Razing Kayne (4 page)

Kayne rose to leave. “Sorry, kiddos, you’re on your own this time.”
As if there’s going to be a next time, Dobrescu?

“Kiss, kiss,
kiss!
”
Gracie struggled desperately to climb out of her high chair to reach him.

Kayne eyed the syrup-covered cherub. “You sit still, and I'll hug you.”

She nodded once, tilted her head toward him, and puckered her little lips. Kayne felt
as though his heart was being squeezed by a giant fist. He hugged the little girl
from behind, bombarded by the smell of baby-shampoo and innocence. His throat was
tight with emotion when he whispered, “Be good for Mama, baby.” They were the last
words he'd ever said to his own children.

He brushed his lips across Isabelle's downy head.
“You too, sweetheart.”

Maddy jumped up and gave him a hug, and he bumped fists with Ash, before he tossed
a quick goodbye to Jessica. Then he got the fuck out of there before he truly embarrassed
himself by breaking down and bawling like a baby.

He missed his children more in that moment than he had since the day he’d watched
their bodies lowered into the ground next to their murdering bitch of a mother.

THREE

Jess and the kids spent several hours at the library before tackling other errands.
It had been a week since they'd seen Kayne, and the kids couldn't quit talking about
him. He'd certainly made a positive impression on them, and on her. He struck her
as the last person who'd be comfortable in the kitchen or around children, and yet
he'd seemed like a natural. Not that any of it should matter.

Her cell phone rang as she pulled out of the library parking lot. She recognized the
ring tone—Del St. Phillips. Del and his wife, Polly, were as close to parents as Jess
had. She'd been raised by a step-father and his apathetic wife after her mother died
when she was eleven
.
They’d uprooted her halfway through her senior year, moving her to Chicago. The moment
they'd been legally able to sever ties, they had. She'd come home to Payson and Polly,
her mother's lifelong friend. And while she didn’t call them Mom and Dad, her children
called them Grandma and Grandpa, and that suited everyone just fine, especially Polly,
who'd never been able to have children of her own. Something Jess and Polly had in
common.

“Hey, Del, what’s up?”  As if she didn’t know.

“Just wanted to remind you it's the first Sunday of April tomorrow, Jess.” Each month
after church service, a group of friends held a potluck picnic at some designated
location. While Jess no longer attended church, she still took the kids to the potluck.

“I know there's only one reason you called to remind me about the picnic—you're afraid
you'll miss out on my chicken salad sandwiches.” She always made chicken salad sandwiches
for the potlucks. The good kind, made from scratch with roasted chicken, celery, red
onions, and seedless grapes in a mayonnaise base.

Del didn't deny the accusation. “It's at Green Valley Park this time, so the kids
can sled on the amphitheater hill.”

Jess looked up at the cloud-covered sky. There'd still be snow on the ground tomorrow.
Probably some fresh powder added to it. “Don't you work tomorrow?”

“I should be there by two. Save me a couple extra sandwiches. I'm bringing a friend.”

“Ha! I knew it.” Jess bid him goodbye and turned into the grocery store parking lot
.
Once she'd parked, she added celery to the list of items she was already getting.

“Right behind you,” a familiar voice warned just as Jess turned to open the back door
to unbuckle Grace.

Kayne.
Jessica felt her nipples pucker and goosebumps race across her skin, but was pretty
sure her body’s reaction wasn’t from the cold weather.

“Are you stalking me?”  God, he was so ruggedly handsome. All planes and angles and
muscle—there was no softness about him. Except when laughed or smiled, like he had
last Saturday with the kids.

“I was about to ask you the same thing. You pulled in right behind me.” He smiled.
Yep, that was it, right there, and it had been directed toward her.

“Kayne, Kayne, Kayne!” Gracie shouted, uselessly struggling to get out of her car
seat.

“Hey,
squirt,
quit giving your mama such a hard time.” He laughed, and took the squirming bundle
who was still chanting his name, even once she'd been freed from her car seat.

Grace threw her arms around his neck and gave him a slobbery, toddler kiss right on
the lips.

Kayne gave her a bemused smile. “Hey, sprite, what was that for?”

Gracie giggled and buried her head in the crook of his neck, suddenly shy. Jess took
Isabelle's hand once Maddy and Ash were out. With the doors locked, they started walking
down the lane.

Kayne fell into step beside her.
“So, shopping with the kids.
Brave woman.”

“There's such a thin line between bravery and stupidity,” Ash replied. “At least that's
what Mom says.”

“I also tell you to do your homework, pick up your room, and keep your feet off the
furniture, but you can't seem to remember those,” Jess pointed out.

“Sorry, what was that? I couldn't hear you.” Ash laughed and ducked behind Kayne.

She expected Kayne to say something about not protecting him from his mother's wrath,
but he simply took Ash's hand and gave him a reassuring smile.

Kayne asked with quiet concern, “Is she always this friendly with strangers?”

Jessica looked up and realized Gracie was just about asleep against his chest. “Here,
let me take her.” Gracie was usually very shy around most people, but when Jessica
tried to take her from Kayne’s arms, she started crying and clung to him. Jessica
tried to not let it hurt her feelings, but it stung a little.

“I'll take her with me.”  Kayne grinned. “I'm just getting stuff at the deli. I'll
take Ash too, and we'll find you when we're done.”

Gracie had tucked herself into a little ball against Kayne's Kevlar-covered chest,
her little fist over his heart, a sign she was content. Jessica knew nothing about
Kayne other than he was a police officer, but he seemed like a decent guy, and Gracie,
who trusted few, adored him. Besides Ash would be with him too, so she should be okay.
The turmoil must have showed on her face.

“Look at me.” He ducked his head to make eye contact. “I would die before I let anything
happen to them.”

Jess read the truth in his unwavering gaze and nodded.

***

Kayne should have left once he was done at the deli. Hell, he should have pretended
like he'd never seen Jessica in the parking lot and steered clear of her and the kids.
For a guy who believed that cuddling after sex implied too much of a commitment, he
had no idea what he was doing here. Granted, he sure wouldn't mind having sex with
her, but this whole domestic scene was too much.

And yet he stayed.

Kayne took a moment to study her. She was such a pretty little thing with her long
curly hair, a dozen different shades of dark-blond. Her eyes were the color of aged
whiskey; warm, sexy, and full of secrets. Every time she flashed that shy, dimpled
smile his direction, he felt it all the way to his groin. He wanted to lean in and
lick that little dimple and work his way down the rest of her body. Shit, he had himself
half-aroused over a damned dimple.

Kayne turned his focus on the game Jessica was playing—
I Spy
with a twist. She'd give the kids clues, and the child who figured out what she was
looking for got to put the item in the cart.

She was a good mom.
Unlike Oksana.
Her children not only loved her but respected her, and she them. Kayne knew he had
no business here. He'd failed his family in the worst possible way and lost everything
that had ever mattered. There was nothing he could offer this family. And sex, no
matter how great, wouldn’t be worth hurting them. It was time to get the hell out
of Dodge and forget about Jessica Hallstatt and her sexy little dimple.

***

Sunday morning dawned cloudy, but thankfully it had stopped snowing sometime during
the night. Kayne studied the ceiling above the couch where he'd passed out again,
trying to find the motivation to get up and go to work. Even with the alcohol, he'd
had a restless night, his sleep interrupted by erotic dreams involving a whiskey-eyed
beauty. Vivid dreams of caressing every square inch of Jessica’s luscious body with
his hands and mouth. He'd suckled her breasts, tasted her honeyed core, and nibbled
her sweet little clit until she came against his mouth, and then he'd covered her,
surged into her, and lost himself in sheer ecstasy.

Kayne shoved down his boxer-briefs, fisted his throbbing cock, closed his eyes, and
let the images wash over him. He could picture her above him, her firm breasts bouncing
each time he rocked up into her. Her soft, silky hair would curtain them as her lips
met his, their tongues mating in time with their bodies.

She'd touch herself, he decided. She'd play with her nipples, toying and teasing.
Were they a sweet peach or a rosy berry, he wondered? He figured they were small and
rosy, the color of her lips, slightly upturned like her pert little nose.

Kayne stroked his length from root to tip, letting his thumb brush across the sensitive
head before stroking back down. In his mind, Jessica made sexy little kitten noises
as she rode him, and he felt her body tremble with impending orgasm.

God, he was so close to the edge, but he fought it, wanting it to last, wanting to
watch her orgasm first. And then she was whispering his name, a plea, a prayer, to
make her come. Her hot core clenching tight, she sobbed his name. He shouted hers,
and the waves dragged them under.

***

Jess woke with a gasp, her face instantly flaming hot as the images slowly faded.
She'd never had an erotic dream in her life, but that one had been Technicolor vivid.
She'd been skin to skin with Trooper Dobrescu, straddling him, her hands braced on
his chest as he surged up into her again and again. Whispering hot, dirty words in
her ear, encouraging her to touch herself, to touch him as his hands settled on her
hips and guided her up and down his thick shaft, slowly withdrawing to the tip, only
to plunge back into her.
Stretching her, stroking her clit with each thrust, until she came.

Embarrassed by the dream and her body's uncharacteristic response, Jess shoved it
to the back of her mind and climbed out of bed to start her day. Someone like Kayne
would laugh if he knew she was having any dream about him, much less one of
those
. He was way out of her league, and she wasn't foolish enough to go down that road
again.

FOUR

Kayne had just checked on duty when Del asked to meet before he headed south to his
own district. Arriving first, Kayne pulled over into the empty parking lot behind
the county complex. A moment later, Del pulled up alongside, facing the opposite direction
so they were driver’s side window to driver’s side window. “I wanted to invite you
for lunch, today.”

“Sure, where?”
After last week’s blow up at the restaurant, he figured the other officer would avoid
him. Since he was offering an olive branch, Kayne decided no matter how awkward he'd
feel
,
he needed to mend some fences.

“Green Valley Park, by the amphitheater.”

Seemed like a strange place. “What time?”

“It starts at two, but we'll be there a while, so come by whenever you can.”

“What starts at two?”

“A group of us get together and have a picnic the first Sunday of every month, right
after church.”

Kayne balked at the mention of church. “I'm not really the church-going type.” A hell
of an understatement—he and God weren’t on speaking terms.

“Trust me, you aren't the only one. We'll feed you anyway.” Del didn’t give him a
chance to argue further. “See you at two.” With that parting statement, he drove off.
Rumor had it the man would give his own mother a speeding-ticket, yet he seemed a
good sort. Certainly someone Kayne would want at his back in a fight.

When two o'clock rolled around, Kayne pulled into his driveway. He logged off duty
with dispatch and went inside. Due to the snow, it had been a day full of traffic
tickets and stranded motorists. He quickly stripped off his wet uniform, beyond glad
his shift was over. He was very tempted to stay home, but one look around the quiet
little house, with its sparse furniture and depressing atmosphere, made him realize
he didn’t want to spend the afternoon alone. He quickly changed into a sweatshirt,
jeans, and hiking boots. Grabbing a jacket and the keys to his truck, he headed out
the door.

He knew where the park was, and finding the picnic wasn't a problem. There weren't
many people out today, and those that had braved the cold were all under a central
ramada. He realized immediately why they'd chosen the amphitheater—it doubled as a
sledding hill for the kids. Several hiked up the side and sledded down the center.

“Hey, glad you could make it,” Del said, appearing next to Kayne as he stepped into
the ramada. “Come, let me introduce you around.”

“Here are a few guys you might want to get to know.” Del introduced him to Officer
Nick Astenbeck, and Detectives Trace St. Moritz and Rafe Chatham, all from the local
police department, and two doctors, Mark Oberly and his partner, Stephanie Heywood.

“I'm actually a nurse practitioner and midwife,” Stephanie clarified before exchanging
some ribald banter with one of the detectives about playing doctor.

The guy manning the grill introduced himself. “I'm Joe Sutton, fire-medic. I’m assuming
you’ve met Buck Johnson,” Joe motioned to the man standing next to him.
“Our illustrious Superior Court judge.”

Kayne nodded.
“Nice to meet you.”
He hadn’t had any cases adjudicated by the man yet, but he’d heard the guy was unwaveringly
fair.

Judge Johnson gave him a genuine smile.
“You too, son.
Sorry I can’t stay and visit, but I’ve got a wife and sick granddaughter at home.
My Evie insisted I bring the dishes she made for the picnic so they didn’t go to waste.”
He patted his slightly rounded stomach. “Not that they would have, but I learned long
ago never to argue with a woman.”

Joe pinned the judge with a look. “You know your wife sent you down here with the
food hoping you’d stay out of her hair for a while.”

Judge Johnson gave a hearty chuckle. “You may be right. I’m gonna grab my phone out
of the truck and give her a quick call. Save me a burger.”

Kayne tuned into the bantering conversation between the detective, Rafe, and the female
doctor, Stephanie.

“...I'm amazed you even remember her, since you've slept with every available woman
in town.”

Kayne had no idea who they were talking about.

“Not
every
one of them.” Rafe looked toward the sledding hill.

Rafe and Stephanie continued to argue, but Kayne's sights locked on the woman in a
pink ski jacket and matching beanie walking towards him, the one Rafe watched with
undisguised interest too—Jessica. Kayne tensed, his hands reflexively curling into
fists at his side. He wanted to wipe the undisguised lust off the guy’s face. Oblivious
to the attention, Jessica and Maddy trudged through the snow side by side, Jess holding
Gracie and pulling Isabelle behind her on a sledding disc. Jess and Maddy appeared
to be deep in conversation. Kayne didn't realize he'd been staring until she looked
right at him and faltered in her step. She obviously hadn't known he'd been invited.
After this morning, he felt more than a little embarrassed being here.

Jessica stopped in front of him but didn’t make eye contact. “You know there are anti-stalking
laws in this state.”

“Stop picking on the boy. I invited him,” Del scolded affectionately.

Kayne already felt awkward enough seeing her face-to-face after letting her star in
this morning’s fantasy. By her comment, she was feeling uneasy too. “You know, I really
should go. I have—”

“No, no! Stay!” Gracie launched herself at him without warning.

Kayne lunged forward and caught her before she could earn herself a trip to the emergency
room.

Jessica frowned. “I was kidding.”

Yeah that made two of them, he thought even as he hugged the little daredevil close.
He'd only known one other child who behaved like Gracie, but Natalia lay in a tiny
white coffin,
under
six feet of earth.

“Pease?
Pease!
”
Gracie pleaded with those big, blue eyes of hers. She reminded him so much of his
daughter Natalia that his heart ached. Hell, Natalia had even pulled that dive bombing
stunt a time or ten, and like the little imp in his arms, she'd been wholly unrepentant
about it.

“Burgers and dogs are ready,” Joe announced.

“Grab a plate, dig in.” Del tried to take Gracie, who was determined to stay right
where she was.

“I'll wait.” Kayne snuggled the little sprite closer, though he knew he'd regret it
later. “Let's get the kids fed first.”

“Maddy, grab the wipes and get everyone's hands clean while I start filling plates.”
Jessica walked off without waiting for a reply. Her tone left Kayne wondering if she
was that unhappy with his being there.

Managing to extract himself from Gracie by distracting her with his keys, he stepped
into line behind Jessica. “Let me help you.” When the alarm to his truck started beeping
off and on, Kayne cringed. He was going to end up regretting handing her those keys.

“Thanks, but I've got it.”

He noted Jessica blushing, the way she wouldn't make eye contact. Had he done something
to embarrass her? Something she knew about, he amended, thinking again of her debut
role in his fantasy.

“Hey, the least I can do is
be
your slave,” he teased.

Her reddening cheeks darkened.

Hm.
What was that all about
?
He nudged her with his elbow. “You know, to make up for stalking you.”

“That one is for Grace.” She nodded to the plate in front of him.

“What else should I put on it?”

“Not much. She won't eat anything if the foods are touching in any way.”

That surprised a laugh out of him. “Natalia was just like that.”

“Who?”
Jessica made eye contact with him for the first time.

“She was my daughter.” God, he didn't want to talk about this. Why the fuck had he
even mentioned her?

“Was?” Jessica’s voice was soft and hesitant.

He looked toward the snow-covered hill, watching Ash snowboard down it. “She was about
Gracie's age when she died. Two years ago.”

“Oh, God.
I'm so sorry, Kayne.” She rested her dainty hand on his forearm.

He couldn't help but look down, surprised at the strength in her grip. When he saw
the tears welling up in her eyes, he had to look away, feeling his own threaten to
do the same. He didn't want her pity.

Taking a quick step back he said, “I'll go get Ash for you.” Then he quickly walked
away.

Kayne needed the walk to clear his head. He tried so hard to keep his kids off his
mind, pissed at himself for mentioning Natalia to a stranger. He had no idea what
the hell he was doing here. He'd planned on staying away from Jessica and her kids.
He
needed
to stay away from them, because he knew one of these nights, as he sat on his couch
with a bottle of whiskey and his loaded firearm on the coffee table in front of him,
that he was going to screw up his courage and actually pull the trigger.

He never wanted to give anyone the chance to miss him the way he missed his children.
He would not break someone the way Oksana had broken him.

Kayne watched Ash board down the little hill until he stopped next to him. “Lunch
is ready.”

“I just want to board.”

Yeah, Kayne knew that feeling.
Getting lost in some virgin powder sounded really fucking good right now.
“There will be other times.” Kayne held out his hand. “Come on, I'll pull you back.”

Ash took his hand without hesitation, his trust absolute, and Kayne remembered another
little hand reaching out with unyielding faith. That little boy had been younger,
not quite four.

Ash followed Kayne through the buffet line, copying his every move. They piled lettuce,
tomatoes, pickles, and onions on huge, juicy cheeseburgers. Everything Kayne scooped
onto his plate, Ash did too. Kayne wondered, for a moment, if Niki would have done
the same as he grew older. He shoved the thought away; it was no use to think such
things. His son was dead.

Knowing Ash was watching his every move, Kayne skipped the frosty beer he really wanted,
and grabbed a bottle of ice cold root beer instead. He took the seat on the end of
the picnic table, leaving a space between him and Isabelle as a buffer. He would eat
and then leave.

Suddenly Isabelle jumped up and started dancing around. “I have to go potty!”

Jessica stood up, still holding Gracie. “Will you see if you can get her to eat something?”
She plopped Gracie into Kayne’s lap, grabbed Isabelle's hand, and took off running
without waiting for a response.

Gracie took
a half
-dozen bites off his plate then started rubbing her eyes with chubby little fists.

“Someone's sleepy,” Polly observed.

“Play in snow!” Gracie pouted, turning those big blues pleadingly toward him.

Kayne patted his shoulder. “Lay your head down until everyone is done eating.”

She nodded and snuggled up in his arms, laying her head against his chest and placing
her fist over his heart. Like Natalia used to do. It was as if he was holding his
daughter, and that thought sent a chill down his spine.

Kayne closed his eyes tightly and hummed a few bars of a Russian lullaby. Pulling
the baby in close, he fought the waves of pain and longing that threatened to pull
him under. He hadn't realized the Kevlar vest he'd been wearing last time had also
been protecting his heart. It had protected him from remembering what it truly felt
like to hold his daughter, as he held Gracie now.

He'd loved holding Natalia like this.
Inhaling shampoo, baby powder, and innocence.
He'd read her stories about princesses in faraway castles and knights who slayed
monsters. On Sunday mornings, he'd curled up with his son on the couch, reading the
sports section and the comics while his girls slept in. He remembered rocking Tasha
to sleep in the old wooden rocking chair. He'd never had the chance to get to know
his baby girl, and that fucking killed him.

Goddammit,
he didn't want to remember. It hurt so fucking much. He didn't understand how a heart
already dead could die a little more. But by holding Gracie like this, his just had.