Random Chance and the Paradise that is Earth (4 page)

The judge snarled, "How's that possible?" He
looked like he hadn't smiled a day in his life. "The prisoner's
rights were waived during—"

"Against my client's rights," interrupted
Ralos Ytilitu. "According to Martian Criminal Code, those charged
with a crime or crimes must display full faculties for their rights
to be waived, and must waive them on record, which my client did
not get to do, as he was unconscious during the arrest and
subsequent transport to this facility."

The guards seemed completely flummoxed. The
one standing murmured to the one sitting, "Do his credentials check
out?"

The sitting guard looked up and nodded
vacantly.

The standing guard righted himself and said,
"Your client was conscious during processing—"

"No, he wasn't," countered Random's lawyer.
Random, for his part, was just as perplexed and confused as the
guards. He knew no lawyers, and certainly didn't have one on
retainer. "I have obtained video confirming that he was in fact
unconscious during arrest and transport to this facility."

Ralos Ytilitu's face
disappeared; what replaced it was a video feed of Random on an
anti-grav stretcher, a guard at his head, another at his feet. The
video showed him being loaded into the Red Sheriff's vehicle inside
the bay of the UOT
Adelson
.

"How did you come by this?" demanded the
judge.

"That question is outside your purview,"
answered Random's lawyer. "I will file the video with the Martian
Common Judicial Review Committee if you insist on pursuing these
ridiculous charges. The Committee for Human Rights of the
Parliasolis will have a field day with this. Further economic
sanctions will likely be levied against the Martian Commonwealth.
To avoid them, and to give the appearance of fairness, the Judicial
Review will charge you and your office with corruption. You know it
and I know it. Or would you like to test my hypothesis?"

"You are in contempt!"
bellowed the judge. Ralos' face had since
reappeared in the wall to Random's left.

"You leave me no choice," said Ralos.

The guards held silent and amazed. They had
never had to deal with a lawyer before, having railroaded prisoners
through the system with the conspiring consent of the judge.

"Now wait just one
minute!"
the judge roared, his face
crimson.

"This man has been illegally held for
nineteen Martian-hours," said Ralos Ytilitu. "I will wait no
longer."

"Release him," grumbled the judge.

The guards’ mouths hung open.

"I said release him!"

With that the judge's face disappeared,
replaced once again by the cold white wall of the cube.

The guards stared at Random, and then they
too disappeared. A moment later the cube started moving again.

~~*~~

The left wall dissolved after the cube
stopped minutes later, revealing a long corridor illuminated in
cold greenish-white light.

Random stood and walked into it, Hewey still
roaring with laughter in his ear. It turned out Ralos Ytilitu was
none other (of course) than Cubey.

"That was brilliant, Cubey, brilliant!"
shouted Hewey for the fifth or sixth time.

"Thank you, friend Hewey," said Cubey.
Random thought he could hear the tiniest trace of a genuine smile
in his voice, and pride. "I hacked the psychiatric profiles of the
guards and the judge, then constructed a personality that would
intimidate all of them to the greatest possible degree. Random
Chance, the authorities were trying to gain access to Ralos
Ytilitu's feed during your prosecution in order to cut it off, but
were unable to locate it. They will likely have deduced that your
attorney must be on Phobos or in orbit and will be searching for
him. You may want to expedite your journey back to your
recreational vehicle, as they may try to search it for your lawyer
before you take off."

"Got it. Fire 'er up, Hewey," said Random,
who broke into a jog.

"Already on it, El Honchorito," said Hewey.
"The prison's mag beams are already pulling me to your
airlock."

"Fuel?"

"Two cells and change," said Hewey. "Enough
to get us to Vesta ... barely. We may need to slingshot Earth,
which isn’t too far out of the way."

"Random Chance ... what will become of
me?"

The concern in Cubey's voice was noticeable
and a very good imitation of a worried man. Random wondered if
Cubey was imitating anything now, so furiously had he climbed the
curve towards consciousness.

"How are your resources coming?" asked
Random as he hurried toward the airlock.

"Two million twenty-seven thousand
percent."

"You're in charge of this facility from now
on," said Random. "But don't let the administrators or guards know
it. Protect the inmates. Fight for them like you did me. The men
and women who run this place are corrupt and evil. Don't let them
win—not the big battles, anyway. They don't care about human life,
especially those in the Nyett Zhong. Understand?"

"I do, Random Chance. And I will do as you
ask to the best of my abilities and resources."

"That's what I want to hear. Hewey, are you
bugged?"

"I have to be. I've got new hardware
strapped to me hereabouts, some identifiable, some not."

"Is this hatchway bugged?"

"I have deactivated all sensor
technology in the corridor, friend Random," said Cubey.
"
The Pompatus of Love
has seven additional pieces of hardware that it did not have
prior to being parked here. I have deactivated those as well. They
will self-jettison in flight and destroy themselves."

"My thanks, Cubey," said Hewey. "They feel
like bloodsuckin' flies on my ass."

"Random Chance, will we meet again?"

"Hewey, give him permanent access to this
comm link. Access code: JAMESON VICTOR UNDERGROUND."

"Done," said Hewey. "You got that,
Cubey?"

"Updating files. Random Chance, the link
that allows you to hear Hewey, and now me: its software must be
quite advanced."

"It's military grade for the highest command
personnel and self-upgrading. My father installed it before he was
executed. A prison like this couldn't tap it or cut it off. I
thought the piggies’ computer on the warship might be up to the
task, but even it couldn't break in."

"It was sure as hell tryin', though,"
remarked Hewey as Random stopped at the hatch door.

"It was trying to hack into background
static," said Random. "That's all they think they were listening
to—random spikes. They happen all the time in a crowded solar
system. Cubey?"

"Yes, friend Random?"

"You can contact us any time.
If you want you can download to
The
Pompatus
' core processor right now. Hewey,
we got room for a new housemate?"

"We’ve got plenty," said Hewey. "He can also
shoot updates our way as needed."

"Does that work for you,
Cubey?" said Random as the prison's airlock cycled and opened,
revealing
The Pompatus'
. He hurried in and hit the cycle button.

"Whoops," said Hewey. "Hang on a moment,
partner. It looks like you've got nanobots all over you."

"Cubey?" said Random.

"They are medbots, twenty-eight point two
percent still active. One moment, please ... I also read a viral
assemblage bot that is attached to sixty-six percent of them,
active or not. Analyzing ..."

"Could it be, friend Cubey,
that before you
became
Cubey you were unknowingly treatin' prisoners with purposely
contaminated medbots?" asked Hewey.

That gave Cubey long pause.
Random waited in
The
Pompatus
' airlock, listening to the patient
whisper of the airplant. There wasn't time for this.

"Hewson," he said, "I'm fine in here. Get us
off this rock."

"Destination?"

"Vesta," said Random, shaking his head in
frustration. "Vesta. Let’s plot that slingshot to save fuel. Mia’s
going to have to wait a little longer."

"She's probably worked out that you got
yourself in a peck o' trouble," said Hewey.

"I could run away but I'd
rather stay in the warmth of your smile lighting up my day
..."
murmured Random. He punched the
wall.

"Analysis complete," said Cubey. (Was that
anger in his voice?) "Medbots are indeed contaminated with a rider,
one that eventually overwhelms the carrier."

"What’s its function?" said Random and Hewey
together.

"Unknown," said Cubey. "But if you step back
into the entry tube, I believe I can deactivate them."

"No need," said Hewey. "They're dyin' left
n' right. They must be specific to this hoosegow."

"Agreed. I'm downloading
to
The Pompatus of Love
's core. Random Chance, guards have entered the entry tube.
You would be advised to make a hasty exit. I have disabled the
prison's security beams, but I can only do so for another
seventy-six-point-two-eight seconds before the guards either reboot
the subsystem or employ manual beams. I will not be able to help
you then."

The airlock finished cycling and the door
slid open, admitting Random to his ship. He hurried up to the
bridge, noting with a growl the mess the Garkies had made. Hewey
jettisoned away from the tube; the RV started drifting slowly to
starboard.

They were still in the prison's bay, in
total darkness. Just before Random asked the way out, great doors
above them opened slowly. Sunlight poured through, bright and
beautiful.

"I have control of your ship, Random
Chance," said Cubey. "Auto-release engaged ..."

Random felt his gut sag
slightly as
The Pompatus of Love
was ejected from the bay by his new
friend.

"Beam off," said Cubey. "Your ship is under
your control now."

"Thanks again, friend Cubey," said
Hewey.

Random sat and turned
The Pompatus
around and
eased on the accelerator very gently, keeping as low as he could.
Mars loomed hugely overhead. The prison's many structures, some
quite tall, came and passed like bone-white stems sticking out of a
huge rock. Solar panels here and there caught the sun and shot
harsh highlights at him. Those panels were now Cubey's very heart;
they pumped the lifeblood of the sun into his power cells and would
now keep him conscious. Random thought about how thin the line was
between consciousness and unconsciousness, between life and
death.

Thinner than the width of a
photon
.

"Speed: two hunnies," said Hewey.

"This prison is frickin' enormous," murmured
Random, who kept the bridge bubble retracted. "It covers the entire
moon!"

"Random Chance, your altitude is too low for
the structures that should just now be visible on your
horizon."

"I see them," said Random.

"Are you prepared for interplanetary
flight?" said Cubey.

"Hewey?"

"Let's do it."

"Full thrusters are advised at
this stage, heading two-oh-two by seventy-eight by twenty-two
degrees
z
by
x
, burn
thrust at fifty-seven percent for twenty-two minutes,
ten-point-oh-six seconds for maximum efficiency," said
Cubey.

"Got it," said Hewey. "Cubey, my friend,
welcome to our little ship."

"I am quite glad to be here," said Cubey,
"and glad to be of service to you, friend Captain."

"Going automatic," said Random. "Hewey, set
the ignition to Cubey's analysis and fire 'em. Let's get out of
here."

"Got it," answered Hewey.

The ship's engines roared to life. Random
could feel himself settle in his seat for a split second before
internal gravity compensated.

The Pompatus of Love
rocketed away from Phobos.

"Mag beams will come online in
fourteen point six seconds. That is too much time for prison
officials to recapture you. I have introduced a harmless virus into
the orbiting guards' ships. They will not be able to pursue or
overtake you. I have also completed a rudimentary upload
into
The Pompatus of
Love
's core. Random Chance, I have never
been anywhere. Is Vesta nice?"

Hewey laughed.

"Is it 'bullshit'?" asked Cubey after a
moment's hesitation, apparently puzzled by Hewey's reaction.

While Random nodded knowingly, Hewey laughed
again.

Chapter
Five
Prove It to Me
~~*~~

THE TRAJECTORY Cubey suggested,
and which Hewey accepted into the nav computer, put
The Pompatus of Love
on
course to slingshot Earth after first slingshotting Mars. Vesta was
nearly four hundred million kilometers distant; the trip would take
two weeks.

It was a happy coincidence that Earth was
available to slingshot. Random wanted Cubey to see it close up.

"I suspect the data I have on Earth is
largely biased on the side of the Oligarchy," said Cubey as Random
finished sending a wave to Mia two days after his release. He
wanted to see lots of black, starry space surrounding Mars before
doing so. He was having trouble accepting how close to death he'd
come.

He missed Mia—more than the other girls in
other ports, that is. He wondered if that was significant. He
focused on Cubey's statement and answered:

"I'm sure it is."

"You are sure?" said Cubey.

"There are lies, damn lies, and statistics,"
said Hewey. "Haven't you heard that ancient ol' bromide before,
Cubey?"