mandy stopped that.

    "I cannot have you parading the proof of your sin in public, Queen," she

    said.

    "You parade him!" Queen shouted. "You take him everywhere! "

    "That's different," Miss Mandy said. "He isn't my sin. I am saving his

    soul."

    That salvation was more like thievery, and that was when Queen decided Miss

    Mandy was trying to steal her baby from her. She became frenetic with

    Abner, clutching him to her in her room, hugging him, holding him,

    whispering to him, begging him, desperate for some proof that he loved her.

    It disturbed the boy, and made him cry even more. Queen was distressed

    because.she didn't understand what she had done to make him cry so, and

    would shout at him. Sometimes Miss Mandy heard her, and came in to see what

    the fuss was about. Then Abner would stretch out his arms to Miss Mandy and

    cry to go to her, and when she took him he would quiet down. On more than

    one occasion, Miss Mandy threatened to move Abner's cot into her room if

    Queen couldn't look after him better. They would argue about that, and

    Queen would shout

676 ALEX HALEY'S QUEEN

at Miss Mandy, and that made Abner cry even more.

    Yet sometimes, when she was not so tired, she would sing lullabies to him,

    and he would smile and laugh at his mother, and stretch out his tiny hand

    to her face, squeeze her nose gently, or pull on her hair, and it was sweet

    and lovely to her.

She had to talk to someone about what was happening, but had few friends.

She never went to her own church, by agreement with the sisters, and seldom

saw Joyce, as the sisters had commanded. Now she missed Davis. If he had

stayed, she would not be in this predicament; he would have put Miss Mandy

in her place. Or if they had run away together, Miss Mandy would be only a

distant memory. Now she realized the depth of her love for Davis, for any

kind of life with him was preferable to any kind of life without him, for

the sake of their son. Now she was angry with Davis, for the boy needed a

father. He had mothers enough.

    She went to Joyce. It had been three months since they had met. Joyce

    hadn't changed, and was delighted to see Queen. Her warm, motherly embrace

    brought all of Queen's frustrations wrenching to the surface, and she held

    on to her friend for dear life, and wept. Joyce was astonished at the

    flood.

    "Chile, chile, whatever's wrong?" she comforted. Queen gulped away her

    tears, and told Joyce the sad story.

"I ain't his mammy no more," she cried.

Joyce calmed her down, and stroked her hair.

    "You gotta tell her, girl," she advised. "She cain't steal yo' baby. "

"That's what she's doin'," Queen agreed.

    They talked it through, and Joyce decided Queen must leave the sisters'

    employ, and find another job. She could come and stay with Joyce and her

    family. Queen resisted mildly, for she knew she and Abner would be a

    burden, but Joyce would have none of it. They were welcome for as long as

    they needed. So Queen agreed,

    "I'm leavin', quittin'," she told Miss Mandy, who was nursing Abner. "Me

    an' Abner's goin'."

    It was a wonderful moment. She thought she saw fear in Miss Mandy's eyes.

    Miss Gippy, who was reading her Bible, looked up in surprise.

    QUEEN 677

"And why is that?" Miss Mandy asked carefully.

    "Coz you tryin' to steal my baby from me," Queen snapped, believing her

    case to be impeccable, and delighted to be having her say at last.

    But the fear she had seen in Miss Mandy's eyes was replaced by something

    else, something more like relief.

"Don't be ridiculous," Miss Mandy said.

    "I ain't ridiculous!" Queen answered. "I never gets to see him no more,

    he's always with you. You wash him, change him, play with him, take him

    out. You'd feed him if you could, only you's all dried up so you cain't!

    "

And the relief was replaced by a flash of anger.

"So we's leaving," Queen said again.

    "I can't imagine you'll find another job very easily." Miss Mandy seemed

    almost calm.

    "I don't need another job; friends is lookin' after me." Queen was

    defiant, but a little unsettled.

    "Joyce, no doubt," Miss Mandy guessed, and knew from the look on Queen's

    face that she was right,

    "If you leave our employ after all we have done for YOU,she said, "I

    shall go to the authorities and have you declared unfit to be a mother."

    Queen reddened. She was frightened of the authorities. It was the chink

    in her armor, for her earliest training was her downfall. As a slave,

    she'd seen that white Massas had all the authority they needed. She

    wasn't certain that anything had changed. "They wouldn't do that," she

    said,

    "Oh, yes, they would," Miss Mandy told her. "Look at it from their point

    of view. You would be walking out on a good, well-paid job, and taking

    your illegitimate son from a safe and secure home, where he is loved and

    provided for, to bring him up in shantytown. All because you have some

    silly idea that I am trying to steal him from you."

    Queen shifted uncertainty. It didn't sound so simple when it was put like

    that.

"Because you stealin' him!" she insisted.

    Any charity that Miss Mandy had ever felt toward the black race seemed

    to disappear for a moment.

    "Why would I want to steal your nigger baby?" she asked, steel in her

    eyes. "I am white. Or had you forgotten?"

678 ALEX HALEY'S QUEEN

    Queen was horrified, believing what she was told. No white authority was

    going to listen to her side of the case, and all authority was white.

    "Now I suggest you go to your room, and forget all this silly nonsense

    about leaving," Miss Mandy said. She sat, and cooed at Abner. Queen moved

    forward to take the boy, but Miss Mandy held on to him.

"Abner can stay with me for a while," she said.

    Queen was almost blind with impotent rage. All she could see was her

    darling son in the white woman's arms. She ran forward and grabbed Abner

    from her.

    "You give me my baby," she shrieked. "You cain't have him! I'll kill you

    first!"

    The vehemence of it shocked both sisters, and Miss Gippy hissed in

    disbelief.

    "Harlot. Jezebel," she murmured, but for the moment, Queen had won. She

    ran from the room, clutching Abner to her.

She sat on the floor of her room rocking Abner in her arms, desperately

calling to God for some answer to her distress. She'd lighted a little

fire to keep them warm, and was staring at the flames of it, and the

flames licked and danced in her mind, and reminded her of other awful

fires, at other times, in other places.

    The door burst open, and Miss Mandy swept in, followed by Miss Gippy.

    They ignored Queen, and went to Abner's cot.

    "I haye decided to move Abner into my room," Miss Mandy told Queen. "Take

    that end, Gippy."

The sisters moved to the cot, and Queen jumped to her feet.

"You leave that be!" she cried.

    "I believe it is best for Abner," Miss Mandy said calmly. "You are a

    fallen woman and he can't stay with you. It puts his soul in danger."

    "Harlot. Jezebel," Miss Gippy hissed again. She had been deeply shocked

    by Queen's outburst downstairs, and any sympathy she had for Queen's

    plight had disappeared at that moment.

    Queen begged the sisters not to be so cruel, but Miss Mandy was adamant,

    and called her hysterical. If Queen did not con-

    QUEEN 679

trol herself, Miss Mandy would call on the authorities first thing in the

morning and tell them Queen was mentally unbalanced. She had a witness, Miss

Gippy, who had heard Queen threaten to kill her.

"The sixth commandment," Miss Gippy chimed in.

    It was true. At that moment, Queen was mentally unbalanced. And the flames

    of the fire, the flames of her torment, lighted some dark comer in her

    mind. The only way to escape fire was to run away from it. She calmed

    herself, and seemed to accept what Miss Mandy was telling her. But she

    asked to be allowed to have this last night with Abner. Faced with an

    apparently more rational Queen, Miss Mandy relented. The sisters left the

    room.

    Queen stared at the fire again. The flames glittered in her eyes, in her

    mind, frightening her but making her determined on survival. She would run

    away from the fire. She would run away from the sisters. She would take

    Abner with her to someplace where no one would ever find them, and they

    would be safe.

    There was nowhere in Huntsville. She couldn't go to Joyce, for the sisters

    would hear of it, and find her, and take Abner away from her. She couldn't

    even tell Joyce that she was going, for Joyce might try to talk her into

    staying.

    South, perhaps. Everyone expected nigras to go North, so maybe if Queen

    went South no one would find her. But exactly where. she would go was a

    decision for later. She had a little money in her purse, saved from her

    wages. They could go anywhere. The most important thing was to get away.

    She was sly as any vixen. She turned down her lamp, so that Miss Mandy

    might think she was asleep. She put Abner in his cot and lay on her bed,

    and waited until the distant clock struck two, and she was sure the sisters

    were asleep.

    She turned up her lamp a little so that she could just see. She put a few

    things for herself and Abner into a bag, and wrapped the boy in a blanket.

    Quietly as she could, she opened her door. The house was dark and silent.

    She walked carefully, Abner on one arm, her bag and her shoes in the other

    hand. She crept softly down the stairs into the hall. The front door was in

    front of her. They were only yards from freedom.

680 ALEX HALEY'S QUEEN

    A floor board creaked. Queen froze, but Abner stirred in her arms.

    "Hush now, chile," Queen whispered. "You love yo' mammy, you hush, you