Reckless Heat: A Hostile Operations Team Prequel (5 page)

“
W
ait a minute
… He didn’t even try to kiss you?”

I shake my head as Julie stares at me in disbelief. It’s Monday and we’re on our way to school in Julie’s old Chevy. We’re at a stoplight and she’s grilling me about the party and what happened after Matt and I left.

“He was drunk, Jules. I took him home and put him to bed.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Evie. He would have kissed you if you’d encouraged him! He was looking at you like you were a giant chocolate cake. He couldn’t keep his eyes off you! And when he threw Jimmy across the floor? Whoa, I thought for sure that was it.”

My ears are red. Yeah, it all sounds awesome, but it just didn’t pan out that way. Which means Matt hadn’t really been looking at me like I was cake. More like I was his little sister who needed saving. He pulled Jimmy off me the same as he would have done if it had been Christina.

He wouldn’t have danced with Christina after that, but so what? It wasn’t much different, really. I was his friend. His little sister in his eyes. That was the extent of it.

He’d been drunk, kissing Jeanine like she was made of the whiskey he’d been drinking and wanted more of, and yet he’d never tried to kiss me. Not once.

Yeah, that really makes me feel special. Even drunk he wouldn’t touch me. How can I ask him to be my first after that?

“Well, it wasn’t. Matt’s not interested in me.”

The light turns green and Julie presses the gas. “Could have fooled me. Could have fooled a lot of people actually. I thought Jeanine was going to lose her shit when Matt started dancing with you.”

I recall the look on Jeanine’s face when I told her to get lost. Yeah, if Jeanine remembers that, it’s not going to be a great day at school.

Thankfully Jeanine’s a senior, which means this week is the last I have to be around her on a daily basis.

I sigh. Holy crap, I had Matt Girard in my house, in my bed, and he still hadn’t attempted to kiss me or anything. He held my hand and wouldn’t let go while he ate his cereal, but that was it.

He confuses me and frustrates me. Just when I think there might be something more, that I’m not the only one who feels all this crazy-hard emotion, he leaves me more baffled than ever.

“It’s not over yet,” Julie says. “You still have another chance.”

My heart thumps. “He’s not into me, Jules.”

“Fuck that, yes he is. He just won’t admit it to himself.”

I lean back and close my eyes, rubbing my fingers against my temples. “Maybe in a year, when he comes home on break or something, he’ll be ready to see me differently because he’ll have been away.”

“And what if he meets someone in college, huh? What if he comes back engaged or something?”

Okay, now that thought feels as if someone jabbed me in the gut with a sharp, hot knife. It’s still sizzling and smoking, and I’m dying inside.

“He’s not going to meet someone in a year.”

I don’t really know that, of course, but I have to say it, as if speaking the words is an incantation.

“There’s a party Friday night, out at Billy Davis’s hunting cabin. Everyone will be there. It’s the last big blowout before Matt goes away.”

I know where the cabin is because I’ve been there before. It’s on a dirt road in the middle of the woods. The bayou isn’t far, but far enough that the gators won’t come sneaking up to the house.

“He might not go. He doesn’t want to get in trouble before he leaves.”

Julie snorts. “He’ll go. He can crash there if he gets wasted. Everyone can. It’s your last chance, Evie. Kiss him or bang him, I don’t care—but do
something.
”

I don’t know what I’m going to do. When we talked about asking Matt to be my first, it seemed like a great idea—but it was abstract, not a real plan in the sense that I know precisely what to say and what to do.

I have no idea what to say. When I asked Julie, she laughed and told me to tell Matt I want to fuck him and that would be enough to get the ball rolling.

Well, yeah, I’m sure it would. I just don’t know if I can say it like that. Or if he’ll laugh at me—or, worse, be disgusted—if I do.

“At least get him alone and kiss him. If he doesn’t jump you, then you have your answer.”

She’s right about that. “Fine, I’ll go.”

“Good.” Julie makes the turn into Rochambeau High and stops in the student parking lot. Then she looks at me. “You’re going to have to up your game, Evie. Don’t hint. Kiss him if he doesn’t kiss you first. Tell him what you feel. Make sure there’s no way he doesn’t know.”

I’ve been thinking about this all weekend and I know she’s right. I don’t know when or if I’ll get another chance to be alone with Matt, but at some point, if it happens…

Well, I just have to be the one who makes the first move.

A
fter that night
at Evie’s house, I try to get back to normal. I take Jeanine out Wednesday night. And yeah, I definitely have a good time. She’s soft and warm, so wet and ready for me. I hesitate right before plunging into her body, as if it’s wrong somehow.

But it’s dark and I can pretend she’s someone else. I know exactly who I’m going to pretend she is. While it horrifies me in one sense, it turns me on wildly in another. I come hard and then I take her home.

What the fuck is wrong with me? That’s what I don’t understand. Why, after all these years, is it Evie’s face I see when I fuck Jeanine? And why does that make me lose my mind?

I don’t know, and I’m not going to find out. Graduation is Thursday night. One more week and I’m gone, off to prepare for the start of my new life. I could have stayed in Rochambeau for a little while longer, but I’ve arranged everything to leave immediately. I have to report to West Point in early July. For the three weeks before that, I’m staying with family friends in DC and New York.

I can’t wait.

The old man isn’t around much. He’s on a drinking spree lately, spending his time at the clubs and ignoring Christina and me. If not for the housekeeper and cook, we’d have to take care of ourselves. Not that it’s a hard thing to do, but when you have a parent, isn’t he supposed to be involved in your life and care whether or not you eat McDonald’s for every meal or have something home cooked?

Christina reads her books and shrugs. I worry about her being here for the next year without me, but Christina never makes the old man mad the way I do. He never slaps her, not ever.

But what if that changes when I leave?

My stomach aches as I think of it. All the things I haven’t considered while I’ve been determined to get the hell out of here. What will happen to Christina? What will happen to Evie?

It’s too late to worry about it now. If I wash out of West Point, I have to come back here and endure my father’s weaknesses, his rages, his attempts to control me.

And he will control me, because he has the money. Until I reach the age of twenty-five and gain control of my trust, I’ll be doing whatever the fuck my old man wants me to do.

I’m determined that isn’t going to happen.

Graduation day comes and I walk across the stage. If my father is there, I don’t know it. But Christina is there. Mrs. Doucet is there, too. She’s the Girard family lawyer and has been for ages. There’s also Mrs. Simpson, our housekeeper, and Bonnie, the cook. They clap and cheer for me, and I salute them with a tip of my fingers at my cap as I walk across the stage.

After the ceremony, I spot Evie talking to Mrs. Simpson. She turns at my approach and then runs over and gives me a huge hug. Evie’s mama and little sister are there too. It touches me more than I can say.

“Congratulations, Matt,” Evie says, her eyes sparkling. “You must be so excited.”

She flips the ends of the honor cords that hang around my neck. I worked hard for those, and I think some people are surprised to see me with them. But they’re mine, earned legitimately. I’ve always known that the way I get to choose what I want out of life is to do well in school. Sure, the old man’s money would get me into college—but I want more than to be in his debt.

That’s why it has to be one of the military academies. Financial need has nothing to do with getting a full ride. The only “person” I’ll owe anything to after West Point is Uncle Sam.

“Thanks,
cher
,” I say. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

Evie turns to her mother and sister. “We wouldn’t have missed it, would we?”

Ms. Breaux—she changed her name back to her maiden name after her last divorce, which is why her name is different from Evie’s—comes over and hugs me. Sarah clings to my leg and tugs on my gown. I ruffle her hair.

“’Gratulations, Matt,” Sarah says. And then she smiles a gap-toothed smile before running off to do or see something.

Ms. Breaux smiles and says “Sorry” before running after Sarah. Evie is still here, still smiling up at me.

“Happy for you, Matt,” she says.

I have the most insane urge to kiss her as she stands there, looking so sweet and hot and pretty.

“Can’t believe it’s here,” I say, and that is true. You spend all your life wanting to graduate, and then you do. But there’s so much left to do and see that I can’t wrap my head around it. So much life left to live, if I’m lucky.

Evie’s eyes sparkle. “Nowhere to go but up.”

“Yeah.” I put my arm around her and pull her into my side. It feels right.

Christina appears then, smiling and looking pretty in her blue dress and heels. She’s shy, my sister, but the sweetest person I know.

“Matt,” she says, and I let go of Evie and hug Christina hard. Goddammit, my eyes are watering.

“Chris,” I breathe. “Next year’s your turn, honey.”

“Can’t wait,” she says, and I know it’s true. In her own way, she wants to leave every bit as much as I do.

But Christina actually has Girard Oil in her blood. I’ll be surprised if she isn’t the CEO in ten years. My sister is the Girard who’s going to take the company to new heights, not me. My father doesn’t know that yet, but he will eventually.

“Proud of you, Mattie.”

“Thanks, sweetie.”

I don’t remember everything that happened next. Lots of congratulations from teachers and friends, and a lot of high fives and shit with my classmates. We have a good time.

And then it’s over and everyone’s driving away. There are parties—of course there are parties—and I hit a few of them. But there is no one there I want to see, and I end up going home earlier than I planned to.

I lie in bed, alone, and stare up at the ceiling. It was supposed to be a great night, and yet I feel empty. Emptier than I ever have before, because everything I’ve worked for is finally here. Yeah, I have to make it at West Point—I can’t wash out and get sent home—but I’m not really worried about that. I’ve dealt with the old man long enough that nothing about the military scares me.

Sure, maybe he collapses and falls apart after his rages, but his psychological warfare is top-notch. He never surrenders there. Never.

I close my eyes but sleep won’t come. I had a beer or two, but not enough to affect me. I throw back the covers and prowl downstairs. The house is quiet. Christina is in her room, reading or asleep, and our father is still not home.

I go into the study. I open my father’s liquor cabinet and take out a bottle of whiskey. He might notice it’s gone, he might not. I don’t much fucking care.

I take it back upstairs and slug it straight from the bottle. I don’t want to get wasted. I just want to sleep. It takes a few pulls before the alcohol hits my system and makes me mellow.

I’m not trying to think about anything in particular, but before I know what I’m doing, I pick up my phone and dial a number I got by stealing it from her phone while she washed up my cereal bowl. It takes a few rings, but she answers.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Evie. Whatcha doing?”

“Matt? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Can’t sleep.”

“Me either…” I don’t believe her because she sounds sleepy. “Hey, how’d you get my number?” she asks.

“I programmed it in the other night at your house.”

“Oh. I would have given it to you if you’d asked.”

“Just as easy to take it off the phone.”

“I guess so… Can’t believe I won’t see you in the halls next year,” she says softly.

I can hear the sadness in her voice. I wanted to graduate, wanted to go, but now it’s kind of scary too. It’s here, it’s real, and there’s no going back.

“Yeah, it’s kinda weird. But after next year, you’ll be done. Then you’ll go off to college somewhere too.”

As soon as I say it, I wonder if I’ve said the wrong thing. I know Evie’s mother doesn’t have a lot of money. There’s no guarantee that Evie is going to college. She might stay in Rochambeau and get a job. Or maybe she’ll learn to be a hairdresser and work with her mother. Then again, I expect she’ll do something with food. She’s been interested in recipes and flavors for as long as I can remember.

“I suppose so. Still have to put up with Mrs. Watson’s English class next year. She has it in for me.”

I laugh. “She has it in for everybody… Hey, you going to Billy Davis’s tomorrow night?”

“That’s the plan.”

“Then I’ll see you there.”

I can hear her yawn. “Yep, see you then.”

“Night, Evie.”

“Night.”

I end the call and sit in the dark, staring at nothing. Then I pick up the whiskey bottle and take another swig. I need to fill this emptiness inside, at least for a little while.

I
’m nervous
. I change clothes three times, finally settling on a silky pink tank top with a lace hem and a pair of low-rise jeans that are artfully ripped and flare over the flat sandals I’m wearing.

Maybe I should wear a skirt, but by the time I think about changing again, Julie is here, waiting for me to get in the car and go.

“Y’all be careful,” Mama says, frowning a bit as she looks at us. Julie’s boyfriend, Jack, is here too, dutifully standing with his hands clasped. Coming inside is points for him, so that’s good.

But yeah, here we are, three teenagers getting ready to drive off into the sunset. Well not quite, as it isn’t dark yet, but it will be in another hour.

“We will, Mama,” I say, kissing her before we turn and go down the steps and get into Jack’s car.

I told her we were going to the lake, but really we’re going to Billy’s. The lake is a popular spot to hang out and the police patrol there. But a hunting cabin in the woods? Mama probably would put the brakes on that particular plan.

I have my cell phone and Mama can call me, so I don’t worry she’ll go looking for me. Besides, there are people at the lake, no doubt. The ones who weren’t invited to Billy’s, the geeks and underclassmen and wannabes.

I hate lying about where I’m going, but I have to see Matt tonight. He has one week left, and I’m not going to lose my chance to let him know we can be so much more to each other if only he’ll give in to it. I’m more convinced of that than ever after last night.

I keep thinking of how I was startled awake, how I picked up the phone and answered it because the display said it was Matt—he must have programmed his number into my phone when he took mine—and how I thought I was dreaming at first. But no, it was really Matt. And he wanted to know if I would be at Billy’s tonight.

Does it mean anything? Or not? I have no idea. I told Julie about it earlier this afternoon when she came by. She gave me a thumbs-up and a huge smile.

“He wants you, Evie. Trust me.”

I wish I could believe her, but who can tell with Matt? If I were any other girl in his life, yeah, I’d probably agree. But I wasn’t. Our relationship is different—and I don’t know if he called me because he was lonely and needed a friend, or if he was thinking about me the way he thought about other girls.

“Omigod,” Julie says as we hit the road. “Can you believe we’re seniors now?”

She’s excited as she takes a cigarette from Jack and fires it up. I haven’t thought much about it, but yeah, we’re the seniors now. Julie cracks the window open and blows the smoke out. I don’t smoke so I’m grateful. I don’t like the smell.

My heart trips along the closer we get to the road leading to Billy’s. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I see Matt. Play it cool, I suppose.

A prickle of dread slides down my spine. What if he doesn’t come? What if he changes his mind?

Don’t borrow trouble.
That’s a phrase Mama likes to say, so I repeat it to myself now. If he doesn’t show up, I’ll deal with it then—and I’ll think of a backup plan.

When we pull into the grass near the cabin, there are people outside on the porch and a grill going a little ways from the house, smoke rising into the trees. I scan the cars for Matt’s Corvette, but it isn’t there. My stomach knots as I get out of Jack’s car and shut the door. The smell of grilling meat permeates the air, but I’m not hungry. I’m too nervous to be hungry.

I left my hair down, and I push it back over my shoulders. It’s hot out here, and for a minute I wish I’d put it into a ponytail, but I didn’t because I thought of Matt sifting his fingers through it last weekend. My entire scalp tingled with every stroke, and my heart tripped along like a race car.

Julie takes Jack’s hand and we walk up to the cabin. Billy Davis calls out when he sees us. Someone else asks if we want a beer. Julie and Jack accept. I hesitate, then take one. I might need some courage if Matt shows up.

Jeanine Jackson’s gaze is frosty when I walk inside the cabin. It’s one big room, open concept, and she’s standing by the kitchen island, leaning over it with her cleavage hanging out. But Matt isn’t here.

I’m glad for it since I don’t want to compete with Jeanine for his attention. He’s chosen me over her twice now, but that doesn’t give me much confidence because it’s been for specific reasons each time—neither of them romantic.

Missy Sue LeBlanc comes over, smiling. “Hey, Evie, how’s it going?”

“Great. You?”

Missy Sue leans toward me. “Fricking awesome. School’s out and I’m going to party and shop and sleep in for the next three months!”

I laugh. Clearly, Missy Sue is already on her second or third wine cooler of the evening. “Sounds like a plan.”

“You bet your ass it is.”

Jason Harper comes over and slings his arm around Missy Sue’s neck. “Hey, babe.”

Missy Sue throws her arms around Jason’s neck and kisses him. I take the opportunity to escape. I sip my beer as I wander through the room. Eventually, I ditch it and grab a Coke instead.

Julie calls me over to where a group of girls are sitting together. I perch on the arm of the chair and join in the conversation. A couple of the girls are seniors who just graduated, but most of us are juniors looking forward to what next year will bring.

Our last homecoming. Last prom. Last year at Rochambeau High. Then it’s on to college for some. Others are looking forward to getting jobs and finally living on their own, making their own decisions.

Considering where I live and how much Mama struggles to make ends meet for the three of us, I know that moving out and having a job isn’t necessarily going to give these girls the freedom they’re so sure waits on the other end of high school.

I know where I want to go, but I haven’t told anyone. I haven’t even told Mama. I want to go to the Culinary Institute of America and learn how to be a chef. I love cooking, love experimenting with food. I learned a lot working with Charlie out at the diner last summer, and I’m planning to work there again this summer.

He’s the one who told me about the Culinary Institute of America and how awesome it would be to graduate from there. Affording it is a different matter, which is why I haven’t said anything to Mama. She wants me to live at home and attend the community college for two years.

And who knows, that might be exactly how it turns out. I don’t really have a plan, other than applying for scholarships. But now I know I want the New York campus since it will at least be in the same state as West Point.

Julie finishes her beer and goes for another. Billy and a couple of the other guys bring in hamburgers and hot dogs, and several of the girls drift over to the kitchen island to fix something to eat. I sip my Coke and watch the door. The sun slips behind the trees, casting everything in an orange glow before winking out and leaving darkness behind.

Chris Frye arrives with his computer and speakers and starts deejaying in one corner. More people arrive, eventually spilling out of the house, onto the porch, and down into the yard.

I look at my phone. It’s after nine and Matt still isn’t here. Maybe he isn’t coming after all. But then another pair of headlights appears in the long drive and my hopes lift.

It isn’t a Corvette though. Julie appears a second later, looking excited. She’s had at least two beers by now, maybe three.

“It’s him,” she says. “It’s Matt.”

My heart kicks up. “Where?”

“He just got here. He’s driving his daddy’s Escalade.”

And, boom, my evening changes. I go from disappointed to elated and terrified all at once.

Maybe I need a drink after all.