Razing Grace: Razing Grace Part 1 (27 page)

“Because I need to run something past you.”

MILLIE

Walking back into Hella’s house isn’t as mortifying as I thought it would be. There’s no rush of haunted memories, nothing. If anything, I feel out of place, like I’m not sure where I stand with Melissa anymore. Though she is my sister and, in the past, we’ve gone longer than three months without talking before, I still feel a sense of disconnect.

“Okay, so you can sleep down here in the room Garret uses as his media room. That going to be okay?” she asks me, her eyes etched in worry.

I plaster a fake smile. “Of course, you don’t have to worry about me.”

Her shoulders slack. “Millie, I’ll always worry about you. I’ve been a terrible big sister and words cannot begin to describe how fucking sorry I am about that.” She pauses, her hand covering her mouth. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to swear.”

I chuckle. “No, it’s okay, Melissa. Say fuck all you want, that part of me died three months ago.”

She takes my hand in hers and leads me towards the kitchen. Hella’s place is like a warm fireplace on a cold winter’s night. It’s a modernized log cabin situated on the very back of the MC property’s land. The living room has floor-to-ceiling glass windows which overlook the yard and where there’s a waterhole that leads into a river. The outside is just as warm as the inside with the branched trees and green grass. It’s homey and I should be thankful for them taking me in.

“Come on, we can cook something up.”

I follow her to the kitchen that’s filled with silver appliances and built with dark marbles and rich wood before pulling out a barstool and taking a seat. She begins pulling out the flour, milk, and eggs and I immediately know she’s going to make pancakes. It’s Melissa’s go-to comfort food. She and my dad used to make them together when we were younger before he turned into an alcoholic.

“So,” she begins, measuring the flour. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

I look up at her. “No. Not really.”

“Millie, I know that—”

“It’s not that, Melissa. It’s complicated.”

“Well, when you wanna talk, promise me you will come to me?”

I smile weakly. “Of course.”

She stirs the batter in silence, to the point where it is almost awkward. “Look,” I say, getting up from the stool. “I won’t be here for long. I remember how much of a greedy bastard Hella is with you and I don’t want to intrude.”

“No!” Melissa quickly drops the mixing spoon and rounds the breakfast bar, wiping her hands on a paper towel. Shaking her head, she places her hands on my shoulders. “Don’t. We want you here. For as long as it takes. We can talk about more of that stuff once the boys get back.”

“Get back?” I question, taking a seat back on the barstool. “From where?”

I had assumed they were right behind us. I need to stop assuming things because things play out a lot differently than they usually do in this world.

“From Raze’s house,” she answers. “He’s hot.”

“Melissa?”

“Hmmm?”

“Don’t start, okay?”

“Okay.” She winks at me knowingly. She’s still semi the same. Good to know.

“What happened there anyway?” I ask, looking around the kitchen for alcohol. “I need a glass of wine or something.”

She stops pouring the batter and turns to face me. “Okay, sis, just how far gone are you?”

“Well…” I scoot off the stool and walk near her, opening up the drawers in the kitchen on my search. “I’ve been touched, rubbed, licked, sucked, and fucked, seven different ways on seven different occasions, until I was fucking blue in my face. I’ve dropped a molly, been so drunk off my face that I couldn’t see straight, and…” I pause, pulling out the bottle of red wine and a glass. Blowing the dust off the bottle and ignoring the silence from behind me, I continue, “Oh yeah! And I’ve had an orgy, and a threesome with two of the hottest guys I’ve ever laid eyes on, all while watching the guy I had teeny tiny feelings for have sex with one of his live-in whores right in front of me.” Twisting the cap off, I pour the wine into a glass and spin around to face Melissa who is so pale, I think I shocked her into silence for once in her life. I wave my hand around her face, bringing my glass to my lips. “Yoo-hoo? Earth to Melissa…”

“Holy fuck,” she gasps, gripping the kitchen counter until her knuckles turn white. “Okay, hang on…” She pauses, rubbing the back of her hand across her forehead. “Okay, before I go any further, did anyone rape you?”

Her eyes connect with mine and it’s like looking into a mirror of glass just before it’s about to shatter. I can almost hear the sound of cracking.

“No, Melissa,” I answer truthfully.

She exhales a strong shaky breath, her body bending over with her palms resting on her knees in relief. “Thank fucking god. Holy shit, I thought that was going to be quite a list of people for me to wipe out.”

“But that’s just it,” I answer, walking back to my stool. “I fucking liked it,” I whisper so hoarsely my throat tightens around my truthful words.

“Oh, honey.” She walks over to me, taking the bottle out of my hands and bringing it to her lips before she tips it and takes a long pull of the red bitter joy. “Is your soul punishing you because of your body?”

“That’s not it either.” I take it back from her and pour my glass to the rim.

“What is it then?” She quickly walks back to the pancakes and flips them briefly before turning them out onto a plate.

“It’s that I felt nothing. I mean, I cared about Miles and was obsessed with Raze. I fucked them both, but would still dream of nights where I wanted Raze’s head on a stick. Those feelings were very real, but they felt superficial at the time. Like I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. I felt anger and hurt and, fuck, I wanted to kill Cassia on more than one occasion, so those are all feelings, but!” I pause, taking a long breath and sucking down some more wine. “But I didn’t have any of the love I felt before. The love that is natural, the love I have for you,” I whisper. “Until you came, that is, and then I felt it. You splashed your color back into my very black and white world.”

“Holy shit,” she breathes out. “So what happened? With you and Raze? I mean what is actually going on?”

I begin to tell her about Raze—at least, the parts I know—but before anything can escape, my mouth slams shut. I don’t know why. I don’t owe him anything. I should pour out every single thing I know about Raze to Melissa. Hell, I should use Melissa and the club as a means to take Raze down. But I can’t, and that annoys me even more. Even though I want to, I can’t bring myself to snitch on Raze, even if it is to my sister.

Shaking my head, I finally answer, “I don’t know much. I was nothing to them.”

Her eyes remain on mine for another few seconds before she taps the counter. “Alright then, if you say so.”

I know she knows I’m hiding something, but I also know that Melissa respects loyalty in whatever form it comes in. I feel terrible, like I’ve chosen a side and I don’t want her to think that at all.

“Melissa?”

“Yeah?” She pauses on her way back to the stove, her head tilting over her shoulder to look at me.

“You know I love you, right?”

She smiles weakly but not meeting my eyes.

“I know and I love you too. Now,” she claps her hands. “Pancakes!”

It isn’t until later that night when I finally hear Hella’s bike pull up outside. After eating pancakes, I had told Melissa I was tired and she showed me to my room. It’s exactly as she said it was: a media room. There’s a massive U-shaped couch that is so big it could be used, and is being used, as a bed. Hella’s house is large, but it only has three bedrooms. One is being redecorated right now so it has everything stripped out of it and the other is Garret’s room, which I didn’t want to intrude in, so here I am on the biggest couch in history, I’m sure. The deep rumble of the bike cuts out and the front door opens before I hear Melissa’s hushed tones mixed with Hella’s deep words. Flicking the puffy blanket off me, I tiptoe to the door and press my ear against it.

“What do you mean?” Melissa asks angrily.

“I mean that they’re brothers, Melissa.” I hear Hella’s heavy footsteps and the loud stomping intensifies as he hits the kitchen tiles.

I already know that, of course, but I want to hear if there is anything else going on as well. Not that I know whether or not Hella and Melissa share that kind of information with each other, but I wouldn’t put it past them; they are that obsessed with each other. At one point, I thought it was downright unhealthy and that they were an inch away from killing each other, but now I think I understand it a bit more. Not that I loved Raze. That’s not it at all, and even just having that thought floating around in my mind gets on my nerves, but I get the hate-mixed-with-lust part, at least.

Realizing I’d been too lost in my thoughts to follow any more of their conversation, I begin walking back to my bed when Hella’s voice catches my attention.

“Raze has little amount of loyalty to Kurr, but Beast isn’t trusting his words right now, so we have to figure out how we’re going to come to a compromise. And unfortunately your little sister, who by the way, Miles nicknamed puddin’, as in Harley fucking Quinn puddin’…” He pauses and I hear Melissa chuckle under her breath. “Not funny, babe. That scares the fucking shit out of me. Now I got two crazy fucking Harts under my roof?”

So that’s why Miles calls me puddin’. But that confuses me further because if my comic knowledge is up to scratch, which if I’m being honest, isn’t very knowledgeable, Harley calls Joker “puddin’”. So, in good Miles fashion, he’s nicknamed me after The Joker. Does that make him my Harley? I grin at the thought.

Poor Hella, stuck with the both of us, but I smile at the tone behind his words. I got to know him a little before the night I was taken, and I saw how he was with my sister. Back then, I hated what he was doing to her. He had even used me in one instance to get her jealous, but I was in love with how much he loved her. I could only wish to share something so beautifully chaotic like Braxton Hella Ward and Melissa you’re-a-fucking-pain-in-my-ass Hart—his words, not mine.

“She has a big part to play in this transaction.”

My eyes narrow and I press the side of my face onto the wood until the skin around my ear is numb.

“What does that mean, Braxton? I won’t be using my sister as bait for any bullshit deal again. I only just got her back.”

I hear glasses clinking. “No one’s saying anything right now, baby. Calm down. But I saw the look in Raze’s eyes. I know that look.” He stops and Melissa grunts with a tight moan.

“Seriously?”

“Yup. He owns that shit whether she wants to admit it or not, and from how she reacted with his side chick…?”

“Side chick?” Melissa questions. “Millie said it was like, his live-in whore, and Millie said she was marrying him?”

Shit. Do I want to listen to any more of this? No. Can I step away from the door though? Definitely not.

Hella laughs. “That bitch Cassia ain’t no wifey, and Millie ain’t no side chick.”

“How can you say that with confidence, aside from the fact that you’re a cocky jerk?”

He chuckles deeply. “Mmm, baby, ‘cause he claimed her ass right on the spot. Said point blank that that girl in there…” There’s a pause, so I imagine him pointing his finger towards my door, which gives me creepy feelings that they can see right through the wooden barrier. “…is his.”

Having heard enough, I step back quietly towards my bed and climb back under the warm blanket. What the hell does that mean? And why am I always kept in the dark?

RAZE

I pound my fist onto the sparring mitts as sweat trickles over my arms and down my torso.

“Bossman, you have a lot of pent-up energy this morning…” Miles begins, his hands held up in place with the mitts for me to pummel my fist against.

“Shut up, Miles.” I pause, unwrapping my fists and walking to the corner of my gym. Taking a drink of my water, I keep my eyes on Miles as he drops the mitts and walks towards me.

“Can I just say—”

“No, you can’t.”

“Fuck, Raze, let me speak.”

I stare at him blankly, dropping my arms to the side of my body and swishing the water around in my mouth. Raising my eyebrows, I motion for him to continue.