Reckless Karma (Sinners & Saints #2) (14 page)

           
She
arches her brow, smiling mischievously. “Maybe I had hopes. White is only
fitting for an untouched girl.”

           
I
stand up and so does she. Her smile turns nervous and serious as she loosens my
tie. She takes it off and goes to work on the buttons on my dress shirt. I just
look at her, making her even more nervous as she makes quick eye contact with
me after undoing each button. She opens the shirt slowly and I watch as her
eyes light up a little at the sight of my chest and abs. I smirk proudly at the
reaction. I help her take it off and then she looks down at the button and
zipper that holds my pants up. She looks at me again and I silently tell her to
do what she pleases. She pulls her bottom lip in nervously. Her hands are
shaking as they unbutton my pants and pull down the zipper. She reaches in and
her eyes widen a little.

           
“Now
you know how much I always want you,” I whisper to her and her head falls to my
chest and she laughs.

           
“Only
you can make something like that sound so romantic to me,” she says.

           
I
pull the curls that cover her neck back and press my hands against her neck, my
thumbs stroking her ears. I stare at her eyes. Round and whimsical brown irises
look back at me. Now I’m nervous. I feel a little weak in my knees and my heart
is beating so fast. I’m even sweating and she’s beginning to look worried for
me. So many things go through my head. So many words said to me by people. My
father. Scarlett. My mother. Every girl I ever slept with. So many lies. So
many truths. So many cruel punishments placed on me and I do not know why, but
this… this feeling right here is the beautiful punishment I have received and
my eyes begin to form unshed tears that beg to come out, but instead I let
something else out.

           
“I’m
in love with you, Karlie.”

           
Her
worry washes away and the shock value is evident.

           
“I
didn’t want to be, but I am. I love you. You know that phrase ‘I love you more
than I love myself?’ Well, truth is… I’ve never loved myself. So I just love
you more than I don’t love myself.”

           
She
doesn’t respond. Just this dumbfound look on her face that’s beginning to
frustrate and scare me. This is probably too soon. Is it? Was this a mistake?
Is this my karma for all the false sentiments I gave women? It’s well deserved.
I’m shit. I don’t deserve her to say it back.

           
“I’m
in love with you too.” But she does.

           
I
let out the breath I was holding in and all those doubts wash away with
something else I never felt before. It’s clarity.

           
She
smiles and I bend down and remove my pants. I still keep my black boxer briefs
on. I walk over to my nightstand. I pull out a condom and look at her. She’s
unhooking her bra. She pulls it off. I gaze at her breasts as she shifts,
nervously removing her panties. I smile.

           
“You’re
beautiful.”

           
She
smiles and begins to hug herself.

           
“Don’t.”
She puts her arms down. I take off my boxer briefs and watch her eyes drop down
and her lips part slightly. I smile proudly at that reaction. I rip the condom
wrapper open and put it on as she lies on the bed. I climb on top of her and
comb my fingers through her hair. I can feel how stiff her body is. I kiss her
softly and feel her body relax. I kiss her neck, her collarbone, her shoulder,
and then her breasts. My tongue roams freely around her nipples. She moans and
my right hand finds its way to her knee, resting it there for a moment. My lips
move down to her stomach and my hand moves from her knee up to her thigh and
then in between her legs. She gasps and her fingers begin to pull my hair. Pain
always feels good to me. My fingers go further and she moans again as I kiss
her wet spot. She arches her back as my tongue twirls and her fingers come to
my back. I want her to have everything sex has to offer. Usually women don’t
have orgasms the first time through penetration, so you should always do more.
I make her come. Shakes, trembles and all. I kiss my way back up to her mouth.
She’s breathing so hard and smiling from ear to ear.

           
“So
that’s what that feels like, huh?” She laughs and so do I.

           
“Only
on a good day.”

           
She
opens her legs freely for me now after calming down. I position myself and
caress her cheek. I push in slowly. Inch by inch. She winces and moans
uncomfortably. I can feel her tighten up in fear of the pain. Her eyes begin to
water. I push in further, but it’s still not enough.

           
“Tell
me something true,” I say, pushing further and further.

           
A
light scream comes out of her mouth before she stares at me in confusion and
shock. “What?” Her breathing is heavy and fast.

           
“Just
tell me something true.” She ponders on it for a moment, catching her breath,
and then smiles.

           
“I’ve
had
—
”

           
She
winces loudly and claws her fingers into my back, sinking her head into the
crook of my neck as I push deeper and quick through the tight and warm space. I
lift my head up to see her face. She has her eyes shut and her bottom lip is
trembling. She opens them and a tear falls but is wiped away from my thumb
before it reaches the pillow. Her eyes big, gazing into mine. “I’m sorry,” I
say to her. The question was just a distraction I thought would make the pain
more bearable. She can’t answer; she just nods her head slowly. “Answer the
question.”

           
She
licks her lips and exhales. “I’ve had a crush on you since freshman year. I
first saw you sitting on top of your limo and I thought you were so... fine. I
was attracted to you from the beginning.”

           
I
smile at that confession. I didn’t know that and I’m glad I didn’t. I like
surprises. “You were always just a fantasy,” she continues. “You were never
meant to become a reality.”

           
“You
were never even supposed to be a thought,” I say to her. “Now you are my
purpose.”

           
She
slides her fingers through my hair and pulls my head down. As we kiss I start
to move. Her teeth clench and she hisses. The sounds are no longer about pain
but pleasure. She starts to move her hips as well, only causing me to moan. I
balance my weight, leaning on my arms so I can look at her. The faces she makes
only sends me over the edge, but not before I make sure she gets what is hers.
I reach between us, rubbing her gently and she gasps, her eyes wide, not
knowing what to do about the immense and overwhelming feeling overcoming her. I
push deeper and deeper and rub gently, giving more pressure until she finally
just screams. Her body shakes and I move inside her for a minute more before
coming undone myself. My mouth wide open, breathing against her neck, and my
body trembling as well. My eyes even begin to tear up and I realize what I
already knew, what I already told her. I am in love with her. We made love and
it is the best moment of my life and my heart is filled with endless
possibilities of happiness. I am happy. I am not scared. I am alive. I am
Karlie Dale’s.

KARLIE

The
wine glass is beginning to blur and so is the wine bottle on the table.
Everything but the memory of my first time with Gabriel is beginning to blur.
That was one of the best nights of my life. That night really changed
everything for me. I had experienced a moment of pleasure most people only
dream about happening to them. Especially during their first time. Gabriel made
sure my first time was memorable, and since him I have compared every man to
that moment with him. None of them have lived up to it. That’s because it was
love that gave birth to that perfect pleasure. It was love that made it all the
more worthwhile. I had a plan before that night. That plan was destined, but I
had become so consumed by a boy that everything else that was supposed to
matter didn’t anymore. It just didn’t. Eve was right. Love is blind and dammit
it will take over your mind. Minus the abuse, I think that song fits perfectly.

           
The
doorbell rings and I am reluctant to get it. I look through the peephole and
it’s Hugo.

           
“Hey.”
I let him in.

           
“Why
are you here?” I ask, sitting back on the couch.

           
“I
told you I would be by tonight. You didn’t answer any texts or calls, so I
wanted to see if you were okay.” He makes a face. “Ugh.”

           
“That’s
the same face Gabriel made when he realized he had a heart.”

           
He
sits next to me and pours himself a glass. “You look like you’ve been crying.
What’s wrong?”

           
“Nothing.
Just thinking back to a time when everything was easier.”

           
“Dwelling
on the past leads to more problems, you know.”

           
“Well,
it’s a bit too late to stop dwelling, don’t you think?”

           
“Clearly
seeing that your years of conjuring up revenge are irreversible.”

           
I
laugh hysterically.

           
“Sorry,”
he says.

           
“No
problem. You are right.” I smile to myself. “Gabriel once told me that grief
should never be used on the weak.”

           
“Yes,
that sounds about right post falling mother.”

           
“He
talked about you a lot, ya know. He just couldn’t pick up the phone and call
you.”

           
“Not
until right before he died.”

           
I
look at him shocked. “He called you?”

           
“Yeah.
It wasn’t the most profound conversation, but it was still a conversation. It
was the longest we had talked in years. He was more of a stranger than a
brother to me. I think I envy that he wasn’t that for you.”

           
“I
envy that even though I may have loved him the most… I never understood him
like you… or Scarlett. He may have been a stranger to you, Hugo, but when I
look at you, I see him. You have more of a connection to him than you think.”

           
“You’re
right.” His eyes narrow at me. “It’s called a bitch named Scarlett.”

           
I
laugh again. “Indeed it is but something else.”

“So
do you always sink in your sorrows every night?”

“No.
Today is Gabriel’s birthday.”

I
can tell by the look on his face that this is not a usual remembrance day to
him.

“You
didn’t know,” I say and he looks away semi-ashamed.

“No.”
He looks back at me. “Tell you the truth, I haven’t thought about his birthday
since a year after his death. I guess it just sort of slipped my mind.”

“It’s
okay, Hugo.” I laugh a little. “I didn’t know until after the incident.”

“What
do you mean?”

“For
some reason, Gabriel never told me when his birthday was and I never asked but…
that’s how Scarlett got me to come that night. She lied and said it was a
surprise birthday party and, you know, deep down I knew she was lying… but I
wanted to prove to Gabriel that I was not scared of her. I never got why he was.
I just thought she was a spoiled brat with daddy issues.”

“Technically
she is.”

“Yeah,
but… that bitch is seriously psychotic and I just wanted to step up to her.”

“It
wasn’t your fault,” he says before I even knew that’s what I was thinking, and
I was. I always do. If I had just listened to Gabriel, maybe all of this
wouldn’t have happened. “You did right. If anything that just showed how much
you loved him. I’m sure she knew that even if he didn’t. Your revenge is well
deserved.”

I
look into his eyes and it’s like they tell me everything I need to know. That
he understands me. I need him to understand me. My mom doesn’t. Anika doesn’t.
I just need someone to. My eyes then settle on his. That one blue, one green
iris is really hypnotizing me right now. Or maybe it’s just the wine and pain.

           
“Your
eyes are really beautiful,” I whisper. Before I can clear my mind, I lean in
and press my lips against his. It’s the wine. The pain definitely. The guilt.
Everything wrapped in more wine that is causing me to do something so stupid. I
don’t move my lips; I just keep them on his and breathe. He doesn’t move or
respond. He just lets me kiss him. He lets me release the need I have in me on
him, and as I lean back I realize there wasn’t any point in doing that other
than… I wanted to feel Gabriel. Pretty fucked up to want that through his
little brother, huh?