QUIVER (QUAKE Book 2) (5 page)

      I duck my chin and carefully wipe under my eyes as the elevator doors silently open in front of me. When I raise my head I notice Zack Weston standing inside, intently observing me with both hands in his pockets. His red tie is undone and slung around the back of his neck. His relaxed posture is comforting when I step inside and stand next to him.

      “Hi, Janny. How’s my buddy Edwin treating you?” He quirks one side of his lips up, looking at me.

      I’m impressed that he remembered my unusual name. “Hi, Zack. Edwin’s been very nice.” I look straight ahead at my reflection in the steel door. My tan dress pants are wrinkled from sitting for so long and my black blouse is half untucked. I’m a mess.

      “Want to tell me what has you upset on your second day here? Are you sure it’s not Edwin? Because I’m not opposed to kicking his ass if he needs it.” He lifts his eyebrow, waiting for my answer. I chew on my bottom lip, stare back at him and wish he wasn’t in here with me. I don’t want to be emotional in front of someone else, especially one of my bosses. I take a deep breath and look at the stories counting down on the display. Twenty-five more floors to go. Great.

      “I’m not upset about anything work related. It’s just something personal and it’s something I shouldn’t even be thinking about.” I tuck my hair behind my ear and clasp my hands in front of me. I can feel the heat of his stare on the side of my face while he studies me. It’s burning my skin like his eyes are lasers and I’m tempted to ask him to stop.

      “The things we shouldn’t think about are always the ones that occupy our thoughts the most.” His voice has a deep, husky sound to it.

      I can’t tell if he’s being flirtatious or astute. God, why do I suck so much at this? Talking to men, acting like a normal twenty-two year old woman; this stuff should be a walk in the park – a piece of cake. Why does it have to feel like pulling teeth?

      “Why are you shaking your head? What’s wrong with what I said?” He turns to face me and takes a step closer. He’s not smiling now.

      “I was shaking my head at myself. I’m not good at talking to other people, especially handsome men.”

      He reaches out and plays with a lock of my hair resting on my shoulder. He leans in. “You think I’m handsome?” he says with a smile.

      I cover my face with my hands, embarrassed at my words. “I didn’t say you specifically, but I’m sure you know you are.” When I lower my hands he winks at me.

      The elevator doors open and I hurry out. My eyes stare at the glass doors of the front entrance while I move closer and closer. FREEDOM. When the double doors automatically open he’s right beside me and when I move to go down the street toward my apartment he stops me with a gentle hand on my arm.

      “What’s the rush? Why don’t you have dinner with me so I don’t have to eat alone?” His offer is sweet, but I would be horrible company tonight. I want to go home and feel sorry for myself. I want to revel in my misery and get it all out of my system. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully it will go much better than this one has.

      “Thanks for asking me, but I don’t think I’d be very good company. I’m going to go home and catch up on some sleep. Have a good night.” I force my lips into a smile, before I walk in the opposite direction.

      I’m thankful for how close my apartment is to Morrison & Sons, especially tonight when my emotions are all over the place.

      When I exit the elevator I notice someone leaving my apartment. “Hey.” I yell, as I walk toward him. He pauses and as I move closer I can see by his uniform, he’s a maintenance man for this building. “Why were you in my apartment?” I ask, stopping a few feet away from him. I don’t know who this guy is and if I’ve learned anything from the past it’s to be prepared for any situation. I move the keys in my hand to a better position. I’ll gouge his eyes out if I have to. Kyle taught me to work with whatever I have. Keys are a good weapon and so are the heels I’m wearing. I don’t take my eyes off him.

      “I had to check your thermostat. It’s standard maintenance. We’re checking everyone’s.” His eyes look me over from head to toe. He pushes his greasy hair back and I shiver. There’s something about him that doesn’t sit right with me.

      “Thank you for checking it. Will you be needing to get into my apartment again?”

      He licks his lips and the smile he gives me makes my stomach turn with unease.

      “No, not right now.”

Kyle

   
 
Home at last.

     
I sink down onto my large black leather couch, rest my feet on the coffee table and exhale with a large sigh. I lie my head on the back edge of the cushion and close my eyes. God it feels good to be home in my own space; surrounded by my own things.

      “What do you want to do for dinner?” Kenna walks into the living room and stands there waiting for my answer.

      “Shh.” I raise my finger to my lips. “Do you hear that?” I cock my head to the side.

      She stands there looking at me skeptically. “What are you talking about? I don’t hear anything.” Her hands go to her hips.

      “Exactly. There’s nothing but silence. Beautiful silence all around me. No beeping machines, no nurse alerts, no blood pressure checks and best of all – no more hospital food. Do you know how great it feels to be sitting on my own couch with my feet on my coffee table?” When she opens her mouth to answer my question I interrupt. “Pretty fucking great.” I smile, glancing around the living room of my condo. I have a whole new appreciation for my seventy-inch flat-screen television and my top of the line satellite package. I can’t wait to catch up on all the shows I’ve missed.

      “You never answered me about what you want for dinner. Do you want to order some pizza or do you want me to run to the store for you?” She rambles on, not giving me a chance to choose. “You know what? I think I’ll run to the grocery store and get your fridge stocked up since you can’t drive yet. You can order takeout some other night when I’m not here to cook for you.”

      I don’t bother answering her. I know she’s going to do whatever the hell she wants no matter what I say. Kenna’s an emergency room nurse and her take-charge manner sometimes carries over into her personal life. She has her keys in her hand and is out the door thirty seconds later. I pity the dude who ends up married to Kenna. She’s so bullheaded. When her mind is made up, she won’t listen to reason. She’s the complete opposite of Janny in that respect. Janny always takes other people’s feelings and opinions into consideration.

      Holy shit, I just remembered something about her.

      This is the first time that’s happened. I close my eyes to focus within my own thoughts. I search for any other piece of Janny lurking in the recesses of my mind, but there’s nothing. There’s not a hint or a tiny flicker of memory to be found. My fists clench in frustration. I want to regain access to all the memories of us. Especially now that I started to remember her, I have to know how much she actually meant to me.

***

      My tongue furiously rubs against hers while our lips clash against each other. My fingers pinch her nipple and my other hand clenches in her long, soft hair, tugging her head back. She gasps into my mouth while my fingers move to tug on her other nipple. Her hips thrust up toward mine, she wants my cock inside her just as much as I do and she’s going to get it. I’m going to give her every single thick, hard inch, over and over. I’m going to pound her sweet pussy so hard she begs me to stop. My lips slide to her jaw, trailing kisses down her neck and along the delicate line of her collarbone. Both of my hands caress her breasts, my thumbs teasingly brush back and forth over her nipples while I place sucking, biting kisses down the soft skin of her taught stomach. Her muscles quiver in reply and I imagine how wet her pussy will be when I place my mouth on her. I can’t wait to find out, my fingers move as if they have a mind of their own, sliding down over her thin dark blonde strip of hair – that soft strip of hair is like a road map leading me to the most decadent paradise. My middle finger slides along the length of her slit sinking inside her soaked pussy and I groan when I feel how wet she is. I can’t wait to feel her squeezing me inside her tight walls. My mouth trails down further, I suck her clit between my lips and gently roll my tongue around it. Her breath exhales on a moan.

      “Do you like that, baby? How much do you like my tongue on your pussy?” I suck harder on her clit and add another finger inside her.

      “So much...please don’t stop,” she whispers. Her fingernails dig into the tops of my shoulders, hard enough to draw blood and it sends a jolt of longing straight to my dick. The need to be buried inside her consumes me while my fingers rub against the spot inside her that makes her tremble. I suck harder on her clit while her orgasm builds, then bite it, sending her over the edge into an oblivion of ecstasy. I thrust my cock inside her while the tremors from her orgasm squeeze my dick so tight my eyes roll back in my head. Fuck. Being buried inside her pussy is a feeling I’ll never get enough of. Each thrust of my hips brings me a pleasure so excruciating it borders on painful while the pressure in my cock builds until I can’t take it anymore. My hands grip her hips, pulling her toward me when my orgasm tears through me. Goddamn I love this girl.

      I wake up drenched with sweat and a cock hard enough to pound nails. Fuck. That dream felt so real and all of the emotions I experienced during it have me off kilter.
Is that what sex was like for us? Jesus. How could I have forgotten?
I could feel the savagery of my love for her while I worshipped her body with my hands – my tongue – my cock.
How much longer will it be before I regain all my memories of her?

      After dreaming about Janny, going back to sleep is impossible. I stand under the hot spray of the shower for a long time and enjoy the comfort of being in my own bathroom. I have a new appreciation for privacy and the conveniences of my condo after spending so much time in the hospital and rehab. I like being alone. I don’t have to entertain anyone or pretend everything is great. It’s not, and I don’t know if it ever will be. My arm still needs more physical therapy and I can’t remember the one person who means the most to me. The bullet fragment may have been removed and the imminent threat of dying is gone, but I’m still a fucked up mess. Maybe I always will be and I’m not meant to be happy. How fucking cruel is it for fate to put Janny in my path – to push us together and make us happier than ever – just to tear it all away from us without a moment’s notice? 

***

      I’m meeting Derek at one of our usual southie haunts. I didn’t want to come out tonight but he threatened to kick my ass if I didn’t. I don’t think he could take me, but he might be the only person I know that could give me a run for my money. I’m pretty confident in my abilities when it comes to fighting and I’ve never been one to shy away from throwing hands. I learned at an early age to never start a fight, but I will always finish it. When push comes to shove, I won’t hesitate and I’ll do whatever’s necessary to come out on top. The person who hesitates, loses. There’s no time for indecision or contemplation. You won’t find me having regrets either. I’ve always been able to compartmentalize the violent things I’ve had to do, whether it was as a teenager growing up in the city or as a cop in the line of duty. I’m not the kind of guy who has a quick temper, but if you mess with the bull you’ll get the horns.

      The inside of the pub is dark when I enter and it takes a moment for my eyes to adjust to the change in lighting. I can feel the thumping bass of the music in my chest while my eyes sweep from one side of the room to the other, scanning over the inhabitants and looking for possible threats. This is something my father taught me to do as a young man and it’s a skill I’ve honed over the years working in law enforcement. There’s a reason why the expression “cop’s eyes” exists. I can see the warning signs of danger before they happen. I get a small tingle of unease in my gut and I know shit’s about to go down. I never doubt this warning sign, I’ve come to rely on it and it’s saved my ass on more than one occasion. 

      Derek is sitting at a table in the back of the long narrow bar. He’s typing in a message on his phone, but he looks up when I’m walking toward him. He holds his hand out for a fist bump when I sit down across from him. He pushes a full bottle of Heineken in my direction.

      “Thanks man. I can use this.” I tap my bottle against his and raise it to my lips. The ice cold beer tastes even better than I anticipated. I haven’t had a drink since before I had my surgery.

      “What’s going on with you?” He spins his empty bottle on the table. Where do I begin? I take another sip and decide how much I want to share with him. It might be nice to tell someone what’s been going on and where my head’s currently at.

      “I’m starting to remember some things about Janny and it’s fucking with my mind.” I rake my teeth over my bottom lip.

      “What kinds of things are you talking about?” Derek studies me, his dark brown eyes narrowed in concentration. I keep my expression neutral. I don’t want to tip him off to how it’s affecting me. I don’t want his opinion to be influenced by me in any way, I could really use an unbiased one.

      “I had a dream about Janny and when I woke up I could remember what it was like with us and how much I loved her. I don’t know if I was dreaming about something that actually happened, but it made me question breaking up with her.”

      Derek waves at the waitress gesturing for another round of beers and waits for me to continue.

      “I broke up with her because I didn’t think it was fair to have her dealing with my recovery. I was trying to be selfless, setting her free, but now I’m starting to regret it.” I knock back the rest of my beer and set the bottle down on the table with a clank. “Fuck. What should I do?” I run my hand over my short hair in frustration. “I don’t even know where she’s living now. She moved out of the condo and it’s like she was never there.”

      Derek drums his fingers on the bar. “Kenna knows where she is if you want to contact her.”

      “How does Kenna know where she is, and how do
you
know this?” I ask, relieved that I may be able to contact her soon.

      “I bumped into Kenna at the store and she told me Janny’s in New York for the next six months.” He reaches for the new beer the waitress left on the table and drinks back a large gulp.

      “What the fuck is she doing in New York?” I ask, a dark scowl on my face. “Goddammit. How the fuck am I going to figure out how I feel about her if I can’t even see her?”