Queen of the Magnetland (The Elemental Phases Book 5) (22 page)

“Fine. 
Admit you’re not my Match and we’ll go from there.”  He eyed her with grim
challenge.

She
considered that, weighing her options.  “Alright.”

“…alright?”

“Alright.” 
She shrugged.  “I’m not your Match.  Satisfied?”

He
hadn’t been expecting that.  Expressions flickered across his face faster than
she could read them.  Shock and anger and panic and disappointment.  A
disappointment so deep it left her chest aching.

“You
lied?  You’re telling me you’re
not
Mara, now?”

“I’m
telling you I’m not your Match.”

That
was actually the truth.  She wasn’t Chason’s Match, at the moment.  He’d
pledged himself to the dead woman.  You couldn’t be a Match to someone who was
already a Match to someone else.

Not
until you broke them up, anyway.

His
eyes narrowed, more distrustful than ever.  “Who are you, then?

“I
haven’t exactly figured that out.”  She took another bite of muffin.  “This is
a very good recipe.  Plenty of blueberries.”

Chason
shook his head.  “You’re lying.”

“No,
I’m not.  I really do think the extra berries…”

“You’re
lying about not being my Match!”

“So
you think I
am
Mara?”

Chason
began to look hunted.  “I think you’re lying about
everything
.”  He
finally decided.  “There’s energy between us.  Different that between me and
Mara, but it’s ‘real.’  That means you and I are… something to each other. 
You’re
lying
.”

“Maybe
you have a double Match.”  Mara suggested.  “Some people do get two, you know.”

“I
had
one
.  The only one.  And you’re not her.”

“Yes,
you’ve made that very clear.”  She gave him a pleasant smile.  “Did you happen
to steal any tea while you were in France?”

He
slammed his fork down.  “Don’t you fucking do that.  Don’t you go behind that goddamn
mask.  You’re pulling back.  I can
feel
it.  You think I can’t feel it?”

She
arched a brow.  “Well, you never could before.”

Chason
glowered at her, understanding that remark.  “Mara never held back from me.”

“I’m
just saying that you two were in such complete synch that you can’t even
recognize
her, now.  Am I her?  Am I not her?”  She popped a blueberry into her mouth. 
“You’re not a hundred percent sure either way.  What does that say about your
bond?  Honestly, I think you two had a much better relationship once Mara was
gone and you could reshape her into the Match you wanted.  Only now that you
have me, she’s not what you wanted, after all.”

Chason
shoved back from the table.  “I don’t have to listen to this.”

“You
kissed me.”  Mara wasn’t letting up.  “Not her. 
Me
.  You never kissed
her like that.  Things have changed.  That’s what you were saying last night. 
You’re not the same man you were and she’s not what you want now…”

“
I
loved my Match!
”

Mara
shrugged wearily at his emphatic tone.  He wasn’t listening.  “Maybe you did,
but you and I still weren’t happy.  Either one of us.  You know that.”  She set
her muffin down, her appetite gone.  “There was always something missing.”

“That
was my fault.”  The anger seemed to drain from him.  “I know it was.  We should
have played checkers.”

He’d
said that before, right before she’d gone into the coma.  Mara had no clue what
it meant.  “Checkers?”

“Yes!” 
He nodded like the game was the solution to all their problems.  “We could
play, now, even.”

What
was he talking about?  “I don’t want to play checkers with you, Chason.”

The
words seemed to hit him like bullets.  He flinched, his whole face going
taunt.  “I know.”  He blew out a long breath and turned to stare out the window
for a moment… towards the tomb.  “I know you don’t want to play.”  His tone was
subdued and sat back down.  “Eat your breakfast.”

“I’m
sorry.”  Somehow she’d hurt him.  Mara instantly tried to make it right.  Hurting
him was the last thing she wanted.  “I didn’t mean it.  We can play checkers if
you want.”

He
made a dismissive sound, like he wanted to drop the whole thing.  “Forget it.  It
was nothing.”

“Really. 
It wouldn’t be a problem, at all.  I’m sure the board’s still around.”

“No,
it’s not.  I burned it.”

“You
burned a checkerboard…?”  She trailed off with a shake of her head, because it
was best not to ask.  “Well, we’ll get another, then.”

“We
can’t.”  His eyes went unfocused.  “It’s too late.  Mara asked me to play
checkers once and I was doing something for my father.  I don’t even remember
what.  I told her no.”

“Such
a small thing isn’t worth you being upset over.”

“It
wasn’t small!  It was the game I wanted to play and I missed it.  I never had
another chance.  I was busy and distracted and I said no.”  He swallowed.  “I
thought there would be more time.  I always thought we’d have a tomorrow, but
then it didn’t come.  I would give anything to go back and play that game with
her…  And I don’t even know
how
to play checkers.”

Mara
wanted to cry.  Poor Chason.  She needed to show him the way out of this
darkness.  “I’m sorry.”  She told him again, because she didn’t know what else
to say.  He wasn’t going to let her comfort him.

“I
told you, it was my fault, not yours.  It’s all been my fault.”  He cleared his
throat, wanting to change the subject.  “By the way, did I tell you Uriel found
a half human Match?”

“I
don’t care about that at the moment.”

“You’ll
care when their children help sustain the Wood House and we don’t all die of
suffocation.”

“I
want to talk about us.”

He
made a scoffing sound.  “Which versions of us?”

“These
versions.  The
real
versions.”

“‘Real.’” 
He gave a humorless chuckle.  “I swear to God that word haunts me.  Tell me, what
is
‘real,’ princess?”

My
love for you
.

The
answer was instantaneous and she ignored it.  It wasn’t what he wanted to
hear.  Yet.  “This muffin is real.”  She told him instead.

“How
do you know?  How do you know you aren’t imagining it?”

“Why
would I imagine a muffin?”

“Why
wouldn’t
you imagine a muffin?  Why wouldn’t you imagine all of this? 
For all you know, you’re still in a coma.  Have you thought about that?  How do
you know this is happening, at all?  Maybe it’s just a dream.”

Okay,
perhaps they
should’ve
talked about Uriel.  “It’s more like a nightmare,
then.  Seriously, I don’t want to argue the philosophical basis of reality.  I
want to discuss how you and I are going to move forward.”

Chason
squinted in deep though.  “Is it possible for a hallucination to hallucinate,
do you think?  If you’re imagining me, why am I still crazy?  Because you’re
imagining
me that way?  Why are you imagining me crazy?”

Mara
had had enough.  “If I was imagining you
anything
, it would shirtless. 
Also, you’d have shaved.”

That
got his attention.  He glanced at her in surprise, breaking free of the chaotic
thoughts that threatened to pull him under.  “Mara wouldn’t have said that.” 
He blurted out.

“No?”

“No.” 
Purple eyes glowed hot, as if he liked her mildly suggestive remark.  “She was too
much of a lady to notice if I was shirtless or not.”

Was
he kidding?  Mara bit back a smile.  “Sorry to disappoint you, but I was
never
that much of a lady.”

“I’m
not disappointed.”  The words were almost inaudible.

Mara
took pity on him.  The poor man looked so confused.  “Likewise, I’m not
disappointed that you’re more than just a gentleman, these days.  That’s my
whole point.  We need to deal with each other as we are
now
.  There are
new versions of both of us.”

“Mara
wouldn’t like the new me, though.”

“I
might, if you put in a little effort.  Showering would be a good place to
start.”

“You
think you’re Mara.”  He said abruptly, tilting his head at that odd angle. 
“You really do.  You just don’t think you’re my Match, is that it?”

“I’ve
never really thought I was your Match.  I think you deserved someone else. 
Someone from a more aristocratic background.  Some who could’ve played the part
perfectly. Someone who came from the Magnetland.”

“So,
it’s about the Light Kingdom.”  He leaned back in his chair and fixed her with
a brooding look.  “It’s always been the Light Kingdom, hasn’t it?  I’ve never
been able to compete with those fucking trees.”

Mara
opened her mouth to deny that statement, except there was probably some truth
to it.  The Light Kingdom called to her, offering a sense of belonging. 
Standing in the jungle, she felt like she was a part of something vast.  She
had no idea how she could explain that to Chason.  “It wasn’t the trees.”  She
finally said.  “It was that I had a place there.”

“And
you didn’t here?”

“No,
I didn’t.”  She’d never been needed in the Magnetland.  She was just
there
,
like someone who’d accidently received an invitation to a party and everybody
was too polite to admit their mistake and send her home.  “What was my place
here?  What was my role?”

“I
don’t know.  Maybe… the
queen
?”  He snapped sarcastically.

“I
wasn’t a real queen.”  Mara didn’t make any decisions or help anyone or even
oversee the household.  The Magnet Phases had done things the way they’d always
done them and Mara was left to tag behind.  She was the most superfluous queen
in the realm.  Her entire function was to wear nice clothes and not embarrass
the Magnetland at dinner parties.  “I was never supposed to be royalty.”

Chason
scrapped a hand through his hair.  “There’s no such thing as a ‘real’ queen and
more than there are ‘real’ construction workers.  No monarch is ‘real,’ by
virtue of some special gift.”  He reconsidered for a beat.  “Well, maybe Job
is.  But mostly, being royalty is just like any other job.  The only difference
is you can’t quit and everyone blames you when things go wrong.”

Mara
blinked.  No one had ever said anything like that to her before.

“You’re
right, though.”  He continued thoughtfully.  “Mara wasn’t
a
queen.  Mara
was
the
queen.  When she took over the job, every other House looked
like they were headed by hillbillies.”  His mouth curved at something only he
could see.  “My God, it was the storybooks come to life when she walked into a
room.  She was
exactly
right.”

Mara
refused to be taken in by the words.  “That was mostly the clothes.”

“No. 
It wasn’t.  She was the only ruler who made it all seem like… magic.  That’s
why everyone loved her.  She gave people the fairytale.”

“Did
you ever wonder what happened
after
the fairytale?”  Mara asked softly. 
“
After
Cinderella married the prince?  Don’t you think it was hard,
going from being a nobody to having everyone staring at her and expecting her
to be worthy?”

“Worthy
of what?”

“The
handsome prince.”  She shook her head, frustration taking over.  “Especially,
since it was just that damn shoe that convinced him.  She wanted him to pick
her
and he didn’t.  Not really.  Seems like he would have taken anyone who wore a
size seven and a half.”

Chason
squinted like he was trying to translate that.

Mara
kept going, driven by years of suppressed emotion.  “Cinderella never even
chose
the shoe, Chason!  It was just handed to her by the fairy and that was enough
for the Prince.  She could have been Rapunzel or Snow White or
anyone
and it wouldn’t have mattered to him.  And afterwards, he never asked Cinderella
if she wouldn’t rather some cowboy boots or some cute heels to wear while teaching
linguistics at the university.  Because, that wasn’t her expected role in his
castle.  She was just supposed to smile and inspire
other
people’s happy
endings!”

After
Mara was done venting, there was a beat of dead silence.

Chason
stared at her.

Mara’s
eyes widened, shocked by herself.  She’d just shouted at him right there in the
dining room.  For
complimenting
her performance as queen.  The old Mara
never would have done that.  Never would have tried to explain how hard it had
been for her to adjust to life in the Magnet Fortress or how much she wanted
Chason to want her just for herself.

And
the old Chason wouldn’t have known what she was talking about, even if she had.

This
Chason’s gaze flickered over her face as if he was reading each freckle.  “You think
Cinderella had it bad?  Well, the prince never even got a
name
.  He was
just there as a supporting player in her book.  A nonspeaking part.  He got to
sit and wait for Cinderella to finish the
‘real’
story on all those
other pages.  All the parts of her adventure where
he
wasn’t interesting
enough to even be included.  His only purpose was to get left behind at the
ball.”