Rarity (10 page)

Chapter 14

Thursday could not come fast enough.  I was anxious to have coffee after school.  Meg wished she could be a fly on the wall at the coffee shop.  “We’re just friends.  Nothing more.”  Meg rolled her eyes.

“Sorry sweetie - next coffee date will be me and you though,”  I promised.  “See ya’,”  I walked toward the parking lot.  Jay had borrowed his aunt’s car and told me to meet at the green Honda Accord.  As I approached, I heard Jay arguing with Becca.

“We are just friends.  It’s only coffee.  And you know what? You don’t own me.”  I stopped to give them time to finish.  I didn’t like Becca, Jay deserved better, but they both looked kinda miserable.

“I can’t believe you just said that!  It’s not about owning, it’s about respect.  I thought we had something,”  Becca said as she pushed her hands against Jay’s chest.  I decided to walk up to them.

“We can skip it,”  I offered.

“You!  Why are you trying to snake your way into this?”  Becca turned her evil eyes toward me. 

“I’m not.  I’m not trying to be anything more than a friend.  We were just going to have coffee.”

“There’s no such thing as friends between guys and girls.”  Maybe Becca had watched too many chick flicks.

“Honestly Becca, I’m just trying to be a friend.”

“Why does he need to talk to you, when he can talk to me?”  She seethed.  That question was not for me to answer.  I looked at Jay.  He leaned against the car casually.  None of this bothered him.  Becca was like a buzzing fly and he was just trying to swat her away so he could get on with his day.

“We’re going for coffee, get in Brogen.”  He opened the car door and sat down.  “I’ll call you tonight and we’ll discuss this later,” he said to Becca.  I hesitantly got in the car.  If Becca were a bomb, she would have exploded just then.  Jay put the car in reverse and took us toward the coffee shop, looking over his shoulder at a frustrated Becca.  “Sorry about that.”

“It’s ok... to be expected.” 

Jay looked over at me, “I didn’t expect it.  We are not boyfriend and girlfriend.”

I couldn’t believe my ears.  “I’m not sure she feels the same way as you.” Once we had our drinks, we found a cozy booth to settle in.  “I thought you and Becca were together.  Even heard you slept with her.”

He choked on his coffee and held up his hand to halt the questions.  Then he began,  “When you didn’t show for the dance, I thought you rejected me.  I was pretty bummed -  had my own pity party at the dance.”  I was trying to imagine sad Jay at the dance and felt bad for him.  “Becca saw me.  She danced with me most of the night till she said she ‘needed air’.”  He took a sip of his drink and adjusted himself in the booth.  “She didn’t want to go outside alone so she asked me to come with to ‘protect her’.”  He shook his head as if he didn’t want to remember the next part.  “We kissed and she tried to take it farther.” He studied me, trying to read my emotion.  He didn’t add anymore.

“Well?”  I asked.

“It went a little farther but...I’m just not into her.  It didn’t feel right.  I made up some excuse and headed back into the dance.  We danced some more but that’s it. I made a mistake - sent mixed signals and now she thinks we’re together.”  I raised my eyebrow.

“And what about after school?  You know, that time when she picked you up near your aunt’s house?”

“Are you stalking me?  How do you know about that?” 

I shrugged my shoulders, “I guess I was in the right place at the right time.”

“Uh huh.”  He looked at me suspiciously.  “I’m not sure I need to answer that question.”

“You know, whatever you did or didn’t do with her - she clearly has feelings for you.  And if you aren’t wanting to take it further...well, it’s only gonna’ get worse the longer you drag it out,” I advised.

“I know...it’s just...I can’t even think about Becca right now.   My mind is racing with seeing my dad - one thing at a time, you know?”  I nodded.

“Right, your dad, how’s it going?”  He shrugged his shoulders.  “How did you find your shrink?”  I wondered if Jay knew my mom was his shrink.

“My doc referred me.  She’s great.  I’m not sure I could handle this as well as I am without her.”  I nodded.  I knew exactly what he meant.  My mom was amazing, I was glad she was in Jay’s corner.  “Do you think it’s weird that I see a shrink?”

“No, not at all.”  I sipped my coffee.  “Actually, the world would be a better place if everyone saw a shrink.”  I laughed.

“Yeah - true.  I felt self-conscious about it at first - made sure no one I knew was in the parking lot before I headed in. But now, I could care less.  I’d be lost without her help,”  he said as he took another sip.

“Seems you’ve grown up a lot this year.  I can’t believe it’s half way over.”  I looked at Jay, he had a far away look in his eyes.

“Yeah, not sure if I’ll stay at Stanton next year or head home with my dad.”  Oh man, I hadn’t considered that.

“Could you stay with Soren if your dad gets out?”  I asked.

“I haven’t asked them, they’ve already helped so much.  I’d feel bad asking.”  I just nodded, privately hoping he would stay at Stanton.  He looked at his watch and said, “Listen, I better take you home, I have homework to finish.”  We stood and cleaned up our table.

“Thanks for the coffee,”  I said.  He turned and smiled as he got in the car.  The remaining daylight was quickly fading and the streetlamps and house lights were turning on.  As we pulled up to my house, my mom walked out of the house to the backyard.  Phew, that was close.  I needed to say goodbye before Jay and my mom saw each other.

“You’re welcome, I’m glad you said yes.”  I put my hand on the door handle and looked up to see my mom with the garbage bins and headed toward the curb.  I silently prayed Jay was distracted with his thoughts to notice my mom. He would feel so betrayed to learn his shrink was my mom.

As I grabbed my purse and pulled the handle...  CRASH.  Mom dumped a garbage bin on the ground and released a slew of profanities.  We both looked her direction.  Jay looked at my mom and his jaw fell open.  I could feel my eyes grow wide.

“That’s your mom? ”  His face showed what I feared...betrayal.  “Is that why you were being so chummy?  She made you do this?”  In a flash, he lost respect for my mom and me.  What should I say?  How could I make it right?

“Yes, that’s my mom.  I knew you were her patient, but I don’t know anything else.”  I couldn’t look him in the eye any longer.  I felt terrible.  I wished I could rewind to earlier in the evening and just told him what I knew.  Surely he would have taken it better than he was now.

“I don’t believe you.”  He was so mad. “You take pity on me  - is that the only reason you want to be my friend?”  He shook his head in disgust, “Unbelievable.”

“Pity on you, for what?  Because your mom died and your dad has a drinking problem?”  I felt defensive and couldn’t help arguing.  “I hate that that’s your life, but you’re almost 18, smart, great future ahead of you...I think you’ll be fine and I don’t feel pity about it.”  I yelled back.

“And what about the goddamn disorder that probably killed my mom...the one running through my veins?  How much time do I have left before it kills me?  ‘Great future’ B.S.!”  He was red in the face.

“What?”  I looked at Jay,  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  I said quietly.

“Bull!”  He hit the steering wheel and stared straight ahead.  My heart was pounding in my chest.  It was so loud it was hard to think.  Mom had finished picking up the trash mess and had not noticed us. Her figure was just a retreating shadow. 

“I don’t know what you are talking about, honest.”  Neither of us said anything for a bit.  “Is that what your bracelet is about?”  He lifted his hand and studied it in disgust.  Then he extended his arm so I could read the inscription:

Fragile: Treat as Trauma

Vascular Ehlers
Danlos Syndrome

Type O+

Blood vessels and hollow organs extremely fragile

Call 911

“I’ve never heard of that before,” was all I could think to say.  I didn’t know what Vascular Ehlers
Danlos Syndrome was and probably wouldn’t remember it to look it up.  “Was this what your mom died from?”  I was feeling that dread/fear creeping up on me.  Jay’s eyes looked sad and empty. My heart was thundering in my chest and I felt tingly. I tried to breathe calmly and think of something reassuring to say.

“Can I look it up?  I mean, will you write it down for me so I can look it up?”  He nodded, then sat up straighter and turned to face me.

“Um, you don’t look so good.  Are you alright?”  His voice changed from anger and frustration to concern.  My vision was darkening. “Brogen, what the hell.”  I could hear the sounds around me, a car door opening, shouts.  I could feel things, the cold breeze, being lifted into the air and then placed on a soft surface.  The numbness overcoming my body was paralyzing.  I heard murmurs and my heart sloshing blood through me. My lungs rising and falling…

Chapter 15

I woke up on the couch.  The
tv was on and Jay was sitting in the nearby chair watching it with his hand holding mine.  My mom paced in the kitchen.  I let out a yawn and Jay turned toward me.  “She’s up.”  He called to my mom.

“It happened again, didn’t it?”  I asked, then he shushed me.  Mom came around with orange juice and some crackers.

“You had another panic attack,”  Mom informed me.  “Jay brought you in and wanted to stay till you came out of it.”  I felt so embarrassed that he witnessed me freaking out like that.

“Sorry,”  I said to Jay.

“God, you scared me so bad. I didn’t know what was happening to you.  You got real pale and your eyes rolled back -  then you passed out.”

“I’m ok, I feel rotten - but I’ll be fine.”  Jay stayed a little longer and helped my mom in the kitchen. I think it was just an excuse for them to talk.  When he left he kissed my forehead.  “Are you still mad at me?”

“I left the disorder name with your mom.  She and I agree that you should read about it with one of us present to make sure you don’t have another attack.”  I didn’t miss the fact that he avoided my question, but his kiss and care must’ve meant he didn’t totally hate me. 

“That bad huh?”  I was half joking.

“Yeah - you’re a lightweight.  Just promise me you’ll agree.”  I nodded.

“Thanks for helping me tonight.”  He kissed my head again and said goodnight.  Mom saw him out the door and then came to sit with me on the couch.  She lifted my legs onto her lap.  Neither of us said anything, Mom just rubbed my calves while I closed my eyes and leaned back against the comfy pillow. “I hate feeling so weak.  I hate that I have panic attacks and become a mess.  Jay has sooo much more to deal with and he’s holding it together better than I am.”

“Being a teenager is hard enough.  You’re doing an amazing job.  Life gets hard, you just have to learn how to handle those hard moments...and you’ll get there.”  I gave a nod in understanding.  “And Jay has had his low points, especially with losing his mom and the diagnosis.  But he’s also learning what to do and it’s becoming more bearable.”

“Mom, can you tell me about his disorder before he sees his dad this weekend?  I want to know about it so I can support him,”  I asked.

“Maybe tomorrow, let’s see how you are doing.  I wanna’ make sure you are far enough out of this panic attack before adding stress to you. You really care about him,”  she added.

“I really do.  Mom - he felt so betrayed when he saw you, it broke my heart.  I feel awful doing that too him.  I should have told him my mom was his shrink.”

“I know, he and I talked.  He felt better when my story matched yours.  I told him I could recommend another therapist but he refused it.  I think he just needed time to consider it all.”  Mom stood and held her hand out to me.  “Let’s get you to bed so you can rest before school.”  Mom helped me up and I crawled into bed with my clothes on, no energy or care to change into pjs. She tucked me in and kissed me goodnight, “I love you,” she said before turning out the light.

“I love you too Mom.”