Rebecca's Rules (9 page)

‘That doesn’t prove anything,’ I said. ‘Even if Vanessa couldn’t sing, she wouldn’t let it stop her from showing off.’

‘True,’ said Jessie, and then Ms Byrne, the English teacher who always organises the school show, walked onto the hall’s stage. I wish she was our English teacher, she seems much more normal than Mrs Harrington

‘Welcome, second years!’ she said cheerfully. ‘I hope you’re all very excited about this year’s wonderful musical. I know you’re all going to be great, so let’s get started. You’re all going to sing a bit of a song you’ve prepared, and then we’re going
to act out a bit of a scene together. Okay? And don’t worry if you don’t get a big part − there’ll be room for everyone else in the chorus.’

Vanessa looked even more pleased with herself than ever, as if she already knew she was going to get a big part. Which, in fairness, turned out to be true. Unfortunately.

‘Right, said Ms Byrne. ‘The first up is … Karen Rodgers!’ Karen grinned nervously at Alison in a way that made her look like an actual human being as opposed to a mean bitch who likes mocking other girls for what their annoying mothers do.

‘What are you going to sing, Karen?’ asked Ms Byrne, as Karen took to the stage.

‘“Don’t Stop Believin”,’ said Karen.

I have to admit that I was hoping she’d be terrible. I mean, she’d been so awful to me when my mum’s book came out that I was looking forward to seeing her make a fool of herself. But I didn’t get my wish, because she wasn’t bad at all. And then Ms Byrne gave her the script and they acted out a few lines and she was quite good at that too. I was shocked. When she finished Ms Byrne looked pleased and said ‘Very good, Karen, you’ve got us off to a great start.’

Then a girl from 2:3 called Katie went up and sang ‘Tomorrow’ and on it went. I started to get more and more nervous. Loads of the girls could sing pretty well, and some of them were really good actors too. It started to dawn on me that I mightn’t have a chance of getting even a tiny speaking part. Alice sang very well, as usual, and Ms Byrne assured her that if she wanted to be in the chorus her plaster wasn’t a problem.

Then Jessie was called up and sang ‘Who Will Buy This Wonderful Morning?’ from
Oliver
. But I barely noticed her acting because she had written her name down just before me which meant that I was next. And it seemed like just a second later that I heard Ms Byrne saying ‘Very good, Miss King. Now, Rebecca Rafferty, you’re up next.’

The good thing about being in a band is that even though we’ve only played one gig, I’m not as nervous about getting up on a stage as I used to be. I mean, after you’ve fallen off a drum stool in front of a huge crowd of people, nothing can really faze you. So when I found myself actually up on the stage, I sort of stopped feeling nervous and just sang the lullaby from
Mary Poppins
as well as I could. Which was quite well, if I say so myself. The theatre is in my blood, after all. Then Ms Byrne gave me the script. It was the scene where Mary Poppins tells
the kids that she’s practically perfect in every way. I had to do a few lines as Mary and a few as one of the kids. And that was it. I was feeling quite pleased, and Jessie whispered to me that I’d done really well. But I didn’t get to say thanks because Vanessa was striding confidently onto the stage as though she were a big star and we’d all been waiting for her.

‘Hi, everyone!’ she said, before Ms Byrne could say anything. ‘I’m going to sing “Memories” from
Cats
.’

Alice, Jessie and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes. Jessie is good at doing this because she is long-sighted and her glasses make her eyes look slightly bigger than they actually are.

‘Well, this’ll be good,’ said Jessie.

But it really was. As soon as Vanessa started to sing our jaws literally dropped open. Because she could sing. I mean
really
sing. And not in a bellowing, X-Factor sort of way. She had what my mum always calls a ‘pure’ voice – I mean she didn’t sound like she was showing off at all. It was just a lovely clear sound. It was SO not how I expected Vanessa to sing. When she finished I found myself clapping automatically. THAT’S how good she was.

‘Oh my God,’ said Jessie, who’d also clapped, without
thinking, as had Alice. ‘I can’t believe we just applauded Vanessa. Voluntarily.’

I was thinking the same thing, but I couldn’t say so because now Vanessa was acting a scene with Ms Byrne and she was really good at that too. She wasn’t annoying or smug at all, which just shows that she really is a good actress. She was all bright and brisk and Mary Poppins-ish. It was amazing. And very, very irritating. She was by far the best in the whole group. When everyone had had their audition Ms Byrne thanked us all and told us that what she called ‘a preliminary cast list’ would be posted on the noticeboard outside the library at the end of the school day. Ellie, Alice and I trudged out of the hall and off to SS2, where we were having geography. Vanessa strutted past us, looking even more pleased with herself than usual (which is saying something). She was with Karen and Alison. Karen was telling her how brilliant her voice was. That’s all we need, Karen and Vanessa teaming up.

When we arrived at geography, Cass and Ellie were in great form.

‘I’m going to help Ms Dowling do the sets!’ said Cass.

‘And I’m working on the costumes,’ said Ellie. ‘But Mrs Limond wasn’t there, which was a bit disappointing. I want to
see if she really has purple hair. How was the audition?’

So we told them about Vanessa.

‘She can’t have been that good,’ said Cass. ‘I just refuse to believe it.’

‘She was,’ I said. ‘I even clapped for her.’

‘So did I,’ said Jessie, ‘without thinking, of course.’

‘I hate to say this,’ said Alice, ‘but I think she’s going to get the lead. I mean, she was the best.’

And as it turned out, Alice was right. When the list went up this morning, there she was at the top! Vanessa is Mary Poppins! And if that weren’t bad enough, Karen Rodgers is Michael, one of the children. And if THAT weren’t bad enough, I am her understudy. Yes, I am understudying Karen Rodgers to play a small boy. I am starting to think that this was not such a good idea after all. So much for my musical genes.

On the (tiny) plus side, Jessie got a proper part, playing the cook. And Cass and Alice are all excited about the whole thing now, so part of my plan is working already − we have an exciting new project that has nothing to do with paperboys or me moping (not that I will admit to doing that) at all. So that’s something. Oh, and Susie Murray from 2:1 is playing Mrs Banks, the children’s mother. It turns out she is quite talented after all.

So anyway, the first rehearsal is after school on Monday. We all had to gather in the hall at lunchtime today and Ms Byrne gave us each a CD of the songs along with a script and told us to study both of them carefully over the weekend so we’re familiar with the story and the songs. I just hope Karen and Vanessa aren’t too irritating at the first big rehearsal (though I am sure they will be).

Still no mail from Paperboy. I am starting to get angry as well as sad.

SATURDAY

I told Mum (and Dad) about just being in the chorus. They acted like this was a great thing.

‘Being in the chorus is lots of fun,’ said Dad. ‘You get the excitement of being in the show and none of the stress!’

‘He’s right,’ said Mum. ‘There were loads of times in
The Pirates of Penzance
when I would have loved to just be in the chorus. Having a big part isn’t all fun, you know.’

‘Remember that time you stabbed Dave Scully with your sword by mistake?’ said Dad. ‘He had to go to hospital and everything!’

‘It wasn’t a real sword,’ said Mum. ‘He was just bruised.’

‘I don’t think there’d be any chance of me stabbing someone by accident in
Mary Poppins
,’ I said. But I saw her point. Maybe it is for the best that I don’t have a big part to worry about? I’m in quite a fragile state at the moment; my nerves probably couldn’t take it.

Although in that case, I am not sure my nerves will be able to take the sight of Vanessa being all smug as the star of the show. Hmmm.

SUNDAY

Very boring weekend. I ended up spending most of it lying on my bed listening to the
Mary Poppins
soundtrack (really very catchy) and reading one of my library books,
My Family and Other Animals
by Gerald Durrell, which is a true story about a boy who goes off to Corfu with his family and adopts loads of cool animals. His older siblings are totally head-wrecking, especially his pretentious big brother Larry, which is partly
why I like it. But I also like it because I too have an affinity with the animal kingdom, as proved by the fact that every time I go to Alice’s house in the country I always see loads of wild creatures. Well, squirrels. But they’re wild, aren’t they?

Of course, my sensible way of spending the weekend didn’t please my tyrannical parents. Their sympathy for my relegation to the chorus didn’t last very long. This afternoon my mother came in to my room (without knocking, of course. She has the manners of a … I dunno. Something rude) when I was quietly reading, took one look at me and said, ‘What on earth are you doing like that?’

‘I am reading, mother,’ I said. ‘Isn’t that obvious?’

‘But why are you lying with your head over one side of the bed and the book on the floor? That can’t be comfortable. Or good for your neck.’

Honestly! She can even find fault with the way I read! I don’t even know why I was lying like that; it just felt like the right way to lie. Also it meant that when I needed to take a break from
Mary Poppins
I could reach over and change the music on my iPod which was plugged into its little speakers on a shelf by the bed. So I told her this and she said, ‘Well, if you get a terrible crick in your neck, don’t say I didn’t warn you.’

And then she demanded I come down soon and chop up some carrots. Yet again, I wonder what the fans of my mother’s books would think if they knew she made her children slave for her like skivvies. She and my dad are obsessed with making me and Rachel chop vegetables. When I grow up I’m never going to chop or peel anything. I’m going to live entirely on things you can just bite straight into, without doing anything, like apples. Unless, of course, I become incredibly rich. Then I’ll have servants to make all my food for me.

Speaking of my evil mother, she is still writing a sequel to the terrible Ruthie nightmare. She promises that when it comes out she will make it very clear that Ruthie and her awful friends have nothing in common with me and Rachel. I hope she sticks to her word. I never thought I’d say this, but I really wish she’d just go back to writing books for grown-ups about twinkly-eyed kindly Irish mammies who solve all their family’s problems (these books are clearly even more unlike her own family than the Ruthie one).

Okay, so I didn’t like Mrs Harrington going on about them, but at least there was no chance of anyone thinking any of the characters have anything to do with me, given that I don’t like Irish dancing and I don’t live in a cottage. Lots of Mum’s
characters live in cosy cottages in quaint little villages. I don’t know why, considering she’s from Phibsboro and has never spent more than a week in a cottage in her life, and that was just on holiday.

Anyway, the main reason I spent most of my weekend at home reading and hoovering and dusting and chopping things like a servant is because Alice is off visiting relations (she spends loads of weekends doing this because (a) she is an only child and (b) half her relations are in Germany, so her parents are very keen on making sure she sees all her Irish relatives on a regular basis. So every few weekends she’s dragged off to see some aunt or cousin or someone). And Cass was off with Liz from Bad Monkey. I am still worried that my misery and sorrow have driven away Cass and she has found a new joint-best-friend. I really hope not. I will just have to stick to my new rules and hope it all works out.

Although I sort of have a new friend as well. I texted Jane about Vanessa. Actually, I basically said, ‘Why didn’t you tell us she could sing?!’ Jane rang me and we talked for quite a while. She is very nice and funny. She said she thought we all knew Vanessa could sing and I had to admit that Vanessa might well have boasted about her singing before. She goes
on about how brilliant she is so much that we all kind of tune her out.