Raised By Wolves 3 - Treasure (65 page)

I chuckled. “I try not to believe in Hell.”

“That is probably for the best,” she said with quiet amusement.

We left her with my nephew, and walked down the balcony. Below us, the courtyard was alive with revelry. Striker was speaking from the head of the table, offering toasts. The Marquis and Dupree were still with them. Alonso had stepped into the light to sit with the others.

I looked to Gaston. “Shall we join them?”

He smiled. “For a time.”

Agnes stepped from the shadows of her doorway into our path as we reached the top of the stairs. She gave me quite a start, and I reached for the pistol at my belt. Gaston appeared likewise surprised.

“What is it?” he asked quickly.

She looked concerned: her long face pinched with worry and her fingers constantly weaving. “I was thinking…” She sighed.

I sat my side of the heavy medicine chest down; and, with a sigh, Gaston lowered his as well.

“Well…” she stammered. “During our… experiments… could I get with child?”

I knew Gaston blanched, even though I could not see him clearly in the shadows. I swore silently and spoke kindly. “Aye, you could. It is a risk ever-present in such activities. If such a thing were to occur, you need never worry about you or the child being cared for.”

“I am not concerned about that,” she said quickly. “I do not wish to give birth. I have seen it twice now, and it is not a thing I wish to do.”

“There are ways to avoid pregnancy,” Gaston said quietly. “Draughts and old remedies.”

I could hear the discomfort in his voice.

“Should I take them now?” she asked.

“You would take them after you feel you are with child,” he said sadly. “Or, before, but after, and they will act to…”

Her face contorted with surprise. “I do not want to miscarry the child,” she whispered. “Is there not something I could take before…”

He sighed heavily. “There are supposedly concoctions, but even Mistress Garret could not swear to their usefulness. The only sure way is to poison you or the child such that you miscarry.”

She shook her head emphatically.

“That and abstinence,” I said.

“Oui,” he said with bitter humor.

Agnes sighed. “I had thought… I don’t know what I thought. Stupid things.”

“I am sorry,” Gaston said.

I could feel him not looking at me.

I was appalled – with myself. I sighed. “I am sorry. I was… being an irresponsible bastard. Pregnancy was so commonplace a result of my prior life – and I never saw the children or cared – nor did the men I associated with – that I did not consider the consequences here.”

She awarded me one of those little nods women give men when they want them to believe all is forgiven, but truly they are close to tears.

“If I become pregnant,” she whispered to Gaston. “I will have the baby.”

I could not look at Gaston. I picked up the medicine chest and made my way downstairs with it heavy across my thighs and my toes feeling for each step.

I was urged to drop my burden and join in the festivities as I skirted the happy men in the atrium. I gave them a grim smile and vague assurances of returning and continued on. Gaston at last caught up with me, and took one of the handles with a smile that said he was not at all angry. Confused, I transferred my attention to the other handle and let him lead us into the stable.

Light and noise poured through the doorway into our quiet sanctuary. Bella thumped her tail and licked her lips in greeting as she nursed her pups. We stepped into the shadows of the stall and deposited our burden under our hammock.

“I am sorry,” I hissed.

Gaston’s arms were about me and his lips upon mine. I accepted his kiss.“Stop,” he whispered when our mouths parted. “I want children.”

“Oui, I know that…”

“I did realize I might get her with child,” he said.

I frowned, a gesture wholly for my own benefit as he could not see it.

“Was that your intent?” I asked with surprise.

“Non, non,” he sighed. “Perhaps… I think perhaps I had some forlorn hope that if that one became pregnant, I would not have to marry the other one.”

“My love,” I said with bemusement. “That is a thing you should tell your matelot.”

He sighed and sat on the hammock. “Will, I did not want to admit it, even to myself. And then… We had so little time and… I realized we would not know in time, even if my seed did take. And before that…

when first the opportunity presented itself, I just wanted to. I only thought of the other… when I had my cock in her.” He sighed heavily.

I laughed quietly and embraced him. “My love, that is when many men think of it.”

“Oui, but Will… I only thought of it then because I remembered thinking the same with Gabriella, and how… the babe would not live if the mother died, which my sister surely would before she could carry a child. The consumption had torn her lungs to pieces and…”

My humor fled and I held him tightly. “You wanted a baby even then?” I murmured.

He nodded against my chest. “It was one of my regrets about becoming a monk. Yet, I knew I should not. I knew they would be mad. I knew I was too mad to marry. Yet, I thought of it even then.”

I tried not to envision his thinking such tragic thoughts on that awful night. I listened to the men in the atrium: happy in their togetherness; happy in the birth of Striker’s son. “I wish I could share in your great need of them,” I said softly.

“I am grateful you do not,” he said, and I could hear some amusement in his voice. “If you did, we would never have met. You would have found some woman suitable enough to make children with, and you would have stayed with her and them.”

I shook my head. “I have known a number of men who were enamored of children though they favored men…”

He pulled away a little and shook his head. “I am not speaking of that. It is not a matter of what you favor; it is a matter of you favoring children. You do not, so you did not seek to add them to your life. If you had, you never would have made it here.”

“Ah,” I said stupidly. “And does it bother you that I do not favor them so very much now? Though, I must admit, I am touched by Jamaica. Still, I think I will feel more for her when I can converse with the child…”

His fingers were on my lips. “I am grateful that you place me above all else,” he said seriously.

“Ah, as I will ever be inclined to do your bidding.”

“Just so,” he said and pulled my mouth to his.

“So…” I said with a grin. “Will you continue to fuck her when we return until she becomes pregnant, and then marry her?”

He sighed. “I had not thought that far into the future. I did… just now… tell her that if she does become pregnant I will marry her.”

I could feel him regarding me in the darkness.

“Good,” I said. “I feel I will much prefer her to any your father might send. She was our first choice, anyway.”

I felt him sigh with relief.

“My love,” I chided. “You can speak to me of…”

“I did not wish to burden you further,” he said quickly.

“We cannot always be worrying about that,” I said. “We are both such… hardy, yet fragile creatures… that will ever be a concern, yet if one of us carries something alone that he should not, that… that could lead to disaster.”

He took a deep and long breath before whispering. “I need to leave this place, Will. Soon.”

“I know,” I said softly. “If ever you feel you cannot remain a moment longer, tell me, and we will go at once and sort the rest through after we are calm. And they can sit and wait, or leave us behind, or whatever they wish to do until we are ready to return, even though it might take months.”

“We cannot do that,” he said.

“Oh, oui, but we can,” I said sternly. “Damn them all. I do place you above all else.”

“I am loved,” he said.

“You are loved,” I affirmed.

“I will never place any above you,” he said and kissed my cheek.

I considered that: as in light of all else we had said, it did not sit well with me.

“Perhaps you should,” I whispered. “Perhaps… If we are to approach this matter of children with the diligence they deserve, with the loyalty and love we never received, then perhaps one of us should place them above all else. And that disturbs me greatly – as I do wish to be loved by you above all else – yet… I cannot see bringing them into the world to satisfy your need for them without doing as we have discussed, and giving them everything we lacked.”

His breath was ragged, and his arms closed about me until I could barely breathe. “Will, I so love you,” he whispered in my ear.

I smiled. “I have great faith that your heart is so big I will never feel any lack, no matter how many children we have.”

He gave a short huff of amusement, and then we were startled by a knock on the doorframe.

“Hey, you two fucking already?” Striker asked with a drunken slur.

“Get out here and drink. Or at least get your damn father to bed. He’s drooling on the table.”

“We are coming!” I yelled, as much with amusement as annoyance.

“Well, hurry up and finish!” he called, and left us, muttering, “Can’t leave you daft buggers alone for two minutes…”

Gaston released me and pushed himself to his feet. “I suppose we should get my father,” he said with amusement.

I chuckled. “And then we should return here and fuck.”

He bowled me back onto the hammock and kissed me with great promise. “Oui,” he hissed as he stood again.

Though my cock thought his father could wait, I followed my man out of the stable and into the light. The Marquis was not drooling on the table, yet; though he did appear quite tired. But at our appearance, he found new life and cheered our approach heartily. We took a chair from the dining room, and stuffed it in between the Marquis’ and Cudro’s, and Gaston sat at the front and I straddled it behind him. My cock at least found some amusement in being pressed between us, but I knew it would soon begin to ache with dissatisfaction unless I drank it away; and I was possessed of the sure knowledge that, despite our fond wishes, we would not be departing to meet its needs any time soon.

We drank more than we should, and laughed hard and grinned like fools, until at last even the most boisterous among us began to grow quiet and the lamps guttered from a late-night breeze. Now the Marquis was leaning on us and barely awake. Striker sat between Pete’s legs, with his own upon the table and a satisfied smile not even the Devil could dispel upon his face. The rest of our number, save Dupree, Rucker, Alonso, and Liam, were likewise draped on one another or entangled in some fashion. I felt sorry for the four lonely men; but it was a sentiment quickly dissipated when I saw Alonso glancing my way with longing: like a cold wind blowing away a warm fog of happiness.

I stirred, and roused Gaston from his torpor. Thankfully he needed little urging to rise, and we hauled his father to his feet with us. Dupree was sleeping in a puddle of his own drool, and we left the poor man there: the Marquis was enough to handle in our condition and his. We put him between us and maneuvered him up the stairs and into his room to deposit him on the bed. He was unconscious before the down of the mattress had finished sinking beneath his weight. We removed his sword belt and shoes, and draped netting about him. Gaston leaned on one of the bed posts and looked as if he were considering how easy it would be to crawl into bed with his father rather than making his way to our hammock. I took his hand and dragged him to the door.

“We have much to do tomorrow,” Gaston said as we made our way down the stairs.

I could not remember what he spoke of, but I knew enough to know I did not want to think about it. I shushed him and led him to bed. I felt eyes upon us as we rounded the table, but I did not glance back. I was going to have to kill Alonso. I hoped it would not be on the morrow. I doubted it was one of the tasks Gaston spoke of.

At last we cuddled chastely in our hammock. I faced the door and held a pistol loosely cradled in my hand. I drifted away yearning for our days on the Point, where we had forgotten why we needed to sleep with weapons.

I woke with an aching head from a disconcerting dream, in which I stood at the edge of a battlefield outside of some Spanish town, naked, without weapons, and all were laughing at me. Upon opening my eyes, I felt I was late for some event, but I knew not what.

Gaston slept like one dead; or rather, like he often did when suffering a bout. He did not respond to my gentle prodding or whispering his name. I let him be, and went in search of water. Samuel had prepared corn cakes and turtle soup for dinner the night before, which no one I knew of had eaten, and now he had warmed the lot of it and presented it as breakfast. I took a bowl, plate, and bottle of water to the stable and waved them under Gaston’s nose. There was still no response; so I ate half the soup, drank half the water, and left the rest where he could see it and the dogs could not reach it, upon one of the chests.

By then I had developed a list of things I must do. Of foremost importance was speaking with the Marquis; but as the man would not be rising early this morn, that task would be accomplished later in the day. This was perhaps good, as it would give me time to compose my thoughts, which all involved explaining why Gaston could not marry Christine and should marry Agnes, before the Marquis sailed. Then there was Theodore, who must be told about last night’s arrangements, and of course Vivian would expect us to visit. Though Gaston could not accompany me at this time, I thought it best to see to that bit of business now, as I doubted anyone at the Theodores’ was sleeping off a drinking binge. Gaston could visit Jamaica later.

I donned my arms and stepped to the doorway, and saw the men strewn about the atrium. Alonso was awake. I was surprised, but then I remembered how very well he could hold his wine; and though he had been drinking rum last night, he had not drunk so much that he had become lost to it. He smiled at me in greeting.

I smiled back and glanced to the stall where Gaston slept like a helpless babe. I did not think Alonso was such a fool. I did feel we must begin to think of such things, though, and make the necessary preparations.