Rare (15 page)

It was the most vocal he’d been in a while, and the thrill of it made my chest warm. “I hope so,” I said. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason,” he said with a shrug. “Ellie told me her mom got really drunk the other night and told her she hadn’t had sex in years. Is that what happens when people get married?”

“Sometimes, I guess. For them, I think it’s because they think their happiness lies in their bank balance. They don’t take the time to think about anything else.”

Ash shivered again. “We’ll never be like that, will we? Like Ellie’s parents?”

I glanced down at him. “What? In a rich, sexless marriage? Hell, no. First, we’ll never have that much money. Second, we’re not gonna get married. Besides, even if we were, it’s always the chicks that go off sex. Men start fucking someone else.”

“You think David’s having an affair?”

“No, I mean hypothetically.”

“Hypo what?”

“In theory,” I said. “Like the accepted version of events before they happen.” Ash frowned, mystified. I shook my head. “Never mind. Do you want to go to bed?”

“Can we stay here?”

I tightened my arms around him. “Whatever you need.”

E
ARLY
THE
following morning, I woke up in bed, confused as hell. Ash laughed his ass off when I shook him awake to explain himself. Apparently, I’d rolled off the couch in the night and taken him with me. To him, it had seemed as good a time as any to hustle me into bed.
Jerk
. I took my time getting my own back, and this time, there were no glitches.

Later, with him sleeping it off beside me, I set about researching DNA tests in Chicago. A few clicks on the laptop were enough to tell me he was right about them being expensive. The good news was, they were quick. Once the samples had been turned in, it would take forty-eight hours to discover the result.

I waited until Ash left for work to call Danni. She answered on the first ring, sounding tired and disheartened. She was stunned when I told her about Ash’s abrupt change of heart. We made arrangements to meet the following week when she flew back to the city. We decided I would take the necessary swabs from both her and Ash, and she’d accompany me to the clinic to deliver them. I didn’t relish the responsibility of collecting DNA, but it was the only way; no one else could get that close to Ash.

W
HEN
THE
time came to take the samples, I found myself being watched. I did Ash first, with the kit the clinic had provided. He seemed surprised when it was over, like he’d expected me to come at him with a scalpel. The cotton swab seemed to be an anticlimax, and when it was over, he fell asleep on the couch like a narcoleptic. His reaction made me wonder how agitated he’d actually been. It wasn’t beyond him to hide days of insomnia from me.

Danni and Joe met me at his place to take her sample. Joe watched me like a hawk, scrutinizing every action. It was unnerving to know he didn’t trust me, and it was probably only then that I understood how much we all had riding on the test. Whatever way the results went, life was gonna change.

Still, with the tests done and submitted, we couldn’t do anything but wait.

That night, I hustled a moody Ash out of the apartment and to a pub a few blocks from home. We’d been there a few times since we’d moved to the neighborhood, and it was fast becoming one of our favorite places. It wasn’t a gay bar, but it was eclectic and diverse enough that we felt at ease. Some things were never going to change. It wasn’t our way to put ourselves on display, but it was nice to put our heads together without worrying about causing a scene.

We sat huddled together in a booth, me slouched down with my head on his shoulder while he picked at a brownie. “So when do you start your classes again?”

“November.” He slid the spoon into his mouth. I tried not to get distracted as he darted his tongue out and licked his lips. “I’ve got an induction workshop next month, though. It’s at that gallery near the firehouse, actually.”

“By the soup kitchen?”

“Yeah. The class is based on street art. I guess you don’t get more street than that, right?”

I stretched my legs out in front of me, enjoying lazing against him so freely. “I guess not. Are you going to recreate any of the stuff you did in Philadelphia?”

Ash shrugged, mindful of my head on his shoulder. “Probably not. I can’t remember most of it. Hey, did I tell you I sold a painting?”

That made me sit up. “What? No, when did that happen?”

“When I went to sign up for the course. I had to take some photos of my work, so I took the stuff from the classes I did last year. Some guy wandered in while they were spread out over the table. He offered me four hundred dollars for that weird print of the industrial gas mask. Can you believe that?”

I could, actually. Ash’s work was amazing. He didn’t often venture out of his comfort zone of tattoos and sketchbooks, but when he did, he blew me away. It didn’t surprise me that someone had seen it and felt the same. It surprised me more that he’d agreed to sell it. He had conflicted ideas about art and money….

Oh.

The source of the pile of cash he’d thrown at me to fund the DNA test was suddenly obvious. I opened my mouth to protest, but he shot me down with a warning look, reminding me that the subject was banned until the results came in. “That’s great,” I said instead. “I didn’t know you were looking to sell your stuff.”

“I’m not, but it wasn’t a piece I liked, and I figured it was taking up space.”

He finished his dessert and shoved the plate away. I watched again as he licked his lips and grinned at me. Despite all the stress of the past few weeks, I could see he was buzzed about starting school again. It was nice to see. He’d always been like that. Even when things were stacked against him, he still put his head down and worked to make his life better. I pushed myself upright and signaled for the check.

“Let’s go home.”

I
N
THE
forty-eight hours that followed, the DNA test hung over us like a cloud. We distracted ourselves with sex and food, and we even managed to play a little ball at the batting cages back in Lincoln Park. It was only when Ash was at work or asleep that I allowed myself the odd moment to fret and brood. It was enough to keep me awake at night. I felt stuck in limbo. Time seemed to fly by and
crawl
all at the same time. By the time my cell phone rang at the crack of dawn the day we were due the results, I was more agitated than I’d been since the whole saga began.

I listened to the nasal voice of the woman from the clinic. When she was done, I thanked her and shut my phone. Ash sat up and swung his legs out of bed. I’d drifted over to the window when I’d taken the call. I walked back now and crouched down in front of him.

“It’s a match,” I said quietly. “Danni
is
your sister.”

He absorbed my words with a slow nod, and then he did something I’d never seen him do before. He put his head in his hands and cried.

I
WATCHED
Ash move around the bedroom. We’d arrived home from work within minutes of each other, but he seemed to be on his way out again. I took in the stony expression marring his face. Wherever he was going, he didn’t look very happy about it.

He pulled off his T-shirt and went to the bathroom. I followed him like a lost puppy and leaned on the doorframe. He washed the last remnants of ink from his hands, scrubbing the skin until it turned a painful shade of red. When he felt my gaze on him, he sighed and turned away. Defeated, I left him alone. I was so freakin’ tired, I wanted to cry.

Life had been like that for the last few weeks. The DNA results had thrown him for a loop and seemed to have rendered him mute. Until he broke down, I hadn’t realized how much he’d counted on them being negative, counting on Danni’s appearance in his life as nothing more than a fleeting glimpse of what his life should’ve been like. Though I suspected his reaction was confusing him as much as me, I wasn’t expecting him to come to terms with it anytime soon, so I was pretty flabbergasted when he came back into to bedroom and told me where he was going.

“You’re going to
Danni’s
place for dinner?”

“Don’t look so shocked. You’re the one who said I couldn’t avoid her forever.”

“Yeah,” I countered. “And you said, ‘Watch me.’ What’s changed?”

Ash dried his hands on a towel in the hamper. It seemed we needed to do some laundry. He looked surprised when he noticed how red they were. “You were right,” he said. “It’s….” He stopped. Opened his mouth. Shut it again. “It doesn’t feel real. I feel like…fuck. Like
she’s
not real. I’ve imagined people before. I thought one of my foster moms was my real mom once, and I can’t even remember what my real mom looks like.”

I didn’t know what to say. Most days I figured Ash’s childhood couldn’t get any worse; then he’d say something like that.

“Danni’s real, Ash.”

“I know, and I’m trying, okay? It’s… hard.” Ash pulled my favorite hoodie over his head. “Besides, I ran into her at the store, and she did that chick thing with her eyes. I didn’t realize what I’d agreed to until I was halfway home.”

I tried not to smile. Ellie also had a way of persuading him to do things he thought he didn’t want to do. Maybe it wasn’t exclusive to her. “It’ll be okay, Joe will be there.”

“No, he won’t. He’s in New York, remember?”

He shot me a strange look, like it was something he’d told me more than once. I thought about it harder than my tired brain really wanted to. Shit. I did remember. Joe had delayed his trip because of the drama going on at home, but he’d had to reschedule an even longer job to make up for it. He was going to be gone for weeks. “I’m sure she’ll understand if you take a rain check.”

“What would be the point in that?”

I finally dropped my bag and flopped down on the bed while he pulled on clean socks. He was right; Danni wasn’t going anywhere. Despite her promises to be patient, she’d made that clear. She was in Chicago to stay.

Ash planted his feet on the floor, but didn’t get up. Even from behind, I could tell he was staring into space. Reluctantly, I hauled myself upright and nudged him. “Do you want me to come?”

“Pete, you haven’t been home for two days; you need to sleep.”

With Ash, sometimes the answers lay in what he didn’t say. He was a reticent fucker by nature, but his eyes always gave him away. I pulled him to his feet. “Don’t worry about me. You know I can’t sleep on an empty stomach.”

I
PRACTICALLY
dragged him the few short blocks to Danni’s place. He drifted behind me, head down, hands in his pockets, his nerves palpable. Agitation rolled off him in waves, and by the time I buzzed Danni’s intercom, I was as rattled as he was.

Her front door swung open. She didn’t look surprised to see me hovering in front of Ash, or if she was, she hid it well. “I hope you like chili. I haven’t had time to shop.”

Silence. I forced a grin and yanked Ash forward. “Sounds great. Joe raves about your cooking.”

“That boy would live on sandwiches if I let him.”

Danni smiled, letting the door swing shut behind us. She turned to lead us into her home. A soft clicking sound caught my attention as I fell into step behind her, and a large, fawn-colored dog appeared in the hallway. I eyed it as it padded toward us. The thing was
huge
, and I’d been jumped by enough mutts to hold a grudge against the whole species.

Perhaps sensing I wasn’t a good bet, the dog bypassed me and went straight for Ash. He bent to pet the dog. When he looked up, I saw a hint of a genuine smile on his face. “What’s his name?”

“George,” Danni said. “This is his first week in Chicago. My dad’s been taking care of him for me.”

Ash held the dog by the chin as they stared solemnly at each other. “Is he one of those racing dogs?”

“A greyhound? Yeah, the shelter we got him from said he was a retired racer.” There was a beat of silence while Danni waited to see if Ash would say anymore. When he didn’t, she waved her hand for us to follow her.

The dog stuck close to Ash as we walked through her apartment to her kitchen. Kids and animals always gravitated to him. He was wary of children, but he liked animals. He was comfortable with them, like he’d been around them before. I knew in my heart he’d love to have an animal at home, but I’d always resisted. Maggie had a cat once. It was old, deaf, and completely insane. It spent most of its time on a bench outside, screeching at passersby. I’d quietly gotten rid of it when I’d realized Maggie considered it a role model.

I glanced around Danni’s apartment as she showed us to her kitchen, noting with a wry smile that her taste in décor was familiar: dark wooden floors and clean white walls. The only difference between her place and ours was she had punctuated the plain walls with framed black-and-white photographs. I didn’t have to ask to know they were her own work.

The distinctive smell of paprika and cilantro invaded the air as we came to the kitchen. I peered into the pot bubbling on the stove, and my belly growled. I’d eaten nothing but pretzels all day, and I was famished. Danni came up behind me and handed me a beer. I took it and slumped into a chair at her small, round table, noting the can of Ash’s favorite cherry soda she put beside me. That was weird. Though he’d stuck to his guns and stayed away from booze, he hadn’t talked about it at all, and I’d kinda figured Joe would’ve mentioned it if Ash had told him.

For his part, Ash lingered in the doorway. He hadn’t said a word so far. Danni glanced at him, before she turned away and stirred the pot of chili. I ignored him too. There was only so much chivying he could take, and true to form, he roused himself a few moments later and slid into the seat beside me. Naturally, the dog followed and put its head on his knee.

Danni put a bowl of chips on the table. “I think he likes you. He can be a bit aloof with men.”