Ravensong (49 page)

Joshua shrugged. “I may need a
transplant someday, but one’s functioning all right.”

They stared at each other awkwardly.
Elliot rocked on his heels. Joshua didn’t know how to ease the
tension. There wasn’t a guitar or music for them to focus on, just
the two of them, standing close and yet so far apart. Joshua was
surprised how much it still hurt him.

“
Elliot?”

At the same time, Elliot moved closer.
“Listen, Josh, I need to apologize…”

“
Don’t finish that,
please,” Joshua interrupted. “I need to apologize. I should have
told you the first day I saw her. I knew even then that I wouldn’t
be able to leave her alone.”

Elliot shook his head. “I’m just as
bad. I let it get out of control. Honestly, I saw what was
happening between you, but I just didn’t want to face the
truth.”

Joshua forced a laugh. “Why don’t we
agree to never talk about it again?”

Elliot laughed as well. “Sounds good
to me.” He cuffed the floor with his foot. “We okay
then?”

Joshua smiled. “Yeah, we’re
good.”

Elliot sighed in relief.

“
So, when do you leave for
the world tour?”

Elliot gave a sarcastic laugh. “We put
that on hold. Couldn’t face any more time on the road.”

Joshua nodded.

Elliot lifted his head and looked at
him. “You think you’ll ever come back?”

Joshua drew a deep breath and exhaled.
He realized the tension he’d felt when Elliot first arrived had
dissipated. “Honestly, I just don’t know, El. Right now I’m gonna
concentrate on being a father. I think that might be enough for a
while. That and maybe walking across the room without getting
winded.”

Elliot smiled. “I get you.”

“
You know, I hear that
there’s a lead singer who’s looking for a job. Real enthusiastic
fellow named Lucas?”

Elliot’s smile faded. “We
decided we’d take a break.
Avalanche
already has a lead singer,
the only one it’s ever going to have.”

Joshua briefly closed his eyes. “I
don’t know if I’ll ever be ready again, El. You shouldn’t stop your
music because of me.”

“
I didn’t say I was
stopping my music, but we all agreed.
Avalanche
wouldn’t be
Avalanche
without Joshua
Ravensong.”

* * *

Elena rang the doorbell, fighting her
desire to run. What if he didn’t want to see her? What if he felt
the same way James did? It had been two months since she’d seen him
last, two months since she’d been allowed to speak with
him.

David had told her he was home, but
she hadn’t known what she was going to do with that knowledge.
She’d picked up the phone and dialed his number at least a dozen
times before hanging up again, then she’d decided to wait and see
if he contacted her. Finally she knew she couldn’t let it go, she
had to know exactly what he felt, and she had to hear it from him
directly.

The door swung open and he was
standing in the entrance. He wore a white shirt, the tails hanging
over his jeans. His hair was loose and his feet were bare. He was
thinner than she’d ever seen him and there were dark circles under
his eyes, but she drank in the sight of him.

His expression shifted from curiosity
to one she didn’t recognize, then he stepped back and motioned her
inside. “Come in,” he said.

She stepped over the threshold and was
immediately engulfed by Wolf. Joshua pulled him off and ordered him
into the other room. The dog obeyed, glancing over his shoulder
with a pitiful look.

Then they simply looked at one
another. Elena clasped her hands and he continued to hold the
doorknob. A blast of cold bay area wind blew into the house, but he
didn’t seem to notice.

“
Hi,” he said.

“
Hey,” she responded and
forced a smile. She didn’t want to burst into tears. That would
seem desperate, but still the tears were very close under the
surface. “David told me you were back.”

He shrugged. “I got in
yesterday.”

“
Oh,” she answered, then
rocked on her heels. It wasn’t supposed to be this hard, feel this
awkward. She knew this man, she knew every inch of him. How could
she feel so distant from him?

“
David said you wouldn’t
accept your old job back?”

She shook her head. “No, I’m taking a
little time off. I thought maybe I’d do some writing.” She shrugged
again. “A travel guide…well, sort of.”

He nodded politely. “Sounds
great.”

“
Yeah, I thought that with
all the cities we saw on tour, I could tell people about places to
eat and sites to see from the back of a limo…” Her voice trailed
away and she looked down, blinking rapidly to fight the sudden
onslaught of tears.

He looked away as well and lifted a
hand to run it through his hair. “Elena, James told me how he
treated you when you came to the hospital. He thought he was
helping me.”

She glanced up at him through her
lashes, but she couldn’t speak.

“
So much of the time I was
out of it. I was so sick for awhile, in so much pain, I didn’t even
know who was there or what was going on.”

“
I understand.”

More cold air blew into the house.
Since he hadn’t shut the door, Elena figured he was probably hoping
she would leave.

“
Well, I just had to see
that you were all right for myself.” She shot a look out the door.
“I should be getting home.” Without waiting for him to respond, she
started for the opening.

He reached out and caught her arm. She
stopped walking immediately, but she didn’t turn to face him. He
eased past her and closed the door, placing his back against it.
She lifted her eyes to his face, drinking in the sight of him. God,
she loved him still.

“
I asked for you,” he said.
“My mother told me how many times I asked.” His voice trailed away
and his expression clouded over. “I’m not a strong man, Elena, that
much is obvious, but I never wanted you kept out of my life. I just
didn’t have the power to fight it at the moment.”

“
They told me how sick you
were, Joshua. I understand.”

He shook his head. “I’m not sure I do.
My family always thinks they know how to run my life better than I
do, and God help me, they’re usually right, but James went too far
and I let him do it because I was too weak to fight
him.”

“
He was right, Joshua. I
put a job before you and it hurt you. I never dreamed John would be
vengeful. I never even prepared for that.”

“
No one could have. And if
I’d been anyone else, it wouldn’t have worked.” He drew a deep
breath and exhaled. “I’m never going to be completely well, Elena.
I’m always going to be an addict and I can’t promise I won’t have
another relapse.”

She met his gaze, but she didn’t know
if he wanted her to respond or not.

“
I’m not even sure I’ll
ever be able to work again.”

“
I don’t think you have to
decide that now.”

“
Maybe not, but here’s the
truth. Life with me will always be uncertain. I will try my
damnedest to hold it together, but it would be stupid of me to make
promises I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep.”

She studied his face, not certain she
understood what he was saying.

“
And my family will always
be a part of my life. No matter how meddlesome, they’re my
foundation. Without them, I wouldn’t last very long.”

She took a step closer to him. She
could feel the heat of his body from where she stood. “What exactly
are you saying, Joshua Ravensong?”

He didn’t touch her, he didn’t move
any closer, but his eyes bore into hers. “I love you, Elena. I can
understand if this uncertainty is more than you can stand. I would
never drag you into that insanity again against your will, but I’ve
been miserable without you.”

She bit her lip to stop the tears. “I
won’t be kept away anymore. That has to be made clear to everyone,
including James.”

“
Done.”

“
And I have to be in on all
of the secrets, no matter what they are.”

“
You’ve got it. What do you
say about starting over?”

Elena’s eyes brimmed with tears and
she moved even closer to him, her lips a breath from his. “What do
you say about picking up where we left off?” she corrected. Cocking
her head, she gave him a mischievous look. “Although, you might
have to convince me.”

His eyes glittered wickedly
and he gave her the patented Joshua Ravensong wink. “I could do
that,” he said with a smile, “After all, I’m good at
convincing.”