R. L. Stine_Mostly Ghostly 07 (10 page)

She rolled her eyes and spun back around.

Finally, my turn came to perform for Ballan-tine the Nearly Amazing. He sat on his tall chair, with Mr. and Mrs. Hocus at his sides. Today he was dressed all in black—black trousers, a black turtleneck, and a black turban on his head.

“Hello, Max. Nice to see you back,” he boomed in his deep voice.

He remembered me!

I climbed onto the little stage and took a bow. I'd brought a new trick with me because I couldn't do the drinking glass trick. Aaron's doctor had to break the glasses to get them off his hands.

I set a top hat upside down on the table on the stage. Then I raised a pitcher of water over the hat. “Hoo hoo. The Pitcher of Endless Disappearing Water!” I announced.

The idea was that I would pour the pitcher of water into the hat. The pitcher would keep pouring and pouring. It would never empty. And when I picked up the hat, it would be totally dry. No water.

It wasn't a hard trick. I'd practiced it hundreds of times.

But as I raised the pitcher, I suddenly got a better idea. I decided to stand on my head and pour the water.

“Hoo hoo hoo,” I said. My chest suddenly itched a lot. I stopped to scratch it with both hands.

Then I stuck out my tongue at Ballantine and made a loud spitting noise.

His smile faded. He leaned forward in his big chair. He had a confused look on his face.

“Hoo hoo.” I started to stand on my head.

But then I had an even better idea. I jumped onto the table. I kicked the top hat into the air. “Hoo hoo!” I cried. I scratched myself some more.

“Ha, ha!” Ballantine laughed. “He's a monkey. I get it! He's a monkey magician!”

Mr. and Mrs. Hocus started to laugh. And soon everyone in the back room at the store was laughing.

I made more spitting noises. I did a few cartwheels over the tabletop.

“Hoo hoo hoo.”

Then I poured the pitcher of water over my head.

“Ha, ha, ha,” Ballantine laughed some more. “Chimp magic. Look at him. He's very believable! Ha, ha!”

I wobbled off the stage. I felt kinda sick. That wasn't the trick I'd rehearsed.

Ballantine was laughing. Did that mean he liked it?

I wanted to climb a tree and hide on the highest limb and eat leaves.

But I saw him waving me over. He climbed down from his chair and led me to the side of the room.

My heart was pounding. I couldn't stop hopping up and down.

Ballantine rested his hand on my shoulder. “Chimp magic, huh?” he said softly. “Funny. Very original. It made me laugh, kid. But it's not what I'm looking for.”

I pressed my lips together and made a loud spitting sound.

“Don't be disappointed,” Ballantine said. “It was a nice try. But that monkey act just doesn't make it.”

He patted my shoulder and gave me a gentle shove toward the door. “Come back in a few years—okay, Max?”

I slumped through the store. I gazed at the line of eager magicians. Two or three of them would be lucky. They would become students of Ballantine's.

But not me. I'd blown my big chance. I'd poured water on myself and spit in Ballantine's face.

How stupid was that?

And all because of my two ghost friends, Nicky and Tara.

Where were they? I wondered.

Had they tracked down that evil creep Smollet? They had to keep their promise. No way could I keep on going with this chimp brain inside me.

I pictured myself in school. Sitting in class. Pouring water over my head. Doing cartwheels. And spitting in Ms. McDonald's face.

“I need to get my brain back to normal!” I shouted.

Several magicians turned and gaped at me.

“Sorry,” I said. “That's part of my act. Brain magic. Ha, ha. Hoo hoo.”

I hurried across the street to my mom's car.

Now it was time for Traci's cousin's birthday party.

My big chance to be at a party with the coolest girl in school.

Could I keep my monkey brain under control?

T
RACI'S COUSIN
S
TELLA GREETED
me at her door. She was a tiny girl with curly brown hair and pointy ears that poked out of her hair and stood straight up like mouse ears.

I knew she was a sixth grader like me. But she looked about four years old. And she was wearing a frilly, lacy party dress that made her look like some kind of doll that should be kept on a shelf.

“Hoo hoo. Happy birthday,” I said. I handed her the present Mom had wrapped for me.

“Thanks,” Stella said. “What is it?”

“I don't know,” I said. “Something my mom picked out.”

She tossed it into the house. “Do you have your flashlight?” she asked. “You can't come in unless you have it. It's a flashlight party.”

I held up my flashlight. “Hoo hoo,” I said. I hopped up and down and scratched Stella under the chin.

“That's not funny,” she said. “Traci said you
were kind of odd.” She pushed open the screen door. “I guess you can come in.”

“Thanks,” I said. “Hoo hoo. Traci said you were really awesome.”

That was a total lie, but I was trying to be nice. I mean, it was her birthday and everything.

“Traci thinks I'm a wimp,” Stella said. But a smile spread over her tiny face. “We're going to play Spin the Flashlight later. I'll show her who's a wimp!”

Spin the Flashlight?

This really
was
a flashlight party! My first!

Stella led me into the living room. It was decorated with pink and yellow balloons everywhere. And it was crowded with kids.

“Traci is already here,” Stella said. She pointed. I saw Traci, her back to me.

“Hoo hoo,” I said.

Stella squinted. “Why do you keep saying that, Max?”

I shrugged. “Just a bad habit,” I said.

I started across the room. Kids were shining their flashlights into each other's eyes and laughing. Two boys were using their flashlights to poke each other in the stomach.

I knew they had to be sixth graders. But they all looked totally babyish.

“Hi, Traci,” I said.

She turned around—and
smiled
at me!

I nearly fainted. Traci Wayne
smiled
at me!

“Max,” she said, “compared to the drippy nerds in this room, you're almost okay.”

Wow!
A compliment!

“Hoo hoo,” I said. I pulled up my shirt and scratched my belly with both hands.

Traci groaned. “I take back what I just said,” she said.

Stella hurried over. “Max, why did you do that?”

“I'm a party animal,” I said.

“It's time for our flashlight games,” Stella said. She turned and shouted for everyone to pay attention. “Flashlight games, everyone! This is going to be way cool!”

“Hoo hoo,” I said.

Traci leaned close and whispered in my ear. “Max, I'm warning you. Don't embarrass me.”

“No problem,” I said. I stuck out my tongue and spit all over her.

“Uck!” Traci cried, wiping my spit off her chin. “How funny are you? Not!” She hurried to the other side of the room.

I clenched my hands into fists. I knew I had to hold myself in. I had to be totally on guard at all times. No
way
did I want Traci to know about my little monkey problem.

I hung back and stayed quiet when the games began. But to my shock, the games went on for
hours.
You have no idea how many flashlight games there are!

Stella and most of the other kids seemed to be having a great time. Traci stayed against the wall, making calls on her cell phone to all her cool friends. I hung in another corner, trying not to act like a chimp and give myself away.

Finally, I couldn't help it. I opened my flashlight, pulled out a battery, and started sucking on it, making loud, disgusting sucking noises.

Do you have to ask why? Because I was part chimpanzee!

Stella stopped the game. Her mouth dropped open. “Max? What are you doing?” She started shouting for her mom.

Her mom came running into the room. She looked just like Stella, only maybe a few inches taller. She pulled the battery from my mouth. “Young man, are you trying to be funny?” she asked. “Do you know how dangerous this is?”

I saw Traci staring at me. She was blushing bright red.

I had totally embarrassed her.

Something inside me snapped. I wanted to be nice, well-mannered, quiet Max Doyle.

But I had a monkey problem. And there was nothing I could do about it.

The monkey took over. I wobbled to the food
table. I grabbed up a big hunk of potato salad and flung it at Stella's mom.

It hit her on the forehead with a wet smack and dripped down her face.

I heaved another pile of potato salad and hit the wall above the fireplace.

“Max! Stop it! Are you
crazy?
Stop it!”

That was Traci screaming at me.

Could I stop it? No way.

I climbed up on the food table. Raised a big bowl of pretzels above my head—and heaved it at a group of shocked kids across the room. Kids screamed as pretzels flew everywhere.

Then I dug both hands into the chocolate icing of the birthday cake, rubbed some of it in my hair, and flung a big hunk at Stella.

It hit her in the chin and dripped down her neck.

I was chattering like a chimp. I couldn't stop myself. I reached for two more handfuls of cake and saw Stella and her mom and Traci storm toward me.

Stella and her mom grabbed my arms and jerked me down to the floor. I struggled to climb back onto the table. But they held me tightly.

“Traci, take your friend home,” Stella's mom commanded angrily. “He is acting like a wild animal. Take him home at once.”

Traci's face was bright red. She was shaking
with anger and embarrassment. “I'm so sorry,” she whispered, lowering her head. “I'm really so sorry.”

She grabbed me and pulled me to the front door. “Max, what is your
problem?”
she asked through gritted teeth.

“Hoo hoo,” I said.

I still had hunks of chocolate cake in my hands. I rubbed them in Traci's hair. Then I started grooming her with both hands.

Would she ever speak to me again?

Three guesses.

“H
OW WAS THE BIRTHDAY
party?” Mom asked.

“Great,” I said.

“Did you make a lot of new friends?”

“Oh, sure,” I said.

I hurried up to my room before I could start chimping it up again. “Nicky? Tara? Are you here?” I called, searching for them. “Where are you? Did you find Dr. Smollet?”

Silence. No sign of them.

I let out a long sigh. My life was ruined. Ruined forever.

I hopped onto my bed and began jumping up and down, making chattering noises.

Wait. Suddenly, I had a hunch. I just
knew
where I'd find Nicky and Tara.

Back at Dr. Smollet's lab. Don't ask me why. I had the strongest feeling that they were back there.

I had to go. I had to see if my hunch was right.

Mom was busy in the kitchen. I sneaked past her and let myself out the front door. The moon
was already high in the sky. The night breeze felt cold against my face.

Wobbling like a chimp, I hurried to the bus stop.

I leaped onto a low tree limb and ate some leaves as I waited for the bus. It didn't come for nearly half an hour. Finally, I climbed inside and walked to the back.

“Hoo hoo.” I wanted to swing on the poles, but I forced myself to stay in my seat.

The bus bumped along Miller Street, then turned when it got to town. There were two other kids on the bus, but they didn't go to my school.

I got off half a block from the lab. Seeing it again, my heart began to thump. My legs felt as if they weighed a thousand pounds as I pulled open the gate, walked past the barbed wire fence, and stepped up to the front door.

This is crazy, I thought. Why would Dr. Smollet come back here?

How can I even get in?

My hand shook. I tried the front door. Was it locked? No. I pulled it open easily.

As soon as I stepped inside, I heard the cries and howls of the lab animals hidden somewhere beyond the white walls. I wanted to find them and set them all free.

But I knew that getting my brain back to normal was more important right now.