Raw Deal (Beauty for Ashes: Book One) (25 page)

***

“So was all that for real?” I asked Monica, as I drove us to my house. She was staying the night.

“Of course. Why would I do all that, and it not be real?”

“Well, maybe you just wanted to make Tanya happy?”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

I switched on the radio and tuned in to a Jazz station. Monica looked different. I didn’t know how to describe it exactly other than to say that she looked relaxed—thoughtful, but relaxed.

“I’m surprised you didn’t go forward, too,” she said.

A song my dad used to play around the house came on: “Smooth Operator.” I listened to the familiar lyrics, and remembered how my dad used to whistle the tune while he made breakfast on Saturday mornings. We’d have breakfast while we watched my mom giving beauty advice on TV. I sighed. “I don’t know, Monica. It all sounds good and everything, but it’s not for me.”

“It’s for everyone.”

I didn’t want to argue about it. “Well, maybe I’m just not ready.”

When we got home, it was almost eight o’ clock. My mom was already in bed. Monica and I watched TV until about eleven, and then we went to my room. Monica was quiet. We changed into our pajamas in silence, and as Monica lay down, I turned out the lights.

“Lexi, do you mind if I switch on the lamp?” Monica’s voice came in the darkness.

“No, why?”

“I just want to do some reading.”

I groaned. “Give those erotic novels a rest Monica.”

Monica clicked the lamp switch and reached for her Bible, which she’d placed on my nightstand. I closed my eyes momentarily. First Michelle, then Jace, now Monica. Everyone was getting saved and leaving me behind. Would Monica start going to the lunchtime Christian Union, too? Was our friendship going to change now that she was saved?

Jace had said that Christians couldn’t date non-Christians. Was it the same for friendships?

Chapter 30

“Did you read that thing all night?” I asked Monica, turning off my alarm clock and sitting up. She was sitting at my table fully dressed, reading her Bible.

“No, I got up early so that I could read some before we leave.”

I threw my towel over my shoulder and went to the bathroom. It looked like Monica was truly saved! What was going on? It was like a religious epidemic was breaking out, and it was freaking me out.

Monica was still reading when I got back to my bedroom after my shower. “I’m thinking I’ll go to Christian Union at lunchtime.”

I had known that was coming. “And you want me to go with you?” I asked as I slapped moisturizer onto my legs.

“You don’t have a choice.”

“I do,” I grumbled.

Nevertheless, at lunchtime, I found myself allowing Monica to drag me to the Christian Union, which was held in an empty classroom. When we walked in, everyone looked pleased to see us.

“Ya’ll didn’t say Lexi got saved too,” a boy that I had never seen before said, a tad over-enthusiastically.

“I didn’t,” I returned. I wasn’t pleased to be there, and I wasn’t going to hide it. Monica made her way over to Tanya and Michelle, and I followed her and sat down. There were quite a few kids there. Thankfully, Jace wasn’t.

When I got home that night—yes, it was night because Monica had wanted to hang out with Tanya and milk her for all she was worth about the Bible—my mom was sitting at the kitchen table. She had the phone in front of her, and from the way her shoulders were slumped, I knew she’d been crying.

“Mom?” I put a hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

She didn’t look up. I knew she hated it when I caught her crying.

“Mom, what’s up?”

She raked a hand through her hair and sighed. “Your dad’s family is holding a memorial service next month for his anniversary. I’m going to have to go.”

I was furious. My dad’s family had always had a bone to pick with my mom. It was like their life’s goal to make her life a misery. I didn’t get it. “Why do you have to go? What are they going to do if you don’t?”

“I have to go, Lexi.”

I sat down. “But why are they doing this? Don’t they know we’re trying to put it behind us? Why have a memorial and dig it all up again?”

“They mean well.”

She’d said it, but I knew she didn’t believe it. They had never meant well. “I’m going with you.”

“You can’t. You have school.”

“I don’t care. I’m going.”

My mom dabbed her eyes with a scrawny piece of tissue. “I’ll book you a flight ticket, then. I’ve already booked mine.”

I decided to give my mom some space. She looked really upset. I went to my room. My own mood had taken a nosedive now too.

I laid face down on my bed. I couldn’t believe I had survived a year without my dad. It didn’t seem like it had been that long already, the pain was still so raw. Hot tears streamed down my face, and I wished I could just shut down, like a computer. Why didn’t I have an off button that I could just push and switch off? Alcohol had been Michelle’s off button once. I considered it for a moment, but it didn’t appeal. I called Monica.

“Stop crying,” Monica instructed gently. “What’s the matter? I can’t help you if you won’t talk.”

I told her about my dad’s memorial service.

“Calm down, Lexi,” she said. “Everything will be okay. Do you want me to pray with you?”

“No.”

“Lexi, you need God at a time like this.”

I wondered why I’d called her. Speaking to Monica was getting to be like speaking to Tanya. “Maybe I would believe in God if he brought my dad back.”

Monica was quiet for a moment, and I heard a rustling noise. “I’m sure God has brought back dead people before. Let me see.”

“He has?”

“Yeah,” the rustling continued. “It’s in here somewhere.” I waited while she searched. After a while she gave up. “Let me call Tanya. She’ll know.”

When Monica called me back, I wrote down the references. I used the index at the front of my Bible to find each one. I read them all, and when I finished, I shut the Bible. I hoped they weren’t just stories. I hoped they were all really true.

I decided to pray.
God, if you bring my dad back, then I’ll know you’re really there, and I’ll become a Christian and go to church.

I sat still for a moment waiting. Then I came to my senses. What was I expecting? To see my dad walk through the door? That wasn’t going to happen. Why was I wasting my time reading the Bible and praying? I knew better than to give myself false hope.

The next day at school, I kept to myself. At lunchtime, I couldn’t find Monica, and I knew she’d gone to Christian Union. I respected the fact that she felt God had ‘reached out’ to her in her time of need, but all the same, I couldn’t help thinking that she and Michelle were just using Christianity as a crutch. The only reason they were now Bible huggers was because their lives were pathetic, and they were depressed. They just wanted to feel better about themselves. I could cope without a crutch. I didn’t need to speak to an imaginary Friend in the sky and read about Him to make myself feel better.

Chapter 31

You know how they say there’s no smoke without a fire? I used to find that little saying so annoying, especially when my mom used it, but it proved itself true during lunch break on Friday.

I decided to go to the library and look for that economics textbook that Mr. McGee had been recommending since September. I wanted to major in communications at college, but I was spending most of my time studying economics because I was cool with my other classes. Well, cool enough to get into college. If any subject was going to let me down, it would be economics, and I couldn’t let that happen. Hence, the reason I thought I had better look for McGee’s recommended textbook.

So, I checked the book number in the library catalog computer and went to the politics, philosophy, and economics section. I followed the numbers and turned a corner, and there were Jace and Andrea making out behind a bookcase.

They both jumped apart, and Andrea turned bright red. Jace looked mortified. I walked past and continued scanning the numbers on the books. I wasn’t going to think about it. Jace could do what he liked. If he wanted to trade a sleek, classy Maserati for a beat up, two-door Fiesta, just because the Fiesta was ‘saved’ that was his prerogative, and it didn’t bother me in the slightest. Okay, it did, but telling myself that it didn’t helped somewhat. I wondered if she’d been to his black, white, and metallic red den. So what if she had? Who cared?

After school, Carl was waiting by my car. I grinned as I approached, remembering his exit from church the other day. “Hey, Carl, what can I do for you?”

“Just wanted to say hi. How’s it going?”

“It’s going good,” I replied, although it wasn’t. I felt angry, confused, and frantic. And there was this constant internal urge to scream. I hadn’t given in to it for two days now, but I just might when I got home today.

I smiled at Carl like there weren’t a million emotions churning around in my stomach, making me feel nauseous and like I should just fall asleep and never wake up again.

Carl focused cool sapphire eyes on me. “Do you want to come to my birthday party? It’s on the eleventh of Feb.”

That reminded me, “I thought Michelle was supposed to be having a party in January some time. When’s her party again?”

“It’s off. She canceled it when she started going to church and hanging out with Tanya.”

I wrinkled my nose. “What did you think of church?”

“It was good, but I have my own church.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’m Catholic. I’m not a freak about it, but I do believe there’s probably Someone up there.”

I grinned at Carl. He was looking really cute today.

“Are you listening to me?” Carl asked.

“Sorry, my head is fried today. What did you say?”

“Just that you have to be at my party.”

“Why?”

“I’ve promised the guys hot girls and booze.”

Luckily, I didn’t have to think too hard to come up with an excuse. “I might be going to England for a couple days around that time, but if not, I’ll definitely come, as long as you can promise that there will be ice cream.”

“What flavor?”

“Caramel with bits of toffee swirled through.”

Carl gave me a look that said ‘whatever.’ “Um, yeah, that will definitely be there.”

***

Monica called me on Saturday morning. I hadn’t seen her at all on Friday. I felt abandoned. I guess she didn’t need me anymore now that she’d found religion.

“Just wanted to make sure you’re still alive, since you choose not to talk to me anymore. Guess who’s dating?”

Jace and Andrea? “Who?”

“Matt and Michelle.”

“Cool.” I couldn’t believe Matt had told me he only liked her as a friend.

“Actually, they’re calling it courting, not dating. They seem really serious.”

“Good for them.”

“What are you doing today?” Monica asked.

“Nothing,” I said glumly. I didn’t feel like telling her about Jace and Andrea.

“Do you want to go shopping?”

“With Tanya?”

“Yeah, and Michelle, and Andrea, and some of the guys.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I just don’t.”

“Come on, Lexi. It’ll be fun.”

“Monica, I have to go.” I hung up.

I wondered if I was getting depressed. I constantly felt sick of life, and I was sure that had to be a sign of depression. I contemplated booking an appointment with Dr. Paula, but I decided against it. Her therapy session hadn’t helped Monica; she’d still attempted suicide.

***

The next week at school, I kept to myself. Monica kept asking what was up with me, but truth be told I couldn’t be bothered with her anymore. She was all about religion and the Bible, and how God had helped her through her darkest hour. I didn’t want to know.

I started hanging out with Carl a little. He was nice, and he wasn’t trying to get with me like I thought he might be. He was just a good platonic friend. Jace noticed, much to my delight and glee.

But then, I heard a rumor, from Sandy precisely, that Jace asked Monica out. I didn’t want to believe it, but apparently, they went to the movies. I wanted to tell myself that Monica wouldn’t do that to me, but I had to get real. Now that she was a Christian and presumably couldn’t date just anybody, Jace was probably starting to look quite attractive to her. I asked Carl what he thought and told him to bear in mind the fact that I’d caught Jace and Andrea making out not that long ago. He said he didn’t think anything.

Now that was annoying, how could he not think anything? I definitely needed a girlfriend. Someone I could have a good gossip with. I couldn’t gossip about Monica with Sandy because they still hung out.

I kept thinking about it and wondering whether it could be true. I really didn’t want to believe it, but when I saw Monica getting into Jace’s car after school on Friday, I had to wake up and smell the cappuccino. It was the way they were laughing and the way Jace held the door for her that set my teeth on edge. I told myself I didn’t care.