Read My Lips (3 page)

WHAT’S IN A NAME?

Debby used to prefer the term “labia minora” to describe a woman’s inner vaginal lips. After all, labia minora was the correct clinical term so it must be better, right? That’s what Debby thought, anyway. Then she met Vanessa and the world as she knew it changed.

Vanessa had previously been at a conference talking about her labia research when a person pointed out how problematic the language was that she was using. Instead, he suggested that perhaps we should all use “inner labia” and “outer labia” rather than “labia minora” and “labia majora.” Why?

Well, labia can vary in size. And although the inner lips are sometimes smaller than (and thus “minor” as compared to) the outer lips (the labia majora), this is not always the case. This man, and then Vanessa, felt we could be setting women up for misperceptions about their bodies if the term “labia minora” suggests that inner lips should be small.

After thinking about it in this way, Debby and Vanessa have both tried to use the terms “inner labia” or “inner lips” more often when referring to the labia minora, though old habits can die hard. If you see us out and about and using the term “labia minora,” give us a nudge in the right direction, will you?

The outer labia encase the inner parts of the vulva, such as the clitoris, clitoral hood, and the vaginal entrance. However, there is some variability in terms of the size, shape, and color of women’s outer and inner labia.
⁸
The
labia minora
, which are also sometimes called the inner vaginal lips, are sometimes smaller than the labia majora (or outer vaginal lips) and sometimes longer than the labia majora. Not a lot of women and men know this because, as Vanessa discovered in a research study that she and her colleagues at George Washington University in Washington, DC, conducted, inner labia that hang down lower than the outer labia are often missing from sexually explicit magazines such as
Playboy
—probably thanks to digital editing or air-brushing techniques.
¹¹
If the famous fictional detective Nancy Drew were more progressive and took on vulva-related cases, there would perhaps be a story called
The Case of the Missing Labia
.

As a result of inner labia that are mostly missing or airbrushed out of porn and other sexual images, many people don’t know how creative nature has been with women’s genitals and what a wide range of labia exist in the wild—and by “the wild” we mean in women’s bedrooms, apartments, tents, and mud huts around the world. Vulvas are incredibly diverse—just like faces. No wonder so many artists have portrayed women’s genitals with such beauty and reverence.
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VULVARIATIONS

The inner labia (labia minora) are perhaps the most diverse part of women’s genitals. The color of women’s inner labia may vary greatly from one woman to the next.
⁸
They may be a shade of pink, red, brown, gray, black, or slightly purple (particularly as women become sexually aroused and blood flow increases to the genitals, as the inner labia are filled with blood vessels; inner labia also sometimes darken in color while a woman is pregnant). The outer ridges of the inner labia are often darker than the rest of the labia. Similarly, in one study, forty-one of fifty women (92 percent) had genitals that were darker than the skin around their genitals.
⁸

Like a woman’s eyes, ears, and breasts, women’s inner labia are usually not symmetrical. One labium (the singular version of labia) may be longer, differently shaped, or differently “textured” compared to the other one. It is critical to understand that this is a normal part of development. Because the inner labia don’t have fat in them (unlike with outer labia, which contain fat that acts like padding to keep the genitals safe and comfortable), the inner labia are thinner and may lay in ways that give them the appearance of assorted shapes. In fact, the inner labia can take on a variety of shapes depending on how one holds them up or down or to the sides. If you have a full-length mirror, you might find it interesting to sit in front of it (make sure the room is well lit), spread your legs open enough so that you can view your genitals, and then see how the way you touch or hold your labia can make them look symmetrical one way, asymmetrical another way, like a heart or flower, or as if your vulva has angel wings.

I wish there was more information on how women’s genitals actually look. All you see in a health class is STD-infected genitals and it is gross to look at them. I would have liked to [have seen] some pictures of healthy genitals and maybe some starting not so close up (with a partner perhaps) and then closer up to ease you in. They also NEVER show you a picture of how genitals look when they are together (sex), because they consider that porn. I would have loved to see how genitals move and stretch when people are having sex and how the vulva looks different in various sexual activities (masturbation, oral sex, vaginal sex).

—
K
ELLY,
28, New York

Some women worry that something is wrong with them if one labium is bigger than the other one, but we’re here to tell you that that’s not the case. “Even if nothing’s wrong,” some women have said to us, “I still wish they were the same size.” Fair enough. But consider for a moment that some people look for each other’s quirks, eccentricities, or special unique aspects of appearance to love. You might think of a past or current lover whose freckles form a constellation or come together to look like a paw print and how that special way you re-imagined your partner’s body made you glow with love or attraction. If you feel self-conscious about your genitals, try to imagine how someone else might look upon them with love or adoration. What you view as quirky or unusual, another person may view as special and unique. For example, a friend of ours once mentioned that his wife told him that she felt self-conscious about the dark edges of her inner labia. She had considered surgery to get rid of the darker edges. This surprised our friend because he had always thought that the dark edges of her inner labia were particularly sexy and appealing. Until they talked about this, he didn’t know that she didn’t like her inner labia, and she didn’t know that he thought they were beautiful just as they are. (This is also an example of how communicating with one’s partner about his or her body and about sexuality can help a couple’s sex life and relationship.) A woman we know had a boyfriend who had a birthmark on his penis, which he felt self-conscious about. However, she couldn’t imagine his penis any other way and loved that he had this special, unique part of his body that she knew about but the rest of the world did not; it made her feel special.

People have all sorts of individual aspects to their genitals. Some people—like the man we just told you about—have a birthmark (an area of darker pigmented skin) on their genitals. Many men find that their penis, when erect, bends upward or downward or to the side. Like vulva variations, the degree and direction of “bend” can be a normal and common difference among men and is nothing that needs to cause feelings of embarrassment or shame.
¹³

I just remembered that I have a freckle just outside my labia. I really like it.

—
K
ARA,
20, Tonga

Many women, if they look closely at their inner labia, might notice that their left labium is larger or longer than their right—a trait that is common to many men, too, who often find that their left testes hang lower than their right. For some women, it may be the right labium that is larger or that hangs down lower than the left. People are diverse!

When Your Labia Hurt

There are times when women may have inner labia that cause them discomfort or pain. In rare instances, a woman may find that the length or thickness of her inner labia gets in the way of masturbation or vaginal intercourse, or that her inner labia get uncomfortably pushed up inside the vagina during vaginal penetration.
¹⁴
Although some women wonder if surgery to make the labia smaller will help, this is not always the case. Even women with very tiny inner labia— smaller than one centimeter of length—can experience this “pushing inside” effect during sex.

Surgery is not always an effective solution for labia that are pushed inside during sex (and any surgery carries costs and risks of surgical or other health complications). As such, it may be effective for women and their partners to take their time to gently begin penetration. Once penetration begins (whether a woman is having vaginal intercourse or enjoying finger or sex-toy penetration with a partner) and care has been taken to penetrate in a way that doesn’t cause discomfort or push the inner labia uncomfortably inside the vagina, sexual play may be more comfortable. Then—and only then—both partners may be ready to go faster, switch from gentle to rougher sex, or explore their sexuality in some other way they find pleasurable. If the inner labia get pushed inside the vagina, a woman and her partner can briefly stop sex to readjust. People take sex “breaks” all the time for many different reasons, and it needn’t disrupt sex or feel awkward. When you take a sex break, you always have the opportunity to switch positions, apply or reapply lubricant, get a sip of water, or use the towel trick (more on the towel trick later).

In other rare instances, some women may find that their inner labia cause significant discomfort, chafing, or pain during everyday activities such as walking long distances, running, or wearing tight clothing.
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As a last resort for women with pain, some doctors offer a surgical procedure called a labiaplasty—essentially, a reshaping and resizing of the inner labia—to women as a means of improving their situation. Not all doctors have significant experience performing labiaplasty. If you are interested in learning more about this procedure, we recommend that you contact our favorite vulvovaginal society—the International Society for the Study of Vulvovaginal Disease (
www.ISSVD.org
; 704.814.9493)—to find a doctor who is an expert in vulvovaginal health. Women may also choose to have a labiaplasty for aesthetic reasons, such as to remove darkened edges or make their labia more symmetric (social critiques of the surgery are discussed in chapter 4). However, many healthcare providers believe that this decision should be made with extreme care and after consulting with a doctor who has expertise in vulvovaginal health. After all, every surgery carries risks, and surgery to the genitals is certainly no exception.
¹⁷
As more doctors advertise labiaplasty (and thus more women appear to be asking for the procedure), scientists are just now catching up in terms of conducting research about the surgery, such as the potential risks, benefits, and outcomes. One doctor even went so far to compare the field of female elective genital surgery to the “old Wild, Wild West” because it is currently “wide open and unregulated.”
¹⁸
Once again, we recommend connecting with a member of the ISSVD for additional information.

THE CLITORIS: IS IT REALLY THAT COMPLEX?

When we teach about the vulva, most people want to zero right in on the clitoris (kind of like during sex play with a new partner who fumbles around down there). People are often very interested in learning about the clitoris given the glitz and glamour of the world it inhabits. What’s that, you say? The clitoris lives in a world of glitz and glamour? In some ways, it does. Unlike many Hollywood celebrities, the clitoris gets a ton of press without even trying: it’s mentioned almost monthly in popular women’s and men’s magazines, and it doesn’t even have a publicist or a drug problem. So, why all the hoopla?

The clitoris gets a lot of play because, frankly, it seems built for play, as we’ll talk about more in later chapters. The clitoris also gets significant media attention because scientists are constantly learning new things about this very important part of women’s bodies. The sole function of the clitoris is to serve as a place of sensation, pleasure, and orgasm. It has nothing to do with urination, menstruation (periods), or the birthing process. It only serves a “feel good” function (packed with about eight thousand nerve endings).

I wish that they didn’t seem so foreign. I know what’s what down there and the general idea of how they work, but at the same time they’re so confusing. I think understanding the mechanics of things would help a lot. Just like how you know how your hands work, how hands should work and what the normal differences between them are, it would be nice to be able to feel that comfortable with genitals.

—
S
USIE,
18, Illinois

Scientists continue to study the clitoris because there seem to be more questions about it than answers. Although people used to only think of the clitoris in terms of the part one can see from the outside of the body (that little one-quarter to one-half-inch nubbin), the clitoris is much larger than that—something that became more widely known in 1998 when an Australian researcher named Helen O’Connell published a scientific paper that illustrated the full size of the clitoris.
²⁰
Inside a woman’s body, there are various parts of the clitoris that work together to enlarge during sexual arousal and to somehow function as part of the female orgasm process (a process that remains pretty mysterious).

YOU SAY VULVA, I SAY VAJAYJAY