Rebel Soul (8 page)

Emily opened her mouth to speak but she couldn’t force the words to come out. How could she? How could this relationship work if she couldn’t even tell her family about Billy? She knew that she loved him, and wanted him more then she had ever wanted anything in her life.

Emily wiped the tears from her eyes, then walked to her room and sent Billy a message, I have to go to town with Mom, in the morning. I need sometime on my own, she thought to herself, as she walked over to her dresser and looked at herself in the mirror, “Emily, you are hopeless she told herself.”

* * *

Billy rode up to his house on his dirt bike, and jumped off, he could see his Dad setting on the porch, smoking a cigar. “Billy you were supposed to help me in the garden today” Andy shouted, his face red with anger.

Dam, Billy thought, I wish he would just shut up and quit nagging me, this has went on all week. Just shut up he wanted to yell at him. Billy felt the anger boiling inside him, he just wanted to be left alone.

“What do you want me to say, Dad, I’m sorry. Time slipped away and before I knew it the sun was setting.” Billy knocked a chair over on the porch.

“Don’t disrespect me boy, you have skipped out on work all week. This shit stops now.” Andy slapped the table beside him, with his open hand.

Upset Billy stomped into the house and to his room and threw his self-down on the bed closing his eyes and held his hand, hard on his aching head. He thought it would explode, it hurt so badly.

His mind was filled with visions of Emily, streaming through his mind. He sat up and lit a joint, taking a long drag. What am I going to do about her?

Ed walked in the room and set down, Billy passed the joint to him, as Ed glanced his way, Billy could see the questions in his eyes.

“Don’t even ask Ed?”

“Billy I, sorry bro, I wasn’t going to ask, I just.”

“Just what Ed, come on say.” Billy was angry, he reached under the bed and pulled out a jar of shine and took a drink, drinking half the jar in one swig.

“You’re obsessed with her Billy, obsessed. What’s wrong with you Bro, you know this won’t work out with her. Billy man, yes she’s pretty and all. A sweet girl but, I don’t want to see you hurt. That’s all.”

“Look Ed” Billy heard his phone vibrate, he looked at it. It was from Emily. “Somehow I will make this work with her, don’t worry about me. If this is meant to be it will be. Ok” He waited on Ed to leave before he read her message. Then he answered telling her ok, maybe later in the evening.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Sun 17th June

Emily and Billy had seen each other every day that week, they were enjoying each other’s company and when they weren’t together they were texting or messaging each other on Facebook. She had found herself falling in love with Billy, loved everything she knew or saw about him. She knew this was happening fast, to fast, but there wasn’t anything she could do to stop it. She wanted to spend every moment of every waking day, in his sweet presence.

She took extra care in dressing for church that morning, put on her favorite blue dress, and even wore a little make-up. She wanted to look her best for Billy, wanted him to only have eyes for her.

She saw her Moms eyes light up as she climbed into her Dads truck, and knew she looked good, mission accomplished she told herself.

    "You look very pretty today Emily," her mom commended, as they pulled out of the driveway.

"Thank you." Emily simply answered as she looked out the window, and tried to avoid the questions.

   "You have a fellow?" her dad ask, glancing her way.

"No" she simply answered again, and stared out the window. The questions stopped at that, to her relief, she didn't want to tell them it was a Johnson boy she was dressing up for. Boy wouldn't they be shocked she thought with a small smile forming on her lips.

She quickly jumped out of the truck as they pulled up in front of the church, then went inside, setting in the usual family pew and watched for Billy.  Her Mom set down beside her and tried to make small talk. She grew bored with the conversation, actually as soon as it started, she politely told her she needed to go the bathroom and walked outside then set on the steps. She send Billy a text, Where are you?

“We are running late, but on our way.”

She felt a little insecure as church members stepped around her. So she got up and walked around the parking lot for a while, and felt even more insecure, as everyone said hello and gave her stares, like what are you doing?

She soon heard the Johnson truck coming down the road and walked back to the steps, watching as they parked. Billy and Ed jumped out of the back of their Dads truck and Billy lingered back behind the rest of his brothers, waiting as they all went inside. They had already planned on skipping Sunday school, and she watched as he walked around the back of the church motioning for her to follow him.

She looked around to see if any of her brothers was watching, they wasn’t so she hastily ran around the church, were Billy waited and right into his arms. He kissed her a long feverish, hot kiss, and the longing for him burned inside her as she was wrapped in his embrace, lost in the moment, forgetting where they were at.

Then she felt it, the poke on her shoulder and she jumped as they quickly pulled apart, stunned at getting caught, both became speechless, as Pastor Jones stared into their eyes,

"Well, I can guess your parents, don't know about this little affair between you too." he spoke sternly, his kind eyes looking at them. Emily thought she even saw a glimmer in his eyes.

Emily held her breath, the horror at getting caught was real to her. "No sir they don't and we hope that you won’t say anything," Billy begged.

The pastor nodded his head "Oh, I don't plan on getting into the middle of this family feud, of course, I won't lie about it, but I don't think they would have any reason to ask me either, but, you both know better than I do, about the problems between your families and I don't see this ending well. I will be praying for the two of you and your families." Then he turned and walked away.

Able to breathe again, Emily felt the tears form in her eyes, "Oh Billy, he's right, what are we doing?" She covered her face with her hands and began to cry. Billy pulled her closer to him, laying his head on her shoulder he let his lips softly brush her skin.

"I don't know, what we should do Emily, but the one thing I do know is I want to be with you. “Come on, let’s go for a walk.”

They walked away hand in hand as they heard the singing start in the church, and walked down the road, slipping off down a path with black berry bushes on either side of it, walking into a small clearing of grass. She watched as Billy took his shirt off, “Set down Baby, I don’t want you to get your pretty dress dirty.” He smiled. She set down and Billy set down beside her then put his arm around her.

She felt the tension in his arms, "What do you think would happen if we told our families we wanted to see each other?" he ask her. The subject suddenly became serious, she hated serious talks, and her nerves were on edge.

"One of my brothers would probably kill you. Maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore," Her heart dropped out of the bottom of her stomach as the words left her mouth and she cried. Billy pulled her closer, as if she might run,

"Emily, I'm not scared of your brothers or death. I want to be with you." She saw the hurt in his eyes. “I would die for you Emily.”

Emily’s voice became a little louder, “But I don't want you to die Billy, it would be selfish of me to keep seeing you just to satisfy my own needs, and get you killed in the meantime, I couldn’t handle that kind of guilt." she began to cry harder, the tears falling to the ground.

Billy pulled her even tighter into his arms, "listen, shush, shush, stop crying,” he tried to kiss her tears away," We will take this slow, and keep it quiet, for now, but we will have to tell them sooner or later, cause girl,” he hesitated and shook his head. “I have always thought you to be the most beautiful girl that I have ever seen, and now that I have you baby. I am not about to let you go without a fight, you hear me."

She wanted him to, maybe this will work she thought, "Ok, Ok Billy" she agreed, “I don't want to let you go either. Maybe we need to get back to church,”

Billy extended a hand to help her up. He dusted off his shirt and put it back on then they headed back to the church.

As they approached the church Emily, saw her brother Dan holding his baby Mia outside the church, she grabbed Billy and they slipped behind some bushes. The bad feeling of possibly getting caught hit her like a ton of bricks. She had a really bad feeling, something wasn’t right.

"Mia must have been crying," Emily told Billy.

"Let’s go through the woods here,” Billy motioned with his head, and whispered. They came out of the woods at the back of the church and slipped through a back door. Billy ran quickly into a bathroom. Emily closed the back door, and saw Josh walking down the hall.

She closed her eyes, Shit, I’m caught Emily thought to herself. She knew he had to have seen Billy also, there was no way he hadn’t of, and knew she was fixing to face the wrath of Josh.

"What are you doing Emily?" he ask, she could see the, on his face, he knew something.

"Nothing, just went out for some fresh air,” she told him as Billy walked out of the bathroom and headed up the hall.

Josh turned and watched Billy walk away, she could see the fire in Josh’s eyes. "You got something going on with Billy Johnson, Emily?” He knowingly ask her, the anger in his voice rang in her ears.

"No" she answered him trying to sound innocent, never having been a good liar, she could feel her body shaking and just wanted to get away from him.

Josh looked at her for a minute, "Then how come I don't believe you?" He narrowed his eyes at her.

"I don't know why you don't believe me Josh" Emily spat at him.

"Just don't let me find out other wise, or you will be the cause of his death, because I will kill him." Josh pointed at her, the words stung her heart. Catch me if you can Josh, she thought.

Emily looked at the floor, as she walked past him and let her shoulder hit him, for she couldn't look at Josh. She knew he felt her anger. She was hurt, mad, and angry. She had never been good at hiding her feelings. I will have to work on that, she thought, but at that moment, it was like a bolt of lightning had struck her and she didn’t care about hiding her feeling any longer.

This feud was stupid and endangering her happiness, with the boy she loved, and wanted to spend the rest of her life with. Her anger was boiling to dangerous heights and blazing with the fire inside her, as she turned around, and glared at Josh. Emily couldn't hold the words back, and couldn't believe them as they flooded out of her mouth.

“If you do anything to him Josh, even hurt a hair on his head. I will make your head burn, and shoot you down, like a deer in the forest. I will never speak to you again.”  She said with force, then continued, as her eyes bored into him, and she hope they stung, him, she walked closer to him so he could see her eye’s close. "I decide who I talk to and who I befriend, not you or anybody else. You got that Josh"

She saw Josh flinch at her words and knew she hurt him, but knew this argument wouldn’t end with her words. Josh would come back at her and when he did it would be hell for her to pay. He walked past her without speaking.

Emily leaned against the wall and sunk to the floor, and prayed silently, Dear God, please, help Billy and me. Please help me, I can’t let him go. What’s wrong with me? I can’t do this without you.

She set for a while longer the events that had just took place between her and Josh on her mind, When Josh walked around the corner toward her.

“You actually threatened my life Emily. You know you have started a war Emily, by seeing that boy. I’ve been watching you for a while, the way you look at him, the way you reacted when I had the gun, in front of Dads the other day. Emily you break it off with him he lives, you don’t he dies. It’s that simple.”

She just stared at him, speechless at his words. Yes a war had started, but she would be the one to finish it. She wanted to slap him, but it wouldn’t be in the church. She would wait, and somehow hit him where it hurt.

Sunday school let out and the hall soon become crowded and Emily walked upstairs. Billy was sitting in the back pew. She walked up behind him and whispered in his ear. “Josh caught us.”

She felt him stiffen. He turned around, his eye’s looked scared, but he told her calmly “It will be ok, we will be ok.”

She hoped he was right. All through Church she thought about Josh’s words. She hadn’t slept with Billy yet, and it wasn’t like they had to stay together. She should break it off with him. She turned around and looked toward him. He was looking down his head in his hands. She thought that he was praying. Was he thinking the same thing she was?

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Mon 18th June

Since the confrontation with Josh at the church, Emily hadn't spoken to Josh, nor he with her. He would leave the room every time she entered a room that he was in, as if she were unbearable to be around.

Except for dinner and then he just sit there and glared at her with his icy eyes. As far as she could tell though, he hadn't told anyone about what he had seen, or she had said, at the church. But Emily knew her brother and it wouldn't be but just a matter of time before he opened his mouth.

She had told Billy that when they had meant earlier in the day, and also she believed he should probably watch his back. She knew in her heart, if they were to decide to stay together, it couldn't be in Chestnut County, he had agreed with her.

The staring match through dinner between her and Josh was troubling and she knew it had not went unnoticed by the other family members. After dinner Emily went up to her room and pulled up Facebook on her lap top and messaged with Billy for a while. Then she decided to take a walk down to the cellar, in the woods by the pond where her brothers, Josh and Ricky kept their moonshine. She had decided it was time to face him and needed to get drunk. This was all getting to her. There wasn’t any easy way out of this, she was going to stand up for herself, and by the end of she knew her whole family would know about her and Billy, but she had to do this.

  "Fuck them," she whispered as she walked down the steps and out the front door out onto the porch, and down the steps she bounced. The sun was starting to set as the sky deepened in its black color showing the twinkling stars and the full moon. Emily had always heard people acted crazy during a full moon, and she thought in her mind, I just might act a little crazy tonight. She had really become upset with the cold shoulder thing with her brother Josh. She should be able to make her own choices about her friends, at least Josh should treat her like a human. This was crazy. She heard Joe behind her,

"Emily, hey Emily, wait up," He ran to catch up with her, but she didn't stop, and just kept walking toward the cellar.

"What the hell is going on between you and Josh?" Joe ask.

"Nothing," she snapped and looked straight ahead as she tried to avoid, any more trouble in her life.

"Come on Emily, everyone can see it. You nor Josh, is hiding whatever is happening between the two of you very well.”

"Joe, just stay out of it. It's a need to know situation, and you don't need to know." She told him in a matter of fact tone.

"When have you ever, not been able to tell me anything?" He took her arm and turned her toward him. "Something’s eating at you, I can tell." She hadn’t told him a lot of things lately she thought to herself.

"Just stay out of this Joe," She picked up the rock that hid the key to the cellar and unlocked the door.

"What the hell are you doing?" Joe ask as she opened the door and pulled the string to turn on the overhead light.

"I'm having me a drink, Joe, you want to join me?" She smiled and picked up a mason jar of peach moonshine from the counter, opened it then took a big swig, and passed it to Joe.

He smiled at her with his crooked smile. She turned on the radio, that Josh kept in the cellar, and turned the volume up loud and began singing with it.

“Ok little sis, then we will drink, get drunk and feel better.” They slapped hands in the air. “Whoo, yeah” she yelled and took another drink.

Emily felt braver with every drink of the shine she took, and thought about telling Joe, about Billy. If anyone in the family would be on her side it would be Joe, but she decided against it, for now. She knew, Josh would tell him soon enough anyway.

He would be there soon and Ricky just like every night, and this night, oh yes on this night, she would be there waiting on him. Face him, oh yes, she was going to face him.

She took another drink and passed the jar to Joe as she listened to him, talking about the newest love of his life.

"She’s not some blond bimbo slut is she Joe?" Emily smiled and ask, the shine getting to her.

"No but she’s not a virgin either if that’s what you mean.” He hit Emily in the shoulder and smiled back.

"I am," Emily blurted out, as she watched Joe's face flush a bright pink color.

"Well I didn't ask you about that," he shook his head and stuttered "But that’s good to know.” He blinked his eyes and let out a breath of air.

Emily decided to open another jar and let Joe keep the one he had since he had suddenly became very greedy with it. She felt herself weaving as she stood and knew her words were becoming slurred.

This can't be good she thought as the cellar door squeaked and Josh and Ricky stepped in. She instantly felt Josh's eye's boring through her and could feel the sting of them in her chest. Angry eye's, yeah, we will see whose angry, Josh, she thought.

"What do you think you’re doing here, Emily?" he slammed the door behind him, for it was meant to be a statement more than a question and she knew it. She was ready for this challenge, you keep pushing me around Josh, she thought, it won’t happen.

"Why, I'm here getting drunk, big brother, you got something to say about that, Hu.” Emily slurred and stumbled a little.

"Yes, I do." He walked over to her and jerked the jar out of her hand.

"What wrong Joshy boy, I still am a Canton ant I?" Emily ask as she turned around and opened another jar, then took a long drink.

"Not if you are seeing that Johnson boy you’re not.” Well there it was, the words were out, she though as saw Joe and Ricky both flinch as the words had left Josh's mouth.

"Did you boy's know our dear, sweet, little sister here is fucking Billy Johnson, and don't deny it." He pointed a finger at Emily’s. His face twisted with anger.

"I don't believe she’s sleeping with him,” Joe said as his face flushed again.

"Oh yeah, well I know she sneaks out to the woods and sees him." Josh shouted, he slammed his fist on the counter, and glared at her.

"Just calm down Josh." Ricky spoke up, as he stared at Emily, with confusion.

"Don't deny it Emily," Josh continued as he reached to grab her by the arm. Emily swung the jar at him, barley missing his head. The moonshine splashed everywhere, as the jar flew across the room and shattered. She was going to stand her ground.

"Go ahead Josh hit me, if that’s what you want to do.” Emily was in his face, daring him, she wanted to scream, call him names.

"I don't want to hit you.” He yelled. “I just want you out of here and out of my face, you little whore." Josh grabbed her arm and tried to drag her toward the door, as she jerked away from him.

"She's not sleeping with him Josh." Joe stood as he tried to get the words in, and he fell back down on the stool.

Emily wasn't going to let Josh kick her out without a fight. She grabbed another jar throwing it at his head, then took her arms and slid them across the shelf, she could feel the splinter from the shelf and the glass of the jars on her arms as she slung the jars of shine to the floor. The floor instantly, became wet and glass flew across the room, leaving pieces of the jars laying everywhere.

"Whoo now Emily." Ricky shouted as he grabbed Josh holding him back. “I’ll kill you Emily” Josh yelled.

"It's ok, I'm leaving," Emily cried, the tears streaming down her face. "But not before I have my say." She opened another Jar and took a big drink. It was hot but smooth going down her throat, as she chugged down half of the jar.

"I told you before Josh, I could be friends with whoever I want. I pick my friends, dear brothers, me" she pointed at her chest. "And, no one and I mean no one will tell me who I can see and who I can't. You have no say in my personal life, are we straight on this? There’s one thing you need to understand, I know what’s right, and I know I’m right with him.” Emily was drunk and didn’t know if her words made any sense or not, but didn’t care, she said what she meant.

Emily glanced around the cellar and eyed them all then picked up the last two jars she seen and walked out the door. She staggered to the house, and slammed the door behind her and headed straight to her room, and laid on her bed.

      Emily, could see the stars and the full moon from her bed. Her head was dizzy from the shine and she knew, she would be sick in the morning. She took another drink from the jar. My brothers make good shine, she thought. Oh my god, she dreaded the next day, not just because she would be sick but her whole family would know about her and Billy. She would be confronted by her Dad, maybe her Mother, but her Mom wouldn't be a problem. It was her brothers she worried about the most. They would want blood, not her blood as much as the Johnsons blood, but blood to say the least. Am I being selfish Emily wondered as she opened her window to let some air in?

   The smell of the fresh country air was magnificent, she loved it, but knew she would have to leave it someday, and that someday might be soon. How is this going to work? She still had one more year of high school left and still only seventeen. Not an adult, no matter what she had told her brothers, they knew and Emily knew she wasn’t free to do what she wanted. Her parents could still tell her what to do, and yes they could tell her who she could and couldn't see, and where she could and couldn't go. But would they, what could they do, lock her in her room, nail her windows shut, take her cell phone, computer, they could, but would they. All she knew right now was, she wanted a life with Billy.

Emily could see it all in her head. She had a deep connection with him, and it wasn’t only physical. The mental connection was awesome as if their souls spoke to each other, and their minds could become as one.

She fluffed her pillow and laid back on it and thinking about what it would be like. The two of them living in a small house, on a street with tree's and fences, neighbors they could have barbeques with. Children running and playing basketball on the street and tag in the yard. They would have a couple kids of their own, a girl and a boy. Both of them would look like Billy, she thought with a smile, as she felt a gentle breeze blow through the window as her curtains made shadows on the wall. He would go to work every day, he would owe his on business maybe selling herbs or something, she didn't know. She would be a stay at home mom till the kids were in school, then she could go back to school. No more feuding or fighting, she would miss her family, but once the grandchildren came along, they would love them and visit often she was sure of that, yes this could all work out. It's just a dream Emily, she sighed, and rolled over.

She could hear voices outside her window and got out of bed to look out. It was Josh, Joe and Ricky, they were all drunk singing or trying to sing rather, their voices were slurred and even though they were mad at her. Emily couldn’t help but laugh at the funny sight she saw. Josh and Ricky had Joe under their arms in the trying to walk him to the house. I must not have broken all of your shine boys, she thought.

     She went into her bathroom, through on a tee-shirt and some sweatpants to sleep in, then brushed her teeth.

The voices down stairs, continue to get louder, as she heard her Dad, telling the boys to be quite and go to bed.

"You tell'em Dad," Emily spoke out loud, then turned her light off, listening, hoping none of them would come to her room.

"Ricky, you help Josh get Joe up to bed, then head on home. We have work to do in the morning," Jack shouted angrily.

"Not before I go upstairs and have a talk with precious Emily Dad." Ricky slurred his pitch high.

"What the hell is going on with you boys and Emily? Now you go on and get out of here, leave her alone. Just leave Joe on the couch and go on home Ricky. I’m tired of this shit." Jack shouted, as Josh and Ricky were trying to talk above his voice. Then her heart dropped, almost stopping as she heard Josh, shout "Did you know your little daughter has been sneaking off to see Billy Johnson."

Everything stopped as, silence as if you could hear a pin drop. Emily pulled the covers over her head, curling up in a ball and tried to hide underneath the covers, as she imagined her Dad's mouth drop open, as she cried.

"No boy's," her Dad suddenly yelled. “I didn’t know that.”

"What’s going on in here?" Emily heard her Moms voice at the same time she heard the footsteps running up the stairs, Thump, thump, thump, echoed throughout her room. The hallway light shone through her blanket and she saw the shadows in the doorway as her door slung open. Oh God please, she silently prayed.

"Emily, what hell are you doing, sneaking off with Billy, where’s your head at?” Ricky shouted pointing his finger.

Emily jumped out of bed, the anger boiling inside her "Get the hell out of my room, Ricky, you ass hole."

"Next time I see you heading down that path, I'm following you and I'm going to kill him, right in front of you." Josh said calmly, his face beet red. She knew he meant what he said, but she was tired, tired of it all, her eyes were red and sore from crying, she just wanted it all to stop.

She closed her eyes, they burned from the soreness and her head was beginning to hurt, "Maybe I will get a job this summer." She calmly said, then shouted "So I can leave this fucking place and I'm not ever coming back. Now everyone get the hell out of my room."