Red Hats (11 page)

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Authors: Damon Wayans

BOOK: Red Hats
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“Neither do I,” James said as he walked past her. “I’m here for the seminar.”

“What do you mean?”

“I guess Dee didn’t tell you. I’m the lawyer. Don’t worry, I’ll pursue you some other time.”

Alma stood there with the door open, stunned silent.

Damn, I feel stupid. Maybe I should just run out this house and never come back.

“Alma, close that door and come sit down,” Dee called.

Alma sat in the back of the room and watched James field questions from the sisters. He was very knowledgeable about the law. She liked how he could solve problems in a split second. It was like watching someone solve a Rubik’s Cube. Three twists, and he had it.

Occasionally, he would look in her direction as if he wanted her to offer a problem for him to fix. She didn’t know the women well enough to open up like that, and she was really impressed with Dee for not telling these strangers her situation. When asked why she was living there, Dee would say it was “because of none ya,” meaning none of your business! Alma saw Joy trying way too hard to get the wrong kind of attention from James. He knew she wanted more
than his understanding of the law and didn’t play into any of her innuendo. Classy.

The hour passed quickly as James listened, informed, and utterly charmed the Red Hats. He agreed to return at the end of the month to see how their situations turned out. They fed him sandwiches and coffee and packed him some dessert for the road. Alma wondered where the sweets came from. She had fought a hard battle at the supermarket not to buy any. She searched to see who the culprit was, so she could have a conversation with them about Dee’s condition and how they could all help her fight the sugar habit.

It made her mad to see Dee with a plate of cherry pie à la mode in her hands. It was weird to see how happy it made her to have sweets. Her eyes rolled back in her head as she took the first bite. It looked orgasmic.

As James was saying his good-byes, Dee grabbed his hand and pulled him over to Alma.

“James, I know you have to go, but I need you to talk to my girlfriend about some legal advice she needs. It’s none of my business, so I’m going to let you talk by yourselves.” Dee winked at Alma, then turned and walked away, leaving them staring at each other in an awkward silence.

“I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t know.”

“No apology needed. It was cute.”

“Cute?”

“Yeah. So Alma, how may I be of service to you?”

“Well, you know my placed burned down, right?”

“Yes.”

“I had a renter’s insurance policy, but I’m having a hard time collecting on it.”

“I’ll be happy to represent you.”

“The thing is, I don’t have very much money to pay you. So you have to tell me up front what it is going to cost me.”

“Dinner.”

“What?”

“It’s going to cost you having dinner with me,” he said.

“That’s it?” Alma asked.

“No. I pick the time and place. Deal?” James extended his hand, and Alma shook it.

“Deal!” she exclaimed.

They matched each other’s smile.

The morning of
the insurance meeting, Alma had agreed to see James for coffee to discuss the final details of her case. She also had agreed that this did not let her off the hook for dinner. As Alma sat across from James, who had stacks of telephone transcripts, building code information, and various other legal papers in front of him, she found herself suddenly at ease in his company.

He wore a different hat when he was conducting business. No flirting and no million-dollar smile. He was a great listener and wanted to soak it all up. She was embarrassed at having to explain that her husband was deceased after she’d told him she was married. James acted as if he
already knew and even expressed his heartfelt sorrow for her loss.

He encouraged her to take him through the night of the fire again, step by step, and asked numerous questions. Did she hear the fire alarm? How close was she to the lighted oven? Did she make calls to the building manager and the heating company regarding the broken pipes? The fact that the building’s assistant manager had told her to use the oven caused him to write more notes on his legal pad.

James was finished. After he seemed satisfied with the answers, he told Alma he was confident that not only would she get her money, but if she was up to it, she also had a case against the building owner for not having the fire alarms up to code.

Alma stated that she only wanted what was hers. This seemed to impress James.

When they arrived at the insurance company, Alma was ready to sit through hours of questioning, but James asked her to wait in the reception area while he went into a glassed conference room with a couple of their big-shot attorneys.

Alma didn’t hear what was being said, but she noticed how quickly James was able to make the men in the room uncomfortable. He gestured toward her several times, causing the men to look in her direction. It took almost three hours for them to go through all of the documents James produced. Alma was wired from the coffee the receptionist kept bringing her and started to pace, so much so that
she had to walk the stairs several times to calm the jitters. After the third journey up and down the six stories, James caught up with her on the stairwell.

“What happened?” she asked.

“They were tough. I had to play the race card, the widow card, and the we-will-sue-you card.”

“What did they say?”

“Your check will be in the mail by the end of the week.”

Alma screamed for joy, grabbed James, and gave him a big hug. He flashed that million-dollar smile, and she quickly removed her arms from around his waist.

When Alma returned
to Dee’s place, she was in a terrific mood. Tears were the last thing she expected to encounter. Dee was sitting on the couch, sobbing uncontrollably. An empty pie tin and a few candy wrappers were on the floor around her.

“What’s wrong?”

“I went to see Kelly and asked her what I could do to make us better, and she said the only thing I could do for her was to die! How could she say that to her mother? What did I ever do so wrong to make her hate me like this?” Dee wept.

“I learned that children only treat you with respect if you demand it from them. She sounds as if she needs some discipline.”

“I know. Her father used to tell me to spank her, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it because we spent so much time together. I wanted her to love me. She hates me!”

“Dee, why are you sweating so much?” Alma asked with concern.

“Maybe it’s from eating too much sugar. I don’t feel well. My head is spinning, Alma. Please stop the room from spinning.”

Dee’s eyes began to roll up, revealing the whites. Her body started to shake violently. When she spewed them both with partly digested pecan pie, Alma knew it was time to call the hospital.

“Send someone right away, and we need an ambulance.”

It took only seven minutes for the cops and ambulance to arrive. Alma made sure they moved quickly. She climbed into the ambulance and went with them to the hospital after collecting Dee’s purse with all of her personal information.

Alma was pleasantly surprised to see a few of the Red Hats had beaten them to the hospital and alerted the doctors that Dee was on her way. They were very organized, which impressed Alma. She was confident that she had gotten this same tender loving care when the Red Hats found her after her attempted suicide.

Alma said her own silent prayer as Magdalena held hands with twenty-six Red Hats and prayed loudly in the waiting area for Dee’s return to health. It was too showy for
her to hold hands like that. It felt forced. After about two hours, the doctor approached the group to explain Dee’s condition.

“She’s going to be OK. We had to amputate her left foot because the gangrene was spreading up the leg.”

“You what?” Alma demanded. “Who gave you permission to do that? Did you ask her if that’s what she wanted?”

“I’m sorry, but we did what we had to do. She will recover completely,” the doctor said.

“You don’t recover completely when your left foot has been cut off against your will!” Alma shouted.

The doctor turned and walked away. Alma was furious. Joy rubbed her back and told her to calm down. Alma gave her a look that must have sent chills down the spines of all twenty-six Red Hats. Alma stormed out of the emergency room.

chapter
eleven

Alma walked with purpose behind
a young woman with the hood of her down jacket drawn tightly about her face. A winter mist blew out of both of their mouths as they climbed the steps leading into the tenement building. Alma allowed her to make it into the entrance doorway first.

“Are you Kelly?” Alma asked sweetly.

“Who are you?” the young woman asked.

“My name is not important. I’m here to tell you your mother is in the hospital.”

“Good,” Kelly said as she attempted to put her key in the lock.

“It’s not good. She needs to see you.”

“Too bad,” Kelly replied coldly.

Alma snatched her keys from her hands.

“You need to come with me right now,” Alma demanded.

“I don’t want to see that bitch!”

“That bitch, as you call her, loves you. But the one standing in front of you don’t give a damn about you. Now, if you don’t get your disrespectful narrow ass down them stairs and into that cab, I will pick you up and drag you there.”

“You must be crazy, old lady,” Kelly accused.

“That’s what they tell me,” Alma replied.

Alma set her bag down on the ground in preparation for the battle to come.

“So what’s it gonna be?” Alma taunted.

The women squared off and went at it, tooth and nail.

Alma showed up
at Dee’s hospital room bruised, bleeding from a scratch on the face, and alone.

“What happened to you?” Magdalena asked.

“I had to handle some business. How’s she doing?” Alma asked.

“Not too good,” Magdalena whispered. “She keeps slipping in and out of consciousness.”

Alma took Dee’s hand. “Hey, Dee, it’s Alma.”

“Alma? Is that you? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have nothing to be sorry about,” Alma told her.

“They took my foot off. I can’t do anything with one foot. I can’t do this.” Dee cried softly.

“You won’t have to do it alone. You have an army of Red Hats behind you.”

Dee shook her head as if to say that was not enough.

“I brought someone to see you.”

“Who?”

“Get in here!” Alma shouted to the doorway. Dee turned to see Kelly enter, bruised up and in more disarray than Alma. The Red Hats were in shock. Dee smiled through her tears.

“Come on, ladies, let’s give them some alone time,” Alma ordered. She gave Kelly one final threatening look to remind her she had better be nice as she followed the Red Hats from the room.

Alma had the
place spotlessly clean for Dee’s arrival. It was an honor to dust and clean the beautiful woodwork and her antiques. She took the liberty of throwing away anything in the kitchen that had sugar in it and replacing it with a healthy alternative. She visited several holistic doctors and bought all kinds of books on curing the sugar habit.

She was grateful her insurance check had come so quickly. It meant she could find her own place now and not have to be a burden on Sister Dee. Alma decided she would stay until Dee could get up on her feet—or foot now. There
would be many life changes ahead for her new friend, and Alma felt a need to be there to help her through some of those challenging times. After all, she wouldn’t be alive if it had not been for that woman.

Receiving the insurance check had also made her think about James. She was a little disappointed that he had yet to ask her on that date. She had spotted him in his brownstone the other day. He’d waved, but she didn’t want him to think she was stalking him, so she’d pretended she hadn’t seen him. Maybe she should have at least waved back before shutting the blinds on him and cutting off all the lights.

Kelly and a couple of Red Hats brought Dee home in a wheelchair. There was a beautiful basket of pink roses sitting on her lap.

“Welcome home.” Alma gave her a big hug and kiss.

“Thank you, Alma.”

“Thank me for what?”

“For everything, especially for bringing my Kelly back to me. I don’t know what you said to her, but she is a whole new person.”

“Oh, I just threatened to cut her with my butcher knife, that’s all.”

Everyone laughed, except Kelly.

“Here, these roses are for you,” Dee said.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“I didn’t. They’re from James. And there’s a card with them.”

Alma hid her excitement as she read the invitation to dinner at a secret location that weekend. He said he would send a car to pick her up and reminded her to bring her dancing shoes.

Alma wheeled Dee’s
chair to her favorite spot in the park and sat on the bench overlooking the lake. Dee sipped unsweetened tea while Alma enjoyed a cup of Folgers from Harold’s battered thermos, which she’d found among the ruins of her apartment fire. They were both too occupied with their own fears to feel the cold of the winter morning.

“Well, today is the big day,” Dee said.

“What big day?”

“Your date with James, silly.”

“I’m not going.”

“What? You’ve got to be kidding me!” Dee exclaimed.

“I need you to do me a favor and tell him I can’t make it.”

“I will do no such thing. What are you scared of, Alma? I told you, James is a good man.”

“Well, I’m not such a good woman,” Alma replied. “I’ll just hurt him. You don’t know me.”

“I don’t think
you
know you,” Dee said. “The Alma I know is a sweet, caring, and very giving woman. You need to be that way with yourself. It’s OK to let people in, you know. Not everyone wants to hurt you. I look at myself right now, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to walk again. But I
know for sure that I won’t be able to walk if I don’t try. You got to try, Alma. Let people in.”

“I can’t.”

“You can.”

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