Rapturous (2 page)

I instantly realize I’ve made a huge mistake by touching her.

Holy fuck. Her skin is like silk, soft and smooth. One touch will never be enough. And was that… Fucking hell, she
moaned
. I have to get out of here. I have to get away from her and the wicked temptation she represents. Except I can’t move a fucking muscle with our whole crew crammed into this
goddamned booth.

Not to mention, I’m so hard there’s no way to escape without giving myself away to Addie and everyone else in the room. FUCK! I break out in a cold sweat. Then her hand lands on my abdomen, and I nearly lose my shit.
 

“Move,” I growl to Jasper, who’s next to me.

“What?” he yells over the loud music and voices.

“I need to take a leak.”

“Oh, okay. Let Hayden out, you guys,”
he says to Kristian and Marlowe.

“Be right back,” I mutter to Addie. Jarred by my sudden movement, she sits up, a stunned expression on her face—as if she just realized she was lying on me. Not that I minded. I didn’t mind. In fact, I loved it a little too much. As I slide out of the booth, I remove my tuxedo jacket and fold it over my arm, hoping it will hide my raging “problem.”

I’m reminded
of eighth-grade science class, when I popped a boner for my lab partner, Jamie, when we were presenting our findings in front of the class. She had the best rack of any girl in our grade, and I was hard for her for a solid year. I thought everyone must’ve noticed, but no one ever said anything—and they would have if they’d seen it. I’ve never forgotten how humiliating it was to discover that I
had absolutely no control over what—or who—my dick chose to get hard over.
 

As an adult, I’ve devoted a lot of time and energy to the concept of control. So it’s galling, to say the least, to lose control the way I have twice tonight.

I can’t remember the last time any woman made me sweat just by sitting next to me. I’m a fucking Dom, for Christ’s sake. My control is legendary. Except, apparently,
when Addison York is pressed against me.

With my jacket still strategically positioned, I make my way through the crowded room, accepting handshakes and congratulations from colleagues on the way to the men’s room. Once there, I lock myself in a stall, hang the jacket from the hook on the back of the door and lean my head against the cool tile on the wall.
 

Get it together, will you?
 

I want
to pound the shit out of something. Anything to rid myself of the frustration and desire that possess me like a demon I can’t shake no matter how hard I try. What the
fuck
was I thinking when I kissed her? I wasn’t thinking. I just acted. In the biggest moment of my career, I took what I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember. I took
her
. I took Addie.

I fumble with my belt and the irritating
buttons and hooks on my tuxedo pants, nearly swearing out loud at how cumbersome the process is. Then my cock springs free, hot and hard. I take myself in hand, looking for relief from the most painful desire I’ve ever experienced.
 

I
cannot
have her. I
will not
have her. I
cannot
have her. I
will not
have her.

The thoughts parade through my mind as I relive that kiss, that one fleeting, magical
moment in which I had absolutely everything I ever wanted—the ultimate career success and the woman I love.
Fuck
.

Hearing voices outside the stall, I bite back a moan. I’ve never admitted to anyone—even myself—that I love her. Motherfucking hell, I
can’t
love her
. I
cannot
. I
will not
. I grip my cock so hard that it hurts. Part of me can’t believe I’m actually doing this here, a heartbeat away
from colleagues and paparazzi, but I can’t stop what she started in that booth.

I can’t control that which cannot be controlled. I love her. I want her. I need her.
I can’t have her
. From deep within my sex-addled brain, I have the foresight to reach for my handkerchief in the seconds before I come. Every muscle in my body participates in the soul-cleansing release. The relief is immediate and
overwhelming.
 

Breathing hard, I close my eyes and stay perfectly still, letting the oxygen feed my starving muscles. I stand there until my cock begins to finally retreat, satisfied for now. With shaking hands, I clean myself up and knot the soiled cloth into a tight wad that I store in the pocket of my jacket.
 

I know better than to dispose of a cloth full of my DNA that also bears my initials
in a public restroom at a Hollywood event. Such is the life of a celebrity. “Leave nothing behind” is one of our mottos.
 

I give myself another five minutes to calm down before I take the leak I came in here for. I restore my clothes and inhale a series of deep breaths, determined to get through the rest of this night, to get her home and then head for Club Quantum, where I’ll find someone who
can help slake the need she stirs in me.

I emerge from the stall to a room that’s empty except for an attendant. Thank God for small favors. I wash my hands and splash cold water on my face, mopping it up with the towel the attendant hands me. I suspect he knows exactly what I just did.

Whatever. With the evidence tucked away in my pocket, let him try to prove it.

I’m heading for the door when
Flynn comes in, placing a hand on my chest to move me backward into the room.

“We need to talk.”

“No, we don’t.”

“Yes, we do!” Thankfully, he keeps his voice down. “So this thing with Addie… It’s happening?”

“No, it’s not happening.”

“We all saw you kiss her. We saw her eyes light up with surprise and joy that you finally did
something
.”

“It was just a kiss.” I keep my tone intentionally
nonchalant, even though I feel anything but. “Nothing to go crazy over.”

“Except
she
is going crazy because you gave her hope! I swear to God, Hayden, if you hurt her, I’ll kill you.”

Flynn is one of the few people in this world who I genuinely love. But right now, I want to pummel his movie-star face. “Thanks for the warning. Can I go now?”

“Hayden… If you aren’t in this, really
in
it, you
can’t. You absolutely
cannot
.”

I keep my voice down, lest Flynn and I be all over the tabloids tomorrow for “fighting” at the Vanity Fair party. “Do you think I need you to tell me that?”

“Either go all in or hands off,” he says through gritted teeth. “I mean it.”

“You’re a fucking hypocrite, you know that?”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Remember when I told you that you had
no business getting involved with Natalie?”

“That’s not the same thing.”

“Isn’t it? Isn't it exactly the same thing? A nice girl who deserves better than us?”

With industry people and press in and out of the room, we can’t afford to let this get out of hand. So as much as we might like to let loose and go at it, we know better.
 

“It’s not the same. Addie is—”

I raise a brow in inquiry. “
Special?
Is that what you were going to say? And Natalie isn’t?” It’s never a good idea to drag a man’s wife into an argument, but I need Flynn to acknowledge his own double standard. Before he can pounce, I do. “Leave me alone, Flynn. I’m not going to touch her—and I’m certainly not going to hurt her. Why do you think I’ve kept my distance all this time? I don’t
want
to hurt her.”

I start to
walk away, but he grabs my arm, spinning me around to face him. “Give me your word.”

I look into the eyes of my oldest and closest friend, my business partner, one of those few people I truly love. “Fuck you.” I rip my arm free of his hold and leave the room before I make the huge mistake of punching him.

Chapter 2

Since his sudden trip to the men’s room, Hayden has completely ignored me. I can’t even get him to make eye contact. I saw Flynn take off after Hayden, and when they returned to the table, they both seemed tense and pissed.

“What do you suppose is going on with them?” Natalie asks.

I suspect I know exactly
what’s going on, but I can’t say it—not even to her. If I say it out loud, it becomes real, and I’ve never acknowledged my feelings for Hayden to anyone. I’m sure our mutual friends have their suspicions, as we’ve both done a piss-poor job of hiding our attraction. But feeling it and saying it are two very different things.

“I don’t know,” I reply to Natalie. “You know how they are—best friends
one minute and about to kill each other the next.” My hands are shaking, as is my earlier resolve to take what I want from him. I’m wavering. If I can’t even get him to look at me, how will I pull off a seduction?
 

It’s not like I haven’t had lovers before. I have. Quite a few, in fact. But I’ve never felt this bone-deep sense of fear at the thought of what might happen if I blatantly come on
to a guy. I don’t mean to be arrogant or anything, but I know I’m considered pretty by most people. My dad says I’m the most beautiful girl in the world, but he sort of has to say that.

Guys look at me when I walk down the street. They have since high school, once my boobs showed up—better late than never—and my body filled out in other areas that men tend to notice. Okay, I’ll say it. I have
a killer ass. Years of squats and lunges and Rollerblading have resulted in an ass that one ex-boyfriend called magnificent.

I like that word. I have a
magnificent
ass, and fantastic boobs that are
all
mine, and real boobs in Hollywood are the exception rather than the rule. I work for the biggest movie star in the world. I have amazing friends, a fabulous condo at the Santa Monica Pier thanks
to my awesome boss, who is also the big brother I never had, and tons of famous friends. I’m on a first-name basis with all the most important stylists in Hollywood. Not to mention, I’m smart, savvy and the most organized human being on this or any other planet.
 

I’m a
catch
. I could have any guy I want, so why is it that the only guy I want is currently ignoring me? “It’s total
bullshit
,” I
say as I glare at the man in question. Oh crap. Did I say that out loud? A glance in Natalie’s direction confirms my worst fears.

“Um, what’s total bullshit?” she asks.

Have I mentioned that I
adore
Flynn’s new wife? If I could’ve handpicked the perfect woman for him, I would’ve chosen Natalie. She’s lovely and sweet and sincere, and she loves him for him, not his fame. We hit it off the day
we met and have become friends in the short time she’s been in his life. I want so badly to tell her what I’m thinking and feeling, but I’m afraid to cross the line that Flynn and I walk between our close friendship and our work relationship. I love Natalie, but she’s my boss’s
wife
.
 

“Talk to me, Addie. Whatever’s wrong, let me help.”

She says exactly what I need to hear, and suddenly I don’t
care that she’s my boss’s wife.
 
Right now she’s the girlfriend I desperately need, which is why I take her up on the generous offer. “I’m about to make a huge mistake.”

“What do you mean?”

I fix my gaze on Hayden, who’s standing a few feet away from our table, talking with actors whose names you’d recognize. Everyone wants a piece of him tonight. With his big win, he’s officially the hottest
director in Hollywood. I could’ve told them that long before tonight.