Red Dirt Heart 04 - Red Dirt Heart 4 (23 page)

When Milly was two…

If I could ever travel back in time, to a pre-fatherhood me who complained about being tired and busy, and I’d like to punch that version of me in the junk.

Because as if running the station wasn’t tirin’ enough, runnin’ around after a two-year-old who seemed to get her energy from the sun took exhausted to a whole new level. Granted, we had a lot of help from Ma, Nara, and Trudy.

But as her fathers, we did most everything.

Charlie was her Daddy, and I was her Dada. It wasn’t what we chose, it was just what Milly called us, and it worked.

But from her feeding-pooping-sleeping-screaming newborn days to when she could crawl, from her first tooth to her first word, this little girl completely owned us.

Her red hair was now in wisps to her shoulders, her big brown eyes were wide and bright, and she gave a whole new definition to the meaning of the word stubborn.

When we’d decided to go down the surrogacy path, we agreed that we’d both donate sperm but not know which was the successful implant. And while she looked a lot like her mother, I was pretty sure she looked at me with Charlie’s eyes. He disagreed, saying her laugh and crazy sense of humour were mine.

But it didn’t matter.

She was ours.

Some days, like this day, we’d wake up to a face full of red hair or a tiny foot. She slept in her own bed most of the time, but sometimes she climbed into bed with us in the middle of the night. Her favourite spot was right between us, usually sleepin’ sideways.

Needless to say, it did little for our sex life.

But that was parenthood, I guessed. And it also didn’t help that most nights we fell into bed too damn exhausted to do anything anyway.

Milly was up before the sun with the rest of us. She’d put her boots on with her jammies and help us do the morning chores: feeding dogs, chickens, horses. She’d help GG, which was what she’d called Grandpa George, with whatever he was doing after breakfast, then she’d help Ma and Nara after lunch.

She had Gracie and Lachlan to play with, which she did most days, and Nara and Amos’s new little baby girl too. Sutton Station was a real child-mindin’ facility some days, but Milly wasn’t too interested in other kids. Her real partner in crime was Nugget.

The two of them conspired, I swear it. You could hear the scratch of Nugget’s claws on the floorboards, then the patter of Milly’s boots. You’d hear mischief from the kitchen, more running and squealing, then find them both hiding in Milly’s closet eating cookies and apples.

When we’d open the doors to bust them, it was hard to tell which one grinned the biggest.

Charlie usually pulled them both out, setting Nugget back down so he’d scamper off and holding Milly upside-down and tickling her until she squealed.

He really was so great with her, patient, sweet and gentle. He was completely wrapped around her little finger, but sometimes he also needed to be a business owner.

Like now, he was tryin’ to get office work done, and Milly was climbing all over him when I came inside, covered in dust from working out in the fields all morning. As soon as she saw me, she jumped down from Charlie and ran to me with her arms up. “Dada!”

I scooped her up and sat her on my hip. “Have you been a good girl for Daddy?”

She nodded earnestly.

Charlie shook his head.

He looked kinda stressed, so I popped my finger on her little button nose. “How about you come out and help Dada, and we leave Daddy alone so he can get some work done?”

Milly’s eyes went wide and she grinned. “Yay!” she cheered, trying to squirm out of my arms. I carried her over and held her down to Charlie.

“Give Daddy a kiss,” I said, which she did.

I gave Daddy a kiss too and took Milly to the front door. She put her hat on, and we went outside.

Two-year-olds don’t exactly help. She spent most of the time jumpin’ on bales of hay, climbin’ the railings to the holding yard, splashin’ in the water troughs and chasin’ little lizards.

And I spent the entire time chasin’ her. She never stopped.

By the time Ernie needed me to help him in the southern paddock, George took a very happy, very muddy Milly back inside. My ears burned the entire time, so I figured Charlie was cursin’ me with every cuss word he could lay his tongue to for leavin’ him to get her cleaned up and settled for dinner.

Only Ernie and I got waylaid and it was well past dark by the time we got home. I walked inside, expecting a still-bouncing Milly and a glaring, pissed-at-me Charlie, but I found neither.

I walked into the living room, and they were lyin’ on the sofa, Milly tucked into Charlie’s side, the both of them sound asleep.

Milly was using Charlie’s arm as a pillow, her red hair swept across her face and his chest. Her little mouth, a pink cupid’s bow, opened in a tiny O as she slept, an exact replica of her daddy’s.

“How long’ve they been out?” I whispered to Ma. She stood right beside me, watching the peaceful pair.

“About twenty minutes,” she replied quietly. She smiled up at me. “Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?”

I shook my head. “Nope. But I say that every day.”

“I’ll go turn her bed down,” Ma said.

I slid my arm under Milly and gently pulled her against me. She smelled of bath time and baby powder, and I’m pretty sure it was the best smell in the world. I softly kissed her cheek and carried her to bed.

She roused in my arms as I laid her down. “Dada?”

“Yes, beautiful girl,” I whispered. I put her teddy bear in her arms and pulled up the blankets. “Sleepy time.”

Leaving a sound-asleep Milly, I went back into the living room for Charlie. I leaned down and kissed his forehead, and he stirred awake. “Hey,” I whispered. “Come to bed.”

Bleary-eyed and half-asleep, he gave me his hand and I led him to our room. He fell into bed. “Milly?”

“Sound asleep.”

Charlie hummed and his eyes closed. I climbed over him, straddling him. “Which means it’s daddy time.”

He didn’t open his eyes, but he did smile.

When Milly was four…

Billy, Ernie and I had camped out overnight to save travellin’ back some eighty miles at the end of the day, only to travel back in the morning to finish a length of fencing.

I knew Ma and George, Amos and Nara were all in town, which left Charlie in charge of Milly at home—by himself—for two days.

It was midafternoon when I walked up the veranda steps and went inside. I pulled my dusty boots off and slung my hat on the hook at the door. I could hear the TV on, so I went into the living room first.

And stopped at the door.

It was an unholy mess. I’d never seen anything like it. There were clothes and toys all over the room, dress-up shoes, fairy wings, pots and pans, wooden spoons, and cushions were strewn from one end of the room to the other. And a fort of some kind, constructed from dining chairs and blankets, had pride of place in the middle of the room.

It had Hurricane Milly written all over it.

I was gobsmacked and eternally grateful Ma wasn’t home to see it.

“Um…”

Then I heard giggling, and a messy-haired girl burst out of the fort. She was wearing nothing but undies and boots, holding a lump of a smiling Nugget. She had dirt or something smeared across her face, and she laughed again.

I tried counting to ten and deep-breathing.

One. Two. Three. Four.

Then my sweet little four-year-old Milly yelled, “Yippy-ty-a-muddaputter.”

Oh sweet mother of God.

She just quoted
Die Hard
. Well, she tried to.

Fuck counting to ten.

“CHARLIE!”

When Milly was six…

Charlie was adamant that Milly needed socialization outside of the station. “Growin’ up out here is great,” he said. And it was. Milly just thrived. “But the one thing I missed bein’ on this farm as a kid was seein’ other kids, learnin’ how to make friends, adapting to social situations. I don’t want her to miss out on anything.”

So when the Beef Farmers was holding a family fun day in Alice Springs, not only had Charlie helped organise the day, but he was determined for Milly to make the most of it.

And she was so excited. There would be jumping castles and a merry-go-round. There would be cakes and sweets and games and animals, everything a six-year-old girl could dream of.

So, leaving Billy and Ernie in charge back home, we all went. Milly was wearing her very best dress and her favourite pink riding boots. Her long red hair was tied back with a ribbon, and she looked positively beautiful.

When we arrived, Charlie had to go find Greg and Allan first, so Milly grabbed my hand. “Come on, Dada,” she said, pulling me along. “We ain’t got time to stand around.”

“What do you wanna see first?”

“Everything.”

Trudy and Bacon, with Grace and Lachy, walked with us, and the adults stood and watched as the kids went on rides, jumping castles, ate cotton candy, did sack races, you name it, we did it.

We finally found Charlie again. He was with Greg and Allan, and the day was half over but already a huge success. Milly ran to her daddy, and although she was gettin’ to be a big girl now, he picked her up easily.

“Daddy!” she cried. “I went on the jumping castle! I had to take my boots off”—she stuck one leg out to show her boot—“but I told the lady if somebody stoled ’em, she’d be in lots of trouble ’cause they’re my favourite pair. Then we saw the baby animals. There was goats, Daddy. You was right. They is stupid.”

Greg and Allan both laughed at that.

“Then Dada got me some fairy floss—”

“Cotton candy,” I corrected.

Milly rolled her eyes. “It’s fairy floss, the lady even said so. Dada told me not to tell you.” She shrugged. “But it was really yummy. Then we went in the teacup ride and that made me really dizzy.” She giggled and swayed, mimicking how it made her feel.

“Sounds like you’ve had the best time,” Charlie said, his grin almost matching hers. “See those kids over there?” he asked, pointing to some tables where kids were doing sand art. “Why don’t you go see what they’re doing?”

He put her down and she ran off, her long red hair streaming in the sunlight.

“You gave her fairy floss, Trav?” Charlie said.

“It’s just sugar, Charlie. She’s at the fair; she’s allowed it once and a while.”

Greg laughed and clapped Charlie on the back. “God, you two sound like me and Jen.”

“She’s just about the cutest kid I’ve seen,” Allan said.

“She looks like an angel, but I tell ya, she’s a handful,” Charlie said, but his proud smile gave him away. “She’s so bloody stubborn.”

“Jeez,” I deadpanned. “Dunno where she gets that from.”

Greg snorted. “Yeah, I wonder.”

Charlie rolled his eyes, much like Milly had done. But he smiled as he watched her. “She can saddle her own pony. She feeds him, brushes him, walks under him. Dunno how many times we’ve had to stop her from riding out into the desert on her own.”

“She will only wear dresses or skirts with her boots, but she’s a tomboy through and through,” I added. “She gets in with the poddies, she chases lizards. Those little garden lizards are okay, but those frilled-neck ones bite. Doesn’t stop her, though.”

Greg was lookin’ at us, all proud-like. “She started school, yeah?”

I nodded. “Yep. She does it at home, via virtual classrooms.”

Charlie shook his head. “School of the Air these days is a bit different from when we were kids.”

“But she loves it,” I told them. “Ma does a lot of it with her. She has a knack for schoolwork.”

“And the patience,” Charlie said. His eyes narrowed and he frowned. “Oh no,” he murmured.

We all followed his line of sight to see that Milly, who just a moment ago was quite happy sitting at the tables doing her sand art, was now standing, pointing her little finger at some kid.

The boy laughed and said something else, and we watched from a hundred yards away as Milly closed her fist, pulled it back and punched this kid fair in the mouth.

Charlie and I ran over to where Milly was now standing over this poor boy. She was shaking her fist at him. “Girls can so,” she said, her temper in full flight.

Charlie picked her up and removed her from the situation, and I helped the boy get to his feet. He was about the same age as Milly, maybe seven, and he was crying. He ran off in the direction of a woman who I assumed to be his mother.

Charlie was kneeling in front of Milly so they were at the same eye level. “Milly, we don’t hit people. It’s wrong to hit.”

I wondered what on earth the boy could have said to her to make her react like that. My heart clenched when I wondered if he’d teased her for having two dads… I hoped to God it wasn’t…

Her dark eyes flashed and her jaw bulged. “He said girls couldn’t ride horses!” She pointed in the direction the boy went. “And he said girls couldn’t be farmers. He probably thought girls couldn’t fight too.” She shook her little fist again and started to walk off toward the boy, clearly not done.

“Amelia Sutton,” Charlie said, full-naming her, holding her so she couldn’t go back over to the boy. “You mustn’t hit. Now I want you to go over there and apologise to him.”

Milly’s eyes went wide in a you-can’t-be-serious way, then she sagged. “But, Daddy…”

Charlie held his stare, and Milly sighed. She stomped over to this poor kid, who had stopped crying but clung pretty close to his mother. Milly stopped in front of him with me and Charlie behind her. “My dad said I had to say sorry,” she barked at him. But her non-apology got worse. She put her hands on her hips. “But I ain’t sorry, not one bit. Girls can be farmers just as good as boys, and I bet I could ride my horse better than you.”

Milly huffed and stormed off, leaving me and Charlie standing there in front of a few stunned people. “Sorry,” I started, then followed my daughter.

Charlie addressed the mother by name. “Becky, I apologise for her…” was all I heard him say before I caught up with Milly.

I picked her up and carried her back to where Greg and Allan were watching and very clearly trying not to laugh.

“Milly, that the worst apology I’ve ever heard,” I told her.

She just pouted and watched as her daddy walked over to us. Then the tears came. “He was mean to me,” she sobbed, leaning over until Charlie took her. He held her and she cried into his neck. “Why was he mean to me?”

I pulled her dress down and straightened her hair. “Because sometimes boys are silly.”

She looked at me then, her big brown eyes sad, and there were tears on her long lashes. Her pretty pink lips were in a frown and her cheeks were wet. “Silly like the goats?”

Charlie nodded. “Silly like the goats.”

Just then, Ma and George found us. “Oh, what happened?” Ma said, putting her hand to Milly’s back.

“A boy was mean to me,” she said.

“So she punched him in the mouth,” Charlie said. “Dave McPherson’s boy.”

“Oh.” Ma was stunned. “Right.”

Charlie put Milly down. “Why don’t you go with Ma and GG and see if you can find an ice cream?”

She brightened and took both their hands, walking in between them.

Greg waited until she was gone before he roared laughing. “Oh my God,” he said. “That was the funniest thing. Just like her old man.”

Charlie huffed at him, obviously not amused.

Greg clapped his hand on Charlie’s back and laughed some more. “I seem to remember a certain someone out the front of the club, punching some guy in the mouth and still trying to swing at him when security was leadin’ him out.”

Charlie fought a smile. “That was different.”

Allan snorted. “Yeah, no. No, it wasn’t.”

Greg smiled at me. “Well, she’s got your brains, Travis, and Charlie’s temper. I think she’ll make it out here just fine.”

* * * *

That night when I was tucking her into bed, she was sad. “What’s wrong, baby girl?”

Her frowned deepened. “That boy…”

“Logan McPherson,” I told her. Charlie had later told us the boy’s name. “He said you couldn’t ride a horse. Is that upsetting you?”

She shook her head. “He said I was weird because I had two dads.”

My heart sank. “Charlie?” I called out.

He came to the door. “What’s up?”

I cleared my throat so I could speak. “Milly was told today that she’s different because she has two dads.”

Charlie walked straight in and knelt beside the bed. He put one hand on the top of her head, his other on my knee. I was quick to take it.

We’d always said we’d tackle this together, because it was a subject that was always bound to come up some time.

“Milly, my love,” Charlie said. “Some kids have one dad, some kids have two dads, some kids have no dad. Some kids have two mums, or no mum, some kids have one mum and one dad.”

“But I have a mum,” she said quietly. “She lives in Melbourne.”

“Yes, she does,” Charlie said with a smile. We’d always been honest with Milly about Ryanne and how our family worked.

“And I have two dads,” she said.

“Yes, you do,” I told her, rubbing her arm.

“And it doesn’t matter, does it?” Charlie asked her. “It doesn’t matter who or what makes up your family. As long as you’re loved.”

Milly nodded.

“And we love you, very much,” I said.

“Is that what that boy said to you today?” Charlie asked. “Is that why you punched him?”

She paused for a moment, her face heartbreakingly sad, then nodded.

“Oh, honey,” I whispered. I was hurt and angry that our little girl had been subjected to this. “I’m sorry.”

Charlie stroked her hair. “It doesn’t matter what other kids say, okay?” he said soothingly. “If someone says you’re weird, or different, you just smile and say ‘thank you’ because that’s what makes you special.”

Milly nodded again, and she smiled. “Okay.”

I nestled her teddy against her chest and pulled the blankets up over both of them. “Did you have fun today, though?”

She smiled, her little white teeth in a perfect row. “Yes! A lot!”

“What was your favourite part?” Charlie asked.

“The jumping castle and doing the sack races with Dada.”

I leaned down and kissed her forehead. “That was my favourite too.”

“Can we go for a ride tomorrow?” she asked.

Charlie leaned over and kissed the top of her head. “You betcha, kiddo.”

We said goodnight and walked out, closing her door shut behind us. And there in the hall, he pulled me against him. “You okay?”

I nodded. “You were so good,” I mumbled into his neck.

He pulled back and took my face in his hands. “You’re the best father a girl could ask for.”

I smiled for him. “I’m the best Dada, you’re the best Daddy.”

He gave me his eye-crinkling smile in return. “We do okay, don’t we?”

I kissed his lips. “We sure do.”

“Come on,” he said. “If we’re gonna be out all mornin’ riding with her, then you can help me get these financials done tonight.”

“Does it involve me on your desk?”

He walked into his office. He seemed to hesitate for a long second, but then he looked me up and down and gave me a sly smile. His eyes were dark, his voice thick. “Lock the door.”