Authors: Shanna Clayton
Char
Another wave barrels into me, knocking me forward. It’s rough out here, but I don’t mind. Considering how I drank an entire bottle of wine by myself, it’s possible the slight buzz has numbed me. Okay, let’s be honest. It’s more than a buzz.
All right, dammit, I think my dad was right. I’m drunk.
I catch sight of Max out of the corner of my eye. One minute he’s in front of me, and the next thing I know he’s beside me, swooping an arm around my midsection. I kick my legs as he lifts me out of the water.
“What are you doing?” I yell above the noisy waves. I’m not sure what’s going on, or why he’s dragging me back to shore. Doesn’t he see I’m trying to have some fun out here? God knows I could use some right about now. I glimpse his face, noticing the unmistakable anger. Is this about the storm he mentioned earlier? If that’s the case, he’s acting completely ridiculous. It’s not like it’s storming at this very moment. Geez.
The way he’s carrying me makes it hard to look at him or speak to him. However, I can
feel
him. Even in my state, it’s hard not to notice the rippling muscles pressed against my back. He’s shirtless, and the warmth of his bare skin against mine isn’t all that unpleasant. Now that I’m aware of it, I can’t focus on anything else.
We finally reach the shore and Max sets me down on the sand. Drops me, more accurately. I rub my hips and butt, grateful to know it probably hurt less than it would if I were sober.
“I’m implementing Rule Number 5,” Max shouts. “No deranged levels of insanity.”
Saltwater stings my eyes, or else I would roll them. “Oh, please. I’m just trying to have fun.”
“It’s storming, kid, or are you really that oblivious?”
I wipe my eyes and stand up, sucking in a small breath as I do. Even my ex, who trained rigorously almost everyday, didn’t have a body as toned and built as Max’s. I shouldn’t stare, but I can’t help it.
He points toward the sky like he’s speaking to a toddler. “Does it look like swimming weather to you?”
“I don’t
feel
any rain,” I argue back.
As if on cue, a deafening crack of thunder booms all around us, lightning splitting the dark sky. Rain mists over the beach, millions of tiny raindrops hitting the surface of the ocean all at once.
Max and I look at each other, almost daring the other one to speak. The whole thing was too perfectly timed.
I laugh first, unable to help it. The tension leaves his face, and he begins to laugh with me. The sound of his laughter is infectious, making the entire situation even funnier.
Holding my stomach, I sit back down on the sand. Max sits beside me, facing the ocean. We probably look like idiots, sitting here in the rain, but I don’t feel like moving. This is exactly where I want to be. “It’s nice to see you smiling again,” he says, surprising me.
“It’s nice to see you smiling at all,” I tease him. “I wasn’t sure you were capable.”
I suddenly feel dizzy, and I lay down, not caring if I get sand in my hair.
“You okay?” Max asks, peering over me.
“I will be,” I say, feeling the effects of the wine hit me harder. That
I will be
speaks volumes inside my head. I hope it’s true, in more ways than the one I meant.
We stay like that for what feels like hours, with me lying on the sand and Max staring down at me. His dark eyes are magnetic, I realize. They have an almost uncanny ability to hold my gaze whenever he looks at me. And his face is perfect. The shape of his strong jawline, the warmth of his dark brown eyes, the straight lines of his nose…his perfectly carved lips.
Without thinking about what I’m doing, I reach around his neck and pull those lips to mine. An involuntary tremor runs through me. There’s a voice in the back of my mind telling me this isn’t a good idea, but I ignore it.
His mouth is warm, lush, and tastes like saltwater and mint. He doesn’t immediately back away either. Instead, he grips my waist, and I hear a soft groan escape the back of his throat. It’s a good thing I’m not standing, because my knees feel weak.
So this is what it feels like to kiss someone else.
For a brief second I compare it to Miles’s kisses, hating the intruding thought. I hate that I’m comparing it, but my ex is the only guy I’ve ever done this with. At first, I think the way the two of them kiss is similar. Then with one small delve of Max’s tongue, all thoughts of Miles fade away.
He’s warm everywhere. He presses against me, and I feel like there’s more of a chance of drowning in him than in the ocean. I tremble and shudder beneath Max, wanting to get closer to him, wanting to feel him everywhere. I lean into him, and in that moment, he shoves me back to the ground.
“We can’t,” he says, breathless.
“Why not?”
Then it hits me. The girl in the lingerie. The one who spilled her purse out in the hall. I thought she was just a hookup, but I may have been wrong. “You have a girlfriend.”
He shakes his head, trying to catch his breath. “I don’t do relationships.”
No girlfriend. Okay. I’m much better equipped to deal with that. I’d never let myself become a homewrecker after experiencing the other side of it. I don’t blame him for not wanting a relationship either. In my limited experience, I’ve learned that they pretty much suck the life out of you.
Still. If he’s not with lingerie girl, that leaves me even more confused.
Unless…
“You’re not attracted to me?”
He laughs once, stopping short when he realizes it was a serious question. “You’re fucking gorgeous, Charlotte. You have to know that.”
“Then I don’t understand. What’s the problem?”
“It’s just,” he pauses, thinking, and I can tell he’s trying to censor what he’s about to say. “You’re hurting right now, and we have to live together for who knows how long. Let’s not complicate this.”
“It won’t be awkward, Max. I’m an adult. I understand what I’m getting myself into.” I touch his cheek, lifting my face to his. I gently press my lips against his again, but he grabs my hands and backs away from me.
“Don’t, Charlotte. I can’t handle this,” he says, gripping my hands as if he doesn’t trust me with them. “You have no idea how tempting you are, but I won’t do this with you.”
I shake my head. “I don’t understand.”
“Don’t take it as a rejection. Take it as a compliment.”
“That makes no sense.”
“It makes perfect sense.” He sighs, tucking a stray curl behind my ear, and then he gives me a long, tortured look. “If I didn’t have any respect for you, I’d give into you in a heartbeat. Not because I don’t want to, God
knows
I want to, but because it’s the wrong fucking thing to do. You’ve been drinking, you’re vulnerable, and I want you to be able to do whatever you came here to do. After what you did for me…if I did this with you now, I’d hate myself.”
I’m so caught up by what he’s saying that when he’s done, it takes me a few seconds to realize I’m holding my breath. At this point, I can’t even think straight. “Goddammit, Max.”
“What?”
“Why’d you have to go developing respect for me?” I sigh, knowing he’s right about everything. If we did this now, I’d probably hate myself too.
He smiles, shaking his head at me. “Come on, kid. Let’s go back inside and get you a towel.”
I take the hand he offers, and he yanks me up. My head spins dizzily, the wine really hitting me hard. Max catches me right as I’m about to fall, wrapping his arm around my side. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”
The rain pours harder as we plod back through the wet sand. I look up at Max, seeing the raindrops trickle down his skin, wishing I could lick them off, one by one.
Respect.
Ugh, that word. I hate it already. Who would guess that these days I’d rather be disrespected?
“We should at least be friends,” I tell Max, my voice starting to slur. “I know s’against your rules and all, but I don’t have anyone else, ’cept for Batman. We hang out sometimes when you’re not paying attention—not a big talker though.”
An amused smile pulls at one corner of his mouth. “Friends?”
“Don’t tell me you don’t do that either,” I say, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “Or are Trevor and Stephanie innocent bystanders? Because I don’t—”
He cuts me off with a laugh. “I know you’re only joking, but sometimes I think of them that way too.”
“If we were friends, you could s’plain that to me.”
Max opens the sliding glass door, his arm still wrapped around my waist. We both step inside the house, puddles dripping at our feet. “Stay here,” he says, heading toward the nearest closet. Inside there are stacks of plush towels. He tosses me one, and then grabs another for himself.
I wrap the towel around me, grateful for the warmth it provides. Behind the storm clouds, the gray sky is darkening to black. It’s not that late, but I let out a yawn, feeling ready to pass out.
“Come on,” Max says, holding out his hand. “I’ll make sure you get to your room without falling on your ass.”
“What a gentleman.” I wink at him.
He helps me up the stairs, and it’s a good thing too, because I doubt I’d make it up them on my own.
When we get to my room, I finish drying off. Max looks around, rubbing the back of his neck. “Will you…are you gonna be all right?”
I plop down on my bed, slipping under the covers. “Yes, thank you very much, sir.” My tone is playful, but he still looks concerned.
“Okay then.” He turns to leave.
“Hey, Max?”
“Yeah?”
“Tomorrow I’ll be too embarrassed to say this, so I’ll just get it over with now. I apologize for my deranged level of insanity.”
“Don’t worry about it, kid. It happens.” He walks out the door, but then surprises me by coming right back.
“Yes?” I ask him curiously.
“There’s something I want to say to you, too.”
“Go for it.”
He looks at me, and then down at the floor, thoughtful. “You’re probably better off without him, you know. If he didn’t appreciate you, he didn’t deserve you in the first place…that’s how I see things anyway.”
Of all the things he could’ve said, I wasn’t expecting that. “That’s real sweet, Max.”
“It’s the truth.” He shrugs. This time he leaves for good, shutting the door behind him.
I lie back down, not sure what to make of that. I yawn again, feeling myself drift off. I hope out of everything that happened today, that I won’t forget Max saying that.
Oh, and the kiss.
That was pretty incredible too. It’d be a shame to forget that kiss.
***
The next morning when I wake up my head hurts like there’s a pile of bricks attached to the top of it. I’m
never
drinking an entire bottle of merlot again. There’s an alert on my phone that makes me smile though. It’s a reminder I typed last night before I went to sleep.
Max said Miles didn’t deserve you.
Oh, and he kissed you better than you’ve ever been kissed in your life!
Not only am I impressed with myself for not making a single spelling error in my drunken state, but I’m also pretty pleased because I still have both of those memories—in explicit detail.
I’m still smiling when I see the little envelope indicating a new text message. My smile slowly fades.
Miles: We need to talk
Before I get a chance to absorb it, my phone is ringing. I hate myself for not removing him from my contacts. I hate myself even more because the picture of him that comes up on my phone as he’s calling me is one that I took. It’s from last summer when we were tubing down the Ichetucknee Springs River. He’s wearing sunglasses and a big toothy grin. By looking at him, you’d think he was the happiest guy in the world. It makes me wonder how much he kept hidden.
When I don’t answer, my phone dings with a new text message.
Miles: Just give me a chance to explain, Char
I consider ignoring him. I know he’s only calling because he knows by now I’m aware of the big engagement. He’s trying to smooth things over. Peacekeeping is in Miles’s nature. That pisses me off even more. He was always a really good guy. My mom used to say, “You picked a good apple, Char.”
She was both right and wrong. A good apple, but with a worm eating its way through perhaps. Miles was—is a good guy. A good guy that did a really awful, terrible, horrible thing. If he had been a shitty boyfriend, this would be so much easier.
I know I should ignore him, but I can’t help myself. I want him to know he has no right to contact me anymore. He doesn’t get to make up for what he did this easily.
Me: You don’t get a chance to explain. What you did is BEYOND an explanation
Miles: I know