Rain Music (37 page)

Ned shifted uncomfortably. ‘That's quite a speech. There was a reason, but trust me, you don't want to know what it is.'

‘But I do,' Bella pushed. ‘How can I understand if you won't explain it to me? When I think back to the wedding, all those plans . . . and then just days before it was supposed to happen, you call everything off. No one should humiliate anyone the way you did Ash. I know Dad was really disappointed in you.'

‘Disappointed, was he?' said Ned bitterly. ‘Well, that's rich coming from him. Look, Bella, all I can say is that I've learned things about marriage that make me very wary of that institution.'

‘So you're saying that Dad was right when he said he thought that you were afraid of commitment?'

Ned 's face flushed with rage. ‘Dad had no damn right to say that about me. He made himself out to be so bloody perfect, the model husband and father, the man the whole town could look up to. But believe me, he was not at all what you or anyone else thinks!' snapped Ned. ‘He wasn't always perfect, he wasn't perfect at all.'

‘What are you talking about, Ned?' Bella glared at him in anger. ‘Dad was wonderful. Everyone who knew him says so, and yet it seems you want to bring him down to excuse your own behaviour.'

Ned was silent, biting his lip. A voice in his head whispered,
Leave it . . . leave it, don't get into this. It's not worth it.

‘Forget it, Bella,' Ned almost shouted at her. ‘Let's just move on. It's my issue to deal with, not yours. I'm sorry I mentioned it.' Ned suddenly buried his head in his hands, trying to contain all that was churning inside him.

Bella's voice softened. ‘Ned, there is clearly something causing you a lot of grief. I'm your sister! We're going to be working together and I think I need to know what is going on. Bottling it all up inside you isn't good. We need to get things out in the open, so that we'll be able to start our working relationship on the right footing. Heavens, how bad can it be?'

He gave her a despairing look. ‘Perhaps even worse than you can possibly imagine.'

Ned was about to turn away, but he was suddenly overcome with a desire to unburden himself. Although he had his reasons for having kept this secret from her in the past, he knew in his heart that Bella was right. Their relationship, both working and personal, was never going to work unless he told her the truth. Still, a small part of him was not sure that in this case honesty was the best policy. Bella would be shocked and hurt when she learned the real reason for the aborted wedding; what if she would not forgive him? Then their new bond would not even have lasted the day. But the stronger part of him said,
If I don't share this now, it will always hang over us.
He knew then with certainty that he would never feel at peace or secure or open with his sister unless he told her what had happened.

Bella sat, staring at him, half curious but also looking fearful, as if she were no longer sure she wanted to hear what Ned was about to tell her.

Ned took a deep breath. ‘You won't like what I have to say. You may not even believe me, but I know that we can't work together while there are secrets between us,' said Ned in a rush.

‘What could possibly change our relationship?' Bella leaned forward. ‘Please, Ned. I feel we've got to a point where, whatever it is, we need to be honest with each other. You need to tell me what is going on, because whatever you're hiding is making you very unhappy.'

‘You're right.' He noticed that Bella stiffened slightly, straightening her back as she waited for him to drop his bombshell.
Change your mind, make something up. Don't ruin her illusions.

But he drew another breath and braced himself. Now was the time for the truth.

‘I guess I always thought marriage to Ash was inevitable. It was the next step. We had been together forever and she really wanted to get married, settle down, have kids, and I suppose I thought it was time, too. I looked at our parents' marriage and thought, this is what marriage is. Maybe I didn't want my wife to be quite as acquiescent as Mum was, but then I was never going to be as authoritarian as Dad. Like everyone, I thought they had a rock-solid relationship, an example to be very much admired and copied.'

Bella went to say something, but Ned held up his hand. ‘No. Let me finish. I know you can't accept any criticism of Dad and you think that I can never measure up to his standards, but he was a hypocrite, Bella. It was all a lie.'

Bella frowned at him and Ned drew a breath.
Okay, here it comes.
‘Bella, I found out that Dad had been having an affair.'

Bella stared at her brother and sat stunned for a moment. Then she started vigorously shaking her head. ‘No way, Ned. No way. You're wrong!'

‘Just hear me out, Bell, and then you can tell me what you think. Believe me, it's very hard to tell you this, but here goes.' He drew another breath. ‘A while before Dad
died, I was in Melbourne doing a gig. As you know,
Dad was always driving back and forth to Melbourne because he was on so many medical boards. He always seemed to have meetings.'

‘Yes, he was involved in lots of those sorts of things in Melbourne. Mum said that the car could find its own way there and back, he went so often,' said Bella, still frowning. ‘So?'

‘Well, the day after the gig, the guy who'd arranged it was so pleased with the show that he took me out to lunch. A very posh place, not the sort of place I usually go to, so imagine my surprise and pleasure to see Dad at one of the tables. I was about to go up to him and say hi, when a very attractive woman, quite a bit younger than Dad by the look of things, came over to his table. Dad stood up and greeted her and then he kissed her on the cheek and they both sat down together.'

Bella's hand flew to her mouth, but before she could protest, Ned raised his hand once more to stop her. ‘Before you tell me that she could have been any old acquaintance, I can assure you I thought that as well, at first. But then I saw the way that they started to talk, each so comfortable with the other, and I just knew they were more than casual friends. Then he touched her hand in a way that was very intimate. So I ducked away where Dad couldn't see me and apologised to the guy I was supposed to have lunch with, telling him that something had just come up and I had to leave. I got out of there before Dad spotted me.'

Bella narrowed her eyes. ‘Ned, I think you were rather jumping to conclusions. She could have been anybody. Just because a woman is young and attractive doesn't mean you can paint her as a scarlet woman! There are plenty of good-looking professional young women about. Why didn't you go straight up to Dad and say hello and ask to be introduced?' she said hotly.

‘I wanted to think that way, too,' said Ned miserably. ‘And maybe I should have been up-front with him. But it was perfectly clear to me that Dad and this woman were more than just friends. And I was just so shocked. It bothered me so much, I did some digging.'

Bella looked aghast. ‘So you went behind Dad's back? Spied on him? What if he'd found out you were prying, with only your suspicions to go on? I think it's pretty appalling behaviour on your part, Ned,' said Bella in a choked voice.

‘Bella! Just listen to what I have to say about our supposedly perfect father before you jump on me.'

Bella leaped to her feet. ‘Ned, I don't believe you, and I think it's unfair and unkind of you to try to destroy Dad's name and what he meant to us all,
especially now that he's gone and he can't defend himself!' Bella looked as if she was going to cry.

‘Bella, just give me a chance to tell you what I know!' Ned shouted at her in frustration.

Bella glared at her brother, but she sat back down, her arms folded defiantly.

Why did I start this?
thought Ned. But he was in too deep now. He knew he had to push on or Bella was never going to believe him, and that would certainly mean the end of their relationship. He tried to speak calmly. ‘Look, Bella, part of me didn't want to believe anything bad about Dad, despite what you think, but I felt I had to try to find out what was going on. I couldn't just front up to him and ask him who the woman was that he was making goo-goo eyes with over lunch, could I? He would simply have denied my assertions.'

Bella turned her head away and refused to look at him.

‘Well, I mentioned it to Ashleigh and, like you, she dismissed the whole thing. But I couldn't let it go, so over the next few weeks I started to make a few discreet inquiries. I asked at the restaurant where I'd first seen them. Evidently the two of them met there regularly and sometimes the woman made the booking. The maître d' was obliging and told me the woman's name was Dr Frances Barnes and that she worked in a medical laboratory.'

‘I don't believe you. I bet you paid him. Then he'd say anything,' said Bella stubbornly.

Ned ignored her interruption and continued. ‘I also asked around regarding Dad's work in Melbourne, his lectures, conferences, patients. I found out that some of those meetings he said he was attending had never actually occurred.'

‘How did you find that out?' asked Bella sceptically.

‘I asked his receptionist – you know, Glenda? – to look back through his diaries and make a list of some of the organisations he was concerned with and when he attended their meetings. I've always got on well with Glenda and she could see no reason not to tell me that sort of stuff – it was hardly confidential. Then I rang the places where Dad was supposed to have been. In some instances they told me that there had never been a meeting involving Dad on those particular dates, and on other occasions it appears that the meetings were shorter than Dad had claimed. Other meetings it seems he simply made up. Actually, Glenda also told me that when she'd tried to contact him a couple of times at a hospital where he was
supposed to be working, she was told that he hadn't been there at all. She just assumed that a mistake had been made, although it puzzled her. She didn't make mistakes.'

‘This doesn't prove anything, though! Glenda could've stuffed up.'

Ned shook his head. ‘I didn't think she had, so I thought it was time I approached Dad to see what he had to say. I found out from Mum when Dad was next coming to town and I thought that if I met him, I could sort the problem out. Maybe not actually confront him, but at least ask careful questions that might be able to put my mind at rest. Anyway, I tried his mobile phone that day, but it was switched off, so I rang the hotel where he usually stayed, and they said he hadn't checked in yet. I thought I might run into him if I just hung around and waited until he turned up. There's a great coffee shop in the hotel complex so I sat there, having a cup of coffee, waiting for Dad to check in. And that's when I saw them again. Dad and that woman, Frances, who I'd seen him with at the restaurant.' Ned closed his eyes and his face twisted at the memory.

Bella's eyes narrowed. ‘Why didn't you just go over and speak to Dad?'

‘I couldn't, Bella.' He looked at her sadly. ‘Dad and . . . and . . . the woman were walking along with a little girl between them, each of them holding a hand. I'm not good with kids' ages, but I guess she was about five or six.'

Bella stared at Ned. ‘And? So what?'

Ned shook his head and spoke gently. ‘They came over, near to where I was sitting, so that they could take the lift. Then the little girl spoke and I could hear every word she said. “Daddy, why can't we all have lunch together?” And then our wonderful father said to her, “Darling, I have some work to do now, but I'll see you tonight and I promise to read you a bedtime story.” They all
took the lift, but I was too numb to move. I just sat there for ages afterwards. I couldn't believe it.'

Ned looked at Bella and saw sheer agony spread across her face. He wished he could take her pain away, but all he could do was watch as she clapped her hands over her ears and shouted at him: ‘Stop. Stop right now! This is ridiculous, Ned! I won't listen to any more of this.' Bella jumped to her feet.

Ned put his hands on her shoulders and steadied her. He gently guided her back into her chair. ‘Sit down, Bella. I know this is painful to hear. Believe me, I know. Why do you think I've kept it to myself all this time? But it's the truth. I'm sorry, but this is what happened.'

Bella stared at her brother, stiffly and in shock, but before she could say anything, Ned continued, ‘Then the Frances woman and the little girl reappeared. They must have left Dad at the hotel by himself. So, instead of finding Dad and having it out with him, I decided to follow them to see where they went. I felt stupid, but it was easy. They got a tram down Brunswick Street to Fitzroy. I got out of the tram at the same stop as they did and walked behind them, keeping my distance as I didn't know if she might recognise me.'

‘You're not that famous!' snapped Bella, suddenly finding her voice.

‘Dad might have shown her pictures of us,' Ned answered. ‘I thought the whole thing impossible to understand. But I found out where she lived. I walked back past her house several more times after that, as though by doing it I could make sense of what I'd seen.'

‘Why didn't you just confront Dad?' Bella asked, her voice strangled and strange.

‘And say what? “Is that little girl I saw you with the other day your secret daughter?” If I was going to ask him anything like that, I felt that I needed to be absolutely sure. I found out from the neighbours that as the mother worked, the little girl was looked after by a nanny after school. I kept being drawn back and one day, as I was walking past the house, the nanny and the little girl came out through the gate. I wanted to say something, to ask questions, but I didn't know what to say. As they turned onto the footpath, the little girl dropped the doll she was carrying and I quickly picked it up and returned it to her. Bella, that little girl is exactly like you. She has your hair colour and your features. Remember that photo Dad had of you in his study? She looked exactly like you. The resemblance was uncanny. “Say thank you, Chloe,” the nanny said. Bella, her name is Chloe. She's not an idea, or a make-believe child, she's real.'