Racing Destiny (Dirt Track Dogs Book 5) (6 page)

Destiny let all her fears slip away. This was Diz. She trusted him. He’d never do this if he thought it’d hurt her. He was choosing her.

Lose me? That will never, fucking ever, happen
…

Happy tears pricked her eyes. Her dreams were coming true. A loving mate, and it was her Diz after all. This was why she hadn’t been able to see his mate. Because whoever she was, she didn’t matter. Diz was choosing love over fate.

She gripped his shoulders, curling her face into his strong neck, kissing the skin there like she’d always wanted to. A possessive sound rumbled from him, and Destiny gave her heart over to him completely.

This was happening. This was really happening.

Chapter Eight

Her scent was driving him insane. Especially now that it was no longer tinged with fear. All he wanted was to connect with her in the most primal way. Prove to himself, and to her that they were okay. That they would always be okay, no matter where life brought them.

Carefully, he set her on the bed and stood back to take it all in. Her dark hair and pale skin set against the white comforter made his blood absolutely molten. She looked like an unassuming angel. In the light, he could see straight through the fabric covering her tight nipples and the tiny dark triangle at the juncture of her thighs. There was nothing between him and her naked body except her tiny t-shirt and shorts.

She smiled at him, this shy little thing that made his heart roll over and play dead.

Without a word, he peeled his shirt over his head and tossed it to the floor. Then he started at her feet. He was going to worship every inch of her delectable body.

Mine.

Not mine
.

He and his wolf were at war. Diz squeezed his eyes closed, determined not to fuck this up with her. He wanted this more than anything, and he would let nothing stop him.

Kissing and nibbling his way up her legs, he was aware of the noises she made. Moaning and groaning and hissing at what his mouth did to her. At her hips, he tucked his nose into the crease between her thighs and took in her aroused scent. It was fucking dark and so seductive he could’ve come just from smelling her.

“Fuck,” he murmured, grinding his cock into the bed. “Dessy…”

He put his mouth on her, right over her scrap of shorts making her gasp so loud he almost pulled back. But he wouldn’t. Instead, he sucked and licked and nipped through the fabric earning a cry from her beautiful mouth.

Sliding his hands under her ass, he gripped her shorts and pulled them down, exposing her wet opening. And goddamn it, she was beautiful, glistening and soft and more than ready for him. He ducked his head for a quick taste, sweeping his tongue through her folds.

Fuuuuck
.

No. Nope. There wouldn’t be anything quick about this. He wanted to live there between her legs.

“You like these shorts, Dessy?” he asked between vicious licks.

“Mmm?”

“‘Cause if you do, you better tell me now.”

“Wh-what?” She was too preoccupied to answer, too lost in sensation, which was just fucking how he wanted her.

He’d have to gamble that these shorts weren’t her favorite.

Grabbing the waistband where it was stretched across her thighs, he pulled with both hands, and in one swift move, he’d ripped them in half. Destiny gasped, but he had her legs spread wide and his mouth on her again before she could complain.

Diz lost himself in her, blind to everything but her beautiful pussy, licking and sucking until she was squealing in the background, and grinding herself against his mouth.

“Fucking
yes
,” he hissed against her hot flesh.

He lapped at her clit, wanting to push her over the edge so hard she’d never forget it. Burn this moment into her memory for all of eternity. Because that’s how it was for him. He’d never forget this. Never be over it. Not for anything.

Destiny cried out, squeezing her thighs around his head, and fuck, if he died like that he’d die happy. He continued his tongue assault, feeling the delicate twitches of her orgasm, until her muscles finally relaxed.

“Mmm,” he murmured, giving her one last long lick.

He watched her face. Her lashes lay across her cheeks, rosy from pleasure. There were deep rivets in her bottom lip from where she’d bitten. Her hair was tangled and scattered everywhere. He wanted his hands in it, pulling her closer for his mouth.

But first…

He shoved his jeans over his hips, releasing his throbbing erection. He was harder than he’d ever been. Years of satisfying himself with his hand, and he was about to say bye-bye to that life forever. He finished shedding his pants and noticed her eyes on his length.

“You wanted me too?” she whispered.

“So many times, sweets. So many fucking times I can’t count.”

She closed her eyes as if savoring his words, and his heart cracked wide open for her.

“Oh, Dessy…” He was sad they’d wasted so much time. The past three years could’ve been completely different.

But then, he wasn’t the same man now. And she wasn’t the same woman. And those years being her friend meant the world to him. Would he really have wanted to do it differently?

He bent, shoving her shirt up so he could kiss her soft belly. He nuzzled her skin, relishing each tiny chill bump that raised in response. He moved farther upward, kissing the tender skin just below her breasts.

Destiny’s hands flew to his head urging him on.

He licked between the valley of her perfect breasts before lifting her enough to pull her shirt free.

There she was, completely naked beneath him, warm soft flesh beckoning to be taken.

Fucking gorgeous, his Dessy.

“You’re perfect,” he groaned, and her cheeks went cherry red.

He kissed her, unable to stop himself from exploring her mouth again. Those luscious lips that gave to his demands.

Palming one firm breast, he squeezed, rolling his thumb around her nipple, needing it to be his tongue. He broke their kiss leaving her gasping, and pressed his lips along her throat, down her delicate collar bone, ending with his mouth sucking her tight tips.

She squirmed beneath him, her hips sliding against his cock in the most torturous rhythm.

“
Diz
,” she gasped over and over.

“Does it feel good, Dessy? Tell me.”

“
Yessss
. But…”

“But what?”

He closed his teeth gently around one nipples testing her limits.

“I… need…”

“What, baby? What do you need?”

“
More
. You.
Need you
.”

His breath left him, and he bowed his head, resting it on her sternum. She was ready. God, she was ready and he was going to take her for his own.

Not that
.
Not mine
.

His wolf protested, but Diz refused to listen.

He gripped his cock, pushing it against her entrance. He knew her last time had been long before the bears attacked. She’d be tight. He’d have to go slow. But he refused to hurt her.

Lifting his head, he met her wide eyes. Her sweet and beautiful eyes. Her eyes that reminded him he was important to her.

“Relax,” he whispered, caressing her cheek. “Take it.”

She breathed deep, and he felt her opening relax enough for him to push inside. He forced himself to take it easy even though her walls seemed to pull at him. Her breath caught as he hit the back of her channel. But he was all the way in, and he panted through the urge to thrust.

He focused on her eyes instead, reading the emotion there. So much of it. Love. Desire. Excitement.

“I need to move,” he ground out.

She nodded, looking nervous, and he knew she wasn’t ready. He needed to distract her. His head dropped to her shoulder and he started licking the soft cord of her neck. Her skin tasted like sweet sweat and sex and just… Dessy. She tasted like his Dessy, but with all this hot, sultry stuff he’d been dying for.

She moaned, and he pulled halfway out of her tight sex, pushing carefully back in.

“Yes,” she hissed. “
Yes
.”

Diz shook on the next thrust. There was no describing the feeling of finally being inside her, taking what he’d denied them both for so long.

“That good?” he managed. “Like that?”

“Perfect,” she groaned, squeezing his shoulders, her tiny claws digging in.

He settled into a slow rhythm, savoring every long thrust and the way her breath rushed out with each push. It was pure bliss, being with Dessy. And he could have it forever.

Not forever
.

Diz sped up. She was close to coming again and he wanted to feel her pulsing on his cock.

“Diz,” she wailed, and he kissed his name from her lips.

Tighter and tighter, her body gripped his hardness, until with a whimper, she came. Diz went utterly still, absorbing the sensation of her body releasing.

“
Fuck
,” he breathed. “Dessy,
fuck
.”

When she finished, he was nearly shattered. A single move could be the point of no return. He had to make a decision and he had to do it now.

Make Dessy his… or not. Mark her… or don’t.

Choose her or wait for his intended.

The choice should be easy.

Her. Dessy. I want
her
.

No. Not mine.

Mine!

Not mine
.

Panting, he bent his head to her neck to ready her for his bite. She tipped her head, knowing what he wanted, and accepting. She wanted his mark.

He thrust once, struggling with his decision. He licked her skin to soothe the area his teeth would mark.

He wanted desperately to give her his future. She deserved it. He deserved it. But fate was a bitch one couldn’t mess with. How would this decision hurt them down the road? Would she come to hate being his mate when his wolf hadn’t bonded with her?

Shit. His goddamn motherfucking wolf. What the hell was wrong with his animal? He’d gone from confused about his feelings for Destiny, wanting her one minute, wanting to mate the next… to putting his foot down. His wolf, who’d wanted her body at the river, lusted after her for ages, now wouldn’t give her his mark.

The fucking bastard. The fucking user. 

Mine
, Diz screamed inside.

Not
mine
, the bastard replied, not even riled.

He thrust again, grounding himself in her body. She was his anchor. His home. His safe place. Nothing could change that.

Could it?

He kissed her neck before locking his teeth gently in place.

Bite.
Mark
. Make her mine.
Mine
.

But he couldn’t. He fucking couldn’t. Not until he could sort out what the hell was wrong with his animal.

When he was done here, he was taking the fucker out to have a little one on one. No part of him was going to keep Diz from his female. And no matter how much the shifter in him protested, Dessy
was
his.

She was fucking
his
.

With a growl, he loosened his grip on her neck, and buried his face there instead, thrusting and breathing her in until he released inside of her, filling her with what should have marked her with his scent.

He slowed, kissing her tenderly, willing her to feel what he felt. But he wasn’t full of hope and love anymore.

He felt empty. He felt half dead. Regret and dread filled him as he pulled out of her warm heat. She was quiet when he gathered her in his arms, breathing to escape the fury clawing at his chest.

He couldn’t stay here, but he wouldn’t leave her alone yet. Not after that.

Shit.
Fuck
.

Chapter Nine

Destiny was numb as Diz pulled her into the circle of his arms. Like being smacked so hard your skin refused to feel whatever came next. That’s how her heart felt. Bruised. Battered.

She listened as his breathing became harder, stiffer. He was angry, and it told her everything about what had just happened. He wasn’t able to mark her no matter how much he wanted to, because his future belonged to another female. And he wasn’t willing to give her up for Destiny.

He didn’t love her. Not anymore than as a friend.

She swallowed hard, desperate not to cry.

Diz would not be her loving mate. How cruel reality was, to take their wishes and stomp them to the ground as if they didn’t matter.

As her friend, he’d wanted to make this possible for her. He’d even desired her body the way she desired his, it was obvious. But he couldn’t do forever. That was the line he’d drawn tonight.

She had to accept it.

Searing pain snapped at her heart like a devil’s whip, and she breathed through it, desperate to not let a tear fall in his presence. She wouldn’t have him feeling sorry for her. Or worse, guilty because he couldn’t give her what she wanted.

It wasn’t his job to make her happy. That was all hers.

“It’s okay,” she whispered so he wouldn’t hear her voice shake. He stiffened against her back, his body feeling like cold stone. “I’ll keep trying to see her. We… we’ll fix this, Diz.”

A heartbeat later, he pushed away to sit on the edge of the bed. With jerky movements, he pulled his shirt on and reached to the floor for his pants.

He said nothing. He was leaving. Of course he was.

Standing, he yanked his jeans up.

She wanted to talk to him. Tell him she understood. That she’d be okay. But he didn’t seem concerned about anything other than finding the door. And she didn’t know if any of that was true anyway. She didn’t feel okay.

Her heart throbbed as he headed for the door without a word. He couldn’t even look at her. She knew what that meant, and she couldn’t bear the thought. If he despised her, she’d never make it through this.

“Diz,” she called before he reached the door of her room.

“What?” he shot out. He didn’t turn around.

Destiny stared at his rigid spine, wishing she could take everything back. All of it, starting from the very first moment she’d thought of him as more than a friend. From the moment she’d opened her eyes to find him at her bedside, willing her to recover from her injuries. If only she could have seen this outcome in her visions, she would’ve never gone here with him. She wouldn’t have risked it. It wasn’t worth it if he ended up hating her.

“Don’t hate me.” She barely got the words past her throat.

His shoulders sank. “I could never hate you,” he said, and then stalked out of her bedroom. Seconds later she heard the front door slam. The sound was like a gunshot in the quiet of the cabin, and she felt it all the way to her soul.

Destiny curled around a pillow, the scent of what they’d done flooding the room like tear gas. How could this beautiful thing turn to poison so quickly? How could she have misjudged the situation so thoroughly?

And mostly, how could she have trusted Diz to know what he wanted? She’d placed her heart and her future in his hands, and he hadn’t been sure.

He chose a future without Destiny.

It hurt. It hurt so damn bad.

The tears fell to the pillow silently because she was too shocked to sob the pain away. Too devastated.

He hadn’t promised her a mating. That was something she’d assumed. But when he said he wanted her, that he’d always be there, and when his teeth were poised at her neck… what was she supposed to think?

The fire in her chest had turned cold. Icy, and painful. She rubbed at her sternum, desperate to ease the throbbing.

She should’ve listened to her instinct. A union between her and Diz couldn’t result in anything other than heartache. She should have left, gone to the Ouachitas, before she and Diz caved to fleeting desires.

Fleeting. Yeah, for him. He wasn’t even finished before he’d decided they’d made a mistake. For her, this was going to scar.

A scar never ends, it only fades, and only with the power of time, and often an eternity
.

Damn him. Damn herself. Damn this whole situation, and her decision making skills, and sketchy vision, and the pack, and her future. Damn everything. Damn it all.

She’d run again. That’s what she’d do.

She’d run away from here and this room and these memories and feelings. She’d run until she couldn’t feel him anymore. Until her head was right. Until she was ready to face the vision of his mate.

Because that was the problem. As much as Destiny wanted to see her, so this could be over, she was also afraid for the very same reason.

Seeing meant the end of something she treasured. Though it would’ve been a hell of a lot easier if it’d ended with a vision instead of this epic mistake of the heart.

Seeing is believing. If you aren’t ready to believe, it’s impossible to see
.

Thank you fortune cookie of doom. Thank you very damn much, but maybe you could come back later
.

Destiny punched the pillow and let herself sob, not caring if she got snot on it.

Diz had walked out—no,
stomped
out—leaving her to deal with their mistake.
We’ll
fix this, she’d said, fully believing they could find a way past this together. But that wasn’t the case. Things were too messed up.

They’d have to figure this out on their own. Maybe one day they could be normal again, but it wouldn’t be soon.

For once, her running wasn’t just about escaping. It was a matter of healing. She had to go. For him, but especially for herself.

Dashing her tears away, she reached to the bedside table for her phone. She took several deep breaths before dialing Tana’s number.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Tana. Listen, don’t ask any questions, okay. I can’t answer them right now. I just need a favor. Can you help me?”

There was a silence that felt like it lasted for an eternity, and then Tana’s voice came back through the line. “Okay. What do you need?”

“I need out. Can you call your cats?”

To Destiny’s surprise, Tana didn’t argue. She just asked for thirty minutes to work something out with Magic.

When Destiny hung up the phone, she ripped the sheets from the bed and took them straight to the washing machine. In the bedroom, she gathered her ripped shorts and tossed them in the garbage, pulled her suitcase from the closet and filled it with necessities. She’d buy whatever else she needed when she got to the mountains. The only thing left to do was shower.

And she’d saved it for last because it was going to be the most painful. Her animal delighted in Diz’s scent, wanted to cling to it until the very last minute. Watching the future he’d almost given her wash down the drain was going to be a cleansing by fire. Painful but necessary.

She sat on the bed, her bare butt right against the scratchy sheetless mattress. With shaking hands, she brushed her hair back, and waited for Tana to call.

She jolted when the phone rang, but hit the answer button before the tone cut off.

“Magic says he could use your help with the big Christmas celebration. There’s lots of kids, it’s a big deal, and it takes a horde of people to make it happen. They start prepping in August and he’s always looking for more help.”

“Okay. Yes, I’ll do it.” Anything. She’d take anything right now.

Tana sighed. “Are you sure? Please, don’t do something rash.”

“When have I ever been rash, Tana?” Her voice snapped, and she regretted it.

“Okay. Alright. I just… I’m going to miss you if you go. Gracie will miss you too. We all will.”

Destiny squeezed her eyes shut. Gracie. Her baby sister. Tana, who was family even if not by blood. Surge. The rest of the dogs and their mates. She’d miss them all too.

But she had to go. She’d never felt more sure of a decision in her life. Not even when she’d forced her mother away from their clan before the bears struck.

“I’m sure, Tana. I have to leave. But…” Another truth hit her. The vision she’d had at Sunday dinner. She was supposed to be here with DTD. Which meant… “I’ll be back.”

She didn’t know when, or even how it would be possible, but she knew she was destined to return.

“Okay. If you say you need to go, then go. I’ll have to accept it, but I don’t have to like it.”

“Thank you,” Destiny whispered.

“Owyn will be here tomorrow to pick you up. I figured your car wouldn’t make it that far on those piece-of-shit tires.”

Tears pricked her eyes. God, Tana was the best. Gracie couldn’t have landed a better mama.

“Thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me right now.”

She was quiet for a stretch before she said softly, “I want the best for you. I want to see you happy.”

Tears streaked down Destiny’s cheeks. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“I’ll see you before I leave. I’ll come by to tell Gracie.”

“Okay. Try to rest.”

“Bye.”

Destiny hung up the phone, setting it carefully on the side table.

It was time to finish this.

The tears fell faster as she made her way to the bathroom and turned on the shower.

The water washes clean what can and cannot be seen. This is why we use the water to see what we cannot know.

Destiny stared at her reflection in the mirror. The damn fortune cookie wisdom was the last thing she needed right now. She flipped her middle finger at it and turned to step into the shower.

***

Diz charged through the forest, running full speed. He’d done one lap around DTD’s ten acres, and he was going to do at least another. He hated leaving Destiny alone but he couldn’t stay. He was going to fucking lose it if she’d mentioned his mate again, if his name came off her lips in that way that was barely a breath for the pain it caused her. He couldn’t stand the scent of sadness that filled the room, marking out everything they’d done. He couldn’t stand seeing her in that kind of pain.

He had to find a way to fix it. Needed to get his wolf alone, wear him out so he could make the animal see they were facing a civil fucking war.

He’d find a way to make his animal submit. There had to be a way.

It’s okay. I’ll keep trying to see her. We’ll fix this, Diz
.

He gnashed his teeth. No. Damn it, no. That wasn’t what he wanted. Finding his mate wasn’t the answer to their problem.

His shoulders sank, crushing him under the weight of guilt as he pushed forward, pressing his animal to the limits. But the wolf just ran, not the least bit worried about losing. Cocky bastard.

Alright, fucker. Let’s fight
.

He inhaled deeply, scenting the cool air mixing with Dessy’s sweet scent that lingered on him.

Smell that? There’s going to be more of that so you’d better get used to it.

His wolf chuffed, and for the first time tonight, Diz tried to listen, to really feel what the animal felt. They’d been at odds longer than he’d even realized. The mental struggle over what Diz wanted but wouldn’t admit to and what his wolf wanted had done damage, but he’d been so busy ignoring it, he hadn’t realized just how much.

What is it, you goddamn bastard? What do you want?

Mate. Mine. Young. Family. Mine
.

Yes, Dessy. All that, with Dessy.

Not mine
.

Diz ran harder, faster, his breath chugging in and out of the animal’s lungs.

Why can’t you bond with her? Why can’t I have her? Tell me.

Not mine.

You stubborn asshole. She’s the one. She’s what we need
.

This didn’t make sense. None of the others had problems with their wolf bonding. Was there really no choice in their mating? Was it really just fate’s way or no way? Because he couldn’t accept that. Not after tonight. Not after feeling what he felt with Destiny.

I won’t let you win. Do you understand me? I’ll make her mine whether you like it or not
.

Not mine
.

Diz snarled a warning to the animal and ran faster.

Okay, so the wolf wanted his mate. Diz wanted Dessy. He couldn’t give one fuck about the female intended for him. He wished her a good fucking life, and maybe a “sorry to leave you hanging” but other than that, she didn’t matter to him.

His little bobcat mattered and that was all.

Wolf roared at that, and Diz slowed.

So…
that
got his attention.

That’s right, bastard. My intended means nothing to me. Nothing, you hear? I don’t want her. Never will.

Another vicious sound tore from his throat, but Diz was only encouraged.