Radiance (25 page)

“I-I’m really happy for my friends.  Happier than I’ve ever been in my life actually.” 

“You feel off balance?”  She shrugged her shoulder.  “Brie, are you
jealous
?” 

There was no way to stop the tears.  “Not of one or the other.  Just the overall happiness and their confidence in it.  It sounds bad but it isn’t…I don’t know.”  She waved her hand and released Harper.  “I’m ridiculous.  Go work and stuff.  I’m going to crash for a little while.  I’m just overtired.”

She climbed back in the bed and pulled up the blankets.  Curling on her side, she closed her eyes and tried to talk her brain into calming the fuck down. 

Her eyes flew open as she was lifted into the center and the men laid down along her sides. 

Harper stared at the ceiling.  “This is my side.” 

“Okay,” she murmured softly. 

“I’ve never slept with a woman.” 

“Ever?  How did…never mind.”  She reached out and took one of his hands as Elijah curled against her back.  Harper had always returned to his own bed on the nights she stayed with them.  Holding it to her chest, she smiled at him.  “I won’t bother you.  I don’t move much.” 

“Sleep, Brie,” Elijah said at her ear.  He planted a kiss on her neck and nuzzled her hair.  “I’ll wake you up an hour before we land.” 

“Okay.  Thank you.” 

Closing her eyes, her brain gently quieted.  She didn’t realize how quickly she fell asleep.

* * *

A soft tap on the door woke Elijah first. 

Brie registered that she was sleeping on Harper’s shoulder and he had his arm around her back and curled at her waist.  Elijah’s hand around her crossed it. 

Quickly rising, he spoke at the door.  Glancing up, she met Harper’s eyes. 

“I slept.”  She nodded.  “You’re very soft and warm.”

“Do I snore?”  He shook his head.  “Excellent.  I think we all overslept.  Even Elijah.” 

“That’s never happened.” 

“It’s my fault.  I forget you have important things going on and I shouldn’t distract the two of you.  I’m sorry.” 

Elijah sat on the bed.  “I’m training a team.”  Glancing over her shoulder, she waited for him to continue.  “To cover Harper when we’re with you.  I have one that backs me up but I’ve always been present.”

“Until you met me.  I sidetrack you and that’s dangerous.” 

“Things with you are different, Brie.  We have to make changes before we’re forced to make them on the fly.” 

Carefully, she unwrapped her body from Harper’s and sat up.  Raking her hair out of her face, she stared at an aerial photo of the Delkin estate affixed to the opposite wall. 

“I don’t fit, do I?  The life you both lead, there isn’t room in it for someone like me.  I’m t-time consuming.” 

“Brie…” 

“Don’t lie to me, Elijah.  Not on purpose.”  She inhaled carefully.  “It’s okay.  I’ll be more conscious of it.  I’d never forgive myself if I put either of you in danger.” 

Swallowing past the lump in her throat, she plastered a smile on her face.  “We’re in Washington.  I have strange feelings about it.  I’ll get dressed.”  Climbing to the end of the bed, she stood and went into the bathroom.  “Just going to take care of some necessities.” 

Closing the door, she experienced a moment of panic. 

Then she reminded herself that she would take everything she could in the time she had with them and be grateful for it.

By the time she stepped from the tiny space, she felt stronger. 

There were clothes on the bed for her.  Soft leggings, flats, and a pretty top sat beside a gorgeous bra and panty set.

As she dressed in the underthings, Elijah opened the door and paused to take her in.  Harper leaned in the door behind him. 

“Thank you for the outfit.”  Smiling, she finished getting dressed.  As the top fell over her, she quipped, “No way in hell you haven’t seen
plenty
of women put their clothes back
on
.” 

“You’re very strong, Brie.” 

She stepped into the flats.  “I work at resiliency.  It’s a good skill to have being me.” 

Looking around, she quickly made the bed and gathered her things.  She was glad she always had her messenger bag.  Everything she’d worn the night before fit in it.  She removed a clip and pulled her curls away from her face. 

After folding the clothes she’d worn to sleep in, she set them back in the drawer Elijah took them from and turned to them with a smile. 

“Okay!  Done.  Lead on, gentlemen.”

Both of them stared at her for a long time and then stepped forward.  Their palms cupped opposite sides of her neck, their wrists crossed, and they took turns kissing her. 

She was distantly grateful for the mouthwash she’d found in the bathroom. 

“Good morning, Gabriella.  Welcome back to Washington.  It’s good to have you with us.”  Harper rubbed his thumb on the skin behind her ear.  “I don’t know how to talk to you.” 

Wrapping her fingers around his neck, she told him, “You’re doing great.  Good morning, Harper.” 

Elijah waited when they pulled apart.  “You fit, you aren’t time consuming.  We’ll adjust and make it work.”  She nodded with a bright smile and he tightened his fingers.  “
Trust me
, Brie.” 

“I do.”  After another kiss that shook her foundation, she added, “I’m committed and I love you, both of you.  I’ve gone too far to turn back.” 

“Let’s acclimate you back to your stomping grounds.”  Harper gave her a smile and added, “You’re very pretty.” 

Surprised, she managed, “Thanks.” 

Then her men, for as long as she was allowed to keep them, led her off the plane and she inhaled the Pacific Northwest for the first time in a long time.

It was terrifying.

The trip from the airport was surreal for Brie.  She watched familiar scenery pass and marveled at changes that had happened over the two years she’d been gone. 

“Are you happy to be home?”  The question from Harper pulled her from introspection. 

“Conflicted.  Despite the bad memories, I have good ones as well.”  Shaking her head, she stared at the deep green of trees that were different here than anywhere else in the country.  “When you leave…” 

“What do you mean?” 

She met his gray eyes.  “I’m aware that neither of you take time off.  In a day or two, a bit more if I’m very lucky, you’ll have to leave.  I’ll check in at the winery.  Spend some time with my family.  See what still fits.” 

Returning her gaze to the window, she murmured, “I feel more at home in New York now.  I’m ashamed of the weak person I was here.  I can’t wait for the awkward questions I’ll get considering why I left in the first place.” 

“Brie.”  Inhaling, she met Elijah’s gaze.  “It’ll be okay.” 

She nodded but didn’t reply.  After another few miles, Harper told her, “There’s a gala at the estate tomorrow.” 

The very idea…

“I can’t attend and you know that, Harper.” 

“Why not?” 

Sighing, she rubbed her temple.  “I’ve lived here all my life as have you.  My family owns whatever your family doesn’t in a solid twenty square miles.” 

Calming her thoughts, she sat up straight.  “You are
Harper Delkin
, a name more familiar here than anywhere else.  I’m sweet and chubby Gabriella Hernandez, the awkward artist and strangely business savvy youngest daughter of my parents.  They once mentioned your name to me as an eligible male they approved of since I had no clue how to pick men for
myself
.” 

“Shit. I’m sorry, Gabriella.” 

“No reason to be.”  She folded her hands in her lap.  “The suggestion was preposterous then and the fact that you’ll be fucking me makes it no less preposterous now.  Let’s avoid intrusive questions neither of us want or need.” 

“Do you want to leave, Brie?” 

Watching as they turned on the long drive into the Delkin estate, she replied, “No.  I need to know I can survive being here.  I can’t let my past haunt me.” 

Elijah lifted her from the seat and settled her in his lap.  “Look at me. 
Look at me
, Brie.”  She raised her eyes.  “You’re hurting and I hate it.  Tell me what to do.” 

“I’m sorry.  I need to adjust.  There’ve been so many changes, new information, a lot of emotional upheaval.” 

They pulled to a stop and a team of men waited outside to brief Elijah.  “Brie…” 

“I need somewhere I can decompress.  Do what you always do.  I’ll be okay.  I just need…I need to be still.” 

“Brief the men, Elijah.  Gabriella can come with me.”  She started to object.  “I insist.” 

Stepping to the shell drive, Harper took her hand and likely surprised himself as much as her.  They left Elijah behind and he walked rapidly through the house, nodding at staff who greeted him. 

Pausing at double doors, he stated, “This is my office.  Elijah’s is next door.  So you can find us.” 

She nodded and he ascended a staircase that was partially concealed.  At the top of the stairs, positioned above where the two men worked, he opened another set of doors. 

Stunned, she stopped in the threshold.  “
Harper.
” 

“It used to be a sunroom when my grandparents were alive.  It hasn’t been used in decades but I thought the light might be good.  I asked a family friend to prepare it for you.  Caroline hopes to meet you one day.” 

“Caroline?”  Brie was barely able to concentrate.

“A woman who helped Dad after my mom died.  She’s an incredible artist who owns a gallery in Denver.  I told her about you when I asked who could make your easel.” 

Squeezing his hand, she let him go to wander the long room that featured an entire wall of windows.  Painted bright white, Harper had created an art studio for her complete with a replica of the easel he’d sent her in New York. 

Circling the room, she touched the canvases and supplies, ran her fingers over the sheer fabric that covered the windows, and took in the most beautiful gift she’d ever received. 

Returning to him, she hugged him tightly, glad when he hugged her back.  “Thank you, Harper.  How did you know?” 

“I noticed if you’re sad or tired or angry, you sketch and it helps you.  I’m…not good at emotions, Gabriella.  I wish I could communicate them like you do.” 

“You’re better at it than you think.”  He smoothed his thumbs over her cheeks, taking her tears with them.  “I don’t mean to be emotional.  I try to rein it in.” 

“I should have asked you before I brought you here.  I didn’t realize it would hurt you.”  He raked his fingers through her hair.  “I’m sorry.” 

“I want to be here with you and Elijah.  I have to work through some things but I want to be with you both.” 

“It’s
not
a preposterous idea, Gabriella.”  She frowned in confusion.  “I wonder how different my life, Elijah’s life, would have been if we’d found you a decade ago.” 

They stared at one another in silence. 

She smoothed her fingers along his face.  “I don’t know.  I’m glad to have time with you now.  I’ll appreciate every minute and I’ll abide by the terms, Harper.”

“You fall outside the…rules we’ve always had in place.  I don’t mean to hurt you or be cruel to you.  I
do
like you.  I
do
see you as human, probably one of the kindest I’ve ever known.  You also scare the hell out of me.” 

“I know.”  Brie was moments from crying all over him.

“Take some time to relax.  Sketch or paint or just sit for a little while and let the jet lag settle.”  He held her as he kissed her and she returned it with every part of herself. 

“One of us will come get you in a few hours if you haven’t surfaced.”  Smiling against her lips, he added, “Harrison disappeared into his studio set up in the old carriage house for six weeks at one point.  My father worried we’d have to commit him.” 

“My mother would have dragged me out by my hair.”  It made him laugh.  “Go do all the business stuff you have to do.  I’ll try not to get paint all over the clothes.” 

He shrugged.  “There’s an entire closet for you.  Splatter away.”  One more kiss and he headed for the door.  “Enjoy, Gabriella.”

As he pulled the doors partially closed, she gave in to the temptation to create.  It was the only thing that would settle her mind and her heart.  She needed strength and calm to handle the days ahead. 

She loved Elijah and Harper too much to allow her fear and stress to ruin what time she had with them.

Setting a fresh sketchpad on a smaller antique easel by the window, Brie picked up a charcoal and stepped into her therapy session.

* * *

Outside the converted studio, Harper wasn’t surprised to see Elijah waiting.  He took him in from head to toe and felt the same love he’d practically forced on his unspoken bodyguard when he was too young and stupid to be subtle.

He
was
surprised when his oldest friend took his hand and led him to the small library next door. 

When they were alone, Elijah hugged him tightly.  “Well done, Harper.  Fucking well
done
.  Thank you.” 

Returning the embrace, he inhaled carefully, taking Elijah’s scent deep into his lungs.  He’d been unable to really touch him in months and the simple contact was almost overwhelming.

“I’ve missed you.”  Elijah’s arms tightened around him.  “I know why, I understand.  I’m trying.  I want it to work.”

“That’s all I ask.  Just try.” 

“You’ve never asked me for anything, Elijah.  I’ve taken, gorged myself, and never really stopped to ask what you needed.”  Gripping his shoulders from behind, he tried to control the feelings ricocheting inside him.  “I’m sorry.” 

“We’ll work through it.  I won’t leave you, Harper.  I’ve loved you most of my life and I need you.  I also need Brie.  I need what she is, how she is, to show me how to feel worthy of the next breath, the next sunrise.” 

Leaning back, Harper frowned.  “Elijah?”  The expression on his face frightened him.  “What do you mean?” 

“I was at the end.”  He shrugged his shoulder.  “The night of the building party.  I was filled with rage over the woman you’d found the night before.  I felt dirty, Harper.  I felt out of control and saw more of the same stretching out for years.”

Blinking against tears, Harper processed the fact that his oldest friend, the man he loved and spent all his time with, was so deep in despair and he hadn’t even
noticed
. 

He let his green eyes close.  “She was
clean
.  I could see it.  I wondered if she could help me lance the rage, if she could help
me
be clean.”  Lashes lifting, he murmured, “I love you, Harper.  I love Brie.” 

Nodding, Harper gripped his skull in his hands.  “Why didn’t you
tell
me?  I almost drove her away!”

Elijah held his neck.  “I know you’re afraid.  She’s different from every person we’ve ever known.  Try, for me.  Don’t make me choose.  I don’t want to live without her but I won’t break my promises to you.” 

The pain in Harper’s heart was a tangible thing.  “I’ll do anything.  Tell me what to do.” 

Pulling him close, Elijah slanted his mouth over Harper’s and kissed him for the first time since the morning in Gabriella’s apartment when his best friend promised to wait for her. 

Breathing him in, Harper gave a gasping sob as he took what he’d needed so badly. 

This man’s strength had taught him how to be strong.  His loyalty made him feel worthy.  His love filled a heart that felt incapable of it. 

The only thing Elijah had
ever
taken from Harper was his submission.  Even then, he gave back far more pleasure than he received. 

Holding him tightly, the only person he’d ever admitted to loving gave to him again. 

Forgiveness. 

Harper hadn’t known how desperately he wanted it until it was given freely.  He soaked up the warmth, the passion, and the safety Elijah inspired.  Supple lips ate at his and their tongues coiled together. 

When he broke it, their foreheads met and Elijah murmured, “I’ve missed you, too.” 

“I don’t know if I’ll ever love her the way you do.  It doesn’t matter.  I don’t care.  Let her love you, Elijah.  Let her show you the things I’m incapable of showing you.  You need her.” 

For the words, Elijah kissed him again, devouring with his lips and teeth and tongue until Harper moaned into his mouth. 

Walking him back, he was pinned to the wall, the hardness of Elijah’s body sealed against him.  As a strong hand stroked over his cock, he couldn’t hold back his whimper. 

Their eyes met and Harper whispered, “As much as I
want
you, Gabriella
needs
you.”  Kissing him roughly, he ground out, “Go.  Find me tonight and we’ll please her together.  I can wait.  I deserve to wait.” 

Lust glowed from Elijah’s eyes.  It wasn’t easy to send him to the woman who confused him in so many ways but Harper knew it was the right thing to do. 

Reaching up, he held the face that was anchored in his first memories.  “I know
nothing
about love but I’ve loved you every day of my life.  Let her give you love that’s clean and good.  Don’t forget me, Elijah.  Don’t leave me behind.” 

Quiet for almost a minute, green eyes stared into his and strong fingers raked through his hair.  “When the time comes, I need you to
trust me
as you’ve always trusted me, Harper.  I need you to
believe
how much I love you, to know I could
never
forget you.  I won’t leave you behind.  I’m taking you
with
me.” 

Another kiss, gentler than the others and Harper murmured, “Pave the way.  Settle her heart the way you did in New York.  When she fully belongs to you, I know you’re strong enough to love us both, to protect two rather than one, to take what
you
need and give us what
we
need.”  He smiled.  “I’ll get to work and imagine the pleasure you wring from her.  It will raise my own anticipation.” 

Stroking his hand over blonde hair he’d always loved, he gave Elijah another kiss and left the room. 

His cock was harder than it had ever been and as he returned to his office on the first floor, he smiled. 

When he was finally able to come, he hoped his heart could take it.