Raw: Devil's Fighters MC (23 page)

“‘
So be it’
?” Rick repeated, incredulous. “Are you out of your freaking mind? There is no way you’re winning this fight. Bennie might as well have just shot you himself.”

It was true; Xavier knew it now. The realization came to him with the startling force of lightning in a blue sky. How could he be so stupid? How could he not see it? Bennie didn’t believe that he could win this fight, either. He was only giving him a death sentence, condemning him to die doing what he hated most.

What Bennie didn’t know, however, Xavier thought as cold rage mounted within him, was that what he hated most was also what he did best.

“I’ll win this fight,” he said, and he meant it.

Rick caught the genuine confidence in his voice, too. “How can you be so sure? No one has ever won a fight against that beast.”

“There’s a first time for everything,” Xavier said. “I’ll be that first time.”

Rick watched him carefully. “You’re not a killer, Xavier.”

Xavier blinked, taken aback. “Uh…yeah, thanks. I know. What does that have to do with anything?”

“The only way you’re winning a fight against Taylor Jackman is if you kill him.”

“I don’t think it’s the only way.”

Rick arched a dark blond eyebrow. “No?” he said. “And pray tell, how else do you plan on defeating that fiend from hell?”

They had seen the man fight once. Even without being in the ring themselves, it had been a horrifying experience.

“I’ll knock him out.”

Rick rolled his eyes. “The man is a mountain,” he said. “There is no way he’s going to just stay down, not while he’s still alive.”

“I’ll find a way.”

“Oh, just kill him, for fuck’s sake!” Rick snapped. “Everyone will be better off without that madman rampaging around the rings.”

Xavier stared at his friend, surprised at this vehemence. It was very much unlike Rick. “I cannot kill a man in a fight,” he said. “I
will
not. You know that.”

“Why not?”

“Because the moment I do, I’m like them,” Xavier said. “The moment I kill a man with my bare hands, I’m a savage. Would
you
do it?”

“Honestly, if it got me out of this so-called life of ours? In a heartbeat.”

Xavier was rendered speechless for a moment. He could tell that Rick meant it. He wondered how he had missed it in over eight years of knowing the man, of fighting side by side with him, of struggling together to hold on to a shred of their humanity in an inhumane lifestyle. Rick was desperate, and he wasn’t living. For over eight years, Rick had been just existing, sometimes even barely that, and now he was desperate to live again.

Rick would have done anything to get out. He would have stopped at nothing. Xavier could read it on his face as clearly as he could read a book. Where Xavier had somehow managed to hold on to his will to live and amount to something better (even though he didn’t always believe that he could), Rick had been dying little by little in front of his very eyes.

No more
, Xavier vowed to himself. There would be no more of this, even if it killed him.

Alyssa was nervous. It had been two days since she had gotten the news from her clinic in Vancouver, and since then she had been constantly feeling like the clock was ticking—which it was. The pressure was mounting within her, and she felt more and more powerless with each day that went by. She lived in a constant state of tension. Her heart was racing constantly within her chest.

Now, Xavier had texted her saying that he would come over and that they “needed to talk.” Whatever it was, it couldn’t be good; nothing that was accompanied by the sentence “we need to talk” was ever good. Alyssa had tried to keep herself busy while she waited for him, but eventually she had spent hours glancing repeatedly and obsessively at every clock in the house—the one on the wall in the kitchen, the old grandfather clock in the living room, her wristwatch, the clock on her phone. Time seemed to stretch and pass unbelievably slowly.

When Xavier finally rang the doorbell, Alyssa was already waiting for him at the door. She waited a few moments before opening the door, though, so as not to let him know just how anxious she had been. What she saw when she finally did open the door and let him in, however, wasn’t very reassuring at all. Xavier’s usually open face was dark, and his green eyes were stormy. He all but pushed past her into the house. There was no greeting kiss, which also contributed to increase her worries.

“We have to talk,” he said, walking to the living room.

Alyssa hurried after him, dumbfounded at his urgency. “You said that.”

“And I meant it.” Xavier turned around and watched gravely. “Sit down.”

Too scared to even argue, Alyssa complied and went to sit on the couch, watching as Xavier sat down next to her.

“You’re scaring me,” she admitted quietly.

Xavier sighed. “I don’t mean to, but it
is
serious. I thought about not saying anything to you, but the more I thought about it, the more wrong it seemed.”

“You can tell me anything,” Alyssa said sincerely. “In fact, given the situation, I think you shouldn’t hide anything from me that is connected to the Devil’s Fighters.” She hesitated. “Because it
is
about them, isn’t it?”

“Sort of,” Xavier said. He took a deep breath. “I talked with Bennie earlier today.”

Alyssa frowned. Already she didn’t like where this was heading; few names could give her the chills like Bennie Lenday’s. In fact, his name was probably the only one that elicited such a strong, hateful reaction in her. “About…?”

“Us,” he said. “Our predicament. I told him I want out.”

Alyssa’s eyes widened. She felt herself grow very cold inside. She didn’t know much about Bennie Lenday—and she didn’t want to know—but she had the feeling that one of his best fighters planning to split on him wasn’t one of the things that made him happy to hear.

“Why did you do that?” she said, her heart galloping within her chest. “Why would you tell him? I thought we were waiting.”

“That’s the thing, though,” Xavier argued, “we don’t have the time to wait anymore.”

As realization hit, Alyssa felt even worse. “You did this because of what I told you about my work?” she asked incredulous. “Xavier, you didn’t have to. We’ll find a way—”

“No, we won’t,” Xavier interrupted her sharply. “I know that now. Waiting won’t solve anything, it will only get us tangled up further. The circumstances will never be ‘right.’ Maybe your boss giving you a deadline is a blessing in disguise; it made me realize that I have to act now.”

“What do you mean, act?” Alyssa asked carefully. She was very afraid of learning the answer. “What did you do?”

“I have a way out. Bennie offered it to me.”

Alyssa watched him incredulously. “Bennie Lenday offered one of his best fighters a way out of the rings?” she asked skeptically.

“Yes. I have to fight one more fight. If I win, he’ll let me go. And Rick, too.”

“He’ll let you go? Just like that?”

“He gave me his word.”

Xavier sounded so confident that Alyssa had to do a double take to make sure she was hearing him right.

She gave a loud, rude snort. “Because Bennie Lenday’s word is so trustworthy,” she said sarcastically.

“As a matter of fact,” Xavier said, “it is. He may be a scumbag,” he explained when Alyssa looked at him as if he had just gone mad, “but every time I’ve heard him give someone his word over the years, he’s always kept it.”

“How can you be sure?”

“I told you, I’ve seen it happen.”

Alyssa was silent for a few moments, allowing herself some time to let it all sink in. “So if you win this last fight, he’ll let you come with me without any repercussions?”

“That’s right. And Rick, too,” Xavier said. “He’s agreed to let him go, as well.”

“And if you lose?”

Xavier’s face darkened. Alyssa could tell he was struggling with whether or not to tell her the truth.

“Xavier,” she said, pointedly, “what happens if you lose?”

“I’ll die, probably,” he finally admitted. “This fight is to the death.”

Alyssa stared at him. She was hearing the words, but for some reason they weren’t registering. Finally, she blurted out, “No.”

Xavier blinked, taken aback. “No?”

“No,” Alyssa repeated. “Absolutely not. You are
not
getting into a fight to the death. We’ll find another way.”

“There
is
no other way, Alyssa,” Xavier argued. “Don’t you see? If I refuse, they’ll never let me go.”

“And if you do it and you lose, you’ll be killed. Since when do the Devil’s Fighters allow fights to the death, anyway?”

Again, she didn’t know much about the motorcycle gang and their way of life, but she did know that they saw their fighters as a source of income, and therefore they generally tried not to let them get killed. She wasn’t naïve enough to believe that some morals might also be involved.

“They don’t,” Xavier confirmed. “But this guy, the one I have to fight…he…uh…he’s kind of famous for killing his opponents.”

Alyssa stared at him in disbelief. “Are you kidding me? You want to fight such a monster?”

“Yes,” Xavier said, his face hardening as it always did when his mind was set and he didn’t want to hear arguments against whatever decision he had made. “I have to. No one has ever defeated this guy. If I do, the Devil’s Fighters will get so much money from this fight that they can all retire if they so wish.”

“I see.” Money. It was always about money. And blood. And violence. Alyssa felt sick to her stomach. “No,” she said again. “I’m not going to let you do this, no matter what the stakes are.”

“So what would you suggest?” Xavier retorted. “Just run away? They’d hunt us down and kill us before we even reach the border. Even you must know that.”

Alyssa’s eyes flashed. “What’s that supposed to mean, even me?”

“It means that you know nothing of how things work when it comes to dealing with these people. They are far more ruthless that you can even imagine. You think I don’t go against them because I like living like this?”

“Of course not. I never—”

“You think I do it because I’m afraid, because I’m a coward?”

Alyssa was looking at Xavier with wide eyes, speechless at his sudden anger. Part of her knew it was pent-up anger, eight years old, rushing forward. But the other part of her wanted to yell back in his face. She took a calming breath, knowing that a screaming match would scarcely work towards solving their problems.

“No,” she said. “I don’t think any of that. I’m just saying—”

“Well, don’t,” Xavier growled. He had stood up and was towering over her, a tall pillar of barely contained fury. “Don’t say anything. I’m doing this, and that’s final.”

“I can’t let you—”

“I’m not asking for your permission, Alyssa,” he snapped. “This is the first time in eight years that I get the chance to take my life into my own hands, and I’m not passing it up. You think this is the first fight I’ve taken for us?”

Alyssa frowned, her insides growing even colder. She
definitely
didn’t like where this was heading. “What are you talking about?”

“Why do you think Bennie let you stay after he threatened to harm you if you didn’t leave town?”

“I…I don’t know,” Alyssa admitted quietly. Truth be told, it was a question she had asked herself a million times, but she was too afraid of the answer. “Why?”

“Because I struck a deal with him. If I took on more fights, he’d let you stay.”

“Why?” Alyssa repeated.

“It’s more lucrative for them if I fight more often,” Xavier admitted. “I have a certain fame in the rings. I’m one of the best.” There was no trace of bragging in his voice as he said this, and Alyssa could tell that he would have preferred to be “the best” at something entirely different than fighting in a ring.

“I don’t understand,” Alyssa admitted.

“I’ve made it so that your staying in town would be an advantage for them.”

Alyssa stared at him. The more Xavier spoke, the more confused she felt. Emotions began mounting up within her, a mixture of feelings so strong and powerful that she almost felt sick with the force of it all.

“So you’re telling me that all the fights you’ve been in since I came back were because of me?”

Xavier paused in his anger. He seemed to realize what he was saying for the first time. “No, Aly,” he said gently. “They’ve been
for
you. And for me, too. To have you with me.”

Alyssa was horrified. The thought that she had been responsible for even a part of the horrors that littered Xavier’s life with the Devil’s Fighters—as indirect as her responsibility was—was more than she could handle.

“And you never thought of asking what
I
would think of all of this before you went and made deals with the devil?” she demanded. Under any other circumstances, her choice of words would have been melodramatic. Not so under
these
circumstances. As far as Alyssa was concerned, Bennie Lenday was Satan.

Xavier opened his mouth and then quickly closed it again. It was all too obvious that no, he had not thought about it. “I just didn’t see any other option,” he finally said. If anything, he had the good grace to look slightly ashamed.

“I would’ve left,” Alyssa said. “If my staying here meant that you had to fight more, I would’ve left. I would’ve gone back to Canada, and I would’ve worked on getting you out from a distance. Somehow, I would’ve found a way to make it work,” she snapped when she saw Xavier was about to protest. “I never would have wanted this. And I sure as hell don’t want you fighting a guy who’s known to kill his adversaries.”

“It’s too late,” Xavier said. “I already told Bennie I’d do it.”

“Change your mind,” Alyssa said brusquely. “Tell him it’s not worth it. Tell him you’ve come back to your senses. I don’t care; tell him
anything
. You can’t do this.”

“I
have
to do this,” Xavier repeated. It was clear from the angry but also lost and frustrated expression on his face that he didn’t understand how Alyssa did not get it. “Please, Aly. You have to understand.”

“Well, I don’t.” Alyssa stood, too, the mounting tension within her finally getting the best of her body; she just
had
to work the energy off somehow. “I don’t understand, Xavier. You went off and put your life in horrible danger because of me, or
for
me, as you say. Do you have any idea how this feels?”