Radioactive (20 page)

Nevertheless, I place my thumb on the scanner next to the door. It takes a few seconds, but then the green light appears and the computer voice announces, “Access granted.”

Directly behind the two steel doors is another door made of gray metal. At this point there is no scanner, only a keypad. Apparently this door can only be opened with a code. I do not know it.

I attempt to type 318, the name of the resident, but a red light comes on and the computer announces, “Access denied.”

Frustrated I look around and see a sort of window in the door covered by a flap. It is a window into the locked room. Curious, I push the flap aside and shrink back in shock when I see a pair of light blue eyes staring back from the other side of the glass. I stagger a few steps backward and lay my hand on my chest. My heart is beating frantically. The strange eyes are affixed on me like an eagle circling above a field of mice. These eyes are not foreign to me. They are the cold blue, almost gray that nearly always reminds me of snow, although I only know snow from recordings in the atrium. They’re the same color as Finn’s eyes before they became the standardized light blue of the Legion.

Slowly, my heartbeat calms down and I steadily walk in the direction of the door. The pair of eyes flinches and I can now see the entire face of the woman. Wrinkles are around her eyes and thin mouth. She has hair. Her face is smeared with red, but I fear that it is blood, not paint. Granted, the woman does not seem reassuring, but I do not know how I would look if I was trapped with no human contact for months. She probably does not know whether it is day or night or even how long she has been in this solitary cell.

“Hi, I’m Cleo,” I introduce myself gently. She seems to reflect on my words, if she understood them at all. But then she shakes her head, as if I had asked her a question.

“What is your name?” I ask. If it really is the woman I think it is, this is important. But she shakes her head again; maybe she cannot hear me through the thick door.

I point to myself and place my finger on the cold glass and write my name in the fog: CLEO.

Again, the woman shakes her head blankly.

Maybe she would understand me if I used my Legion name. So next I write A518.

She seems to understand that one better, but her response is not the one I had hoped for, because she spits in disgust on the floor at her feet and throws me a hateful look. As crazy as it may be, she still seems to know that the Legion commanders are responsible for ensuring she is stuck in this cell.

“Who are you?” I ask, although the term Z318 is on her door, I want to hear it from herself.

A strange grin appears on her face and she steps aside. I can no longer see her, but I can now see the wall behind her. The whole area is covered in red writing. Z318 over and over again. They range from being very small to being quite large. The whole wall is full of them.

Suddenly she slaps her hand against the glass so I shrink back again. Her fingertips are bloody and the glass on her side becomes smeared with it. It is her blood.

Slowly I get really scared of the strange woman and wonder if it was not wrong to come here. But I have not asked what I came to ask. Although I would prefer to leave immediately, but I force myself to stay.

With my finger I write on the glass: MAGGIE. Unlike her, my fingertips do not leave a bloody trail. Z318 starts laughing, as if I had made a joke. She no longer seems to be able to stop herself from laughing and begins to hold her stomach. I cannot hear her through the door, I can only see. A fountain of tears streams out of her eyes and I cannot tell if she is laughing or crying. Or screaming.

Suddenly she raises her head and her expression is again petrified, as if nothing had happened. She looks me over again, her head cocked like a bird. I almost expect that she will pick this moment to bash her head against the glass, but she does not budge from the spot. She stares at me without batting an eyelash.

I wish I could talk to her, but unfortunately we are left with the language of our fingers. Her own name triggered such a response; I try to see what happens when I write out the names of her children. Again, I put my index finger on the glass and write: ZOE.

Z318 has no reaction. It’s almost as if she’s paralyzed. Not even her eyes move.

Cautiously I knock against the glass, but nothing happens. Maybe she does not trust me. I am a Legion commander, after all. I could be testing her to see if she still remembers. It could be a trap.

Uncertain, I look around. There are only three steps between me and the double doors behind me. The space I am in is a passage without its own light source, apart from the glowing keypad by the door to the cell and the light coming through the window of Z318’s cell. Nevertheless, the scant light is more than enough for me to see that this room is completely empty.

I put the tip of my index finger in my mouth and bite, but I cannot bite hard enough to cause my fingertip to bleed. Desperately I let my fingers glide over the edge of the door until I find what I had hoped for: A sharp edge. As long as I touch it slightly there will be no danger, but if I were to apply pressure to it, it might be enough to break the skin. I grit my teeth and slide my finger around the sharp edge of the door. I feel the pain immediately and lift my hand in front of my eyes. Blood drips from my ring finger. Although I have pierced the wrong finger, it does not matter.

Z318 is just as frozen as the last instant I saw her. I quickly write on the glass with blood: FINN.

I eagerly look toward her and notice the change first happens in her eyes. It’s as if a mist slowly releases. The knowledge spreads from her eyes to her shoulders, to her pelvis and her legs. While she previously had a defensive and hostile attitude toward me, I see her shrink into herself. Her shoulders sag powerlessly and her legs begin to tremble. Swaying, she steps toward me again and places her bloody fingertips on the word I just wrote. “Finn,” she whispers softly to me without a glance.

Her reaction is enough for me. It is her. She is the mother of Finn and Zoe. She is Maggie.

I knock against the window in order to get her attention. Furious, she stares at me. It does not seem to please her that I made her remember.

“They live,” I reply to her. I speak the words clearly so that she can understand me behind the steel door.

She bites her lips firmly and nods to me. She understands.

“I’ll be back,” I promise her, but she does not seem to care. Perhaps it would interest her more if I said I did not intend on coming alone. It must be well planned, but it is not impossible, and may be my last chance to recover the old Finn.

This time I’m first to enter the large conference room. In the forthcoming conference, I sit down not only for the residents of the safety zone, or for my friends, but for myself. Just the idea of being impregnated by an anonymous donor fills me with horror. I do not want to be pregnant nor have a child I will never know.

A350 arrives next. She looks surprised to see me already present. Unfortunately I am not well known for my punctuality. It is time for me to change that. If I really want to achieve something in the Legion, it is not enough for the people in the safety zone to have confidence, I have to convince the other Legion commanders. They are the ones who will decide on my suggestions.

After A350, A233 and A489 arrive at the same time, accompanied by A566. A566 gives me a withering look across the room. I do not know what he me despises me more for, the fact that everyone now knows he’s a rapist or that he was caught. Probably both. Before, I could always count on his being on my side in votes, but today I’m afraid I’ll have to expect the opposite, he has lost the right to vote. I’m pretty sure that ever since he was a little boy he was looking forward to the mating battles. It is one of the few opportunities in the Legion where he would be able to stand out from the others and show what he is made of. He would say, ‘
We are all the same, but still there are some that are better than others.’

What’s sad is he’s technically right. Outwardly we are all approximately the same, but inside every human being is an individual with strengths and weaknesses. I am not sure what mine are, but I know that I will not let the Legion decide my fate. It’s my life, and therefore it should be my decision as to when I become pregnant and especially by whom.

Almost simultaneously the rest of the Legion commander ranks arrive and find seats around the large round table. Since A350 convened the conference, it is up to her to open it as well. While I sit down, she rises from her regular seat.

“I greet you and thank you for coming.” I have always thought this part strange. Participation in the conferences is obligatory for every Legion commander.

“On the occasion of the forthcoming mating fights, I have convened this conference. As we all know, at present there are many troubles in the other Legions; in fact, we just lost the Northern Legion. I know that the problems are caused by the outcasts and not within the Legions. Nevertheless, I firmly believe that it is time for changes within the Legions. With the introduction of the common food distribution system, we have already taken the first step. And after it worked so well for us, with pride, I can announce that other Legions will soon begin to follow our example. Accordingly, the common food distribution system is not only an integral part of our Western Legion, but one that is passing through a general change in all Legions.”

At the word ‘
pride
’ and the last sentence, she looks directly at me. Of this, she had told me nothing so far. But there is an overwhelming feeling of pride knowing that my idea is now being implemented not only in our safety zone, but in all of the others as well.

“Just as with the food issue, I think there should be a few tweaks to the mating season. We have returned a part of their humanity to the inhabitants of the safety zone by allowing them to live in a community, eat together, and engage in conversations that do not revolve around their task in the Legion. But, the most decisive point in human life is procreation. So far, we have always acted very technical in this regard. The seed was implanted in the women, just as you would tighten a screw in a robot. Thus we wanted to prevent the women from having a bond with their children. But no matter how scientifically we proceed, it is undeniable that a woman who has once felt a child in her belly will always yearn for this. A pregnancy changes a woman. They will never again be the same and this has been simply ignored.”

I am moved by her emotional speech. It is clearly noticeable that she is speaking from personal experience. But the special thing is not that A350 responds emotionally to this issue, but so do all of the other women present. They nod to her knowingly. I never thought they would feel that way. I always took the Legion commanders as being cool and reserved, but they hide thousands of repressed emotions under their pure surfaces.

But A489 groans, annoyed. “What are you doing here? A mass regret of the female sex? The fact is pregnancy is the only thing women can do that men cannot. Basically being the host of young talent is still woman’s only provision. Surely the women of the safety zone can shoulder this task.”

I do not know if it’s conscious or not, but he has made a big mistake by talking so derogatorily about women, while half of the room is full of women.

A233 formed her eyes into slits and looks at him, silencing him in the middle of his speech. She sends A350 a much smoother look, “Please continue!”

“What I want to suggest is to completely abolish the mating season. Women should decide for their selves whether and when they want to get pregnant.”

I did not expect this proposal. In our conversation she never stated she was for the abolition of the mating season. I can tell the other women are as overwhelmed as I am with A350’s idea.

A233 shakes her head uncertainly. “You know that’s not possible. We need to ensure the existence of mankind, and even gradually increase it.”

But A350 appears unrepentant. “There are enough women who are happy to interrupt their job to bear children. We would no longer have children at prescribed times, but there would be new children each year.”

Now another Legion commander, a woman, A402 reports. “The children will be of all different ages. That would make it difficult for them to be taught and taken care of.”

A350 answers with a shrug. “We do not need teachers. The women can look after their children themselves until they are old enough for classes. That is how the people of old Earth handled it.”

A489 mixes in. “And what was the result? The old Earth is one big pile of rubble.”

“But that was not because mothers took care of their children,” A350 replies immediately.

“There is no single reason why the old Earth was destroyed, but there are many smaller reasons that go hand in hand. Some women may not have educated their offspring in the right way so bad people emerged from them. People who were a threat to the Earth,” says A489 and I notice that he is not only against the female sex, but really believes everything he is saying.

“Do we really have to discuss the abolition of the mating season? It was not adopted without reason. Let us use our time for more important things and vote immediately. Who is for the abolition of the mating season?”

A350 and I immediately raise our hands along with three other Legion commanders, but the rest remain silent.

Satisfied, A489 claps his hands. “Well, wonderful. I hereby declare this meeting closed.”

He had already pushed his chair back to leave, but A350 angrily interrupts him.

“The conference is far from over. We have decided that the mating season is not abolished, but that does not mean we cannot still change it to something else.”

A233 agrees immediately. “I feel the same way.”

A489 looks around the room and realizes that he is the only one who stood up. He sits down with a contrite look on his face, his arms folded across his chest.

Surprisingly, A566 speaks. “I agree with A350 that there is a lack of humanity in the Legion. Reproduction is the natural instinct of any mammal, including humans. Unnatural however, is artificial insemination. No animal would ever choose this path...”