Reconstructing Meredith (18 page)

“I believe that.” She glanced at Matt and Kristen again. “You two must keep her busy.”

There it was again, that pang of guilt. “I’d say she keeps us busy,” I said, just loud enough for her to hear me over the music and noise. “But, we keep her out of trouble.”

Meredith laughed. “Somehow I doubt
you
of all people keep anyone out of trouble.”

“Okay, so she keeps me out of trouble.”

“Yeah, right.” She looked their way again. “Well, like I said, she’s a lucky woman. How does that work, anyway? With your…relationships?”

I shrugged. “Not much different from a monogamous relationship except, well, the monogamy. They have their relationship, she and I have ours, and—”

“Don’t you and he have one?” She gave me a mischievous look.

I rolled my eyes. “No, we do not. And we do play with her together sometimes, but those nights, it’s all about her.”

“Sounds like a perfect evening for her.” The note of sadness in her voice gave me pause. Then I remembered our discussions with Leslie about threesomes. Sometimes it was still hard to believe she’d been the object of abuse in what amounted to tag team rape. When Kristen was with Matt and me—

My train of thought screeched to a halt.

I watched Kristen and Matt for a moment. He wasn’t a Dom, but he was someone I trusted. He was comfortable with threesomes, with another man in the room. With another man…watching. Chewing the inside of my cheek, I wondered. Before tonight, I hadn’t considered asking him, but he’d obviously hit it off with Meredith, if only in this casual, platonic environment. They’d only had one conversation, had only gotten to know each other in the vaguest sense. Enough to qualify as a prelude to a one night stand if they were both single and so inclined.

For all intents and purposes, they were still strangers. Strangers on a first name basis. Perhaps that was exactly the right balance between what she wanted and I insisted upon.

I put hand on the small of Meredith’s back and dropped my voice. “What would you think of him as a…candidate?”

“Matt?” She eyed me. “You mean for…”

“What we discussed with Leslie.”

“Really?”

I nodded.

She looked at him again. “Think he’d go for it?” She turned back to me. “And do you think
she’d
be okay with it?”

I grinned. “Oh, she might let me borrow him for a night. As for him, it’s hard to say. I know I wouldn’t have to twist his arm about a threesome, but he might hesitate because of the circumstances.”

She said nothing.

“I won’t tell him everything.” I ran my hand up and down her back. “But I won’t lie to him about what we’re doing. It’s only fair for him to know.”

“I understand,” she whispered.

“Do you want me to talk to him? See if he’s game?”

She didn’t answer for a moment. When she spoke, I could barely hear her. “If you think he’ll go for it, yeah.”

Just to be sure, I said, “You really think he’s someone you’d be comfortable with?”

Grinning at me, she said, “Oh, I do believe I could force myself.”

I laughed. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I know, and yes, I think I’d be comfortable with him.”

“In that case,” I said, gesturing with my now empty beer bottle, “let me get another drink, and then I’ll see what I can work out.” I left Meredith to get reacquainted with old friends while I went to the bar. With a fresh beer in hand, I went looking for Kristen and Matt.

I found her alone, feeding quarters into the jukebox.

I rested my arm on top of it. “Can I ask you something?”

She looked up and shrugged. “Of course.”

“Would you be opposed to me—” I paused, biting my lip. “Borrowing Matt for a night?”

Her eyebrows jumped. “I’m, um, not sure if
he’d
be down with—”

“That’s not what I meant.”

She snickered, turning her attention back to the display on the jukebox. “No, that’s fine, he’s all yours. Give him back to me in one piece, though, if you don’t mind.”

“Darling, if he’s still in one piece after everything you’ve done to him, I don’t think you’ll have to worry.”

“Good.” She gestured over her shoulder toward the dartboards. “He’s playing cricket with Greg and Nadine if you want to talk to him.”

“Thanks.”

As I walked past her, she reached back and casually grabbed my ass again. I stopped and eyed her.

“You’re cruisin’ for a bruisin’, babe.”

She winked. “Then my plan is working perfectly.”

I laughed, then went to find Matt. As she’d predicted, he was by the dartboards. I waited until his game was over before I pulled him aside.

“What’s up?” he asked.

I played with the edge of the label on my beer bottle. “I need to ask a favor.”

Matt glanced at me. “Sure, what do you need?”

“Well, it’s not so much what I need.” I nodded toward the pool tables, where Meredith had started a game of against Sarah. “It’s more about what she needs.”

He looked at her, then at me, his head cocked slightly. “Okay…”

“It’s going to sound really strange. Just, bear with me.”

He chuckled, raising his beer bottle to his lips. “I’m used to that from you, Scott.”

“This is a bit unusual even by my standards.”

Watching me, he sipped his beer, then set the bottle down. “So what is it?”

I swallowed hard. “Would you be game for a threesome with Meredith?”

Matt’s eyes widened. “Are you serious?”

I nodded.

He looked at her, then back at me. “She doesn’t even know me.”

“I know,” I said. “That’s… kind of the idea.”

“I beg your pardon?”

I sighed. “It’s a long story. She was with a Dom before me who terrorized her in every way you can imagine and a few ways you probably can’t. One of the things he liked to do was bring in strangers to fuck her.”

His eyes grew wider still. “Which leads me to believe this is the last woman in the world who should be doing this.”

“You’d be surprised.” I watched Meredith take a shot before I looked at Matt. “She’s come a long way and dealt with a lot of this shit. One of the things she wants is to take some of the bad experiences and play them out in a way that puts her in control.” I took a long drink. “And one of those experiences is a threesome with her Dom and a total stranger.”

“I see.” He pursed his lips. “Do I still qualify as a total stranger? I know she’s only just met me, but we’ve, well, met.”

“This is sort of a baby step toward that,” I said. “If things work out with you, someone she’s met but barely knows, then we’ll move on to someone only I know.”

“What happens if things don’t work out, though?” He lowered his voice as if he thought she might hear us. “I mean, this could really blow up in her face, couldn’t it?”

I nodded slowly. “It could, yes. But she trusts me. She knows I trust you. As long as we keep an eye on her signals, back off when she needs us to, and don’t push her too hard, I think we’ll be okay.”

“And this whole scenario doesn’t qualify as pushing her too hard?”

“Not if it’s what she wants.” I tapped my fingers on my beer bottle. “That, and she’ll be in control. We’ll discuss rules beforehand, there will be safe words, and she can put a stop to anything and everything any time she wants.”

“Assuming she doesn’t have a panic attack or something like that.”

“It can happen.”

“Has it happened?”

I nodded. “Like I said, though, she’s come a long way. It’s impossible to say for sure until we’re there, but I think she’s ready for this.”

Matt was quiet for a moment, lips pursed and eyes fixed on something across the room. “What exactly would this entail? Just a run-of-the-mill threesome, or is this going to be ice and hot wax like we did with Kris?”

“No, I want to keep it as vanilla as possible for the moment. More than likely, I’ll be sitting back and watching you with her, though I may join in.”

He sipped his beer, rolling it around in his mouth and no doubt rolling my proposition around in his mind. At least I knew the idea of me watching wouldn’t put him off. We’d done this enough times with Krissy, each of us watching the other fuck her more times than I could count, for him to be comfortable with my presence.

At last, he spoke again. “Well, you know more about this kind of thing than I do, and you know her situation better than I do.” He shrugged. “If you think it’s a good idea and won’t make things worse for her, then yeah, I’m game.”

“You sure?”

We both watched Meredith lean down to take a shot. Then Matt turned to me and grinned. “Are you fucking kidding me? She’s smoking hot.”

“I won’t argue with that,” I said into my beer bottle.

He cleared his throat. “Seriously, though. Yeah, I’ll do it. Of course, I’ll have to run it by Kris first.”

I gestured dismissively. “Don’t worry about that.”

“What?”

“I took the liberty of asking her. She’s cool with it.”

Matt laughed and shook his head. “You know, with most guys, I might be a little weirded out about you going to my girlfriend to check before propositioning me for a threesome with someone else.”

“Yeah, but since she’s my girlfriend too…” I shrugged, chuckling.

He grinned. “Think one of us could ever talk the two of them into a different kind of threesome?”

“The two of them with one of us?”

He nodded.

I raised my beer. “God, I hope so.”

“Is she curious?” He gestured toward Meredith. “About women?”

I shook my head. “Don’t know. Right now, we’re just trying to sort all the shit with men. But, if she’s ever game, I certainly wouldn’t object.”

“Neither would I.”

“Think Krissy would?”

“I’d be willing to bet money that she wouldn’t object.” He sipped his drink. “I think she’s curious.”

I nodded. “Oh, she’s definitely curious. I
know
she is.”

“God bless open-minded women,” he said with a wistful sigh.

At that moment, Meredith looked over her shoulder at me. Her eyes darted toward Matt, then back to me, and she grinned just before she turned back to her game.

I lifted my beer to my lips.
God bless them, indeed
.

Matt showed up first. I let him in and we exchanged our usual handshake greeting.

“Meredith should be here soon,” I said. “Probably just stuck in traffic.”

He shrugged. “Eh, I’m a little early.”

He declined an offer of a drink, and the two of us lounged in the living room while we waited for her to arrive. As we often did, we passed the time talking about our respective jobs and the latest asinine hijinks of clients and co-workers alike. Our careers were about as different as they could be—I was a mechanical engineer, Matt worked as a graphic designer—but there were plenty of similarities between the bullshit we both had to put up with. Corporate bigwigs who were visionaries without a clue. Clients who wanted the most expensive, complex products for nothing. Those who didn’t see any problem compromising functionality in favor of aesthetics.

Work could only hold our attention for so long on a Saturday night, though, especially with the reason we were here.

“So, you don’t think she’ll get cold feet?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No. She’s been pretty determined to do this ever since she first brought it up.”

He said nothing for a moment. Then, “Are you really sure this is a good idea? I mean, with her circumstances?”

“Her therapist is on board with it,” I said. “I’m not a hundred percent sure it’ll help, but if her therapist doesn’t think it’ll cause more harm…”

Matt blew out a breath and scratched the back of his neck. “Just seems like a hell of a leap for someone who’s been through so much.”

“Preaching to the choir, believe me.”

He raised an eyebrow. “But here we are.”

“Like I said, we’ve discussed it with her therapist.” I paused. “It’s not too late to back out. If you’re not sure, just say so.”

“No, I’m okay with it.” He chewed his lip. “As long as you think it’ll do her some good, I’m in.”

“As long as it goes well, I think it will be good for her.”

Matt thumbed his chin. “And if it doesn’t?”

I swallowed. “Then she and I take a step back, work our way back up to this, and try it again, as long as she still wants it.”

He shifted in his chair, but didn’t say anything.

“One more thing,” I said quietly.

His eyebrows jumped.

“When the clothes come off,” I said, “she has some scars on her back. From her ex.”

Eyes widening again, he said, “What did he do to her?”

“You don’t want to know, trust me. But she’s very, very self-conscious of them.”

“With a naked woman in front of me, I probably won’t even notice.”

I laughed half-heartedly. “Trust me, you’ll notice them. And I know you wouldn’t say anything about them, but if she should tense up while her back is to you, it may be because she’s worried you’re looking at them.”

“Duly noted,” he said quietly. After a moment, he opened his mouth to speak again, but the ringing doorbell turned both of our heads.

“And that would be the guest of honor herself.” I rose and started for the door.

“Looks like I won’t be backing out now,” Matt said with an uncertain laugh.

I stopped halfway to the door and looked over my shoulder. “You can back out at any time, Matt. Even after we’ve gotten started.”

He didn’t respond.

I greeted Meredith with a quick kiss. As I closed the door, I said, “I assume you two remember each other?”

They exchanged grins and down-up glances. Then both nodded.

“Why don’t we talk rules?” I said.

We went over the usual rules. They were both familiar with my customary safe words, but we addressed it anyway so she knew he understood them and vice versa. We discussed their limits. Most of his boundaries pertained to me, and didn’t warrant discussing, since he and I had done this a number of times and neither of us had any interest in playing with each other. For her, no putting any pressure on her head while she went down on either of us, no gags, and nothing around her neck. Not that I suspected there would be much of that anyway. Beyond the occasional blindfolds, ice cubes, or handcuffs, Matt wasn’t into BDSM. His kinks involved voyeurism and exhibitionism, so he didn’t need the leather or metal.

While we talked rules, I watched all of their signs and tells, those that gave away nerves and apprehension. Eyes darting toward each other before quickly looking away. Shifting weight. Pursing lips. Wringing hands. Matt chewing his thumbnail, Meredith running unsteady fingers through her hair. Definitely nerves from both sides.

“Before we go in there,” I said, eyes flicking back and forth between them, “does anyone have any last minute concerns?”

They both shook their heads.

“Anyone can call this off at any time,” I said, “but if either of you are hesitant or unsure at all, say so.” I raised my eyebrows, a silent “speak now or for the moment hold your peace.”

They looked at each other, then at me. Both shook their heads again.

I grinned, hoping to mask my own nerves. “Let’s do this, then.” I started down the hall and they followed me.

“Does he make you do this often?” Meredith asked Matt.

“What? Drag me into threesomes with beautiful women?”

She laughed. “Something like that.”

“He doesn’t twist my arm, let’s put it that way.”

“Well, knowing him…”

“Trust me, sweetheart, I can live with him throwing his women at me from time to time.”

“Well, depending on how well you handle it, maybe he’ll make you do it again.” Her brazenness allowed me to release some of my breath.

“Is that right?” Matt chuckled. “Guess I’d better make an impression, then, hadn’t I?” Clothing rustled. Someone’s breath caught. Hand on the bedroom doorknob, I turned just in time to see Matt push Meredith up against the wall and kiss her. He cupped her face in both hands, kissing her passionately. She didn’t miss a beat before wrapping her arms around him and returning it.

“All right, you two,” I said, laughing. “Get a room.” I opened the bedroom door and gestured for them to go in.

As soon as we were in the bedroom, their playful, flirtatious moods abruptly shifted.

Meredith went quiet and tense.

Matt leaned against the door, thumbs hooked in the pockets of his jeans. His eyes flicked toward me, and the front of his throat rippled with a nervous swallow. One second, he’d boldly pinned her to the wall and kissed her. The next, he wasn’t so sure. But then, we were on different ground now. Out there, it was just playful flirting, breaking the ice, testing the water.

In here? Now there was pressure. Perhaps not performance anxiety—Matt probably didn’t know the meaning of the phrase—but pressure to protect a fragile psyche under unusual and possibly incendiary circumstances. A kiss out in the hallway wasn’t quite the minefield that awaited him in the bedroom.

“Everyone still okay with this?” I asked.

They both nodded. They’d come this far; the longer we stood here questioning it, the more likely someone was to panic and bail out. Might as well jump in with both—well, all six—feet and see what happened.

“Okay, let’s get started.” I turned to Meredith and ran the backs of my fingers down her cheek. Left cheek, right. She closed her eyes and took a breath. When she opened her eyes again, she kept them down.

“From here on out,” I said. “I am in control. My commands are to be followed, and you will address me as Sir. Understood?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“You’ll obey any command he gives you, just as you’ll obey any command I give you. Clear?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“You’re not to come until I allow it or he does. Understood?”

Another affirmative.

“Good girl.” Left cheek, right. “What are your safe words?”

“Red to stop, yellow to back off, Sir.”

“Good girl.” Left cheek, right. I took a step back. Then another. Without looking away from her, I sat in the chair against the wall. “Face him.” When she did, I said, “Kneel.”

Meredith went to her knees. Once she was there, I gave her a chance to draw that deep, nervous breath. A moment later, that breath came and went.

“Are you okay, Meredith?”

Turning her head just slightly, but not quite looking at me over her shoulder, she said, “Yes, Sir.”

I swallowed hard, thankful she couldn’t see me, just in case any of my uncertainty showed. “She’s all yours, Matt.”

Meredith’s shoulders bunched and every muscle in her back tensed, but finally, she exhaled. Matt glanced at me, then at her. The slight furrow of his brow hinted at the uncertainty he tried to hide.

“Unbuckle his belt,” I said.

Matt glanced at me again, eyebrows raised. Then he closed his eyes when Meredith reached for his belt. The buckle jingled.

“Now take it off and unzip his pants,” I said.

Matt opened his eyes, but he didn’t look at me this time. He watched her, his lips parted as she did exactly what I’d ordered. This wasn’t the exact script Meredith had asked us to play by, but it would break the ice.

“Suck his cock, Meredith.”

“Yes, Sir,” she murmured, and a second later, Matt closed his eyes and pulled in a sharp breath.

“She’s all yours, Matt.”

This time he took the cue, and we were back on the agreed upon script.

“Just like that,” he said softly, looking down at her. “Good girl, just like that.” He reached for her, presumably to rest his hand in her hair, but lifted it away before he’d touched her. Before he’d accidentally put pressure on her.
Good, Matt. Good
.

He let her go down on him for a few minutes before, in a gentle but firm if unsteady tone, he said, “Stand up.”

Meredith rocked back on her heels. With one hand on the bed for balance, she rose, keeping her head inclined slightly so her eyes were down.

“Good girl,” he said.

She lifted her head for a second, and he smiled at her.

“Take off your shirt,” he said.

Setting her shoulders back, she took a breath and did as he ordered. She dropped her shirt to the floor, dropped her gaze, and waited for his next command.

“Take off your bra.”

Again, she obeyed. One by one, he verbally removed every article of her clothing. When she was completely naked in front of him, his gaze shifted toward me, eyebrows lifted in an unspoken,
what do I do next
? I gestured at the buttons of my shirt, then pointed at him, then at her. He gave a slight nod.

To Meredith, he said, “Unbutton my shirt.”

“Yes, Sir,” she said, almost whispering. Her fingers trembled while she opened the first button of his shirt. He watched her face, she watched his hands, and I couldn’t tell who was more nervous.

Then he put his hands over hers and stopped her fingers. She looked up at him, probably wondering if she’d done something wrong. Instead of speaking, he released her hands, cupped the sides of her face, and kissed her.

At first, she stiffened, as if she wasn’t sure what to make of this. Then she relaxed, putting her arms around his neck. I’d have pointed out that I hadn’t given her permission to put her arms around me, but he was calling the shots, and if he didn’t object, neither did I.

He grinned at her, whispering something as he stroked her hair. When he kissed her again, she melted against him. I couldn’t help releasing a relieved breath. Nerves calmed, ice broken.
Good, Matt. Good
.

With much steadier hands, she finished unbuttoning his shirt. At his command, she slid it over his shoulders. Once it was gone, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her once more.

He broke the kiss and nodded toward the bed. “Sit on the edge.”

She did as she was told.

Watching them silently, I willed myself to breathe slowly, evenly, to keep any display of nerves to myself. On the outside, I probably appeared calm, cool, and collected. It was a good thing neither Matt nor Meredith could hear the way my heart pounded. I took a deep breath and held on to the armrests.
I’m putting my faith and this woman in your hands, Matt
.

Sitting back and watching like this wasn’t, in and of itself, unusual for me. Kristen, my little exhibitionist, often enjoyed having me watch her with Matt or Byron, just as she sometimes had Matt watch her with me. Once in a while, I watched her with a sub if she felt like playing the Domme.

But the Dom in me didn’t like sitting still right now. No matter how much I trusted Matt, I was worried. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him or thought he’d do wrong by her. I never would have let him near her if I had even the slightest reason to distrust him. No, it was my near-obsessive need to be right there to keep something from happening. The need to protect her, to fix any problems before they arose.

They were both nervous enough without having reason to believe I had any apprehension. As it was, they both fed off each other. A silent “I can do this if you can” passed in every look they exchanged. One second they were as sure as if they’d been lovers for years. Then, as awkward as a pair of teenagers fumbling through their first time. The next, one’s confidence eased the other’s uncertainty.