Reaching Out for You
Reaching
Out
For You
By
S.Moose
Reaching Out For You - copyright 2013 S.
Moose
Editing by Terry Trahan
Cover design by Stephen Bligh.
Cover models, Crystal Gray and Ryan
Burns.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication, may be reproduced, distributed,
or transmitted in any form or by any means, included photocopying, recording,
or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior writer permission
of the publisher.
This is a work of fiction. Names,
characters, places and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination
or are used factitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or
persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Table of Contents
Dedication
To everyone who
thinks they can’t because you can. Stay strong and remember you have someone
out there who wants to help you. All you have to do is ask and let them help
you.
Praise for
Reaching
Out For You
“
There were
definitely highs and lows in this book, but in the end, this book was
stunningly awesome. Great love story!”
-Dawn
Martens, author
“
Reaching
Out For
You is suspenseful and dramatic and it's an all around great love story that
you don't want to miss. The author really knows how to place you on the edge of
your seat sometimes making you angry, sad and happy but most of all wanting
more!”
-
Nickie
Seidler
, author
“Reaching
Out For
You is a fabulous debut not afraid to tackle difficult life situations and
offer hope to its readers.”
-Carey Heywood, author
“S. Moose has written a beautiful and
compelling story of love and loss and rekindling that love again.”
-Glenna Maynard, author
“
This easy read is filled with emotion.
Set up with reality, it brought a mist to my eyes. S. Moose writes in a way
that I could connect pretty quickly. Yes, I have to admit that I shed a couple
of tears. I felt Sophia as if I was reading about me.”
-SayWhatSavannahMae.com
Life is tricky.
It does things that make you wonder. It always throws curve balls but it takes
strength and love to be able to get through the disasters. The simple words and
actions of others can make a difference between life and death. Sometimes it’s
hard to feel love, but it’s always there. The love of a parent, a sibling or a
friend is there but the darkness has a way of hiding these feelings that people
yearn for.
Darkness.
What a funny word that carries such
evilness and fear. It takes a strong person to overcome darkness who is able to
see past it and reach for the light. The light can be anyone or anything.
Walking away
from my light is the one decision I regret the most. I didn’t want to walk away
but leaving him behind was the best thing to do. It’s been over four years and
I still think about him all the time.
Like I said,
life is tricky. I see my light every week but I can’t bring myself to say
anything. I feel nothing but shame and embarrassment. I can’t talk to him and
tell him how sorry I am. He looks happy and I don’t want to ruin it. Plus it’s
probably too late. I don’t want to mess up his life like I did before.
Chapter 1
I look down at
my journal and read my latest entry. Writing is an escape from reality for me.
It helps me release my emotions in a healthy way instead of making destructive
decisions like turning to alcohol or locking myself away from the world. It aids
me in letting out my feelings and it feels good because I can just write
without worry of judgment from others. I have my ups and downs. I feel normal
on the good days and I feel like I can accomplish so much. I’m happy and
smiling. But when I’m upset, I shut out the world. I lie in bed all day and
watch my life pass me by. Sometimes I think I am crazy. Sometimes I think I
should get over my feelings and just be happy. I mean I’m alive, well just
barely, and I have some amazing people in my life but there’s just something
missing. Well
someone
. The ache in my
heart is still there. It’ll never go away. I wonder if he thinks about me the
way I think about him. I place my head on my pillow and my mind goes back to
August when Adam walks back into my life.
I was in my
creative writing class when I felt someone staring at me. I turned around and
there he was standing there before me. My heart stopped beating. Adam Simpson
walked back into my life after four years. I thought he was in
Boston
but I guess I was wrong. I wondered what
he was doing here, in my class, at my school. Our eyes connected for a moment
and I swore I saw a smile on his face. I remembered his smile and blue eyes.
Those eyes stared at me as if he could see my soul. I turned away from him
because I didn’t want him to see me cry. I placed my head down and felt the
tears coming down.
Tears start
coming down again. I just want to hear his voice. I want to feel his arms
around me like before. My mind runs wild as I think about him. We’ve been apart
for so long and it kills me to think we may never be friends again. I know that
I said bye to him but he let me go too. How can we be friends again after so
many years apart? I grab my journal again and take out a picture of my past. I
look at my two best friends, Adam and Connor, holding me as I’m standing in the
middle laughing. I never told Adam what’s in my heart. I didn’t think he would
feel the same. I put the picture down thinking how now that they’re at the same
school as me, this is my second chance to make it right again. I shake my head
and push those thoughts away. It’s too late. We can never be friends again. I
close my journal and put it back under my mattress. I have to hide my thoughts
from the world. I can’t let anyone, especially my boyfriend
Kyle,
know what I’m feeling or what’s on my mind. I start thinking about my mom
again. I need her and wish she could be here with me.
My life was
great; almost picture perfect until one day it flushed down the drain and took
me down too. Everything was wonderful until the day I lost my mom. I was only
seventeen. When she died in January, I lost a part of myself. I didn’t know who
I was anymore and I was headed down a depressing path. I turned into a negative
person who just saw nothing but sadness. I tried to live my life and be with my
friends but after a while no one wanted to be around someone who was sad and
mad all the time. Well that’s not entirely true. I became dependent on alcohol
and drank myself stupid every day. I lost all of my friends. I drove everyone
out of my life. There was no such thing as love or faith. Nothing in the world
was right and I was on a downward spiral to my own death.
My dad and older
sister Sarah tried everything they could to help me but nothing worked. My dad
put me in counseling but it was a waste of time then. The doctor couldn’t get
through to me; no one could. I was alone. During each therapy session, I sat
there looking at her. I felt bad how I acted, since she was trying to help, but
at the time I hated everyone. At one of my sessions, she asked me if I was
going to be angry for the rest of my life. I remembered looking at her with
emptiness and shook my head. I didn’t want to be mad forever. I was so eager to
move on with my life and away from all the pain. When I graduated in June, I
decided it was time for my start over. School was hard at first because I
wasn’t used to being around a lot of people and offering my opinions but as
each day passed it was easier. Although there were still demons I was dealing
with it, each day became easier.
I wipe the tears
from my eyes. I’m alive and that’s the most important thing. I’m still in bed
as I think about how my life is going. I’m in my senior year in college and I’m
up for a marketing position at a prestigious company called
Optimax
.
I have great friends and a boyfriend who loves me. Well I think he loves me.
Kyle is a great boyfriend but lately we’ve been fighting. At first we would
have simple disagreements, but now the agreements are escalating and his temper
is getting the best of him. He controls every aspect of my life and I want to
walk away but I can’t. I don’t think Kyle will ever let me go. His room is in
my building and he’s always popping up. I hate that I’m continuously under his
eyes. This is not how love is supposed to be but I’m stuck.