Rank (16 page)

The movie was surprisingly good considering I had to read everything they said. When the couple kissed at the end, Shae-Lynn sat up and looked at me. She shoved my chest. “You liked it, didn’t you?”

I laughed, not wanting to admit it. “It was all right.”

“Maybe you’re not as hick as I thought you were.” She stared at me for a while, then asked, “Do you want a drink?” She used the arm of the couch to help herself stand and carefully stepped over to a hutch. “There’s beer and wine in the fridge, or there’s this.” She opened the cupboard door to show that the hutch was full of hard liquor.

“That’s a lot of booze.”

“My dad’s friends like to party. What do you like?”

“I like everything. What do you like?”

“I don’t know. I’ve only ever had beer.” She spun each bottle to read the labels.

“God. You’re a parent’s dream child. Try the whiskey. It will burn, but you’ll like how it makes you feel.”

She grabbed a bottle and two glasses, then sat down beside me. She poured them full to the top.

“Whoa, that’s enough to kill you.”

She laughed and handed me a glass. “So, it should be just enough to give you a buzz.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right.”

She took a sip and winced. “Wow. It does burn.” Her body bolted up straight and her eyes clenched shut.

I took a shot size gulp and got up to grab the guitar that was leaning on a stand next to the piano. I brought it back over to the couch and sat down next to her. “Will you sing for me?”

“Sure, but I don’t think I know any Bruce Springsteen songs.”

“Well, I don’t know any Carrie Underwood songs. Can you sing Jason Aldean’s
Dirt Road Anthem
?”

“Yeah.” She smiled as I started to play. “Do you always play upside down?”

“Yup.”

“They make left-handed guitars, you know?”

“This is how I learned. I can’t switch now. If I try to do things the right way, I get messed up.”

“That’s not true. You learned how to ride bulls right-handed and then switched over to left.”

“That’s different. I learned on my weaker hand. Switching over to use my stronger hand made more sense.”

She laughed, already sounding a bit tipsy. “It’s not different. It’s exactly the same. Either that liquor went straight to your brain or you’ve taken too many blows to the head.”

“It’s different.” I held up my left hand. “I’m already using my strong hand. The guitar’s just upside down.”

“Okay. Let’s see what you can do with your backwards hick methods.”

I started from the beginning again.

She closed her eyes and moved her shoulders in a sexy way as she sang the first two slow verses. Then I picked up the tempo and she sat forward to rap the next four verses. We transitioned back into the slow groove and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. After I strummed the last note, she looked at me and tucked her hair behind her ears. “You’re pretty good, hick.”

“You’re better than pretty good. You just made that my new favourite song.”

She reached her arm over so I would pass her the guitar. “I wonder if my strength is good enough to play yet.” She rested it on her leg and positioned her fingers. She strummed a few notes and smiled. “You have to sing.”

“Nope. That’s never going to happen.” I leaned back and took another swig from my drink. “I’ll just listen.”

“What if I play this?” She played the first verse of
Glory Days
by Bruce Springsteen and raised her eyebrows as if she was waiting for me to jump in with the lyrics.

I shook my head. “That’s tempting, but no.”

“Oh, come on. Why not? I won’t laugh.”

“I’m not worried about you laughing. I’m worried about making your ears bleed.”

She chuckled and reached for her drink. Her mouth pressed against the glass and she winced again. She giggled, then said, “I feel tingly already.”

“You’re a lightweight. Please tell me that you’ve done at least one bad thing in your life.”

“Well, there is one thing I wish I hadn’t done.”

“I hope it was illegal, or a tattoo or something.”

“My best friend’s boyfriend was cheating on her and I caught him with the other girl. I told my friend and she hasn’t talked to me since.”

“That’s not a bad thing. That’s a good thing.”

“I lost a friend over it. That’s bad. I should have just minded my own business and let her find out for herself.”

“No. That’s what friends are for. You did the right thing. It’s not your fault she doesn’t know what a real friend is.”

After a long silence, she swallowed a big gulp of whiskey and said, “I stole something once.”

I pointed at her, impressed. “Now we’re talking. What did you steal?”

“There was this group of really popular girls at my school. They asked me to hang out with them, but they said I had to steal a pair of diamond earrings to be initiated. I asked the sales lady at a department store to see a pair and when the other girls distracted her, I switched the earrings for some cheap cubic zirconia ones that we got at a drugstore. How’s that?”

“It’s pretty respectable deviance.”

“Except I went back to the store an hour later and switched them back. Then I confessed everything to my parents and I never hung out with those girls again.”

I shook my head in mock disappointment and laughed. “You’re horrible at being bad.”

“What’s on the list of bad things you’ve done?”

“Oh, darling, that list is so long. I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

“Tell me the worst thing you’ve ever done.”

My smile disappeared as I thought about it. I wanted to be honest with her, so I shot back more liquor to get the nerve. “Thanks to Rochelle you already know a pretty good sample of the bad things I’ve done. You probably don’t know that I was arrested for stealing a truck.”

She shook her head and took another sip from her glass. “That’s the worst thing you ever did?”

“No. I haven’t told anybody the worst thing I ever did.”

Her eyes darted to glance at me before she stared down at her drink. “You can tell me if you want.”

I tilted my head back and drank as much as I could before it made me cough. I could feel her watching me as I ran my hand through my hair. “The day my dad died I was hanging out with some girl I didn’t even know in her camper. I lost track of time and when I heard them announce on the loud speaker that the bulls were coming up, I got dressed and ran over to the arena. I was too late though. They’d already pulled the chute gate for my dad.” I exhaled and finished what was left in the glass.

“I don’t understand. How is that the worst thing you ever did?”

“I was supposed to slap his back three times for good luck and I wasn’t there.”

She didn’t say anything and I didn’t want to know what her expression meant, so I stood and cleared the dessert dishes. It was dark in the kitchen, but I didn’t bother to turn the light on. After I stacked the dishes in the sink, I sat on a chair and leaned my elbows on my knees. A few minutes later, Shae-Lynn came in and rested the crutches against the table. I could see her feet right in front of me. “It wasn’t your fault.”

I looked up at her.

“It wasn’t your fault.” She stared at me for a long time as if she was waiting for me to show some sort of emotion. When I didn’t, she moved to sit on my knee and wrapped her arms around me for a hug. She whispered in my ear, “It wasn’t your fault, Billy.”

“He was superstitious for a reason.”

“Could anyone slap his back for good luck or did it have to be you?”

“Anybody could have done it, but it was supposed to be me that day.”

“Hand me your phone.”

I reached around to my pocket and gave it to her.

“What’s the password?”

“Rank.”

She smiled and typed it in to unlock the screen. I watched as she searched the web. “Here. Watch this.” She held the screen up and pressed play.

As soon as I saw what it was, I said, “No. I don’t want to see that ever again.”

“Just the beginning.”

“No.”

“Billy, do you trust me?”

I studied her expression, then closed my eyes for a while. “Yeah, I trust you.”

She pressed play and held the screen out for me to watch. The video clip began with a female news anchor announcing that a bull rider had been killed by injuries he sustained at the rodeo. The footage rolled and showed my dad loading into the chute. Ron Miller pulled his rope and slapped his back three times. My dad nodded, then the chute gate opened. Shae-Lynn pressed stop and hugged me again. “It wasn’t your fault, Billy. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. It was a freak accident.” I hugged her back and we sat that way for a long time. Her breathing was so slow and peaceful. Her hair smelled like strawberries and her skin smelled like coconut. “You can talk about it with me,” she whispered.

I nodded because I knew I could tell her anything, and closed my eyes because I knew I was going to. It scared the shit out of me to be so vulnerable in front of anyone.

“What did it feel like to be there and see it happen?”

“It was a helpless feeling, but that wasn’t the worst part.”

“Was it when the doctors told you that he passed?”

“No.” I reached up to rub my eyes. “Cole and I decided that it would be best not to tell our mom over the phone, so we drove back to the ranch to tell her in person. When we walked in the house together, the look on her face made it seem like she already knew something was wrong. She asked, ‘Where’s your daddy?’ Cole and I both stood there staring at her, speechless. She studied the expressions on our faces then she asked again, ‘Where is he?’ Cole said, ‘He was in a wreck, Ma.’ She looked out the window at the truck and asked, ‘Does he need help getting out of the truck or something?’ Eventually I said, ‘He was in a bad wreck.’ She shook her head as if she was trying to make it not true. She asked which hospital he was in and she fumbled around to get her purse and coat. I said, ‘He’s not in the hospital.’ She screamed, ‘Where is he?’ It took a long time to work up the courage, but eventually I said, ‘He’s dead.’ She collapsed to the floor — not like someone who fainted and puddled down. She blew back and crashed against the table as if I’d shot her in the chest with a shotgun. Cole rushed over to help her and she wailed on him. She punched and scratched him, screaming that we were liars and that Dad wasn’t dead. Cole didn’t even try to stop her. He just let her beat on him until she had no fight left in her. When she started crying, he hugged her. She looked over his shoulder at me.”

I squeezed my eyes tightly to try to erase the image of my mom’s expression. Shae-Lynn placed her hand on mine. “What was the worst part?” she asked with the same gentle and patient tone she used on the kids at the daycare.

“My mom was disappointed in me for letting it happen. That was the worst part.”

Shae-Lynn hugged me, and the warmth of her slow breath felt good on my neck.

“I’m trying to be a better person now. I swear.”

“I don’t blame you. Your mom doesn’t blame you. Even if she does, she shouldn’t. It couldn’t have been prevented.”

“If he wasn’t a bull rider it could have been prevented.”

“His profession didn’t have anything to do with it. He could have died in a tractor accident or an oilrig fire. When it’s your time, it’s your time.”

“Do you honestly believe that?”

“Yes. That’s why we need to appreciate the moments we have. No regrets about the past. No worries about the future.” Her hand slid over my chest and up to my neck. Her fingers were so soft it felt as if she was touching me with silk. “Ow. Shit.” She abruptly arched her back and dug her fingers into my shoulder. “Ouch.”

I repositioned my arms to support her. “What’s wrong?”

“Ow. My back’s in spasm. Ouch. Jesus.”

I scooped her up.

“Sorry,” she said as I carried her into the living room.

“Don’t be sorry.”

She groaned. “But we were having a moment and I ruined it.”

“It wasn’t ruined. Do you have pain killers or something?”

“No, I stopped taking them so I wouldn’t get hooked.”

I laughed because she was such a good girl. “Grab the whiskey.”

I bent over the coffee table. She reached her arm out and picked up the bottle.

“Which one is your room?”

“Uh, having a moment wasn’t code for anything.”

“I know. I was going to give you a massage. I won’t if you don’t want me to.”

She paused for a second to consider it. “Last door on the left.”

I carried her down the hall and kicked the door to swing it open. She squeaked in pain when I eased her down on the bed. “Do you have massage oil or lotion?”

“There’s a tube on top of the dresser.”

I reached over to get it and tossed it on the bedspread. “Raise your arms up.” I lifted the bottom hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. She was wearing a strapless pink satin bra underneath. She looked a bit self-conscious when she noticed that I was checking her out. When I smiled, her cheeks blushed. “Unbutton your fly.”

She frowned and looked at me suspiciously. “I realize that your other first dates all end the same way, but this one is not going to.”

“I’m not trying to get in your pants. If you want a proper massage, I’ll need to work on your legs too.”

“How about you just do your best with my jeans on?”

“I can’t believe you don’t trust me. The quality of this massage is going to be compromised.”

“I’ll take that into consideration when I evaluate it.”

I smiled and tickled her ribs. “Roll over.”

She took a swig of whiskey straight from the bottle, then rolled onto her stomach. I knelt on the bed and straddled one knee on either side of her hips. The massage lotion was cold, so I warmed it between my palms before sliding my hands across her back. The spasm felt like a tight ball of iron cables. She groaned and buried her face in her pillow.

“Sorry.”

“Do you even know what you’re doing?” she mumbled into the pillow.

“Not really, but as long as you don’t have a serious back injury you probably won’t end up paralyzed.”

Her body shook as she laughed at my stupid joke.

“Stop moving. How am I supposed to work my magic if you keep bouncing around?”