Reckless (12 page)

He escorted her out onto the terrace, where a table was beautifully laid for two. “Surely I haven't offended you?”

She smiled sweetly. “I'm impossible to offend, Mr. Pagett.”

“You may as well call me Simon. Every time you say ‘vicar' or ‘Mr. Pagett,' I hear poison dripping off your tongue.” He released her arm to hold the chair for her. There was no way she could leave without making a scene, so she sat, glaring at him.

“You're hearing your own fevered imagination,
vicar.
” She put deliberate emphasis on the word.

“And I suspect it's a great deal easier to offend you than I would have thought,” he added, seating himself opposite her. There were no wineglasses on the table, and she was very much in need of something stronger than Monty's clear, cold water.

“Aren't we to have wine?” she asked.

“I don't drink spirits.”

Of course he didn't. And she would have given her right arm for some. But she certainly wasn't about to admit it.

For the first time she had a clear look at him in the light of day. He wasn't as old as she'd thought—the lines on his face were ones of hard experience, not age. The one gray streak in his dark hair was all the more startling, and for the first time she realized he looked oddly familiar.

“Have we ever met?” she asked abruptly.

“Have you been frequenting churches recently, Lady Whitmore?”

“Of course not. I just suddenly had the thought that I might have…seen you at some point.”

He shrugged. “It's possible. I spent some time in
London before I joined the church. When was your first season?”

She remembered it all too well—she'd been seventeen, the toast of London, and innocent. “More than ten years ago,” she said stiffly. “But I expect you'd remember me. I was quite the toast.”

“I hate to disillusion you, my lady, but I don't remember anyone from that time, no matter how heartbreakingly beautiful. I was too drunk.”

She looked at him in surprise. “I thought you didn't drink spirits.”

“Not any longer. I find they don't agree with me. I sincerely doubt we saw each other back then, my lady. I spent my time in whorehouses and gambling clubs. No decent hostess would have invited me over her threshold, and certainly no one would have introduced me to a shy young virgin. Which I expect you were, way back then.”

“You make me sound like an old crone. I'm twenty-eight. Decades younger than you.”

“I'm thirty-five,” he said flatly. “Close your mouth, Lady Whitmore. If you're going to be astonished it's better just to raise your eyebrows.”

She snapped her mouth shut, starting at him. She could see it now, the signs of dissipation. Her judgmental, self-righteous nemesis clearly must have been a libertine par excellence.

“So you see,” he continued in a calm voice, reaching for the crystal glass of clear water, “I know
whereof I speak. I know just how vicious and deadly are the paths you and Thomas are following. Thomas is about to meet his maker, and while I have no doubt that God will welcome and forgive him, I think his passing will be easier if he made peace with things beforehand. Which is why I'd rather you didn't sit there telling him ribald poems and gossiping about all your acquaintances.”

“You think having been a hellion somehow gives you the right to tell other people what to do,
vicar
?”

“Simon,” he corrected in an equally frigid voice.

“Simon,” she purred. “Your story is quite touching, I must admit. If I were the sentimental sort I would quite be in tears. But let us examine the truth of the matter. You've just admitted to being the worse sort of reprobate, a drunkard, a lecher…”

“A liar and a thief,” he added. “Those tend to go together.”

“A liar and a thief,” she added graciously. “Clearly you've been as despicable as every man I've ever met, with the remarkable exception of your old friend Monty, and you think simply because you no longer whore or drink you've somehow become a good man, a man with the right to pass judgment on other people. I'm afraid I must disagree. You have no right to judge Monty and you have no right to judge me. I will live my life exactly as I choose, and I don't give
a damn what you or anybody else has to say about it.”

He was watching her, and she had the odd feeling he was no longer listening to her. That something had distracted him in the midst of her tirade.

“Every man you've ever met is despicable, Lady Whitmore?” he said softly. “Then why do you spread your legs for all of them?”

She slapped him. She'd never hit anyone in her life, and yet she reached across the small table and slapped him across the face, as hard as she could.

The sound was shocking in the morning air, like the crack of a gunshot. She froze. Her hand was numb, tingling, and she could see the mark of her fingers on his face.

And then, to her horror, he made it even worse. “I'm sorry,” he said. “You're right—I deserved that.”

It was the last straw. Monty was dying, her own heart was bleeding and God knew what was happening to Charlotte over there on that island of perverts. She rose so quickly the table tipped over, and the china and glassware went crashing to the ground.

“So much for Monty's matchmaking efforts,” she said, her lower lip trembling.

And then she ran, before he could see the tears spill over from her eyes, before he could even begin to guess that the wicked Lady Whitmore's excellent
exterior had begun to crumble. She couldn't let it crack until she was alone.

And then, if she had to, she'd howl.

C
harlotte awoke slowly, cocooned in darkness and warmth, a blissful sense of well-being shimmering through her body despite the peculiar feeling between her legs, at the heart of her sex. She was alone in the bed, and she realized that light filtered through a heavy curtain that hid the sleeping alcove from the rest of the room.

She stretched, carefully, not certain exactly what was going to hurt and how much. Was this strange feeling between her legs going to continue? If she held very still she could almost feel him inside her again. Not the pain, but the deep, filling part of it, that had felt strange and foreign and yet somehow blessedly right.

However, she wasn't convinced she ever wanted to do it again.

She closed her eyes, snuggling deeper into the covers. She was naked. She'd never slept naked in
her life—it added to her odd sense of lassitude. The soft covers caressed her bare skin, the mattress beneath her cradled her body. Everything was strange and different.

She heard the low murmur of voices then. Adrian, speaking softly, to a servant. The light coming through the heavy curtains was daylight. Her ordeal, such as it was, was over.

She looked about her. The torn silk chemise lay tossed in one corner, but there was no sign of the plain brown monk's robe she'd worn when she entered his bed. She could pull the sheet off, wrap it around her nude body like a Roman toga, push the curtains aside and demand her freedom.

She didn't move.

What had happened to Charlotte Spenser, bluestocking, spinster, the practical, no-nonsense, plain and outspoken creature she'd always envisioned herself to be? She'd fallen into the bed of the man she'd secretly, shamefully dreamed about for three years, and suddenly everything had changed.

She no longer felt overtall and gawky. She felt sleek, sensual, her skin exquisitely sensitive to the feel of the sheets, the remembered feel of his hands that went places they should never have gone.

His mouth had gone there as well.

He'd taken her every way he could, he'd said, and she was exhausted, sensitized. And hungry.

Hungry for the smell of food beyond the thick
curtain, the unmistakable scent of coffee and toast and bacon. Hungry for the touch of his hands, his long fingers, his body pressing hers down into the mattress.

She was mad. She'd disgraced herself, been ruined into the bargain, and the only way she could possibly redeem herself would be to scramble from the bed, wrapped in whatever she could find to preserve what was left of her modesty, and insist on being released.

She didn't want to be released. She wanted to stay in that bed all day, within the touch and the scent of the sheets. She wanted to make sure she didn't forget any of it—her fear, her anger, her shattering delight. It wasn't going to happen again, he'd already assured her of that. One night was all he'd wanted.

And there was no one else she'd even consider going near. What she'd done in the darkness with Adrian Rohan, what had been done to her, was so private, so darkly wonderful, that the very thought of one of her occasional elderly suitors trying the same thing was horrifying.

No, this would be enough for a lifetime. Even if she was greedy enough to want more, this would do. As long as she could keep things clear in her mind so that she could relive it.

When she returned home she would write it all down in exquisite detail, just so she wouldn't forget anything. She grinned in the darkness. Did women
ever write of such things? There were countless French novels on the subject, hidden in rich men's libraries, and she'd always been unaccountably curious, but if Lina's husband had ever possessed such a thing it was long gone.

Besides, reading someone else's experiences would be almost as bad as lying beneath a stranger. She only wanted her own, to relive over and over when the need arose later in life.

She heard footsteps approach the bed, and she swiftly shut her eyes, feigning deep sleep. She could feel him watching her for a long moment, and she would have given anything to see the expression on his face. Whether it was boredom, distaste or impatience.

She was being pathetic—she was determined to open her eyes, but by the time she did, the curtain had closed again, and he'd moved away.

“Will you be attending the picnic this morning, your lordship?” The servant's voice was clearer now that she was paying attention. “Your cousin has requested that you join his party.”

Adrian's laughter was without humor. “I imagine he has. I suppose he asked you all about my partner for the night?”

“He did, sir.”

“And you told him…?”

“Nothing, sir. A good servant knows when to keep his eyes open and his mouth shut.”

“And you're a very good servant, Dormin,” Adrian said lazily. “You may tell my cousin that I'm intending to stay incommunicado for the remainder of the Revels. My partner is more than sufficient for my needs.”

There was a clear hesitation from the servant. “And if Lady Whitmore should ask? She's already sent two housemaids out to inquire about her friend.”

“We've already agreed that you know how to keep your mouth shut, haven't we?” Adrian's voice was silky with menace. “It would distress me to dismiss you after all these years.”

“I've served you well and discreetly for many years, my lord. I would be more disturbed to know I had failed you in any way. No one will discover anything from me.” His voice was growing fainter, and she guessed he was moving toward the outer door set in the thick stone wall. “Is there anything else you require from me, my lord?”

He was leaving, Charlotte thought. Her chance of escape was leaving, while she lay abed like an eastern houri, awaiting the return of her pasha.
Get up
, she told herself impatiently.
For God's sake, say something
.

She didn't move. She heard the heavy door close, shutting out the outside light, enveloping them in candlelit darkness once more. Heard the ominous click of the lock. Felt the ominous flow of relief.

He said he wasn't going to need another partner for
the next few days. It sounded as if he had no intention of dismissing her, but perhaps the clear insanity that had taken over last night was continuing into the day, and he simply meant he didn't want anyone at all. Perhaps the hours in that bed had been so boring he'd decided he'd rather have no…disporting at all.

She managed to shut her eyes again just before he pushed the curtains open, trying to keep her breathing still and shallow. She could smell coffee, surely the most delicious smell in the entire world, could practically feel its heat underneath her nose.

“You may as well open your eyes, precious,” he said in that thoroughly annoying, enticing drawl of his. “I know you're awake.”

She opened one eye to stare at him balefully. “Of course I'm awake. Who wouldn't be with you wafting hot coffee underneath their nose?”

“If you want some you're going to have to sit up,” he said, handing her the delicate bone-china cup before moving away. He was dressed, at least partially, in breeches and a loose white shirt, and his long golden hair was tied at the back of his neck. He hadn't been shaved yet—the servant must be coming back. That was when she would leave.
Thank God,
she told herself.

She pulled the sheet up around her breasts and managed to sit up without spilling the coffee. She took a first sip and felt the blissful strength of it dance through her veins. He was across the room, his back
to her, which was a relief. What in the world could they discuss, given the situation? Literature?

She let out a convincing yawn. “Did I miss your servant? Is it morning yet?”

He turned back. “What you mean is, am I willing to let you go yet?”

She would hardly be stupid enough to deny it. “Of course.”

“He'll be back. In the meantime, I had him bring you a bath. I thought you'd find it soothing before you left.”

Before she left. He'd warned her, hadn't he? One night only.

And really, this was a good thing. The sooner she got back to her normal life the sooner she could begin pulling herself back together.

The coffee was suddenly bitter. She swung her legs over the side of the bed, leaned forward and set the half-empty cup on the table. “A bath would be lovely,” she said in an even voice, starting to rise.

She'd overestimated her own resiliency. The moment she got to her feet she felt her balance begin to waver, the shadow-lit room turned into pools of black in front of her eyes and she wondered if she was going to do the most embarrassing thing she could possibly imagine and fall face-first in a dead faint, directly at Adrian Rohan's bare feet.

He moved, fast and graceful, his hand catching her arm as she started to waver, as the sheet started
to slip. She grabbed for it, almost going over, and he quickly caught it in one hand, yanking it up around her.

Which didn't make things any easier, she thought gloomily. Now he didn't even want to look at her. Not that she could blame him. She was hardly in the same class as most of the women he'd bedded.

The idea startled her. She was now simply another one of the women Adrian Rohan had bedded. Part of a vast number, no doubt, and easily forgotten. By the next time she saw him he'd have moved on to someone else and forgotten all about her. After all, how could he keep track…?

“Are you going to just stand there or would you like a bath?” He sounded surprisingly patient, almost amused.

She glanced over at the tub. It was huge—and steam was rising in wafts over the cloth-draped sides. “I'm waiting for you to leave.”

“We're locked in again. I'm not going anywhere.”

“I'm not sure I quite believe in these locks of yours.”

He gestured toward the door, his grip on her sheet loosening, and she felt it begin to descend. “See for yourself,” he offered as she quickly gathered the falling material back around her body.

“I'm not going to take off this sheet in front of you.”

“Modesty,” he said with a sigh. “Such a wasted value. What if I promise to keep my back turned?”

“Why should I believe you?”

“Why shouldn't you?”

That silenced her. Indeed, why shouldn't she? It wasn't as if he'd made any effort to touch her, to kiss her, to continue the seduction of the night before. Though come to think of it, once you'd been bedded was seduction even an issue anymore?

“Turn your back,” she said in a grumpy voice.

“Will you fall at my feet?”

She stared at him, uncomprehending for a moment. She'd already fallen at his feet, handed herself over…oh, he was talking literally, not metaphorically.

“No,” she said shortly.

His lids were drooping lazily over his blue eyes, and his smile was small and polite before he released her, turning his back to sit at the little table, addressing himself to the tray of food.

She moved to the side of the tub quickly, dropped the sheet on the floor and slid in. The water was blissfully hot, scented with roses, and her moan of delight was out before she realized it.

The sound caught his attention and he turned to look at her, a cup of coffee in his hand.

“You promised not to look,” she shrieked and sank lower in the bath.

“I most certainly did not. I believe my exact words were, ‘What if I promise to turn my back?' You said
you wouldn't believe me, so I didn't bother making that promise.” He hitched the chair around so that it was facing her, and his eyes were alight with amusement. “You should know better than to trust me.”

“You're right,” she said in a cranky voice. “Just go away, will you? If you can't leave, then go lie down and pull the curtains and let me enjoy my bath in peace.”

“You could always turn your back on me.”

Good point. Sinking lower, she managed to shift around so that her back was to him, enabling her to rise enough to let her head rest at the edge of the oval-shaped tub. She closed her eyes, and this time she managed to keep the sheer, sensual delight to herself. She heard him moving around behind her, but she ignored him. She'd never seen such a large tub in her life, and it astonished her that she hadn't heard it being filled this morning. But then, she'd been exhausted, sleeping more soundly than she had in months. Sleep had always been an elusive commodity in her life—there were always too many things to think about, too many things to do.

She wasn't going to think about why she slept so well. If it needed
that
to make her sleep then she was doomed to a lifetime of insomnia.

She leaned back in the tub, spreading her legs slightly, letting the warm water soothe her there. She had a strange memory of Adrian washing her, but that clearly was a dream. The only reason he might have
done so was that he was too fastidious to have her again, and after the initial event he hadn't attempted a repeat. So much for magnificent experiences. The steam was rising around her face, and she knew her hair would become even curlier, the bane of her existence, but there was nothing she could do about it. She lifted her arm out of the water. It was faintly pink, but she could still see the smattering of freckles across her shoulder. Had he really called them flakes of gold? Or was that another dream?

He was moving around in the room behind her, doing something, but she wasn't going to think about that. She was going to concentrate on the blissful feel of the warm water moving around her, soothing her, delighting her.

“You're humming.” His voice came from somewhere behind her, sounding slightly muffled.

She immediately stopped. She didn't try to deny it—it was a source of embarrassment.

“It's an unfortunate habit of mine.” Despite the lascivious delight of the water she managed to find some semblance of her stiff little voice. “I tend to hum when I'm enjoying something. When I'm eating something particularly delicious, when I'm taking a bath, when I'm walking in the countryside.”