Rebecca's Heart (8 page)

And if he wants to ask if he can call on me formally …
Rebecca glided beside him toward the open terrace doors and smiled at the thought of getting to know him better.

An older woman, dressed in a fashionable navy and cream pin-striped silk, stood in the breezeway and greeted them with a pleasant smile. “Luke, darling, let me compliment you on the party. What a wonderful occasion this is for your mother.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Lewis. May I introduce you to Rebecca Johnson. Her grandparents have been longtime friends of my mother.”

“So you’re the young lady in the room who has managed to steal the attentions of our host.”

“Knowing Mr. Hutton the little that I do, I’m certain he will strive to make everyone feel at home tonight.” Rebecca laced her fingers together, unsure of how else to respond to the woman.

“Don’t worry, my sweet. Just be sure to enjoy his company before he leaves.”

“Excuse me?” Confused, Rebecca turned to Luke, whose face had paled whiter than a Boston winter.

“Luke,” Mrs. Lewis continued, “don’t tell me you haven’t yet informed this young woman that you set sail in a few days.”

Rebecca stood speechless at the announcement, and Luke didn’t seem to be faring any better if she was reading correctly the horror-struck expression on his face.

“We’re all proud of him. As one of the top officers of the
Liberty
, he’s destined to become the captain of his own vessel one day.”

Rebecca choked out an unladylike cough. Luke was leaving on a whaling voyage? Surely this woman was incorrect. Luke would have told her something as significant as the fact he was leaving on such an extended expedition. Wouldn’t he?

“I hadn’t yet …” Luke stuttered out his reply. “I was planning on telling her everything now … in the garden.”

So it was true. He was leaving and had never intended for their relationship to continue.

“If you’ll excuse me, I—” The room began to swirl around Rebecca, and her stomach clenched as she ran onto the terrace and into the night air.

six

Rebecca knew she shouldn’t care. Shouldn’t care that Luke Hutton was leaving on a whaling voyage that would take him away from Boston for the next three years. Shouldn’t care that she’d more than likely never see the handsome sailor again. And why should she? She’d known him a mere few weeks, and in all that time he’d never spoken of his interest in her or said he wanted to call on her. He had no claims on her, nor did she on him.

But he still ought to have told her. How could she dismiss the look in his eyes as he held her in his arms tonight? She’d been so sure of his intentions. Now she knew how wrong she’d been. She was nothing more than another pretty face to him. Someone who could amuse him with animated conversation and other such pleasantries before he had to run off to sea without any thoughts to the future or further commitment. He’d poured on the charm, never once caring that she’d lost her heart in the process.

Drawing back into the shadows of the garden to gain a few moments of privacy, Rebecca took in a deep breath. The sweet scent of the rosebushes did nothing more than remind her of what she’d carelessly dared to dream of having with Luke. A house with a garden, a family … How could she have been such a fool to lose her heart again?

And no doubt that was exactly how he saw her—a fool who had misinterpreted his intentions. Didn’t Luke Hutton have the choice of every girl here tonight? Their mothers were inside right now, plotting how to get him to notice their little darlings, their sights set on his substantial inheritance. What were a few years of waiting when it came to marrying into a good family with financial stability?

She, on the other hand, had no intention of waiting for months on end for someone like Luke. She wasn’t the kind of woman who would pine like a lovelorn maiden for her sweetheart’s return—that is, if he’d ever had any plans to ask her, which he obviously hadn’t.

“Rebecca?”

She leaned into the flora at the sound of Luke’s voice. She should never have run away from him. What kind of undignified behavior had she displayed? Fleeing his mother’s party and hiding in the garden were certainly not the actions of a proper lady and only showed him she cared for him. Her heart, though, wasn’t acting in a rational manner tonight. Her heart was breaking.

“Rebecca, are you there?”

Swallowing her pride, she knew facing him would be wiser in the long run. “Luke—”

Something pulled against the back of her bustle as she tried to take a step toward him.

“Before you say anything”—he stepped in front of her—“I need to apologize about what happened inside. There are some chairs on the terrace where we could sit, and I could explain—”

“I can’t—” Momentarily distracted, she struggled in the dim light to discover what her dress was caught on.

“I never meant for things to turn out this way.” He reached forward and brushed his fingers down her sleeve. “I never meant to fall in love with you.”

She jerked to face him and heard the ripping of fabric behind her. “You’re in love with me?”

Luke was proclaiming his love for her, and she was stuck in the bushes. Of all times for something ridiculous like this to happen. “I think my dress is caught on a thorn—if you could help me.”

“Of course.”

He reached around to unhook her bustle from the cluster of roses. He was so close she could smell the woodsy scent of his cologne and feel his warm breath against her neck. She tried to steady her rapid pulse. This couldn’t be happening. Just when she had decided to take a chance with her heart, she discovered he was leaving. Was it true he wasn’t the cad she’d assumed him to be and he really loved her?

“I’m afraid your dress is torn slightly.” He picked up a perfect red rose that had fallen to the ground and, after breaking off the thorns, handed it to her.

“Thank you.” With the rose in one hand, she stepped into the silvery light of the moon to inspect the garment, but a tear in her dress seemed insignificant at this point. “It’s only the bustle and shouldn’t be that noticeable.”

“Perhaps I shouldn’t have spoken so openly,” he began, “but I meant what I said. I didn’t think it would happen, but you’ve captured my heart.”

She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment and tried to make sense of her jumbled emotions. “I—I don’t know what to say.”

“Tell me you feel something, too?”

A woman’s shrill laugh erupted from the terrace, competing with the soft strains of a violin. Snippets of conversation floated past them. Dogs barked in the distance. Crickets chirped. Each sound gained intensity in her mind, throwing her normally organized thoughts into further confusion.

She wanted to ignore his question, but she couldn’t. “How can I let myself continue to care for you now that I know you’re leaving?”

“So you feel it, too.”

Picking up the hem of her dress, Rebecca escaped toward the terrace. Being alone in the shadows of the garden wasn’t proper. And besides, she wasn’t sure she could handle his nearness. Not when she knew how much he affected her—and what it meant to her heart to know he was leaving.

She chose a padded bench in the corner of the stone terrace and sat down. Music continued to filter out the French doors and into the night air. On any other summer evening, the verdant garden would have been a sight that took her breath away. But tonight the willows and rhododendrons and the lilacs and roses blurred before her tear-filled eyes until they disappeared, like the sweet scent of the honeysuckle that was evaporating into the night air.

Luke slid onto the bench beside her.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?” she asked, breaking the awkward silence that gathered between them.

“I was wrong not to.”

“But why didn’t you?” Her heart ached with the realization of how much she’d come to care for him. “Wait—you don’t owe me an explanation. You never said or did anything to state your feelings.”

He moved toward her, allowing the glow from the gas lighting to illuminate his face. She wanted to reach out and smooth a lock of his dark hair away from his forehead. To trace the curve of his strong jawline. But those were intimate things she would never do.

“I wanted to tell you how I feel,” Luke began. “Every time I saw you at the shop or at the house, I had to stop myself from coming to you and asking you to wait for my return.”

Rebecca stared at her hands. “Why didn’t you?”

“It wouldn’t have been fair to you. I won’t be a man who leaves his family behind for years at a time. And besides that, I know how you feel about sailors.”

Catching the sadness reflected in his eyes, she raised her brow in question. “What do you mean?”

“Do you remember when I walked you back to the shop shortly after we met? You told me—”

“That I’d never live that way.” She nodded at the memory. “I could never wait year after year for the one I love to return.”

That’s why he’d left her so abruptly that day in front of the shop. He’d known she would never agree to wait for him. Tonight the words seemed harsh and insensitive. Nevertheless, they still rang true. She’d never have the courage to wait, wondering if he’d return to her or if the sea had swallowed him into its depth. No, living like that would be far too painful. It was better to put a stop to anything that might have started between them right now.

He caught her gaze. “Do you ever wonder what God’s will is for your life?”

His question surprised her. Pulling off the velvety rose petals one at a time, she pondered the issue. Hadn’t she asked God the same thing dozens of times? “It seems to be a constant question of mine lately. I want to follow His will, but more often than not I can’t seem to see clearly what His will for my life is.”

“Then maybe you can understand how I feel.” His eyes seemed to plead with her. “I’ve spent my life trying to follow God’s will, but more often than not I find myself pursuing the plans laid out by my parents. My father was the captain of a ship, and now my mother expects me to take the same path. Money might not be an issue, but following in my father’s footsteps has always been of first importance to her.”

“What do you want?”

“To work with my hands building ships.”

Rebecca let the last petal fall to the ground. Building ships would mean he would no longer have to spend years at a time away from home. Instead of being a career officer at sea, he’d have time for a wife and a family….

“What about this upcoming voyage?”

“I’m committed to this last trip, but after that I won’t go back to sea. My mother will have to understand that I’m not my father, and what was a proper occupation for his life’s work isn’t the right choice for me.”

A couple waltzed out onto the terrace, the woman’s blue satin dress flowing in the gentle wind. They looked content and carefree as they laughed about something together. Rebecca had grown up believing God’s will for her was to marry and raise a family. If that were true, then why had God put Luke in her life only to lose him so quickly? Could it be that God’s will was bigger than she’d imagined?

“What if God’s will is simply to live completely for Him wherever we are?” She pondered the implications of her own question. “Following Him in whatever situation we find ourselves?”

“Like your work with the orphanage?”

She nodded. “Exactly. In helping to get the quilts made for the orphans, I feel as though I’m serving God with my talents, and for the first time in a long time, I feel a deep satisfaction in what I’m doing.”

Luke studied Rebecca’s face in the amber light. He heard the passion in her voice and saw the obvious joy she felt in what she was doing. It was easy for him to see why he’d fallen in love with her. The difficult part was in knowing he shouldn’t have.

“What about when God gives you more than one choice?” he asked. “But you can’t have both.”
Like the woman I love and the job I’m obligated to finish
.

“Two choices don’t necessarily mean one has to be wrong. But when they conflict with each other …” Her smile faded.

There were no easy answers. He could speak to Captain Taft and tell him he wasn’t going. Many a sailor had backed out at the last minute, knowing the hardships ahead of them. Life on a whaling vessel was grueling. Not only was the pay for the crew minimal; a good fourth of them would never make it home because of death or desertion. But no matter what was ahead, he always strove to be a man of his word. A man whose word could be counted as an unqualified guarantee. And Captain Taft was counting on him to be his first mate on the upcoming voyage.

He sat up straight and tried to loosen the tense muscles in his back. Surely God’s will didn’t include his losing the woman he loved merely because he’d given his word to someone else? There had to be another way. Three years would seem like an eternity, knowing he’d lost her. She’d go back to Cranton and find someone else to marry who would give her a home and a family.

The thought was sobering. Would he regret it if he never asked her if she would wait for him? Surely he had nothing to lose.

“Rebecca, I—”

“Please don’t ask me to wait for you.” She laid her gloved hand gently on his arm, and he flinched at her touch.